Sex How Often?

I wasn't going to post but it seems no one is like me. We are all over the place! Sometimes a few times a day and sometimes we'll go a month or more without.

Maybe once a week, but sometimes twice a week. It use to be about once a month, but I have been trying to make more of an effort. My sex drive left after my third child, so it has been a challenge to stay in the mood.

I highly recommend this book, "The Passionate Marriage." It really changed my perspective on sex and we went from having it once a week to way more often. It's a really great book to read together and then discuss. It's not for the faint of heart either! http://www.amazon.com/dp/0805058265/?tag=googhydr-20&...

try 2-3 times a month, maybe 4 with young kids. 3-4 times a week ha ha ha. I bet less than 5% of marrieds with kids do that. But thanks for making me laugh. Of course only the nymphos are answering this question. I think once a week is the median for married with young kids. School age kids it probably picks up a bit. Seriously there are lots of once a weekers out there, they just aren't answering this post.

i havent had it since feb or march........we have been married almost 7 years.....i forget what sex is lol

It used to be two or three times a week. That's when our kids were little and we were both still relatively young and frisky, in our thirties.
Now it's about once a week, I'm 44, he's 52, and we have THREE teenagers. Nothing kills your libido or sucks the energy out of you faster than adolescents <sigh>

I think most people look at it too much as how much do you have sex when you should be looking at how much do you want sex.

Given the opportunity Troy and I would have sex every day. We love each other, we enjoy sex, we love sex. In reality some days we work long hours and are tired, the kids are being pains, whatever.....but given the chance we would be all over each other like a cheap suit.

If one wants the other but not the other way around, you have a problem beyond small children or any other excuse. What I mean is I want Troy, he wants me but we both agree not a good time because of whatever. We are both on the same page.

once a week huh? well i need to do some catching up!.lol..

we are lucky if we can have sex once every 2 weeks... we have 2 older kids who never go to bed, and an 8month old who sleeps like a log until we go to bed then he is chatty kathy..lol.. so its has taken a back seat for anything more than once every couple of week...

I appreciate the honesty. We used to be a couple times a week before i got preggo. We did it 3 times once during pregnancy and 4 or 5 times since she was born 7 months ago. Right now id take once a month....im sure well get back to normal.

You and I sounds like twins when it comes to this stuff - and our Hubbies do too. Doesn't help that my hubbs is a boob man, and there is a busty chick sitting in the same cubicle as him at work now, so he is looking at big boobs all day, and then comes home wanting to touch some, too. Unfortunately I don't have some Fabio pool boy (or even a pool) as eye candy to get me in the mood all day, just 2 usually whiney and argumentative pre-schoolers.

We have been married 9 years, we are 34 ( me) and 38(him), our kids are 5 and 3. In the last 5 years, we have averaged once a week, and that is only becasue I have forced myself for the good of the marriage. I am usually just too exhausted after a day of being hung on and whined at and everything else, I am just not "feeling it".

3-4 times a week was what we were doing in the 3rd year of marriage, but pre-kids...it wan't newly-wed every day thing, anymore, but it was about every other day. Now, if I was in charge totally, and we only did it when I was naturally in the mood in my current state, it would be about once a month. Seriously, I have to force myself and work on getting in the mood enought to do it once a week.

that totally depends on the kids, the bedroom set ups, and the overall urge to have sex... if the kids go to friends houses a lot and you and your husband are home alone during often, then it would be more in a week, then a family in which the kids fall asleep in bed with mommy and daddy, where daddy works long hours, and mommy is the play-date mom.
Just depends some people do it multiple times a day, and some people do it multiple times a month.

Wow! I guess my husband and I are sex addicts, LOL. I am 45 and he is 40. We have three kids, ages 6, 8 and 12. Always have been 4-6 times a week even when the kids were younger, sometimes even more and twice a day. I guess we're not the typical married couple.

Stop having "chats" about it and just do it!!! Young kids sleep right??

We have 3 young daughters and in our early thirties. We're probably good to go every other day or so....unless someone is sick :)

Haven't read your answers but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that people with young kids are not doing it that often. DH and I have been happily married for 20 years and have a 12 year old daughter. We have sex, on average, 3-4X per week. We're pretty consistent with that number unless one of us is sick for some reason.

My feeling is the number should be the number of times DH wants sex averaged with the number of times you'd like sex.

How often others do it is no indication of how often you "should" to do it. If this survey says 3-4 times a week are you agreeing to do it that often? There must be a better way to make this decision.

When I was married with children we did it perhaps twice a month. That worked for us. It was a mutual agreement.

I wish your husband was right. Lol we have a 3 year old and by the time you get home from work get organized we are both exhausted. Lucky if we can fit it in once a week, what a difference it has been since our son came along but I would not change it for more sex.

I say if he in unhappy with the number that matters more than how oten we all get it on=) I mean if we as a whole had it once a month and you showed you husband it's not like he would be content to be unsatisfied J. beause the rest of our significant others were. Or if we all averaged at 9 times a week, you wouldn't feel bad and then become bunnies non stop to catch up.

I think you need to learn to enjoy it again and possibly become very comfortable with your body again post kids. (that was my issue when my daughter was one). I think we often go through dry spells and as women it's harder to break out of then men. If you make it a point for you to ejoy it i bet midway through you'll be thinking "I was so stupid, I want to feel this every night". Tell your husband what it takes for you to get "there" and no quickies J. for him and you'll be upping your number in no time.

I agree with Jo and a few of the others points of view.
I think if you want it matters a lot. As long as the excuses aren't weekly and neverending--ex, I have a headache shouldn't be a regular excuse, too tired, and so on...but if you're both working non stop and only get 20 minutes at the end of the day or your schedules dont' even meet up that affects your number a lot.
I also think it matters if each person is satisfied. Some people are content with once a week, once a month, some are not content unless it is daily. If one person isn't happy that matters a lot!

We were 5-7 times (because it would be 3 times in one day, 2 in another, and then once or twice the rest of the week)--we tended to get it all in on the two nights my daughter is with her dad and then once or twice the rest of the nights

Although this is his busy season and he works until 8pm now so now we're 3-5 (more so the 4 or 5) this last month. BUT we would be all over eachother if we had more time.

We have a lock on our bedroom door. The kids can watch TV while we have a quickie. We average about 4x/week, but it hasn't always been that high. I'm pregnant now so my sex drive is definitely higher than it usually is. When my girls were smaller, we definitely didn't average that.

It depends. Some weeks a few times, some months only once. I'd think we rarely pass 5x a month.

I am 35 and The Man is 42...

We have an 8, 6 & 4 year old...

We have sex 4-6x a week.

When the kids were younger it was more like 3-5x a week.

*My husband is a *need* it kinda guy...he gets *grouchy* if he has to go more than 1 day w/out it...seriously...I can see the difference in him immediately! I have him totally figured out and it is EASY to keep him happy!

This October we will celebrate 16yrs together!

~We are all different though...it shouldn't matter how often others are doing it...it just needs to be enough for the two of you! My husband and I would never function and feel lovey-dovey towards one another if we were like some others who only have it 1x a week. For the two of us, the more sex we have, the closer we feel!!

We are 31 and 34, and have two sons, ages 1 and 4. We average twice per week, I would guess. More would be nice, but kids are exhausting.

I think your hubby is dreaming, none of my mom friends with kids under 10 are having that much sex.

3-4 times a week here. Totally worth it. We have a 5 year old and a 1 year old. We stay up waaaay too late to pencil it in, lol

I am sure this is a poll, just out of curiosity. But it sounds like and awful lot of chatting about the deed, when you could be doing the deed. ;) We have a 3 and 6 year old. We have been married 16 years. We average about 3 times a week. Sometimes it's less and sometimes it's more, just depends on what's going on. Admittedly, not every encounter is some long drawn out adventure. Sometimes we sneak off when the kids are watching cartoons. Sometimes it's a quickie before work. Sometimes we "schedule" a date night and do spend hours together. It's important to us to keep that bond and that communication open. Remember foreplay doesn't have to happen right before the act....that can happen all day long. That makes things more exciting and can keep that exhaustion at bay.

4-5 days a week. I have a soon-to-be second grader. It's been that frequency for 2-3 years.

We have three kids three and under, and I feel lucky if we manage once a week! We're both working and exhausted. 3-4 times a week? Ha! I don't think we managed that before kids!

15mo and one on the way.

We're over 3-4 per week.

Twice a week. Two kids, 10 and 14. Been married 16 years. When the kids were littler I was more tired and we would have sex once or twice a week. Don't get me wrong, I'd have taken sleep any day of the week when the kiddos were babies, but I am committed to keeping that aspect of our marriage strong and I never regretted it afterwards ;-)

2 to 3 times a week. My daughter is 5, #2 is due in Oct.

Unfortunately, we only 'do it' about once a week. We have a two year old, I go to school in the morning and he works at night. So we only see each other during the week in passing, and on weekends. :(

2-3 times per week. He's thinking it's what he would like LOL :)

Now, since we've both been "fixed", 2-3x a week is our average. Sometimes it's higher, and sometimes, if things get in the way, it'll only be 1x.

Our kids are 2 and 4.

Not even once a week. I never imagined how much of a cock blocker our terrible two year old would be.

If we actually had our own bed to ourselves it would be every single night! No doubt! I love sex with my husband and for us it just keeps everything lovely! Now.... with the lil girl who wont sleep in her own bed, its. Or so times a week. But it will be more once we get her out of here :)

With my most recent ex, it was erratic because of his prostate issues.
As a single woman who neither has nor wants a steady S/O, I'm getting it with FWB's a couple of times a week on average.
The right frequency differs for every couple.

We average about every other day. Our kids are 6, 4, and 1.

5-6 times a week. ever since i can remember. i have 6 kids total under 17 and i do not go 2 days in a row unless it that time of the month. but i believe in the ol syaing "if u dont do it, someone else will" and i believe if u do not have sex with ur spouse u are doing ur relationship a disservice. and being to tired? really? seriously? its not like it takes a huge amount of strength to have sex. the average tiime is what 9 minutes? lol.

We're lucky if it's once a week. But definitely happens every 10 days. And we have 2 year old twins and a 6 year old... and my husband travels several times a month. (If that makes a difference or just makes me feel better typing this!)

3-4 times a week. Depends on week, mood, kids, etc Some weeks are less some more. My kids are 11 and 7 and that has been our average since we have been together (15 years).

3-4 times a week, WITH children?? HAAAAAHAHAHAHA, he is absolutely clueless. Once a week if we're lucky.

Once a week average. Sometimes once out of 2 weeks. Kids are 7,4, and 18mo.

We average 1-2 times a week, and we have a 7, 5, and 2 year old. I've noticed, though, that my husband's idea of how often we do it is very different from reality. When I was keeping track of such things trying to get pregnant a few years ago, I made a comment about how we had had sex 12 times that month. DH argued with me and said it was more like 3 or 4 times, until I showed him the calendar where I had marked it every time.

I would be interested in more frequent sex if it didn't take so much time. DH is a neat freak, which means he has to have a shower and I have to bathe just beforehand. Then the act itself almost always takes 30 to 45 minutes. Maybe that's not normal? DH and I have been together since high school and we've never been with anyone else, so I had no idea how quick it could be, but it sounds like a lot of you guys seal the deal in just a few minutes. For us it requires at least an hour and a half, between preparation, foreplay, the act itself, and cleaning up.

Updated

We average 1-2 times a week, and we have a 7, 5, and 2 year old. I've noticed, though, that my husband's idea of how often we do it is very different from reality. When I was keeping track of such things trying to get pregnant a few years ago, I made a comment about how we had had sex 12 times that month. DH argued with me and said it was more like 3 or 4 times, until I showed him the calendar where I had marked it every time.

I would be interested in more frequent sex if it didn't take so much time. DH is a neat freak, which means he has to have a shower and I have to bathe just beforehand. Then the act itself almost always takes 30 to 45 minutes. Maybe that's not normal? DH and I have been together since high school and we've never been with anyone else, so I had no idea how quick it could be, but it sounds like a lot of you guys seal the deal in just a few minutes. For us it requires at least an hour and a half, between preparation, foreplay, the act itself, and cleaning up.

I think that your estimate is more accurate than your husband's is. Believe me, this subject will come up no matter what stage of life you are in. My husband and I talk about this all the time, and we are empty nesters!