Sexx

Why dont you put up the candles and surprize him? I had to do that and then I looked at him and told him "This is what I am talking about". And he got it. Now He puts candles in my bath and even in love making. That took me by surprize.

My husband likes sex way more often than I do and we battle every couple of months over it. But I give it to him just about every time he wants it. At least once a day is a comprimise to how often he likes it... :( and then we came up with "I am off". When I say I am off means dont even try buddy! LOL... and he doesnt.

And when I am not in the mood he hurries. Makes it fun but quick... Talk to him. Come up with a negotiation that you both can live with. You have to talk to him cuz he will be thinking other things are wrong. AND YOU CAN ASK HIM TO BRUSH HIS TEETH FIRST...LOL.... thats ok.

there are definitely standard issues here as a mother of young children. MANY women struggle with this, finding the desire after a day of caring for these other little people, plus other strains on our energies. It's very very challenging to rise to the occasion, but my advice is always to just go with it, say yes more often than no, and you'll find that the more you do it, the happier it makes everyone, and easier it is to get into it next time. Push aside those negative thoughts (or go brush your teeth together before you begin), ask for the things you like and gently steer him away from the things that don't get you going. And by all means, talk to him about all this outside the bedroom, when sex is not a possibility, so you can express your fears and likes and struggles without the pressure.

But beyond the standard issues, you mention something bad happening, and automatically I think that you probably need extra help than just "close your eyes and go with it." My first suggestion would absolutely be counseling/therapy. I don't know what the other story is that makes it out of the question, but when you have a serious issue in your marriage, wouldn't you consider every option to solve it? Because if there is always an excuse or a reason why you aren't having sex, it's going to start to chip away at your intimacy.

first off are you a stay at home mom too? also your not along on this having kids changes your whole life even your sex drive men dont seem to understand that do you feel having kids slowed down you sex drive? also what happened to you that was so horrible? whatever it may be im sorry that it has effected your life so much

I love sex, or rather loved it, and I had a hysterectomy. I had uterine cancer. I still seem to have the normal feelings, but get bladder infections all the time, want my husband to be clean and try to get myself excited, but don't at the right times. I have tried different things, but for the most part, it depresses me, I don't feel the same feelings even though I like sex-a lot. And unfortunately I feel bad for awhile afterwards physically and emotionally. He's happy for any scrap of it anymore, I am hurting half the time. I don't know what happened. I love my husband, have a wonderful marriage and do not know what to do either. So I get nervous when it is supposed to take place. Then of course the body reacts and shuts down so to speak. So I know what you mean. I will go to the doctor again. To see why I hurt so much, but sometimes I think some of it is in my head. I feel like my womanhood was taken away from me. I don't know what happened to you, but I know it is difficult. I do not want infections, I do not want pain, so I guess I sort of put it off. Just letting you know you are not alone.

It is really too bad you say therapy is not an option, it sounds like it could really help you. If you find sex so horrible I bet your husband can tell, and he must feel that you do not desire or even like him, I know I would feel that way if my husband could not stand my kiss, my touch. You really need help with this one, if you really can not see a therapist than talk to your regular doctor.

I understand how something bad can affect things in this area, I have been there, but you have to work to over come it or it will control your life. For me the first step was talking about it.

have you gone to your gyn? you may have a hormone imbalance. also, if him kissing your neck bothers you, gently steer him to a better place. if you gently tell him bothers you to the point that its turning you off then trust me, he would probably stop doing it! lol. try getting some romance novels, sounds cheesy but reading about romance can sometimes get us in the mood. oh and i talked to my hubby about the breath thing and now actually its become our signal lol. if he comes to bed with minty breath i know what hes in the mood for lol.

I haven't read the other answers.
You say you had counseling in the past but it didn't help.
Maybe it wasn't the right therapist.
Maybe there's a therapist out there who will be perfect for you.
But you won't know if you don't look.
Do you really want to stay the way you are forever?
You __could__ have a lot more joy and happiness in your life.
Another option to consider is "Marriage Encounter"
or "Marriage Enrichment".
Google them together with your city.
Good luck.

Have you tried relaxing with a glass or two of wine first? It may help. Try to remember what turned you on about him. Tell yourself that he is yours and no one else can have him... ;)

get a massage for your four play for a while, maybe that will help your end get some needs met.

Well it could be because of the kids. Which is not a bad thing it happened to me after my third child. Same issues you are having. I never told him though. I was afriad he would have a flip on me and think I'm not attracted. I suggest a massage or massage each other before hand. That helps relax you. Also maybe brush teeth before hand too so your both fresh. What I hate is if he tries before i shower n he expects somehing and i haven't showered. But right now we are just trying to figure out when we can. All I can suggest is more often and trying not to emphasize on negative more positive and try to block your mind to enjoy him maybe go on date night or something.