Seperation Help

He might be more anxious if you are; since his father was deployed. Children can pick up everything.
It's hard for me to answer this, as I really don't believe in day care under the age of 3 years for more than 2 hours (3 hours a day MAX). 3 3 1/2 and 4 year olds are in such a different psychological space than under 2 years...
However, I would encourage you (if you absolutely have to do it) that if he is calming down fast every time - you do not have a specific problem.
It's probably harder for YOU to experience.
Does he
A) calm down and play etc right away?
or B) does someone else have to love and sooth him for that to happen? Is it always the same person?

If A) then don't worry.
You are doing the right thing to say goodbye and then leave. Yes. it makes it worse to hang around. He might immediately drop the tears.Could you call in a few moments later to check he's OK? Then it won't bother you so much.

I suggest you say 'I love you' when you are playing, cuddling, bathing, putting him to bed etc BUT not so regularly when you leave like that. '' I love you - I'm leaving '' is not really a good psychological set up for his sub conscious!

Anyway - my advice is provided you aren't leaving him unhappy for more than 10 minutes crying every day with others trying /all having to step in with rocking and cuddles etc to make him feel that he's still loved, then he will be OK

I am glad you are such a caring Mom.
It's become the norm for people have kids on the side instead of as a main activity in life. Too many put their own wishes before the needs of their own children. So I just find it hard to hear a Mom say that 6/7 hours every day in day care every day is a GOOD thing!!

I hope you do great and your husband comes home again safe and sound soon.

;-)

You are doing the right thing! He is letting you know that he will miss you. Stay consistant with your drop offs. Get in and get out. The fact that he calms so easily is an indication that he is stable in his environment but that he misses you. You miss him when you are gone also. It is natural. You can add to your kiss and just say when I am done with work I will be back to pick you up. Or some thing to that effect to say you will be back. Just know that you are doing okay

I agree with Amy. Unless you suspect something else, your baby will be okay. Sometimes they just go through moments. I know when my son (who is now 8) was with a sitter I’ve known years and is beyond words great with kids, he would still cry and act as if the world was coming to an end.

One morning she told me just go ahead and pretend to leave but stand outside the door and listen. Well the next morning after giving me drama, I did just as she suggested and no sooner had the door closed and he thought I was gone, he stopped crying and yell to the others “come on let’s go play.”

I guess maybe he thought it would make me feel better if he showed that he would miss me if I left him. ;-)

Hi M.,
I have gone through the same thing with my son (who is 2 1/2) a few times. He seems to go through phases of being okay when I drop him off at his daycare, that he has been going to since he was 6 months old, and then other times screaming and gripping me for dear life. I feel horrible whether he cries or not leaving him but as a single mother I have to work. My daycare ladies have assured me that he stops crying immediately after the door is closed. I do call sometimes if the crying was especially bad in the morning to make sure he is okay and they say he's fine and has been laughing and playing with his friends since my car turned on =) I think at this age they are trying to learn their independance and boundaries but still need to know that mommy and daddy are with them. I would keep doing what your doing, just tell him you love him and you'll be back in a little bit to get him, and then leave, dragging out the good byes just makes it harder for both you and him. I also do a special breakfast with my son once a week. We do ours on Friday mornings and we go and get doughnuts and coffee- he gets chocolate milk- and we sit outside and throw pennies in a fountain. We made a special penny jar and every night when we get home from daycare, if he was good he gets to add pennies to the jar for our Friday morning ritual. I found that when I am leaving him at daycare and I tell him if he's a good boy he can add more pennies to his jar, he usually gets so excited about the idea of putting pennies in his jar that he doesn't think twice that I'm leaving and he kisses me goodbye and there are no tears. We both then have something fun to look forward to at the end of the day and the end of the week. It sounds like you are doing a great job, and your son knows that you love him. Hang in there! =)
Hope this helps,
Take care,
H.
(Please tell your husband that me and my son say thank you for his service- he is a true hero! We will keep you both in our prayers that he has a safe trip home!)

This is the usual thing that happens. Don't feel bad. You could also tell your boy, in addition to kiss and hug...is telling him "Mommy will see you later before you know it. Have fun today and tell me all about it." Or, in my case with my daughter, who attended preschool at 4 yrs., I would give her my hair-elastic band to wear around her wrist. It was something of Mommy's that she could have and made her feel close to me. And I always wear one too on my wrist. It's my Mommy "jewelry" LOL. She liked that idea, and still does that sometimes even if she is in Kindergarten now.

You sound like a terrific loving Mom who spends quality time with him. Sometimes, kids just go through phases and different levels of wanting to be comforted now and then. Certainly, he must miss his Daddy. This is indeed something a child will feel. It's normal. Perhaps, there is something small of his Daddy's that he can bring or keep with him at school in his cubby or something? Or, print a photo of yourself/hubby, make it small in size, laminate it or cover it with wide clear tape, punch a whole in it, and string it on a sturdy length of yarn of something... he can "wear" it and have "you/Hubby" close to him all day. Of course at this age, anything around their neck can be a choking hazard. So maybe not this idea at this age.

Sometimes, I would give my girl a sticker of some kind (you could also do photo stickers of yourself or Daddy), and I would put a sticker on her shirt or whatever she wore to school that day...and it was her "special" thing to remember Mommy with and have "me" close to her all day. She liked the idea and I made sure to explain to her teacher what it was for, so they didn't take it off.

The book "The Kissing Hand" is also a LOVELY book... it's all about this very subject... and I would read it to my girl all the time when she started preschool. I'm sure you can get it anywhere, as it is a "classic" book.

Just some suggestions for you. Hope it helps. Take care and good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

M.,
I am a Mom of a 11 year old and a two year old. Believe me, I know the guilt you are feeling. When my older daughter was a baby it was just the two of us, and I had to work full time. It killed me to leave her. Even though she never really cried when I left, I felt terrible.
My two year old is a different story. I now have a great husband who works shift work, so he's home a few days during the week with the baby, while I'm working M-F. Elizabeth is a Daddy's Girl & hates when my husband has to drop her off with our sitter because she is used to being with "Dad". But I think it may be your baby's age. Elizabeth never really had any issues until recently. I think they just begin to go through a stage where they become more attached.

Hang in there. My Mom taught Kdg. for 100 years (-; and she always swore that the kids were much better off when the parents left. My suggestion is to just leave is quickly as possible and without a bunch of fanfare. I know that seems cold, but I believe it's much better on both the parent & child.

Please thank your husband for his service!
God Bless!
A.

Hello! My daughter is 27 months and she does the same on occasion. She loves going to school, but some mornings she is just miserable about going ... to the point where dressing her is a challenge. However, once she gets there and my husband or I leave, she is fine. Now she is even starting to cry when we leave school in the evenings. I rationalize with myself that it is just her current phase because she seems genuinely happy at school and loves the social part. Don't feel guilty ... if there were truly a problem, my guess is that he would cry most of the day if daycare was not a fun place for him.