I desperately need to find a good marriage counselor fast. My husband and I have been married four years, have an 18-month old son and another baby due in Feb. Last night he informed me he's "miserable in the marriage" b/c I put our toddler's needs before his, and that he doesn't want baby #2. A little late for that decision! We both work full time; my husband works a lot of nights and all weekend. So most of the childcare falls on me, but I'm not complaining b/c I love my son dearly. Just like with my first pregnancy, I'm VERY sick all day/night. I'm doing the best I can to juggle work, a toddler, and nausea and exhaustion. Meanwhile he blames me for everything that's wrong in his life....hates his job, has no friends, can't get along with his family....says it's my job to make him happy so then he wouldn't care about the other stuff. Says I don't love him enough b/c I don't make him happy. I realize that's ridiculous, but needless to say I'm overwhelmed b/c another baby is on the way. Any referrals to a good marriage counselor that helped you or someone you know are GREATLY appreciated. Thank you!
Hi M. - Big question is "Does he want to see a marriage counselor?" He has to want to be involved. I learned, the hard way, that one person cannot make a marriage work. My husband just sat there with his arms crossed at the counselor's office. G.
Try trish fontina
I think that's her name. I heard her speak at at johns last wknd. If u can't find her number, email mr and I will check on that name
M., my heart goes out to you. You are in an awful situation - one I've been through. My husband and I were in a vicious circle for years. He didn't work much, nor did he do much of the child care. I did it all. And that meant I didn't spend enough time on him. I resented him because I did all the work and he resented me because I put my children first. It took years of counceling and me leaving him for him to realize that he wanted to be "king" and three years of being separated before he realized that the reason he was so angry all the time was because he knew he wasn't contributing enough to the family and the only way he could feel in control and feel like a man was to be angry and yell at everyone.
Your husband is feeling like a failure because of the other things going on in his life. He's also being immature, expecting you to devote as much time to him as you did before the baby was born. Your toddler's needs have to come before his, and yours - duh. Your toddler cannot take care of himself! You do have to carve out time for each other each day or a few times a week, to just be husband and wife. Sadly, you two have a lot of issues, so you can't spend all your quality alone time together talking about your problems. You have to also set time apart just to be friends and lovers again.
You two definitely need counseling. And if he refuses to go, it's still helpful for you to go. But one of you can't save the marraige - I learned that the hard way.
I don't know of any, but have you tried asking your church for a name of one? Or if you don't belong to a church calling a friends church or the one on the corner? Churches usually have some good ones that they can refere you to. And remember it's not your fault he's not happy. You are a TEAM and all players have to work together to be happy. Sound like your hubby is having a pity party and could you some help. Good luck on finding a counselor and I hope everything works out good.
I am glad you are taking this seriously. It sounds like your husband is depressed. As a Psychotherapist myself, I of course believe in counseling and know how beneficial it can be.
There are many good therapists in the St. Louis area. If you are wanting a male counselor, I have heard great things about Bill Wing ###-###-####. I believe he is located in the Creve Coeur area, but I am not sure if he takes insurance. (You would have to call and check.) His wife Linda Wing is also a counselor and they also run couples counseling workshops.
If you need to use insurance and Bill Wing is not on your plan, you can try Ann Moran. She has been around a long time and is on most of the insurance plans. She is located at Ballas and Olive. Her number is ###-###-####. (There is also a good Psychiatrist that works in her office if your husband should need to be on an anti-depressant. But a good counselor can help you determine that together.)
Hang in there! Being a mom, working full-time, pregnancy, and then trying to navigate through marital problems can all be very overwhelming. Please make sure you are also doing things to take care of you in all this. Best wishes.
K.. (Children's Counselor, married and mother of two.)
