Serious Question

Haven't read the responses, but my opinion is jealousy & the ability to make themselves feel like the better parent. You know the one up syndrome.

I tried to breastfeed but due to my circumstance my son got used to a bottle. For those who don't know my story, I was planning on placing my son for adoption. It wasn't until day 3 that I decided to keep my son. So for 3 days he was bottlefed. So I tried so hard to breast feed after that. I went to a lactation consultant and she even told me I could top him off (I didn't have a lot of milk come it because my son wouldn't latch on properly or drink a lot from me) with a bottle. So I was doomed to bottle feed. Next baby I will breast feed no matter what.
Like a previous poster said people think it's their business to tell others what to do. Ignore them. If you want to know what they say, then listen, but if not brush them off. It's something I had to learn big time.

Its because those who choose to NOT have c-sections and breastfeed really and truly do think they are better than those of us who formula feed and have a C. Just a fact of life-it is how it is. And what is striking is that these are usually the first ladies who love to say how everyone should be able to do their own thing without judgement etc etc. Unfortunately what that really means is that as long as the 'thing' that you do coincides with how THEY feel than its ok. Otherwise its not and they feel perfectly in the right to flame and send awful pms to those who don't agree with them. Many, not all, of them are haters IMO.

I have a long, two part answer.

Part 1. Human Nature

We LOVE to live in duplicity. Our egos are safe when we are able to play the Us vs. Them game. It's the whole, "If you're wrong, than I am right"/black and white reality.

My ego says, "the world revolves around me, SO if YOU choose something different than me, it means that I am doing something wrong / my Truth is real, and YOUR Truth is different than my Truth, so your Truth is wrong, because mine is real."

That, in fact, is a fallacy.

Many things are ALWAYS true at the same time. Rarely, is anything just this, or just that, or that there is Just One right way. We are different and complex creatures, and what works for us, at different times, is different. Our needs (though basically the same) need to be tended in different ways. (Take a simple example. Some people are introverted. Some are extroverted. Neither is good or bad. They are both different, and speak to how we best recharge: is social situations/in individual situations.)

That, and (I'm stealing this term from the twelve step program) we don't often "place principles above personalities". "You" say something insensitive/inaccurate/derogatory about breastfeeding/mothers who breastfeed, and I hold it against Every Woman Who chooses not to/can not Breastfeed (and vice versa).

I've seen it on mamapedia. One woman will speak bluntly/rudely about someone she saw breastfeeding/formula feeding, and a backlash will stir. Suddenly, the opposing voice is outraged and hurt, "A toddler BREASTfeeding? YUCK - that is SO disgusting and inappropriate. I don't want to WATCH you breastfeed, PUT IT AWAY! It's fine if YOU want to do it...I just don't want to be around it...just seems WRONG!", or, "Formula is garbage. Always! It's irresponsible in ALL cases to feed our babies formula. *I* know how hard it is to breastfeed, and *I* managed...what's wrong with YOU that you can't do it. Parents who formula feed are plain lazy/stupid/bad."

***Sigh***

It's actually a lot more productive to understand where the "other" side is coming from, and to establish common goals (presently loving and authentically rearing our children and connecting/supporting with our fellow mankind).

We ALL just want to feel valued and appreciated for our HARD work and dedication. And darn it, we NEED that. We deserve to feel heard, valued, and understood/connected by each other.

And: We can do it. If we open our hearts to the painful and beautiful complexity of life. We ALL are similar and different. Rather than fight out our differences, we could try to reflect our value to each other. We could support each other. We could see each other as BIGGER than just our choices (which are limited by personal context/options/opportunities/strengths). Which would give as MORE options (where there weren't any), because our options are limited by our emotional/physical resources and experience. If we're not supported, we don't get to support. If we aren't supported, we can't (in a healthy way) challenge our status quot or make "good" choices. When we feel forced and obligated to make change, and we beat ourselves up for our flaws/just FIX it already!!!, rather than to feel driven and empowered to rise towards our Authentic Loving Selves.

Part ii. Anger about Profit over People, Patriarchy, and Misogyny, being directed at the individual.

Folks, the women's rights movement was ABSOLUTELY imperative and instrumental in catapulting towards equality.

We STILL have work to do. I thank my mother's generation in creating and participating in second wave feminism. As a result, I have the benefits of living in a world affected by feminists introduction of a "range of social opportunities open to women, but also, through intervention within the spheres of reproduction, sexuality and cultural representation, to change their domestic and private lives. Second Wave Feminism did not just make an impact upon western societies, but has also continued to inspire the struggle for women's rights across the world."

NOW we have an ability to have awareness about our cycles of trauma, internalized sexism/misogyny and emotional/psychological oppression that affirms and allows the physical symptoms of sexism (ex. the glass ceiling, damaging/limiting gender roles, domestic violence).

The history of how we feed our babies and deliver them (what was popular/productive/profitable), is wrapped up in our socioeconomic and cultural context - our sexist, imperfect history (and present) and context.

For a while, formula feeding was the NORM. NOT because it was better for the baby, but because formula companies wanted to make money off of the belief that breastfeeding is wrong/gross/bad for baby/creates unhealthy attachments. (the companies are our people, in the form of stock holders.)

The cultural pendulum is swinging back to breastfeeding (which is *generally* more beneficial/inexpensive than formula), AND formula is becoming more nutritionally beneficial than it was in the past. It saves the lives of infants that are not able to receive their mother's milk. Which DOES happen, and for many reasons.

The fact remains that there is not as much *economic* support/profit from non medicated and/or non hospital births. (ex. A woman who wants to breastfeed must still cover, as though it is a sexual/natural act. Our infant mortality rate is one of the lowest of the industrialized nations. And we are one of the wealthiest nations. Women's prenatal care, and her right to compassionate and effective health care, is still based on her economic background/level of education. It's on her doctor's schedule (in some cases).)

We [mothers] still don't get the support/voice we need, and our OPTIONS (emotional/physical/cultural) are still limited.

People are (rightfully) upset. And then, it's not always channeled properly. We forget to question the SYSTEM, and instead we question/attack the INDIVIDUAL. We forget that most of us are just doing the best we can, and KNOW how to. We think that we know what's in another's heart and what is best for them...rather than to try to create awareness, opportunity, and support.

Breastfeeding, is still discriminated against. We lash out at the individual. It's not effective, because BOTH sides feel threatened and unsupported...and that is the problem in the first place! That is misogyny/sexism/us vs. them at work.

And SO, the backlash. Pissed off Mama Bears, who want women to know and feel comfortable breastfeeding. We want and deserve the choice and the support to feed our babies with our babies, and we meet disgust and discrimination.
So we try to force it, and in our agenda, we forget that what we want is a healthier, happier society.

AND angry formula feeding Mama Bears, who made the right choice for THEIR family feel attacked for the choice (and/or physical inability),
so we try to force it, and in our agenda we forget that what we want is a healthier, happier society.
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Basically, it's tough for us to Trust that maybe WE don't know best for another person. We're all on our path of motherhood. We've all got to follow our own heart. And, we deserve to receive gentle education and support. We deserve to feel valued.

Enough out of me. Sorry for the ramble. I'm TIRED ;-) and think this should be edited!

I like this question. I had 2 c-sections. It certainly wasn't my choice but I am here today because of the procedure. After the birth of my daugher, I was walking the hall. I started talking to another mom who was walking as well. I can't remember how we got on the topic but I told her I had a c-section. She asked me "do you feel less of a woman because you didn't give birth to your child"? HUH????? So I said "listen sweetie, this scar on my tummy says that I "gave birth" to my daughter. Doesn't matter if she came out of my vagina, stomach or nose". I tried both times for a vaginal birth. Guess what, it doesn't work south of the border for me. Don't dilate at all. Last time I checked, hard to give birth if there wasn't a hole to come out of!!

I nursed my daughter until she was 9 months old. She had ear infection after ear infection. So, formula didn't cause that! I nursed my son for the first 6 weeks. Guess what, he had bad ears too. My kids are genetically built to have bad ears. The lad wasn't getting enough to eat. I would nurse and then I would have to supplement. So, I decided that it was formula time. I'm a good mom who made decisions that save my kids lives. That's how I look at it.

Because belittling others make insecure, unhappy people feel better about themselves. Because some people are so close minded that they can't comprehend a lifestyle or choices, other than their own.

I have learned that parents have a reason for doing what they do, in most cases. I think we're all just trying to do our best. I think it's sad that some people take an innocent advice seeking post & turn into something negative or hurtful.

Personally I don't care how other women bring their babies into this world, how they feed, clothe and diaper them, where the baby sleeps or when the baby first eats solid foods.

But when a question is posed about any of the above (or anything else for that matter), I answer it from MY perspective, MY parenting beliefs and philosophy, MY experiences. I can't *give* advice on formula feeding because I never did it - not because I think I'm better than moms that do, but because breastfeeding was the route I chose.

Sometimes I think those moms that feel attacked are feeling a little guilty too - and I think that's horrible! It's horrible that moms that have a c-section or formula feed are made to feel *badly* about it by other people. Just like I think it's sad that people who have easy births (like me) feel guilty about THAT when talking to other moms with "labour war stories".

I think we all need to be proud of the way our babies came into the world. We should feel confident in the way we nurture our children. We love our children and are doing the best we can with what we can. To hell what other anonymous internet moms think or say!

You do what is best for your family. As a mom of a 16 year old, I can tell you that in the long run when these little babies grow up, how they were born and fed, has really no bearing on how they turn out. Once children get into their tweens/teens, they make most of their life choices on their own, mainly influenced by their peers.

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I have wondered the same thing. Great question. I tried to breast feed my baby but my milk never came in. I tried for a week then my dr. told me just to bottle feed because my milk was not going to come in. I would get snide comments from women all the time. It was hurtful and I honestly wanted to tell them to mind their own d*** business.

Common courtesy and tact have been mostly lost on our country. Many moms want to share information they find, but do not know how to go about doing it. For the most part, I think a lot of parents don't know when they aren't making the best "choices" for their kids, and sometimes that is seen by other parents as just not caring. Also, just because we think a certain choice is right for us, doesn't mean it is right for everyone.

I think we all need to be more encouraging. We need to share things that we find to be important for the bettering of mothers, babies, and families.
It is really easy to look at someone else's choices and see fault, but we can all be doing a better job with our own children as well.

To each her own. Have your babies, feed your babies, clothe your babies, nurture your babies. End of discussion in my opinion.

Ladies, Ladies, can't we all just get along. :)

Unfortunately people think they have a right to tell people how to live their lives. It's everywhere. They make assumptions about others based on their own thoughts/experiences/wishes/etc with no thoughts to others thoughts/experiences/wishes/etc.

And for the record, historically, for centuries: marriages were only among the rich/nobility everyone else was common law/handfasted; only the peasants/serfs/slaves breastfed their own children, rich/noble women had wet nurses; surgery, dental work, and amputations were also perfomed without anesthesia of any kind and people survived it; life expectancy rates were abismally LOW and infant mortality rates were horrifically HIGH.

I'll take living in THIS century thanks :)

Well won't I be in the dog house.....LOL...I had three C-sections...first two not by choice and I DID CHOOSE to formula feed exclusively :) I had to start taking medication that while the docs assured me were safe for baby I wasn't going to take any chances. I am happy with my choice and I am glad I went that route. My kids thank God are happy and healthy all three of them... I support everyone's right to choose what's best for your situation. If you breastfeed great, formula great etc..etc..

Love this question. I myself had 2 c-sections and have never breastfed b/c it did not work for our family. I do feel judged sometimes but everyone has a right to their opinion. What works for my family doesn't necessarily work for everyone's family.

I just want to make sure that I'm not lumped in with all of the meanies who "think we are better than those moms" because I had vaginal births and breastfed my kids. I'm not sure why people have to be so indignant either way. I was simply afraid of surgery and wanted to avoid a C-section if at all possible. And, I breastfed because I truly believe it is the best food for a baby, but I was a formula fed kid and I turned out fine, so to each his own. Not everyone who has made the choice to breastfeed is militant about it to the point of putting others down for their choices. I also breastfed because I quit my job to stay home when my daughter was born and it cut our household income in half, so that was the most economical option for us.

Anyway, I just wanted to try to be the voice of reason among a heated debate. I feel like everyone is too quick to judge people for their choices and while I have some feelings about how I would do things and I think the reasons are valid, someone else may not. As long as you're not being neglectful or irresponsible, then live and let live I say! Try not to let what a bunch of perfect strangers think get you all riled up. If you're doing the best for your family, then just try to ignore those that are "holier than thou". Good luck to you!

I don't think people always mean to be mean. I think sometimes people feel a measure of guilt or insecurity and they assume meaning that wasn't there.

If I say that I hate drinking. Bear, wine, strong drink..It's smelly, expensive, and I've never wanted any of it. Do you feel condemnation coming from me? If I go on to say I think one of my kids drinks too much and I wish none of my kids would drink at all... Do you feel condemnation?

I'm proud of the fact that I've never drank. Can you give me kudos for not needing it in my life to have fun or enjoy myself without feeling a little niggling doubt in the back of your mind about how often or how much you drink? Some people can. Some people have already started thinking I'm self-righteous and pompous.

If you have a certain conversation often enough and it goes wrong enough times you will become defensive. Each time you feel you have received it and a conversation downgrades into insults, you will be forever on edge in the future and read thoughts and motives into what people say without giving pause to what they are really saying. The conversations about breastfeeding and c-sections have been had so many times on here that most people have chose up sides and created a war.

Edited to ADD... See I was feeling just fine about your question until I read what Pam had to say. What ARROGANCE. A person HAS to use formula if they can't take the pain of breastfeeding. If a person is likely to drop or throw their baby because the pain is so BAD, they HAVE to breastfeed. If a person feels breastfeeding is gross, primitive, and disgusting they would be much better off using formula. If breastfeeding is NOT a bonding experience but rather makes a person feel like they wish they had not even given birth, they HAVE to use formula to make their experience of being a mother good for baby and mom. Baby is NOT better off with a mom that's sitting there feeling used and hurting and bored and simply NOT into it. To quote Pam "The only time a person has to breastfeed is if they lack....... Whatever. I already forgot and I don't care and the real question is why do some people feel the need to run around trying to force people to do something so primitive? If a person wants to do it and it makes them feel beautiful, GO FOR IT.

I don't know hon..people have their own thoughts and don't like it when someone else tries to make them feel wrong. I don't care what anyone else wants to do. I for one feel that bottle feeding is NORMAL, HAPPY, EXCITING, and nothing made me happier than gathering up all the bottles and other things I needed while waiting for my kids and my grandson to hop a long.

I did both; emergency c-section (36 hours of pushing, my heart started to give out, with ever push my heart became weaker and weaker) and formula fed because my daughter was extermly lactose sensitive as an infant (had to cut out EVERYTHING with dairy in it to breastfeed, and that was not possible due to some issues I have). Some say you have healthier smarter kids if breastfed well my daughter did not have an ear infect or the flu till she was 4 years old, she started reading at age 3 (I suck at reading and did not teacher her beyond reading to her, it is her natrual gift), she started doing math at age 4 and reading 4th grade science books to learn about gravity, gases, electricity and so on (got that from hubby).

As Tia said in the longer run it does not really matter, I honestly believe this. What matters is you do the best that you can and do what is best at the time for your family unit.

Some women believe very strongly about something and it may come out as bashing (maybe they do not mean it that way or maybe they do). While others may just want to feel that they are "doing better" because of their choices but really most of us try to do what is best for our family unit.

Ive noticed it both ways....id say equally. Breastfeeding, natural birth moms cant be happy about their choices without getting flak, and bottle feeding, c section moms cant explain their reasons without getting flak.

its just that Some of those choices seem not the best route, and without explanations given there is a lot of speculation.

But trust me when i say it is also the other way around almost or just as much.... People are especially ruthless on extended breast feeders and elective c-sections.

usually when people are overly defensive there is a reason, I like to live and let live.....oh and because im proud of my choices I breastfed....extended past the 2 year mark,,,and i had a natural birth both times .............luckily both of those decisions came easily to me

I didn't plan on having a C-Section, but after 3 1/2 hours of pushing, He just wasn't coming out that way :-( NO CHOICE but to have it. Did i want to- no! but its done and hes here -Who cars HOW he came into this world?
I breast feed for one month, but could not supply him with the amount of milk he needed so we switched to formula.
I'm FAR from a Bad mom !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I KNOW that and My hubs and son know that :-) I could give a Flying F*ck what others that are so 'holier than thou' feel about my choices. I dont care that they had a "natural child birth" and breast fed for 3 years....... WHY do they care about me?
Have a Great day all :-)

people like to judge. that is it in its most simple terms. by saying one mom is bad for formula feeding, another mom feels better about herself because she breastfeeds.
We are lucky to live in a time where we have formula available to people who need (or want) to use it, and have c-section available--- my gosh, can you imagine if we didn't? dead babies. that is what would happen. dead babies.
I am a breastfeeding, home birthing mother but I would NEVER judge someone else for having their child a different way or feeding them a different way. I honestly think people get some sort of 'high' belittling and judging others.

my mom always used to say " hurting people hurt people". I think that's true even of the internet...
xo

Elective c sections are ludacris if you ask me. I have known people to schedule an elective c setion to fit in their schedule OR so their vagina doesn't lose it's "tightness". BTW, I have had four vaginally, and it has not effected me negatively vagina wise. C sections should be for emergency only.

As for the formula thing... I say you GOTTA at least try to breastfeed, there's no debate that says formula is better than breast. I say JUST TRY to breastfeed.

If you choose a c-setion and you don't NEED it OR if you choose to formula feed and didn't even TRY to breast feed, then... honestly I think those are bad decisions. ..and based on FACT not opinion.

I don't think strongly of these views or express them when not asked... it isn't a hot button issue really with me, BUT there's your answer.

Don't think it is a judging thing or a "I'm insecure so I'm gonna say other moms make bad decisions instead of me" thing... its a fact thing. One thing is better than the other, and FOR YOUR CHILD'S sake, you darn well better at least try the better option.

I think that is where the moms that are "against" these things are coming from....

I'm not sure why some people are mean or judgmental, but I have a few thoughts. When we type we don't express non-verbal communication, so things we might be saying in jest or in the sweetest voice possible just doesn't come across that way. I teach online courses, and I have to be soooo especially careful with this because the students never see my face or hear my voice. I have to use phrases in type that I probably wouldn't say in person to make sure the person knows I'm not "typing in a loud voice," and I use smiley faces to make sure they know I'm joking.

On a side note, I think only each mom knows what's best for her child. But I personally think many women cave in and take the easy way out. For instance, an acquaintance is due in another week, but she scheduled an induction for the day after her due date. She said, "I'm ready for this baby to be here, so he's coming whether he likes it or not." That just seems so selfish to me, and while I totally don't agree with her decision, I didn't say anything to her. Other women and doctors just cave for a c-section because labor is not progressing or the mom has had one before. If the life of the mama or baby is at stake, then do whatever needs to be done! But I think many times doctors and mamas are just impatient and want to do things the simple way. That's our society now in general - fast food, instant streaming movies, internet banking - we want what we want when we want it.

I was like this with my first and breastfeeding. My milk still hadn't come in after four days, baby was screaming and wouldn't latch because nothing was coming out, so we caved and gave her a bottle of formula. Then my milk came in and she wanted nothing to do with the breast. I pumped for 3 months but then gave up. It was just easier to do formula. I was determined not to cave with the second, and it was totally my frame of mind that helped me through that rough first week. Our culture is not strong on teaching patience and the ability to cope with whatever comes our way. We just want the easy way out.

I was able to have natural births because of this too. I focused on the fact that women have done this for thousands of years without drugs and interventions, so obviously it's possible. I didn't want to "buy the lies" that I needed the epidural to survive labor. While I would most likely have thoughts that a certain mom was wimpy because she asked for the epidural after an hour of labor, I would never say that out loud to her. It's just tact. Some people have it and others don't. :)

There will always be circumstances where the ideal isn't possible (been there, myself). I think the issue some people have is with this new concept that these LIFE SAVING METHODS are now becoming mainstream choices by people who aren't in life threatening conditions. Because they're becoming so mainstream, more and more women are considering them sensible options without doing any research. And thus a cycle is born.

That doesn't excuse name calling or bashing, but it does call for education in order to protect the health of future generations.

It's all a matter of perspective. Those of us who bottle feed do it for personal reasons -- same as those who nurse. I don't care if you bottle feed or not. I'd prefer not to see a boob hanging out in public - whether it's used as a feeding tool or not. It's my personal preference.
Some people are really into the whole "natural" birth / child raising thing... I'm totally pragmatic. Whatever makes my life easier, my kids' life easier, and my day tolerable -- makes me happy. My kids were formula fed. They are both intelligent, well rounded kids who have grown up to be productive members of society. I believe the more white coats in the delivery room -- the better. I believe in immunizations. I believe in public school....
If you don't - that's your choice. I'm raising my kids the best way I know how.
YMMV
LBC

I think it goes both ways, but these issues are such a big part of our lives as parents that we naturally have strong feelings about the choices we've made. I like to treat it the same way I treat politics: I'll listen to what you have to say but i'll probably just nod and smile rather than tell you what I chose to do, especially when I feel like I'm expected to follow that with an explanation. Frankly, it's not most people's business why I was motivated to make the choices I did.

I posted this on another question and I'll post it again. I chose NOT to breast feed and won't with my second. I spent $4.400 on a boob job and I'd rather not have to have it re-done and can't afford it anyway. I've never had someone say anything to me about it and if I did I'd give them a real big piece of my mind. What I do with MY body and MY kid is not anyone's business so opinions are not only not wanted but they aren't welcome :). Who seriously has the gall to judge another mom to her face over something so stupid?! Talk to any ped and they'll tell you there have been ZERO studies that showed breast milk is better for your kid than formula. They've printed so many articles about breast milk making better students etc but have you actually looked at the medical study? The pool of people studied? The people doing these are trying to have a certain outcome and with the people they test they all but guarantee it. And I could care less how you feed your kid or how the kid came out of your body.. why don't more people worry about their own stuff than worrying about another womans body?! I agree with you.. it BLOWS my mind.

I did everything I could to breast feed. Evrything and everyone out there pushes it hard core nowa days. After 2 months and many trips to the dr and visits with the home health nurse, anfter seeing I was doing everything right and baby was latching correctly, after my baby lost weight instead of gained even though she was feeding constantly it was discovered my milk never fully came in and I had to stop trying and formula feed in order for my child to thrive. It doesn't make me bad or less of a mom. I found out right after that all of the women on my moms side had the same problem.

Im with you. I formula fed and had pain relief in (gasp) a hospital and I don't apologize. Breastfeeding is good for some but it hurt like hell to me and I was sick of it. To each their own and the few mamas on here that see it necessary to bash the moms like me that didn't choose their path can just keep on keeping on because im just fine with my decisions!

People like to think that they are better than others. It validates their choices.

I know what I wanted for myself and my babies and did my best to provide what I wanted for them - as little formula as possible and a natural birth. Things didn't go completely as planned, especially with my first, but I was able to give birth to him and he was fed. That's all that matters.

My take on those hot button issues is that as long as you are feeding your child and did what you had to to have a healthy self and baby - good for you. Your child and you know what works for you.

It's not a debate, breastfeeding is absolutely, no doubt about it, better for babies. There is a very small percentage of woman who cannot breastfeed, unless you know someone well you just don't know who is in this group. There is a much larger group who CHOOSE not to. I think some people can't quite figure out why anyone who wants a child would make the CHOICE not to breastfeed, to some of us it doesn't make sense.
As for c-sections, same thing. There is a percentage of women who muct have a c-section for the safety of their babies and themselves. The actual c-section rate is much higher in this country due to some woman requesting one, doctor's performing unecessary ones, and fetal monitoring along with the the liabilty mess it creates.
People just don't educate themselves about this stuff. I don't judge any individual for the situation they're in because I do not know the circumstances surrounding it. But as a whole I am saddened that so many women act like those CHOICES made for convenience, because everyone else is doing it or they don't want to be uncomfortable are equal to the alternatives. BTW if you didn't want to illicit strong responses you wouldn't have asked this question!

Hi ST - this is a really serious question. Unfortunately, I dont have an answer for you except that these women feel very strongly about their opinions and think everyone should follow their leading unless they have a "good enough" excuse. I dont blame anyone for being passionate. I do however find fault when one mom judges another's decision, especially on personal and debatable matters. It only leads to judments, hurt feelings, defensiveness and division.

I say let women be who they are!

I don't think it's anyone's business what a mom does as far as feeding is concerned. Some mom's can't produce enough milk or maybe they already planned to bottle feed so they bottle feed. Some mom's have c-sections b/c that's what ended up happening or maybe they wanted to have it on a certain date (weird but that's their choice in that respect). No one should be bashing anyone for having kids, how they had them or how/what they feed them as long as it's healthy food (bottle or breast). People should be happy for the person who's had children (newborns or otherwise).

My kids were exclusively breast fed, but I see NO reason to bash moms who cannot or choose not to. I never knew moms who have c-sections are bashed. Why is this? A c-section is something that is, for the most part, a matter of life or death of the baby or mother, isn't it? Or are you talking about elective c-sections?

there is no way to answer this without getting some ones bloomers in a up roar, lol. i wonder how many grandparents back in he day breast fed. i remember my mom putting white corn syrup in the mixture in the glass bottles.

Honestly, these opinions get out because it's just so easy to sit at your computer and tell the world what it's doing wrong.

I've never heard anyone go on and on about how nature got it wrong and we should all just install zippers in our abdomens and mixers on our nightstands. Frankly, it's none of your gosh darned business how my baby got here. I like to think most of us are trying to make the best decisions for our families we can.

I am actually a little frustrated with the mamapedia admins because I did post on this exact topic but because my paragraph didn't have a ? at the end, they took it down.

My kids were both c-sections, medically necessary but still. I tried desperately to feed them both the "best" way...but if I'd stuck with that route, I'd have two very sick, very skinny babies in my house. I vaccinated, only one of them is baptized. The older one has, in fact, consumed McDonald's before and, oh geebus, refined sugar!

I have the most incredible, beautiful, smart children. They are almost universally considered a true joy to be around. They are loved and adored and cherished by their entire family and half the darn neighborhood to boot.

You know how I know I'm a good mommy? Because my daughters are growing and learning and they are confident enough in the world and their parents to explore what they see around them. Because my husband comes home and finds himself speechless at how much they've learned just that day.

Oh, and we go to Gymboree because it's fun. We watch Muzzy because my daughter loves that big purple goof ball. We splish and splash in our baby pool and my older one helps me make dinner and breakfast and she's only 2 years old.

And there's no label anywhere on either of my babies for the world to see "my mom gave me formula after birthing me out the wrong opening".

Moms, please. If you got that baby out with a midwife in your living room, using just a rope between your teeth and your entire family watching, congratulations. If you had the epidural and your mom holding your hand. If you had the c-section. If you breastfed for 3 years, if you breastfed for 3 minutes, if you love your breasts nice and dry and reserved for more adult purposes or couldn't breastfeed at all. Isn't being a mom hard enough? I'd rather we all do it differently, but do it the best we absolutely can than feel like I did hearing my doula tell me that I'm giving up on my baby to put her on formula when I physically can't make enough milk for her. We're all doing the best we can at the world's hardest job. Luckily, it's the one with the best benefits too.

I think women who believe that they are better because they breastfed and/or gave vaginal birth think so because they think it is all about choice. For someone whose body works on its own the way it's supposed to it is easy for them to judge. Let them hit a roadblock like no dialation or no milk production no matter what they do and THEN what are they going to say?? I had 2 c-sections because I absolutely would not dialate no matter what. If anything I feel like the birth that I went thru was MORE of a birth than someone went thru who gave birth vaginally. I went thru MAJOR surgery to have my child - TWICE. My guts were laid open on a table while I was awake so my child could be born. I carry around a permanent scar and permanant nerve damage from having my child. How many women who had a vaginal birth can say that?? And I don't mean that to degrade THEM. But when someone asks me how I feel about it that is how I feel about it. I breastfed my first until 9 months, but I had to pump exclusively because she quit nursing at 5 weeks due to a very bad case of thrush. I breastfed my second until 5 months but he just didn't like to nurse, so again I was forced to pump. There is nothing more difficult than pumping 24/7. It is completely EXHAUSTING. You never get to sleep more than 2 or 3 hours at a time. Sustain that for 5 to 9 months. Anyone who has to do these things will not be critial of others. Only people who have things come easily to them will judge others.

Don't you realize you are instigating a fight here - wanting to put a hot topic out there that you KNOW will infuriate others, yet you say 'no fighting' - give me a break!! It's like bringing politics up to a liberal when you are an ultra-conservative and wanting to stay calm about things..... Your expectations are ridiculous. Why do people have strong opinions on these types of things and get infuriated about them ? Because one group is educated and the other is not - some people are ignorant, others do their research and know the facts.

Formula feeding IS an inferior way to feed your baby - sorry if it offends you, that's life. God didn't make breasts to be sexual objects - they are made to feed your baby, with the best nutrition available on this earth. Formula is MAN Made and inferior and has so many chemicals in it (for one, try rocket fuel found in most formulas, yes you heard that right), yet most people buy into the media and the commercialism making it appear to be an equal alternative - it isn't, never will be so get over it. You need to research, since you are in the dark. I will put some articles for you to read up on this.

I have never seen another mom bashing someone over a C-section, there are instances where a C-section is a necessary procedure in the event that the baby is distress. Vaginal birth is preferable as its easier on the mom and baby for many reasons - yet not everyone can give birth the way nature intended. Is a C-Section a better alternative to a vaginal birth - No, of course not - but once again many women who are uneducated and decide to do a c-section for the heck of it or because they are too intimidated by their Dr. who convinces them 'its the right thing to do to speed things up' so they can run off to their golf game vs. wait for 12 hours for a woman in labor -- well then - I guess it shouldn't surprise you then that there has been a huge increase in C-Sections over the past few years, and they are not medically indicated - they are because of Dr.'s not wanting to deal with wasting their day.....

Anyways, please do yourself a favor and read up about formula - I wouldn't give it to my worst enemy, let alone a precious little baby...hell no.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/1...

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2010/0...

http://search.mercola.com/search/Pages/results.aspx?k=inf...

I see both sides of the "debate"...but I've been told I didn't have "natural child birth" becasue I chose to have an Epidural. BLAH...and anyone who tells me that...gets two birds flying at them through my fingers! Until you walk a day in anyone else's shoes shut the hell up! And I said this to a very good friend.

I have seen both sides...I vaginally delivered my daughter, and tried to breastfeed...it didn't work for us. So she was formula fed after three weeks. She's a healthy 6 yr old now.

Because my son almost DIED during child birth I had an emergency c-section with him. He breastfed until he was 13 months old.

WOW...both healthy kids, both incredibly smart and not a damn thing wrong with either one of them.

I wish we could all just see that sometimes, there are extenuating circumstances we don't know about that lead us to where we are.

It's a moms choice and unless someone is not feeding their baby/kids at all, then butt out!

This topic gets me all fired up. I don't believe anyone is better because they do one thing or the other...its about choices, and necessity is some cases. But I do feel pressured to justify my choices, or lack their of in different cases.