Seeking Sleep Advice for My Toddler

I think you are doing exactly the right thing. Schedules are great (ask anyone - I am crazy about them), but transition times are tough. As long as she is getting adequate sleep, I see no need to wake her or force her to take a nap.

Although I haven't experience with it myself (my DD is 2 and still napping), I've heard the suggestion that you could enforce a quiet. book reading time at the same time each day... If she's sleepy then she'll nap and if she isn't, she'll have quiet time (which allows you to have an hour to get stuff done around the house). Everyone I know who has done it says that eventually it is a godsend and preserves sanity.

Also, my 2 cents is that a 10pm bedtime is too late for a 3 year old.

Hi T.-

With my 6 and 4 year old I never had a strict sleep schedule. They woke up in the morning on their own and then I put them down for naps when they seemed tired and at whatever time fit into our day. I did however make sure they did not nap for longer than 2 hours and no later than 3:30 so that I could maintain a fairly consistent bedtime of 8:00. Sometimes my kids read books or played in bed for an hour before falling asleep, but they were in their rooms at 8 to give my husband and myself our time. The unintended result of maintaining the bedtime is that the rest of the schedule just fell into place on its own. When my son started kindergarten and we all had to be out the door by 7:50, I did not need to adjust their schedule at all.

Good luck!

My son is almost 6 and I just stopped giving him naps a few months ago. I have been a SAHM for the last 3 1/2 years. I have cared for a couple of other boys for almost that whole time (I home schooled all of them this last year, it was great!). The other boys both just turned five and they all napped the same and I stopped giving them all naps at the same time. It seems it was the same for us as what you are explaining. When I did give my son a nap, he would always go to bed a couple of hours later. Since he has stopped napping, I am able to get him to bed earlier. I have been at a loss as to what is best for him too. When he did take naps, it seemed as if I was always waking him up. I had to wake him in the morning, he didn't get up on his own. I had to wake him from his nap because I didn't want him to sleep so long that he wouldn't go to bed at night. Then nighttime was always a struggle because then he didn't want to go to bed. I did try to keep him on a schedule though because I have an older daughter who I had to take to school every morning. So I had to wake him up to take him with us. So I felt I had to be sure to keep him in a routine so that when I did wake him up in the morning, I knew he had gotten plenty of time to sleep.

I would say if you are going to continue to be a SAHM until she starts school in a couple of years, then you could continue to let her, within reason, dictate her own sleep schedule. If she seems tired in the afternoon, put her down for a nap. If she doesn't, then let her stay up and put her down earlier at night whenever she shows signs of getting tired. I think that as long as she is getting enough sleep, that the actual timing of it doesn't really matter. If you are able to be flexible because you are a SAHM, then just go with whatever she seems to need. However, if you have any kind of situation like we did with getting my daughter to school and having to wake the child up, then I would think it best to have her on a set schedule so that you are sure she is getting enough.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi T.! Oh the joys of a 2 year old! :) First of all, you are probably doing a great job! Our first children tend to be our "experiments" (sad to say) and as you have more, you just go with the flow! I have four kiddos and even though I don't maintain a strict schedule, I do keep a "flexible" schedule. My 3 year old sleeps terrible at night if she doesn't have a nap (overtired)and so I do what I can to ensure that. However, with 3 other older kids, it's not always possible. My thoughts are if a parent wants their children to maintain good sleep habits, consistency is the key. Some of the other moms suggested an afternoon quiet time and I say that's a great idea. My older kids still have quiet time where they lay on their bed and look at books or nap. I need it as much as they do! Good luck!

I second what Kate said. My 2.5 year old goes to Mom's day out during the school year, and she does not nap there. They do make her lay down and rest. She comes home at 3pm and sleeps for 1.5hrs. The other days I just make her lay down quiet with a book or a toy on her bed with a blanket. I leave the bed made so she does not feel like I am forcing her. 9 times out of ten she falls asleep. Before school she napped everyday at the same time, but her schedule has changed because she naps so late after school. I still put her to bed no later than 9ish most every night unless we are out late. She just lays in bed till she falls asleep. Your daughter will be just fine, and they take what they need. If you do pre-school or moms day you will find she will crash after getting home because they keep them SOOOO busy!!!!

T.-- I was glad to read your post, because I'm going through exactly the same thing with my son (who will be three in August). As of the past few months,if he naps, he just doesn't get tired until 10:30 or 11:00. He'll lay down with me at eight, but he just flops around like a fish and talks and sings to himself. He just clearly isn't tired. After two to three hours, of laying there with him flopping around the bed, I feel like I'm losing my mind, so I've changed our routine. My friend told me that she read in the Ferber book (about sleep issues) that some children, in the year from two to three, go from needing around 13 to around 11 hours of sleep. That seems to make sense in my son's case, because if he doesn't nap, he'll get sleepy around 8-8:30 and then sleep straight through until around 7-7:30 the next morning. But if he naps, I know he just won't be tired until late. I've started pushing through the day without a nap, because I feel I need a little time with my husband at the end of the day. Sometimes it's hard, because he gets kind of sleepy around 4:00 pm, and I feel guilty, but I just try to keep him going and running and playing until dinner and bathtime. Then he's truly ready for bed. I do miss that naptime break, but when we skip it, it seems to lead to a better nighttime routine for our family. I hope I'm not being mean to push him through without the nap, but then my husband and I can have a little time together. It can be tricky, because my 14-month-old son still takes a 2-3 hour nap around 1:00, and if we go anywhere in the car, my older son inevitably passes out. So we have to do any errands or fun stuff before 1:00, so that my older son can stay awake on the car ride home. Then I put the baby down and try to keep my older son occupied by playing in the kiddie pool or building blocks or something he loves to do, and we push through till dinner. I think the quiet time is a great idea, because you get a break; I just try to keep my son active because if he sleeps at all, he's up till close to 11:00 and I can't take it. :) I hope I'm doing the right thing for my son, but I'm trying to keep all of us sane, and hoping that he'll benefit from that, too. Good luck-- I truly feel your pain!
~B.

My litle boy is just 2 now and he already acts like he is moving past his nap time....ugh! I would just go about your day and if you feel she needs a nap, have her lay down...if not, just let her keep playing. I know you want her to get plenty of ZZZ'ss...good luck

T.-
My 3 1/2 year old never napped. If your child doesn't want to nap, I wouldn't force it. I saved my energy on getting her to bed at a decent time. I'd skip the nap if I were you, unless she's acting like she needs one, and go for the earlier bedtime. (10 p.m. seems awfully late for a 2 or 3 year old! Don't you want a break at the end of the day?)

My 1 1/2 year old does nap, but I have them both in bed by 8 or 8:30. (That's the goal anyway!) And I almost NEVER wake them up unless I have to for some reason. Let them sleep if they need it.

Best of luck.
K.

My daughter is about to turn 3 and a couple months ago when we took her pacifier away she quit napping. She sometimes will take a power nap in the car or sometimes she will fall asleep midday between 1 and 3 and take a couple hour nap. I have quit trying to officially put her down for a nap. There are days though I do encourage her to take a nap when I can tell she is a little more cranky then usual. Our bedtime stays the same no matter what. I usually start around 7:30-8 putting her down. Some nights it takes a little longer than others for her to fall asleep, but for the most part by 8:30-9 she is down. She usually wakes up around 6:00-7am and that has not changed. Good luck...sleep is a precious thing.

B.

I've done the same thing. But, still enforce the naps when she wakes up early. She needs the quiet time, if not the sleep. In fact, I told my daughter she could give up her naps when she turned 5. Then, I found out they nap in kindergarten. So, I told her she had to lay down for an hour (or 45 min.) but didn't have to sleep - just be quiet and rest. That helped her not resent it in kindergarten. She no longer needed that sleep time by age 4. But, my son is now 5 and will fall asleep most days during quiet time. He still needs that sleep. I just tell them that they don't have to sleep, just rest. If you're not on a tight schedule - then I personally believe what you're doing is fine. I do the same thing with mine, especially during summer. I feel they need that sleep - but if they slept late - then they got it. My friend never put hers to nap and they went to bed late, but got up late. It worked for her. I would have gone crazy. So, in my house, everyone has to have quiet time for an hour. I do require my little one to sleep though (he never sleeps late no matter when he went to bed.). Do what works for you.

Whatever is working for your family, go for it!!! Whenever my kids would transition to different stages, it was much easier to allow flexibility with the schedule...sleeping, eating, etc. Also, nature tends to work itself out. Just make sure they get the required amount of sleep and sleep in extended durations (as much as possible).

Well, you are lucky. My daughter gave up her nap at 18 months. That was a year ago. I have struggled ever since with trying to "maintain" the schedule. I too, threw my hands up in the air and said forget it. If she naps (rarely) then we have a late night. On those days I do still wake her up at 730-800 the next morning just so the morning isn't gone and because from the time she gets up its 12 hours before she goes down again. So if she sleeps late (10am) she is in bed 10pm. But those days she doesn't nap at all, she is still up 12 hours straight and down by 730-800. For the most part if you feel she must need a nap (cranky or whatever) I put my daughter in "quite time" in her room. It never sounds quite because she still plays, but its an hour of seperation, door shut, and sometimes if I am lucky she will fall asleep in middle of playing quitely by herself. Hope this helps! ~M.

hi T.,
we have gone back and forth with our daughter's naps (just turned 3 this past saturday). we didn't do them for a long time b/c she still would wake early and go to bed so much later that my husband and i were getting no time together. now she wakes between 6 and 7 and if she naps it's not longer than an hour and she's in bed between 6 and 7 (definitely asleep by 7!). some days we don't nap at all and others we nap longer...it just depends on what we have going on. good luck. pray about it!

Be glad you got the nap for so long. My three gave up naps before they were two. Just don't let her stay up till all hours, and don't let her sleep in too late...too much sleep can make her groggy and lazy. Just use your instincts and her natural sleep patterns and it will all work out fine.

Well, my daughter didn't stop taking naps until she was 4, she is 8 now and still likes a good afternoon nap. My son however stopped taking naps, (more for my sanity) at 2 years. If he slept during the day he would be up until well after 11:00PM. That didn't work with my body clock so we stopped naps. It was harder to get the day care to stop making him sleep, I finally had to tell them they were going to have to come over and stay up with him if they kept making him sleep LOL.
My daughter is and has always been very strict about keeping her routine, but my son is very footloose and fancy free.
I guess what i am saying is that every one is different and it isn't going to hurt your baby one bit to let her keep her own routine (with in reason). I would however have my son "rest" I told him he needed to "recharge" his batteries to play the rest of the day. He loved it and I got to fold laundry in peace.
Good Luck, and remember, if we do what we do as parents out of love, it always works out.

Almost forgot...Yes bedtimes are the important factor, I have always kept a very strict bedtime for both kids, only in rare but special circumstances do they get to stay up late.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and hasn't wanted a nap since she was 2. As long as she is behaving well, I don't push the nap unless I really need her to stay up longer at night (a special dinner, for example). I stay at home, too, so my schedule is flexible enough to work with her needs. She is very happy and playful so I figure whatever I am doing, it must be working! I say, just do whatever works for you both. As long as she is not tired during the day, just run with it. Sounds like you are doing right by you both.

Day Care, Preschoolers, and Pre-K get nap times. If the child does not want to sleep they do not force the issue, instead they ask the child to rest quietly, sometimes with a book for the hour long period set aside for naptime. Kindergartners no longer receive even a rest time let alone a naptime.

I think what you are doing is fine. If you want her to be in symch for going to preschool or Pre-K, then after lunch have her get a blanket and a book. Give her the choice that day...Tell her she has to rest for an hour, if she wants to read quietly that's fine but she is to remain still and quiet for 1 hour. If she wants to take a nap or falls asleep while "resting" then even better. That way it is simply an hour of free time for yourself to do whatever and your daughter gets a bit of rest whether it's quiet time or an actual nap in the middle of the day.

This is how we do it. My kids usually don't nap, but the quiet time in the middle of the day is nice.

Good Luck!!! ;-)