Separation Help - I Need to Go Out of Town Overnight

I would make it sound like it is going to be so much fun for them!!! Tell them everything they will be doing with whomever is taking them for the night. Try to have that person plan a fun activity, like a visit McDonald's playland or a bounce house facility. Just make it seem really exciting for them and I bet they won't even miss you.

Try focusing on where the kids will be spending the night. How cool it will be to have a sleep over on a school/daycare night rather than on the weekend. How much fun they will have and that you can/will call them to tell them good night. If it is possible maybe someone can bring them to the airport when you get back and then they can see you when you get home. Again playing on the fact that they get to go to the airport. I guess I am assuming that you are flying.

Telephone them as often as feasible while you are gone. Reassure them that you will be back.

Have them watch their favorite movies while you are gone, and have whomever is watching them prepare some of their favorite meals.

I think that if at all possible, they should see you leave; do not try to sneak out while they are still sleeping or doing something else. Say "good bye" and that you'll be back in 2 days, and don't let the scene get overly dramatic.

R.,
Perhaps if you phrase it in a way that makes it fun for them, to take away some of the fear. Are they staying with their dad? grandparents? Tell them this will be their special time with dad, and tell them everything he will do with them (drop them off at daycare, pick them up from daycare, make them breakfast- what do you think he will fix you for breakfast?- etc.) If they can visualize it, maybe it will make it easier on them. I do this with my 3.5 year old when I am gone, and it really helps her. She is still sad about it, but it helps. Can you promise them you will call them every day at the same time?

GOOD LUCK!

I am sure you have pointed out that it is like when they spend the night at dads, they still come home and all is ok. I don't know that anything will make your son feel more secure at this time but you going and coming back will make him feel more secure next time you have to go out of town. What you don't want to do is scrap it and stay home, it wouldn't be good for you or your children to let them learn that if they cry and act scared, they can control what you do. It is better to teach them to be brave and find that it isn't as bad as their imaginations make it seem.

I also am a single mom to two girls, ages 6 and 8. I've had to travel for work a few times, just overnight mostly. My little one is very attached, and would cry as well. My older daughter actually was a big help and would tell my little one that mom had to go on a field trip for work! I would reassure her that I'd call them before bed and that I'd bring them back something fantastic-but not expensive. The last time I went to SD, I brought them back a little bag of polished stones and they thought that was the coolest! I always packed something of mine (they like to sleep in my tee shirts when I'm gone!) and a picture of our family. I also would point out all of the fun things that they were going to get to do while I was gone and what we were going to do when I got back (of course it would be something great because I missed them so much, maybe ice cream sundays or movie night.) I know it's hard to leave your children, but it's good for the both of you. You need time away (too bad it's for work!) and they'll learn a little independence. Just try not to let them know that it's hard for you, stay positive and upbeat, like it's an exciting adventure for all of you. Kids tend to mirror our emotions, so if they see you happy and excited, maybe they'll follow! Good luck!

PS: I agree with the mom below, make you're good bye quick. The less you draw it out, the less they will!

awe :(
breaks my heart.
theres nothing you can do but just go. its up to you whether you think its best to try to call while you are gone, or if you think it might make it worse, i dont know. do what you can to spend plenty of quality time with your kids, even individually, so that they get that comfort feeling... i dont know.
perhaps they could get a new stuffed animal and you could somehow make it smell like you, or just give them a shirt of yours to sleep with? maybe its one you've worn once for just a little while?
are they staying in your home, or someone else's house?
if its possible, if they could stay at your home, they might be more comfortable? they could sleep in your bed even?
i dont knw.
good luck with this, and remember that the easiest way to leave is just to go, they will be crying at first, but usually kids get over that within 5 minutes of you leaving.... though you do have a circumstance that is causing them some stress, the more confident you are, and the more calm you are, the easier it will be for them. its a good idea to talk about it beforehand, but never make it seem sad or stressful, probably dont talk about it when they are upset or tired.
anyway,
good luck

I had a different situation, but here is what we did: We adopted a little girl when she was 2 1/2 years old from China. About 2 months after getting home, my husband had to go out of town for work for a week. Our little girl was so upset! We talked to her a lot before hand, but she was scared he was going to China and not coming home. She threw up all over herself on the way to the airport. I talked to her about him a lot while he was gone. He called several times every day and we kept track of it on our calendar. Maybe calling and putting it on the calendar for them to watch would help.

Good Luck!!

You didn't mention it.. so I'm not sure if it will work.
Would it be possible for the kids to stay with dad over night? You said they stay with him on weekends so I don't know if he is close enough for it to work or not. That might be easier for the kids. I hated it when I had to ask my ex he always made a big deal out if it, but it was easiest for the kids.

Just try to make it a "fun" night, movie and pizza and a slumber party in the living room with who they are staying with might make it easier. Call them before they go to bed and possibly in the morning to tell them good morning and let them know again that you will see them later.

Maybe get them a stuffed animal the day before you leave and tell them every time they miss you they can hug it and you will be right next to their heart.

I would try not to make it a big deal when leaving or they will have a harder time.

Good luck and it won't be so bad once you leave, worrying about it before hand and while there will just make it harder on you.

Hi-

Post a picture of yourself on a cardboard. Make a recording of yourself reading a book and saying goodnight, etc. on a recorder or camcorder or camera, etc.
You hang in there - you're doing a good job!

R.,

As hard as it is, it is good for your kids to have you go for just a little while and come back. It helps them build independence and trust. My husband and I have left the kids overnight a few times, and this is what we have done to make it easier on them.

- Leave them with someone they know and trust.
- Have something special happen when you are gone. Movie night, cookie baking, new game or story or puzzle.
- Don't overdue the discussion. Once you have talked about it, be done. When I taught preschool, some parents would gush all over their children about "I miss you, I love you, I'll be back soon." It always upset them and they had a hard time with seperation. The kids who did well were those that had parents who treated it like no big deal.
- Let them know you'll call and when. Maybe read a bedtime story or sing them a favorite song over the phone. If you have a business and home laptop with webcams, use them. If your trip is long enough, stick a postcard for each of them in the mail from where you are and hopefully they will get it the next day while you are gone.

Good luck,
S.

You could try reading the book "The Kissing Hand" to him/them. It is more about a child going off to school, but the main idea is change, new things, and separation. The mother raccoon gives her son a "kissing hand" which helps him cope. It is a kiss in the middle of his palm from mom. It is a sweet book with a neat idea. You'll know if your kids would go for it or not.

What about planning a special dinner for them to have while you are gone and a couple special snacks?

It looks like you have received a lot of great advice so far but I have also heard of leaving them with something "important" to watch over while you are gone (like keys, watch, an empty purse). That way they are more assured that you will come back (because Mom's never go too far without the purses, right?). Also, I would promise them you will call at a specific time (i.e. before bedtime) so that way they will build up their trust with you. If you call when you say you are going to, then they will learn that you will also come back when you are going to.

I would do these things just shortly before you leave, if you give them too much time to worry, they will use it :)

It sounds like you are a great mom. Keep up the good work. I also hear a little guilt in your words. I understand. I am a single mom as well and it can be hard sometimes.
Your kids are 4 & 6 and leaving them for a couple of nights in the sceme of things is small. Sometimes to much prep ie. telling them ahead of time that you are leaving, is only going to create more anxiety for them. You have to go and that's it period. When children are this small their concept of time and space is not at all like ours. Keep telling them you that you love them and will be home soon. When it comes time for you to leave don't draw it out. Just leave and quickly. Next time try telling them ahead once and then once the night be fore so they can dialog on it.
Good luck!