Seeking New Ideas for Son's Social Problems.

Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you. I do however, understand. My son is 3 1/2 and has been diagnosed as SPD(Sensory Processing Disorder). I'm in the same boat when it comes to the heartbreak. I look at my son who is 3 and should be frolicing and playing and instead 90% of the time I just see a child who is constantly suffering, not comfortable in his own skin. He won't go near the other children and is frightened of them. Although he does well with his cousins who are young and one neighbor girl his age. But at school he's either pushing the other kids or fleeing from them. I really would like some advice too. I think sometimes, though it's helpful just knowing that there are other kids with similiar problems and other mothers who are just as lost. At least we have each other. Maybe we should find a group of mothers with kids who have these probs to bounce ideas around...hmmmm.

Pair him up with a kid who is a few years younger the energy, social and physical abilites will be closer, assuming that the sensory and other issues cause a delay, it did with my daughter, also younger kids are not as mean and don't realize the small differences and don't care because they are glad they have someone older to play with, worked for us hopefully for you too!

S. I know someone that is going through this similiar thing. I want to give you my email ____@____.com and I will contact you with her. She has two sons with similiar disorders and has been through a lot.

have you tried scouts or TaeKwonDo, we have had same issues, scouts didnt work and when kids dont like you it can cause real self esteem issues, we are starting counseling sessions, hope that helps. What about church activities? Larger churches have a lot going on, VBS starts this June for us and many other churches. Its difficult I know, I worry all the time.

check out KAT TaeKwonDo in Shawnee I know that is an outlet for another child with ADHD. They dont expect the child to be perfect

I also have a bipolar, adhd child. He is 8 years old and the best thing that ever happen to me. He is on medication of course to keep him safe. He also had social problems at first becuase every friend he had he beat up one by one in the first 10 min. After awhile nobody would go near him and was actually afraid to look at him funny. He wasn't like this all the time and I needed the other kids to see that. Here are a few things I did and it may work for you too. I went to his school everyday at luch time. I would sit with him at lunch then play with him at recess. I found at first that he was eating by himself and playing by himself. I would go home and cry the first couple of days. I couldn't stand the thought of nobody being close to my little man. He wasn't out of control all the time, kids needed to see that. I went to the school everyday for about two weeks. After the first couple of days of kids watching what kind of kid he really was, and having a cool mom to play with, they would join in. The second week I had to stand in the luchroom cause the othr kids took the seat by my son. At recess I would stand back and watch him play with his FRIENDS. I would also talk with the teacher about rewards on Fridays. She agreed and worked with me. The students knew that if I got a good report from the teacher, my son would bring them a small treat on Fridays. They had to work together as a class to behave and get along, do the work. Which worked out really well, his class ended up being the best behaved for subs! The treats were always so little like a sucker or a pencil, but they worked so hard for it. You know sometimes parents have to stop and think about how much time they really DO have, and who it belongs to. I know this story sounds like something off and afterschool special, but it isn't, it is totally true, and it worked. Check my profile, I have many kids, many ages and trust me it works! I really look forward to hearing how this worked for you. If oyu can't have luch with him, play with him in the neighborhood. Watch the other kids join! It is really special. I wish you the best of luck.

S.,

This is just one Mom's testimony on what good nutrition has done for ADD/ADHD - Feel free to contact me for more

My daughter Robin was diagnosed with ADHD. After more than a year of doctors, learning labs, psychologists and specialists, I was sent home with a prescription for Ritalin. I came home and sat down at the kitchen table, put my head down and prayed: "Dear God, am I doing the right thing for my child? Won't you help me help her?" The Lord answered me with great peace and the assurance that all would be well. Before I realized what I had done, I stood over the garbage can ripping the Ritalin prescription in to tiny pieces. The Lord comforted me saying that if I trusted Him, He would give me an answer. With all the faith inside me I continued to look up.

The following week, the conversation came up on two different occasions while working in my office regarding nutrition and learning disabilities mentioning that Shaklee products seemed to work the best. I began to feel like there must be something this Shaklee thing when my girlfriend who is a dental hygienist popped into my office and said "Hey, I had a patient tell me today that she has a child with ADHD and she put the child on some vitamins called Shaklee. Thought you should know this...gotta run"! By this time I knew what God was telling me and I immediately grabbed the phone book to find the name of a Shaklee distributor. I called Geri Frusterio and said "My name is Angie Easley and I need some vitamins for my little girl who has ADHD. Can I come over right away?" Geri helped me design a program for Robin that included: Meal Shake, Vita Lea, B Complex, Cal Mag, GLA,
Zinc and Ginseng.

The results were unbelievable. My husband could not believe such immediate results! (I told him that when you take Tylenol for a headache, you don't wait six weeks for it to work). The difference in Robin's behavior and learning abilities was amazing.

To prove to myself that it was the vitamins and not just Robin maturing and learning on her own I decided to put it to the test. Robin's teacher gave the class their spelling words for the week on Monday, tested them on Friday, with a pre-test on Thursday. So from Monday to Thursday, I did not give Robin any supplements. It was a rough week. She was very irritable and hard to get along with. She cried over every little thing and would tell me when I picked her up from school that she had had a bad day and nobody liked her. I knew what was going on...but I had to complete my test. Robin's teacher also sent notes home saying that she had difficulty staying in her seat; she squirmed a lot and spoke out of turn frequently in class. The child was
miserable. On Thursday, she took her spelling pre-test.

On Friday morning, I gave her morning vitamins and Meal Shake before she went to school. She took her spelling test. When she brought her work home, I was not at all surprised. Without vitamins in Robin's system, the Thursday test showed that she was dyslexic, missed every spelling word, and was unable to perform at her grade level! The Friday test was perfect. The difference was just astounding.

In addition to learning problems, Robin also suffered leg cramps, waking up two or three times each week crying in pain. My mother called them growing pains, and I had had them as a child too. From the day I started Robin on the vitamins, she had one bad night the first week...and has not had a single episode for over a year!

Robin calls B Complex her spelling pill and Ginseng her soccer-playing pills. Parents and teachers: Vitamin therapy does not require your children's kidneys and liver to be checked every 6 months as does Ritalin and Cylert! How can you give those drugs to your children? Vitamin therapy works! Try it!

(Note from Jenny: I wish could show you the copies of the Thursday spelling pre-test and the Friday spelling test! The difference is incredible. Thursday's test has every word misspelled and shows signs of dyslexia...Friday's test (one day later) is perfect, with every word written neatly and correctly. This truly is an amazing testimonial to the effectiveness of Shaklee products with ADHD!!!)

S. Riemann ###-###-#### or 877-233-1809
Web http://shaklee.net/SER_Opportunity Email ____@____.com

I don't have advice for you but I will say a prayer for your Son today and your family so for the Lord will help guide all of you.I can only imagine what you are going through,I hope you have a strong support system.As for being bipolar I have struggled with that disorder myself as a young girl and it was very hard to cope, making friends was especially hard.Best Wishes
sahm of 2 kid's and married to my love at first sight

Do you have a case manager with the regional center or with the county board? It looks to me that you would be in the Springfield area. You can go to www.missouri.networkofcare.org and locate the center that is closest to you. They should be able to help you hook up with different activities and things to help him. Their primary job is to help give you resources and supports for kids with disabilities. I hope this is helpful to you!

S.,
It sounds like you have been through quite a bit with your young son. Today doctors are so quick to lable every child until they have a string of alphabet letters bihind their name like a little degree. It is upsetting and the children are aware of the diagnosis that are lableing them. To be 10 years old and have that many diagnosis is heartbreaking. I hope you have a source of support in place for parenting 2 children with special needs. There are many mothers and fathers who are going through what you you are in some way or another. PLEASE use the resources out there and get connected with a support group that can probably provide you with a network of love, support and professionals that can help your family.

Also express your concerns to your son's school during IEP meetings to ensure that there is a social/emotional component to his educational plan. The children I work with that have any diagnosis of ASD always have a HUGE social/emotional plan. I do work with pre-schoolers though and that is our primary focus. I am not sure how much they go into that component of ed in the elem. level.

Social stories are also helpful to prepare your son for certain situations that may be challenging for him. For example I have written a very simple one for a child that didn't understand the process of initiating conversations with peers. So I made a simple book from stapled together pages that went into ideas for him to begin a conversation with his peers. (ex: "you can say, hi how are you today?" or "Can I play with you?") You many need to take a look at what situations are hard for him and write a few sentences that would help at that time. I read the stories several times a day or right before I know that situation may occure that he would need that information. Check also with your son's school about social stories and they could provide more info on that if you haven't already.

Last, just love him as much as you can when he is with you and make sure he knows what an important part of your family he is. Good luck to you and your family.

I also have a grandson who lives with me. He has had Problems and we talk alot about just letting the kids say what they want and not let it bother him and it has helped and ofcourse it does bother him and it bothers him being in special ed and not being able to play in regular sports. He is very smart and has done well on concerta. He was almost failing and went to A & B's. He still has a tiff with someone once in a while as they seem to pick on ADHD kids. He is in sporting chance which they get to do a lot of things with other kids like them. They take them to a lot of nice places and out to eat and their own sports. It is a wonderful program. I don't think I helped much, but I know how you feel. Mine is 14 now with an attitude!
J.

S., I want to recommend you check out a St. Louis Yahoo group called the a_list http://groups.yahoo.com/group/a_list/
If you haven't heard of it already it is a group for parents with kids on the autism spectrum in the St. Louis area. They work hard to try to keep from getting educators or special school district officials from joining the group. They want it to be for parents and they want them to be able to ask questions that may have to do with the schools. They discuss many topics (finding the right doctors, treatments, school, places to play, etc) and many of the kids on the spectrum and on the list have more than just autism, so it may be a good resource. Also, I don't know where you are located, but there use to be a clinic in Chesterfield called CLICK that ran social groups for kids as well. I'm not sure if they've moved, but the a_list would know if they are still around. Good luck and God bless.

My stepson has ADHD as well, though nothing else. Sometimes it's hard to deal with, I know. I can't imagine dealing with ALL of those problems in one person on a daily basis. Have you asked your doctor about a special diet, changes of environment (no TV in the bedrooms and no TV until everyone has finished homework/housework), etc? Have you got him on medicine and seeing a counselor about his bipolar and/or ADHD? If not, I recommend it. If so, talk to the counselor and psychiatrist about how you can help him.

Are there kids in his special ed. classes that might make good friends? Sometimes kids who have needs of their own are more understanding of other kids with needs. It might be a good place to start and hopefully build from there. Also, what about inviting over several kids your son might like to hang out with for a movie and pizza or video game night. Maybe getting to know your son on his own turf in a smaller setting would work. Most boys like video games and pizza. Ask his teacher who she might reccomend. There might be a couple boys who are more patient and understanding. I hope this might help. I have a son with ADD and it took us a while to find a couple of good friends who accept him for who he is.

You are not alone, howevermuch it may feel that way. Remember that your child has a good friend in you. Some don't have that. I know you want your child to have same-age friends, but that may not be a realistic expectation. These children require a level of patience and understanding that is not reasonable to expect even in more noramally developing children. Have you thought about bringing in an older teenager who would be willing to spend some time playing with your child? My son noticed that his friend's younger brother didn't have many friends and was pretty neglected at home. So, he took it upon himself to go over and spend time with and take this pre-teen fishing, to the City Museum, etc.

Although I have not raised a child with such severe neurological issues, I have worked with them for some time. I have a great amount of sympathy for the families as well as for these sweet children who are imprisoned by there own physiology. So many people simply do not understand that these kids are not actiing by choice, and even those who understand get tired. It is hard for most people to really get to know these kids and how to find some level of mutual comfort.

There is a new book that is not yet on local book shelves, Nutrition for the Brain, that may be more helpful in the long run. It was written by a brilliant scientist, Dr. Charles T. Krebs, who, after suffering a great loss of neuological and mental function himself, has devoted his life to researching and developing real solutions. The book is very educational and easy to read. It helps those of us who know very little about nutrition, neurology, and physiology to gain a practical working knowledge that can make a huge difference in the lives of children who suffer from neuro-developmental issues. I not only see the difference this can make in these children, I also enjoy improved mental keenness and brain function from what this book has taught me.

Because it is published in Australia and hasn't found its way into our local bookstores, one of the best ways to find this book is through Campusi.com, a website that searches more than 100 online book sellers: http://www.campusi.com/prod.pl?cat=book&op=buy&la...

I pray that the number of people who understand the causes of this epidemic of neuro-developmental disorders in our children increases rapidly so that we can stop this from happening to the next generation. If we adults are not willing to learn the truth and get smarter about this, the kids don't have a chance. Families like yours are paying a very high price for public ignorance. As long as we support industries that make huge profits from producing neuro-toxic products and cheap foods that lack nutrition, we are likely to see more and more children suffer the consequences.

One of the things I would love to see happen is to have the therapists and teachers of special needs kids give some general instruction to all children in the schools. Just as the First Steps therapists teach parents how to help a child in a neuro-meltdown, how to communicate more effectively, etc., I feel we need to develop programs in the schools that educates all children about how to understand and effectively befriend such children. Unfortunately, I don't think these programs exist yet. Maybe some of you out there can begin asking your therapists and schools to consider this. It could help the schools prevent a lot of problems on campus.

I feel certain that our questions, sacrifices, patience, and efforts will make the world better for the next generation.

NO I do not know what you are going through, I cannot even imagine. I read this and suddenly imagined a 10 y/o with out any friends and tears filled my eyes. Does he know that his Mom is his best friend? OH How I will pray for you and your children. GOD BLESS YOU.

I do have a son that has some of those characteristics that your son has. He has a huge heart as well and I understand how you feel. My son is almost 12 and the last year I have seen a huge improvement in his social skills. We actually had an aid that worked with him during school who patiently without ever reacting negatively has taught him so much. He now has more friends and is enjoying life. I'm sure you are already doing this but love him where he is at and don't try to change him. Don't worry about what other people think of him and let him be himself. Don't try to force him to fit in with the norm. Listen to him patiently and pray with all your heart that God will provide you and him with the support that you both need and deserve. God has changed my life and my families life beyond any words. Know that you are a wonderful mother and God will prosper you and your kids. If you would like to talk more you can email me at ____@____.com. I have a library with great informational books on most all the symptoms you listed regarding your son. I've also attended a CHADD conference and spent the last 3 years trying to find ways that I can support my own son so that he can learn to function and feel good about himself in this world. May God give you wisdom, strength and peace. A.

Hi S.! My name is J. and I am an occupational therapist and I have worked with kiddos with some of the same needs as your son. (I am currently at home with our 13 month daughter) Is he receiving services at school? Do you have any home program activities to do with him? Will your insurance cover outpatient therapy for him? School therapy is great but can be limited to academic skills.

S.--my name is J. and I am the information, resource and outreach specialist for the Missouri Developmental Disabilities Resource Center at the Institute for Human Development at UMKC. I assist individuals with developmental issues, and their families find resources that will help. I would recommend that you get a folder from me (free of charge) called "Helping your child make friends" this information is geared to assisting kids with DD issues create friendships, with a little help from Mom/Dad. Here is my direct e-mail: ____@____.com
Please feel free to request this information; all of our resource and referral services are free. I also have over 500 other files with different information about other developmental disabilities and topics that relate to DD--so, if you want info about ADD/ADHD, bi-polar disorder, learning disabilities, tourette syndrome, asperger syndrome, etc. I also have that available. Also, through the MODDRC you can get a mentor parent (that has parented a child with a similar experience) to talk to you about how they assisted their child in the difficult realm of creating friendships. I also can put you in contact with other support groups, as well....please feel free to send me an e-mail. I will be out working conferences most of the week, but I always receive e-mail and voice messages, even when I am out of town.
J.--parent of a 21 year old adult with FASD(from birth parent),ADD, and a learning disability who is working successfully, has many friends and is living on his own

Hi, S.! My heart goes out to you and your children! That is quite a bunch of letters! You are absolutely right, that kids do not, and usually will not, see past the behavior and the stigma of SpEd classes. As a high school teacher for more than 20 years, I can tell you that some things just don't change. It just kills me! I have see ADD, ADHD and Aspergers in class. My nephew was diagnosed with ODD. On the bright side, he is now studying political science at American University in Washington D.C.

I am sure that you have heard &/or researched some of the latest thoughts on diet, but I can't help mentioning it. Some of the ADD and ADHD research has shown that certain foods are better than others and that cutting out certain types of foods is really helpful in maintaining a chemical balance. Ask your doctor(s) for some help.

I would also look around for a local support group. If you can't find one, I would contact a national organization for Aspergers or ADHD or Tourettes and find some contacts. Just talking with other parents whose kids are facing similar challenges can really help. Don't give up on working with the school folks too. Just remember, public schools will be dealing with lots of other issues too, and sometimes it may seem that they are slow or uncaring. Be persistent and polite, but keep asking questions and seeking their expertise too.

Many Blessings to you and your family!

Hi!

I am a Music Therapist and have 2 adult children plus a 3 year old grandson. I work with kids, providing Music Therapy to help them work on some of the issues that you have stated. A great possiblity for your son is to have a weekly social group based on music activities. A Music Therapist would be very good for providing such a social group but if you have members of your family who are accustomed to interacting with children and are musical, they could also provide such a group.

Music is non-threatening and an equalizer in a group of children with varying abilities. Please check out my website: musictherapyforlife.com. There you will find more about my services or your can contact the nationl organization to find a Music Therapist in your area.

Please let me know if you have any questions about Music Therapy. You can email me off my website.

K. Huddleston

Shannnon, my heart goes out to you!!! I have a son that was born adhD and he hated being touched and i thought he was autisic for a very long time until i moved to missouri and found a dr. That dealt with kids like him,,,,,my only advise
is love him,,and pray!! It was a very long road with kevin and
like your son,,i lost a lot of sleep and tears over the fact kids wouldn't play with him! It hurts!! But ,,i kept him on his meds which was cylart and calownadine for anger,,and today
as we speak,,kevin is 23years old,,has a sweet baby girl thats two and a little girl due in three weeks!! S.,,love him and hold him and pray for him!!raise him in church where you have christian family that can support you too!!

P.

Wow, that's a lot going on! I am assuming you've had 2nd and 3rd opinions about all of these diagnosis. I am a school teacher and am often skeptical when students are diagnosed with multiple diagnosis. I would never advise a parent to seek and accept diagnosis and treatment from pediatricians b/c their area of expertise is not with mental disabilities. That should be left, strictly, up to psychiatrists and psychologists. Some things to consider: find groups of parents who have children with similar issues and schedule play dates for your son. Also, scheduling some support time for you with parents who are experiencing the same issues.
Also, have you looked into creating an appropriate diet for your son? What I mean is, I've done some research on how much a child's diet can affect their behavior. It's amazing. Good luck.

Try asking about social/support groups. People (kids) can be so cruel now a days & they think it's catchy for some reason. You won't be able to hold their hands all the way & look into some type of programs that will be helpful to you & your children. Would you like to try something that allows you to have more time to be & do with your children? I ask because that's one of the things I hear some of our mothers (sister consultants) say about why they came into the business. It's your own home based business called Mary Kay & it allows you the freedom to move. It has GRRRRReat potential income, it's christian based & the tax write offs are out of this world. I wish you the very best of luck & God Bless!

S.,
I work for a non profit organization that provides community recreation for kids w/ various disabilities. We do three trips each month and provide transportation, giving parents 4-5 hours to themselves three times/month. If you would like to talk with me about getting your child or children involved in our program, please contact me. My name is D., and I'd love to see if we can't get your kids involved in our program. Email: ____@____.com office ph: ###-###-#### ext 15

Hi S.! We also have a 12 yo son with Asperger's, Bipolar, fetal alcohol effects, sensory integration disorder, ODD, OCD and some other letters! He is our last one at home and since his sister left home has been quite at a loss. We homeschool him. Public school did not work for him although we are going to try it again, perhaps half day, in September. I would love to have a SMALL group of peers meet together starting in August when our son will return from his residential home placement. After 5 hospitalizations in 7 months we had to send him to a facility to get his medications adjusted where they had staff 24 hours a day for his safety and mine. My husband is only home on the weekends and so is unable to provide a lot of support at home. We are located in Anderson, MO. Where are you located?

M. in Anderson

There are some social activities designed for children with developmental disabilities through the ARC and through Rocko, they are located in Butler County but often have activities based in Wichita. You may have tried these avenues but thought it was worth a shot. Is your son getting other services outside of school?

My stepson who is now 13 sounds very similar to your son and he too is a very sweet child. When he was very young he asked a ton of questions, now he says"what"after every thing we say. I have learned not to respond and let a long pause happen (which is uncomfortable for adults but always works) and he answers the question. He will make friends just let him go at his own pace--my husband has learned you cannot do it fo him

I have a five year old son with autism. Since he has started school he has become more "social", but he doesn't speak very much at all. The other kids in his Kindergarten class have welcomed him into their circle of friends, but they know he is different... special. I can't say that I have had the exact same problems as you have with your son(because every child is different), but I do understand what it is like to want your child to fit in and to have a "normal" life! I have met so many families with children that have autism, Asperger's and other developmental and social disorders. I would encourage you to join a support group! Also, the Pilot Club of Manhattan is having an Autism Workshop in May. Check out this website: www.pilotclubofmanhattan.org ... It would be a great opportunity to meet other parents and professionals in the area that work with children like ours! I went last year, it was very helpful, educational and it made me hopeful that there was so much more that I could do for my son. It is tragic that autism is so prevalent, but it was nice to know that I (or my family) didn't have to go through it alone. Hope this information helps! Good luck and God Bless!

I have two boys with ADHD, anxiety, mild tourette's. We have them on medication and looking into neurofeedback theropy. haven't started it yet, but hoping it will help my 11 year old, he is very hyper and it's hard socially for him and us.
Look into the neurofeedback and see if it might be for you, we are hoping that we might be able to get him off meds or at least reduce that dose.
hang in there.

Hi S.,
I would like to encourage you to look into the Greater St. Louis Boy Scouts of America. They have a great program for special needs children, and he will make plenty of friends and have activities just for him. Please look at http://www.stlbsa.org/Districts/Special+Needs/?WBCMODE=Pr... website and contact COMMITTEE STAFF ADVISER: Valerie Acosta, ____@____.com to see where you can get your son involved. This group does amazing work with special needs children and you'll make some friends yourself.