Our daughter told the little grandson (9yrs) that we can't play with them anymore because there are people out there who want to hurt little kids. So now that little boy told us that he can't play with our kids because his grandmother told him. We asked why? He relied with because of what we said.
My husband and I were okay with it because we are doing the #1 thing. Protecting our children. This whole situation is just awful, our children are having to deal with the consequences of others actions.
Anyone have an encouraging words for this situation?
FYI: you can read my prior question to get more information.
So the children play at our house in the front yard. My children are still very confused because we will not explain the real reason. Other than there are people out there who like to hurt little kids and you are not allowed to go into anyone house or yard without mom or dad.
So it was ok when your kids weren't allowed to play with him but now that your kids aren't allowed to play with him it's not ok? What am I missing?
They are free to set their rules as you are free to set yours.
Now your feelings are hurt?
i don't understand your issue.
you told your kids they can't play with the grandson. he obviously told his grandparents, and they reiterated the instruction.
so why is the question even coming up?
all you need to do is be appreciative of the fact that the people in the house of the sex offender are backing you up.
it can be awkward if all the kids are out playing, and some have to avoid the others. but it happens all the time for a variety of reasons. kids are incredibly resourceful and resilient when allowed to be.
but you can't have it both ways. you don't get to forbid your kids to play with the little boy, then be all butthurt that he isn't allowed to play with your kids.
khairete
S.
I'm with OnePerfectOne, what's the problem? YOU made the call, so why is it surprising that the other party said the same?
I know for a fact if someone told my kids they weren't welcome in their home I would probably say the same, you know what, maybe we shouldn't play with them either....
Did you ever bother to get off your butt and find out why he was on the list in the first place are you still just guessing?
You dodged a bullet. What more do you want?
Encouraging words about what? For keeping your kids out of the home of a sex offender? Yay you. Or are you pissed because now they are saying they can't play with YOUR kids? The grandma is doing what you asked and is not letting her grandson play with your daughter.
Did you even bother to find out why he's listed like that? Or if he's a sex offender why he's living with his grandkids?
I'm not sure what you are asking.
Sounds like it resolved itself.....now your kids won't play with the child who has a sex offender living with him.
Isn't that what you were worried about?
It is sad that this child will have that burden as long as that relative lives with him, but it is up to the family (more so his parents) to decide how to resolve it.
ETA: so this crime happened 20 years ago? Hmmmm..... It's hard to know what to do without knowing what's changed and you are not really at liberty to find out.
Kids say a lot of things. A lot. And now they know you know....so I guess I would be friendly and let them know the boy is welcome to play at your house and your rule is still that your children play at your house. I don't think you have to explain more.
I don't understand why you need encouraging words? What is "this situation"? Seems like both families are like-minded - the kids should not play together. Not understanding why you need encouragement.
First and foremost, I am curious to know why he's an offender. Have you determined what the charge was?
As to the children not playing anymore: Why do you care? Because you like being in control of who decides to play with whom and where? Well, they aren't playing, so it's not an issue any longer. That's a win, right? You feel like you have made the right decision, and they retaliated by saying, basically, "well fine, we can't play with you either!" You got what you want. Move on and quit obsessing over it.
Just leave it alone.
Not every neighbor is going to be a playmate.
You feel like your children are somehow being punished (by not being able to play with this boy) because his grandfather is a sex offender?
I think your kids will be fine.
It's the 9 yr old grandson I worry about but his family is his family and there's nothing to be done about it.
I note others are asking why you're concerned now, since the result is what you wanted (your child will not be anywhere near this adult). From this post I take it that somehow--though you don't say so clearly-- maybe your daughter is now upset that she had to say she couldn't play with him, and then maybe got upset again when he came back with, "Well, I can't play with YOU, either, because of what you said"--? Is that why you're seeking "encouraging words" right now, because she's upset over this?
You don't say that in your post, so that may be why some posters here are asking you what your problem is....
In the end, if she's upset and that's the issue now, this will blow over because kids who don't see each other will soon forget each other. But I think the key here may be this: Did you tell the grandmother yourself directly that the kids could no longer play together, or did you let your daughter be the one to tell the boy and you did not interact with the grandmother yourself? If the latter is the case, your daughter is possibly confused and upset by being given an adult responsibility that she didn't and doesn't really grasp. Kids don't want to feel like they're the bad guy, and that may be how she's feeling right now, if she's seeming upset.
I would distract her with play dates with friends from outside the neighborhood and not rehash this with her further. Once kids are school-aged they get more into their own activities for friendships and less involved (in many cases, not all) with "neighborhood friends" who are "friends" only because they live nearby. Invite over friends from her activities or her class at school and don't tell her "this is because you can't play with Neighbor any more." Just let it happen.
As someone else rightly posted below--someone in the other household is actually backing you up, and not pushing for your kid to play with theirs, so that's actually good.
if I remember right you were planning to only allow the kids to play at your house. So something was said in front of the kids and they ran their mouths to the other kids, and now it's all out in the open and awkward. And so now they can't play with the kids at all, instead of in a controlled environment like you wanted, and your kids are upset. I get it.
The mistake here was telling the kids too much. I know we want to be honest with them, but like what happened here, we don't want a big issue made of it and all kinds of drama to ensue. Next time I would try to skirt the issue somewhat. "Can we go over to so-and-so's house?" "Let's invite them over here, instead." Kids will take anything they hear or say, in or out of context, and run with it. So, lesson learned.
Sorry things are awkward now. I'm sure the kids are unhappy and confused. But it will be all right, I promise. I think this is still better than the alternative of them going over there, right? Best to just keep plowing ahead and get past it. Not much else you can do that I can see. I don't see you going over to the grandparents' house and apologizing and making friends, right? So just try to move on. Again, lesson learned. The kids will get over it. Maybe someday things will blow over enough that you can have their kids come over like you originally wanted to do. Good luck.
(PS, another question with plenty of judgy criticism for answers. *Sigh* I might have to call it a day, and it's not even noon.)
Read your previous post to better understand.
Sounds to me like you didn't want your daughter to play with this little boy. Unfortunate situation and maybe not handled the best way. Sometimes relaying these difficult messages through children isn't the best way to go. This was the result.
Most of the moms in previous post had suggested the kids could play together, just at your house under supervision. At some point it might have become awkward if they'd wanted to go over to the boy's house, but by that point, I would have had a chat with the parents. That's something they will have to deal with if the grandfather lives there. That's their issue to deal with.
I think just learn what you can from this situation. You will likely run into it again at some point. We've had neighbors that I didn't want my kids going over to - not for sex offense, but because they weren't supervised, etc. Keeping the kids out of the drama of it - again, saying they are welcome at your house - would be the way to go. If you don't want any relationship, you just say "Sorry hon, but it's not a good fit for us". There are ways to end friendships without it being so blunt.
Good luck :)
Viola,
One of the family members of the grandson is on the sexual registry? Or you have a neighbor who is on the sexual registry?
WHY is the person on the registry? Was it for child/pedophilia or was it something as he has sex with a minor when he was 18?
I get that you are protecting your children. I would too. However, I would have handled it differently.
I would have told my kids that they could play with him - at our home or OUTSIDE with myself or daddy watching them. I wouldn't have brought the other issue up. My kids aren't allowed in other people's homes unless we know them personally. And we've had the touch talk.
Good luck!
I don't understand. You are right for your kids not to go over there. Your children told the truth to the kids and the grandmother is pissed so she won't let them play with your kids. Isn't that what you really wanted?
The reason this grandmother is acting like this is the SAME reason she is still living with this man. She enabled his actions and stayed with him because she cares more about herself than those kids he molested.
Stop being offended for yourself. Be glad that your kids won't be around anyone in this family.
