She Cries Whenever I Put Her on the Toilet

Is there any other outside force that you can use? Friends, school. My son could go since 15 months, but didn't "want" to until he knew he would be going to pre-school and was fine after that. Does she have any friends her age who are pottying? If you're in a play group or Moms group, having her around other kids who are the same age and heading to the potty will help. Other than that, it is a stage and it WILL pass! Sorry this doesn't help much. One of my twins was the same (and still is somewhat)...a puddle of pee in the doorway to the bathroom. it sounds as though she isn't ready to go there, even though she's 3. Take a break of a month or so, expose her to other people and forces that are related to needing to go to the potty, then try again.

I thought this article might be helpful for you:

http://www.sfchronicle.us/cgi-bin/blogs/sfmoms/detail?blo...

((hugs))

Whoa! Time to back off. She's not ready yet. She's either a.) truely afraid, and in that case you are torturing her, or b.) in a power-struggle with you and you aren't going to win this one by brute force. You can't MAKE her potty train. I would just mater of factly back off-- "you clearly aren't ready for this yet and that's fine." You can wear diapers and we'll try again when you are older." And I'd not say another word about it for at least a month.

In a month (or two or whatever) I'd start casually showing her 'big girl panties" at the store and see if she's interested in them. If so, then bring the potty up as a way of getting the panties.

I'm assuming that you are using a baby potty on the floor-- and not that she's afraid of the big potty. I clearly remember being put on a big potty at about 3 and FREAKING out. It was way too high off the floor and I was sure I was going to fall in. I get the shivers thinking about it 30 years later.

The average age for toilet training is 36 months-- which means for every 2 1/2 year old who does it, there is a 3 1/2 year old. In a year she'll be potty trained-- I promise. Kids who train later train faster. 3 year olds are much easier to train than 2 year olds! Let her be the lead on this.

Just a couple things that worked well for us -

A) Let her take the lead with whether she wants to go potty - have her around others going potty, talk about what big girls they are (sister, friends etc) get some books about going without diapers etc., and while you are taking some time off the training, read those and talk about it, but without much reference to her and no pressure to do it - mainly reference to her friends and the characters in the book. Remember that motivation doesn't come from nowhere - you need to plant the seed a little bit sometimes in a gentle way.

B) when you decide to start again and she has an accident, say 'let's see if there's anything else coming and sit on the potty' (prob a potty is better than big toilet at first). They have more control with a potty and can learn to do it all themselves - take clothes off and sit on it with virtually no help, and quite quickly. The reason sitting on the potty immediately after the accident works, is due to the association they have with peeing and then sitting on the potty - makes the learning easier/quicker. Also, then you have a task to focus on, rather than getting upset which leads me to

C) never scold or get angry about accidents, just calmly take her to the potty to 'see if anything else wants to come out'

You can look up Dr Phil for a more extreme form of this (which is where I got the idea). Personally, I don't think its realistic to expect them to sit on the potty 10 times after each accident as he suggests. It seems more like a punishment that way to me. Just the one time seemed to work really well for us - took less than a week for no more accidents.

Good luck!

Does it hurt when she urinates ? Or is she afraid of falling in ? Or is she just pulling your chains ?

The worst thing we did was start potty training just before a trip on the NY thruway -- years ago, now -- but they had automatic toilets and the stupid things kept going off and scaring my daughter to death. I wished later that I had just diapered her for the trip and let it go. After that experience, she didn't like sitting on ANY toilet !

I think at this point, if I were you, I might buy a cute kitchen timer, and give her 5 minutes on the toilet. She can listen to it tick and get up herself when the bell sounds. If she were on a short little potty, she could read a favorite book while there or bring a favorite toy. Or Mom could hang with her and read to her. About 15 minutes later, try it again. In the end she's spending only 10 on the toilet, but I think you're much more apt to catch the "spill" if she's had the time to relax and then gets up and tries again.

I was really lucky potty training kids 1-3, cuz they went to daycare and I had expert assistance during the day !! #4 was the first one who stayed home with Mom, and I wasn't half as good at it as my babysitter was !! :-)

Keep trying :) Have you tried an m&m each time she goes? I have four kids and they all had to be potty trained to go to preschool. Ours would not even go in with the kids...just kept the door open a crack and reminded them to flush and wash hands. If your does not mind them unpotty-trained i am sure she will catch on quick. My niece was mortified that my daughter could go and she couldn't (she was 6 months older). She is old enough to get the point when she sees other kids. Also... are you letting her in when you go? I always let them in to show them that mommy was going potty like a big girl. (i know some parents won't agree with this) I think it helps though. Good luck!!

It sounds like you should back off on the training for awhile. When they can decide they are ready, it happens almost instantly. It seems like you are stressing your self and your child, so try taking a break!

It would seem she isn't ready, even though you are! I'd get a small potty and take baby steps from there. Introduce the little potty. Sit on the potty with clothes. Sit on the potty with diaper. Sit on the potty bare bottom. Go pee on the potty! She is afraid and your going to have to train her not to be afraid first, before you can train her to go. You may have to let her pick out the potty or a seat that goes on the big potty to get her interested in it. Also, try rewards for doing each of the above things. I haven't trained a girl yet, just my son who had zero interest in potty training. I gave my son an M&M for sitting on the potty. Then graduated to M&M for peeing on the potty. Then, lollipop for poop on the potty. I don't keep candy in the house or buy it that often, so M&M and dum dum's are/ were good rewards for us. Good luck.

Your daughter sounds a bit like my daughter. She just turned 4 and we just got her day-time trained. We started training her about 2 years ago when we were training my son. They are 14 months apart and I thought maybe I could do both at the same time. At that time she was willing to sit on the little potty. at the first few attempts she peed in the potty. But the first time she pooped in the potty she looked between her legs, worked her face into the cutest little frown and cried, "I dropped it!" She was unconsolable for the next 15 minutes. Well, that was the end of that. She then wanted nothing to do with the potty. Up until 2 months ago she would battle and tantrum when I put her on the potty despite rewards, praise, etc. I kept all of that up, but I also did 2 other things. First, I told her that her teachers at preschool, karate and Sunday School (all of which are beginning right now) expect her to be potty trained. I explained how the kids in her classes are potty trained so we needed to practice to get ready for those classes. Second, I gave her the option of when to go potty. For example, in the morning I will say, "Do you want to go potty now before we change your clothes or right after breakfast? You have to pick one of those times to go potty." I give similar options throught the day. This has worked well for us. I guess it gives her the "control" that she likes to have and we have made much more progress than before. With whatever method you find that works, be persistent patient and positive. Oh, one other thing...my daughter absolutely does not like for us to make a fuss when she uses the potty. So now I whisper something positive to her, give her a little high five or wink at her. If we make a big deal out of it she gets embarassed and mad.

Potty training is soooo frustrating! I found that my second child prefers the potty chair. It's in the family room so he doesn't have to stop playing to go potty.

Also, you could try putting your child on the potty fully clothed (lid down) and sing or read a favorite book or something quiet she enjoys just to get her used to sitting there. Make it positive and fun, no pressure. If you make it a slow transition, making it "her choice" maybe she will accept it better.

Best of luck!

Hi!
You should check out the 3 Day Potty Method. The woman who wrote this has amazing advice on how to deal with issues like this.
http://www.3daypottytraining.com

I bought it, it's an ebook, and you can get direct help from her if your questions are not answered in the book. IT IS SO WORTH IT! I think it costs around $20. I have recommended this to several of my friends and it has worked for everyone. I just ran into a woman at my daughter's preschool and her daughter is doing the exact same thing as your daughter, I recommended this to her and I can't wait to see if it works for her too. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Hi A.,

Your daughter is trying to please you and when she
sees your frustration, she responds.

Do you let her accompany you with you use the bathroom.

Back in those days. When I went to the bathroom, I sat the girl on the potty chair while I went.

I used that training my girls and son. Monkey see, monkey do. lol Hope this helps. Good luck. D.

Maybe the toilet seems too high? Try a potty chair or get a potty seat that has arms.
You could try a sticker/reward chart and begin with just 5 minutes of sitting gets a sticker...every time she gets 10-15 stickers she can pick a reward--small toy, etc.
Maybe best to just back off for a few months and let her observe and start up again when she starts to show interest in flushing, etc.
I think it helped my son understand better when I explained to him that food gives nourishment to our bodies and peeing and pooping is a the way to get rid of the waste that remains after the good stuff, that helps us grow and keeps us healthy, goes into our bodies. He also seemed to turn the corner of interest after he got the book Once Upon A Potty. You can get the girl version and I believe it even has a DVD now....she can sit on the potty and watch the DVD or read the book! Good luck. Try not to show too much frustration. She'll get it, I promise!

She's telling you very loudly that she's not ready yet. A few more months in daipers, & try again - calmly!