Seeking Help for My 3.5Yr Old Daughter, Who Is Having Bowel /Toileting Issues

Hi A.,

I also have a 3.5yr old daughter with similar potty training issues. She is comfortable going "pee pee" on the potty, but still insists on using a pull-up to move her bowels. She'll wear panties during the day and then ask to have a pull up in the evening when she needs to go. She also wears a pull up to bed. We've tried sticker charts, M&M treats, etc, with little success - however, I know she can do it, because she's gone about 6 or 8 times on the potty. She does let us wipe her, but there was a time she'd scream if we tried to do so. (I am not sure why, but I know her bottom was pretty tender at the time).

My pediatrician has always said, just let her be, don't push it, and she'll come around when she's ready. You know the old saying, they won't be wearing diapers in high school! I sort of agree, although its frustrating. Anyway, I just decided to drop the whole issue for awhile, because frankly I think its a control issue for her. She is at that stage where she wants to pick out her clothing, brush her own hair and put the barretts in, and so forth. I think potty training is just one more thing they can control, so they do. I am hoping if we back off on the charts and pressure, she'll come around.

One other thought - if she is having multiple, runny B.M.s during the day, could she be constipated? My older daughter had that - its counterintuitive, but what happened was she had an impacted stool and the runny stool was "leaking" around it. The pediatrician put her on Miralax for awhile and it seemed to resolve itself. I think when they have this kind of issue, they feel more comfortable going potty in a diaper for some reason, maybe its just comforting.

Hope this helps!

I am a working mom of two funny, creative girls, 3 and 6 years old, and a great husband of 9 years.

A.-
My son had loose stool issues when he was young, after trying several different food substitutions, I was able to narrow it down to apple juice. All the toddler/kid juices are based with apple and white grape juice, almost anything that says made with "real fruit juice" has apple juice as a base. Once I removed it from his diet, normal stools. Apple sauce, on the other hand, will make poop harder. It's the pectin.

As for the potty training... have you had the "you're a big girl you need to use the toilet" talk with her yet? I would also use this as a time to get rid of any other not-big-girl habits: binky, bottle, etc. Let her go to the store and pick out big girl panties make it a big deal and lots of praise. I know, I know, all this work... it usually works though. Think about not having to do her yucky diapers again!

Good Luck, A.!

As you can tell..you are not alone!n My son is 4 and going through the same stage- as it turns out, this is a very long stage for us. I've tried everything- and I do mean everything. Withholding toys, stickers, making him clean up his own mess, going without any pull up or underwear (this proved to be extremely messy throughout the house). I am at my witts end with him. There are days I find myself crying into a pillow begging to go more than 3 hours without the smell or sight of poop. I too have tried stool softeners and a variety of diet changes. The doctor says to let it go and that "he'll go when he's ready".
Sandy- I didn't realize the pectin in applesauce had that big of an effect- go to know.
I also got excited for a Dr. Phil episode which held this as a topic. I was angerly disappointed when his only answer was to find the right bribing tool. -Or "currency" as he called it. Epic fail in my house.
So, A., I don't have an answer for your delemma other than hang in there & know you are among many suffering through this wretched phase. As for the soreness- our son's NICU nurse years ago used to mix anti-fungal cream, triple antibiotic, Aquaphor and some vit. E oil- it works great. Good luck!

If your child has things like alot of juice, acidy foods, spicy foods then bowel movements maybe either painful or hard to control. Also if there are allergies such as wheat, dairy this may affect ability, or if there is Celiac disease this can affect both the back and forth of constipation and diarrhea and the maturity of the digestive/urinary track. The only way to know for celiac is to either get full testing blood and biopsy or going gluten free for about 12 weeks to see if there are any changes. My pediatricians great advice was I have never sent a patient to Kindergarten in diapers....well then mine was a first because she ended up having developmental delay from lack of food absorption. As soon as she went on the Gluten free diet she was potty trained in 2 months and caught up with class in about 10.

I can't help you with the potty training issues, but I will say that regular soy milk gives my 4-year-old daughter diarrhea. She is allergic to cow's milk, so I can only give her toddler soy formula. Any time I try to switch her to soy milk (the stuff in the cartons), she gets diarrhea again. Maybe you could try a toddler soy formula for a while to see of that helps with her L. stools. Good luck!

One of my girls had an awful bought with constipation right around the time of potty training. She would only do a little at a time and she would hide so I knew what she was doing. She also drank a lot of milk, she just loved it. We went through all the usual: suppositories, prunes, prune juice, Senokot. None of them really provided any long term relief. Then I gave her Juicy Juice without diluting and it did the trick. I also reduced her milk to no more than 16 or 20 ounces a day. Once we got her regular, she had no problem. While there could be an allergy issue, there could also be a sensitivity to too much of one thing like my daughter had.

Sounds like constipation, definitely. Try Miralax, which is safe for kids (but also check with your pediatrician if that doesn't help.)

ETA - I just saw that you are an RN, so I guess you would have already thought of the miralax. Sorry! It's just that I know so many kids who have different food issues and allergies (one is allergic to soy, actually!) I think you just have to eliminate one thing at a time and maybe work with a dietician/allergist for ideas.