Seeking Advise on How to Get 4 Month Old to Sleep in His Crib

Hi J.-

If he is waking up and wanting a bottle because he is hungry you might want to try giving him cereal at night with the fruit or veggie mixed in...he might just need something that will stick to his ribs while he sleeps. I went through the same thing and it helped. I fed my babies rice cereal topped off with a bottle (in the evenings) and it helped; you might try to see if it helps. If he sleeps through the night you can eliminate him sleeping you when he wakes up.

Couple of things to think about.

First off, that may be too many solids at this young an age. He needs formula first and formost and solids as a fun treat if at all. I don't even give my kids anything to eat until 9-10 months but milk. He may be hungry in the night becasue he isn't getting enough fat and proteint that he can only get from milk, fruit, veggies and cereal are all empty calories when it comes to filling a tummy.

Ok, that said, does he nap in his crib?

What I would try is put him to bed awake in his crib for naps and bed time. Start with a simple routine, bottle, rock, sing one song, read a book, whatever you want it to look like but something simple and repeatable because you will do it each nap and bed time. We feed, then I take her to her room, tell ehr I love her, sing her one song while holding her, give her a paci and her baby and lay her down, turn on her mobile and leave the room. He may cry a bit, and that is ok, go back in 5 minutes and just pat his back and tell him it is sleepy time. THey wait 7-8 minutes and go back in and repeat, but only stay about 1 minute, pat and say it aia nap time and get out, wait 10 minutes, then 14-15. What you are doing is showing him he is safe, you are there but that he needs to learn to selfs soothe. If you go in every 3-5 minutes you will turn into a slot machine mamma and he will just cry long enough to bring you back, so stretch it out each time.

You have taught him, that he can only fall sleep with your help and for his own good and your sanity you need to sleep train him to learn he can soothe himself.

If you are diligent it will work in one week or less. Then in the middl eof the night when he wakes to feed, cuddle and then put him back in his own bed and he will know how to fall aslep on his own.

I would wait to try it in the middl eof the night until you have had 2-3 days of sucessful nap and bed times with just a minute or two of fussing.

Good luck, you can do it.

the waking up was my son's big problem. try feeding him a bottle of cereal, not milk right before he goes to bed. get a larger nipple, stage 2 might work and make it thick but not to thick. he may not be hungry every time he wakes up...give him a bottle of water. i would just let him cry himself to sleep. i know it sounds bad but after a few days or a week or so he'll understand that he needs to sleep in his bed. i still have to do that with my son sometimes b/c he wants to play instead of sleeping. i put him in his bed and cry...about 10 mins and he's asleep. he fights his sleep so much that i got tired of staying up late until he fell asleep. good luck.

Hello J.,
I am a mom of 7. Most of mine are out of the house by now, but I remember when... Perhaps you just need to suffer through a while of crying. Once you've done everything - put him in bed and leave him there. You can peak in to 'make sure he's OK - if he can't see you - but don't pick him up. He'll be cured - usually in one night.
But the important thing is - don't give in.
As far as his waking up throughout the night - just let him cry - he'll only wake up the first time and cry the longest - usually around 20-30 minutes. If he cries longer, let him cry. You are re-training him and you have to see it through. The next time he wakes during the same night, he'll only cry about 10 minutes. The next night will probably be cry-free. If not, don't give in. He's not old enough to have a bad habit set in stone - he'll change if you lead him to do so.
Hope this helps - it's OK to let a baby cry in his bed when it's time for him to be sleeping. Of course it's not OK if it's daytime and time to eat. But this is night time, sleep time, that he very much needs! You're doing a good job caring for your son - hold him during the day, feed him during the day. Insist that he sleep at night.
Good mothering to you,
L. C.

You cannot put him to sleep with you in your bed, ever, and expect him to take to sleeping alone in his crib, it just won't work. (are you aware how dangerous it is to put a baby into an adult bed? especially if you're really tired?) If you don't break him of this now it will just become more difficult, believe me, I was there. You both need to learn for him to be sleepy and then go into crib, not asleep or it can and will confuse him. I would also suggest that you give him cereal and fruit/veggies as an evening meal, late evening which will make him more relaxed and sleepy and will also sustain him for longer periods. I imagine he is sleeping more during the daytime and you need to reverse that. Letting him cry when you put him in bed will not last long and is easier now than later, really is.

Hi J., well I was thinking you could try putting him in a pack n' play beside your bed, to get started on the seperation anxiety thing, so you are there and close, but not in bed with him. Also, try not to give fruit at night, as that has natural sugars, that digest quickly, leaving his belly empty, and of course we all know the other effects of sugar on anyone...hyperactivity. So try to fill his little belly with some cereal before bedtime, and give yourselves a cut-off time..say 1 month...to get him sleeping in his crib. Then STICK TO YOUR GUNS....it will always be a tiring process with any change...but consistency is predictable for a child, and he will learn you mean business eventually, and he will give in...you can't or it won't work...blessings to you~

Maybe put cereal in his formula at night.

My son slept with us until he was about 7-8 months old. He slept in his crib during the day. I know people say not to let him sleep with you, but I don't see how any moms out there ever slept so hard that they rolled over on the baby. If anything, I slept worse when he was with us because he woke me up over every little noise. We ended up buying a video monitor before we started putting him in his crib. You may want to start this on a Friday. We put our son to bed before he was asleep and let him cry for 15min. Then we went in and calmed him down, rocked him a bit, and when he got sleepy again we put him back down. I think we had to do that 3 times before he nodded off the first night. He got up after a few hours and I fed him and put him back in his crib. The first night was awful, I won't lie, but after that it started getting better. He started crying less and by Sunday night he went right to sleep. It takes some diligence because it's not easy to hear them cry but it's worth it when they learn to go to sleep on their own. After that, he enjoyed his freedom in the crib so much that he wouldn't even take naps with me anymore. :)

His waking up may not be because he's hungry, it may just be because he's sensed he's alone. Does he take a pacifier? If trying the crying it out doesn't work, maybe wait until he's a little older and try it again. Eventually, he'll take to it. Good luck!

If you wear a t-shirt during the day, you can put it in the crib and lay your son on the shirt. It's as safe as a blanket. Your shirt contains your scent and is comforting to baby. Hopefully he thinks your still there and it soothes him back to sleep. (Of course, you only want to do this with a "clean" shirt...no food, excessive sweat, etc.)

Your baby might be overtired too....his bedtime may be too late. We had a similar problem with our baby - waking at night but also not sleeping well during the day. We decided to give the earlier bedtime (recommended in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth) at try, and it helped to solve both the daytime and nighttime sleeping "issues" within days (we also started doing "extinction" - letting her cry her it out; you may get to the point when you can tell by her crying whether or not she's still hungry or just fighting going to sleep). Our baby sleeps through the night and usually takes several hour-plus naps during the day, and still goes to bed between 6 and 7 at night (and doesn't wake up until sometime between 6 and 7 the next morning). It's tough to try to go through her bedtime routine while we're trying to get dinner on the table or so soon after you get home from work, but not doing it may be causing the night waking. It may be worth a shot.

My son went through this. And I wanted to tear my hair out. The last straw was a four in the morning attempt to drive him around to get him to sleep, only to be foiled the minute he was back in his crib. Here's what I did - I went to the library the next day and checked out every book they had on baby sleep problems. Then I called my pediatrician and she said that "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Richard Ferber was the one I should most pay attention to. Within a week of reading this book, my son was sleeping in his crib through the night. The doc talks about the natural cycle of sleep for kids and how to recognize what your son needs by way of napping and such. Good luck with this. It is a trying process, but once you get it down, life becomes much merrier for you both.

This is what worked for me:

Put a shirt or night gown that you have worn into the crib with him. Baby's sense of smell is very sensitive for mommy.

Feed cereal again about 30 - 45 minutes before bed.

When you feed the bottle at night, do NOT turn on the lights (use a night light that stays on in the room). Also (I know it's hard) don't talk to him when feeding at night. This way he stays in "sleep mode". If you can, put the shirt mentioned above between you and baby when feeding the bottle and lay it close to his nose when putting him back down.

Another trick is to keep the crib warm when feeding him at night (have a heating pad already plugged in by the crib. Use it on the lowest setting under a blanket). Be sure to remove it when putting him in bed (don't forget to turn it off).

Playing soothing sounds in the room also helps. I used (and sometimes still do) a continuous playing CD with soft classical music and an oscilating fan (my 11yo still likes the fan).

Hope it helps. :o)

Blessings,

P. <><

I have a three month old that was close to doing the same thing. I put his bed next to ours for a few weeks where I could still reach him. I would reach over and pat him if he fusses and that helped alot. He is now sleeping 10-12 hours at night in his own bed in his own room!

You can go back and look at many of my other posts on this topic. Given that you are working, my best guess based on my own experiences with my two boys, is that your son actually needs that time with you at nite to make up for not being with you during the day (your profile says you're a working mom - I worked parttime when my boys were that age). It is totally natural for a baby to want that physical closeness with his mother. This isn't about discipline, training, etc. This is about meeting a basic need of your baby. So, there's just nothing at all wrong with bringing him to bed with you and doing what works for your family. If physically having him in bed is a problem, you can try doing what they call a "sidecar" and putting his crib right next to your bed - that may be all he needs to sleep better at nite. That's what worked for my boys. And, despite what folks might say, meeting these needs for physical closeness early on (particularly given that you're bottle feeding) actually makes kids independent in the long run. It sends them the message that they are important and that you're there for them. My two boys are now 13 and almost 16 and although we have some of the normal adolescent stuff, I still get complements from anyone that works with my boys as to how nice they are, etc. There are quite a few books that document how this lack of closeness early on really contributes to the isolation that so many teens feel these days. It's a really "pay now" versus "pay later" situation in my experience.

And that actually is a whole lot of solids for a 4 month old - they really are primarily designed for breastmilk (ideally) for the 1st year. Solids during the first year are primarily for getting them used to real food, so that they're ready to make the full transition during the second year. For the first year, breastmilk or formula should dominate their diet.

I hear this a lot and my question is....why is it so bad that your baby sleeps with you?

I fed mine baby cereal at the night feeding, and they slept longer. sometimes from 10 until 5 a.m.I put rice cereal in a bottle with a little of the milk. You might try a warm hot water bottle to put on his bed to make it warm when you put him back in, in the middle of the night, as your warm body may be what was comforting. Just a thought.

This may not be what you want to hear but it may be time for some sleep training. In other words, letting him cry it out. When my son was 4 mo. we did a technique called the Ferber method. It works best when they are young. My friend thought I was cruel until she was desperate to get some sleep and it was a nightmare for her because her little boy was older.

Basically, the jist of it is not to let them fall asleep before they are in their crib. Your little boy is old enough now to be aware of his surroundings when he falls asleep. For ex, if he falls asleep in your arms when his next sleep cycle ends and he wakes a little he expects you to still be holding him. When he realizes your not, it makes him scared. Babies stir in their sleep every hour and a half (I believe) so if they go to sleep in their crib and then wake in the crib it is not a surprise so they are more likely to go back to sleep on their own.

The first night was tough. We put him to bed awake and of course he started crying. My husband and I sat on the driveway and had a beer and I cried a little. I set a timer for 5 min. When it went off, I went in the room and pat his back told him I loved him and then left the room again. He started crying again so I set the timer for 10 min. When the timer went off, I opened his bedroom door and he was fast asleep. BTW, he started sleeping 6 hr at a time when we started this. The first week will be hard but it honestly was the best thing we ever did. Everyone in our house got a good night's sleep. Check on him at 5 min. intervals so he knows you haven't left. 5 min. 10min 15 min and so on. Also, put in some type of routine that cues him it's almost time for bed. For my son, it's just brushing his teeth, changing his diaper, and putting his PJs on.

I hope this helps.

My daughter was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old and then suddeenly started waking up at 2:30 every morning. I began giving her a bottle to get her back to sleep and it developed into a habit. When I talked to her pediatrician about it, she said to simply let her cry herself back to sleep. It was really hard to sit in the other room and listen to her cry, but after 3 nights of this she is sleeping through the night with no problems again (8PM-7AM)
Good luck and ask his pediatrician if you are not sure.

Hi J.,
I have an almost 5 month old and the only way that she will take a nap during the day is if she is swaddled. We don't have to to it at night anymore, but it was a godsend for the first few months. If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it. You can buy swaddlers that velcro at babies r us and they work great! Good luck!
A.

J.:

I agree with the two responses below: let him cry it out. It is hard - VERY hard - but my pediatrician told me to give it three good nights to get it done. I was having this trouble with my daughter. She is small and a little underweight. She would feed about twice a night, this is up to 8 months old! I was SO tired in the morning and asked my dr about it. He told me that she is old enough and is eating enough to be sleeping through the night. It is not easy and not what you WANT to do, but let him cry it out. They tire themselves out. I let my daughter cry for over an hour (I felt horrible!) but guess what? She slept the entire night and it took just two nights of that. You can check in through a crack in the door, make sure he is okay, but don't make a big deal of you being there. It is hard now, but well worth the sleep you'll get later. :)

Take care!
E.

Four month olds may or may not sleep through the night. Waking once or twice sounds normal, but more than that is excessive. Once they reach 10 lbs., they no longer need to wake up for nutritional purposes. It is just a habit now. Mine slept with us off and on for the first 6-8 months of their lives. They would go through spurts when they would only go back to sleep in our bed, so we let them. I'd rather have sleep, than my bed to myself, but that is just me. I really don't think there is much you can do about waking in the night unless you let him cry it out which I think is terrible. This stage doesn't last long. Soon he will be sleeping through the night and you'll have other concerns to worry about. Good luck!

Our baby was doing that too... she wouldn't sleep when we put her in her crib on her own, but would zonk out immediately in bed with us. We thought maybe it was because of the warmth of our bodies next to her. So we put her in her footed, long sleeve PJs AND a swaddle blanket (with her arms outside the swaddle). With the 2 layers, she's been sleeping on her own beautifully and sleeps through the night. Co-sleeping didn't work for us because we weren't sleeping well (afraid we'd roll onto her) and we enjoy our "mommy daddy time" :-)

Try weaning him off the 2am feeding. 4 month olds are capable of sleeping 10-12 hrs without eating, so if he doesn't expect food at 2am (once you've weaned him off it), you can just comfort him and he'll go back to sleep.

Good luck!!

J.,
My experience was a little different, only in that my son was 10 weeks early (came home at 6 weeks) so we used the co-sleeper (received as a shower gift, best thing ever), had it set up right next to our bed and I was able to put my son back in "his" own bed and he slept until it was time to eat again....I found that I had to increase his bed time feeding by about half for him to sleep more than 3 hours....until he was 6 mos I breast fed him, but his bedtime feedings were bottles so we could all sleep more! The co-sleeper was a blessing because as he got older, he was used to having mom and dad in the room with him, but he was in his own bed....we slowly moved him to his own room as he got older, and having the sleeper seemed to help with that. I also found that the transition from mommy and daddy's room to his room was much smoother when we put in a fan of his own....daddy grew up sleeping with a fan so he can't sleep without one now and so we found that getting him to sleep in his own room was made more natural by having in his room what we have in our room, like the fan, and a very muted nite light (our tooth brush has a light and acts as a nite light). I really hope this info will give you a little light of hope.

Hi J.,

Do you want your son to sleep close to you? Do you like this proximity? Does it help you feel attached to him since you are away at work all day? Do you think perhaps he likes feeling you near since he doesn't see you during the day very much? Are you thinking that society is judging you incompetent because you are doing this?

Don't raise him according to other people's admonitions. Raise him according to your own instincts and mother's intuition. You know what he needs. There isn't anything wrong with cosleeping, if the arrangement is safe and everyone in the home is content with it.

Many people end up co-sleeping in one arrangment or another for many years, simply because it is the only way anybody can get any sleep! Don't assume it will get better when he is 2. Many cultures around the world co-sleep (e.g. Asian countries). You can "train" a child to understand that you are not available to him during the night, but do you want to if he has nighttime parenting needs that are going unmet? This need may simply be knowing you are there.

You may even get more sleep that way, which is especially important if you are working, and more sleep was the whole reason you brought him in bed to begin with.

Since you are probably getting much input from people who think you are "doing it worng", some resources to help you evaluate both sides of the issue more clearly:

-The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

-Books by Dr. Sears, a big proponent of co-sleeping

-Mothering magazine, a natural parenting resource with many published articles on cosleeping

Good luck!

It's probably not want you want to hear, but I think you'll probably have to let your son do some crying so he can learn to put himself to sleep. My first son was really hard to put back to sleep. I would spend an hour and a half trying to get him to go back to sleep. He would fall asleep, but then wake up 5 minutes later crying and would want me to rock him to sleep again. After wasting hours and hours doing this each night, I read up on helping him put himself to sleep. One of the books I read was Babywise. Anyway, I realized I had to teach him how to self-soothe and put himself to sleep. I started at naptime first because it was easier for me when I could be doing something else (like vacuuming a room or washing some dishes). I would look at my watch when I put him down so I knew exactly how long he had been crying. I would set a goal--I'm going to wait 10 minutes and if he's still crying I'll go check on him. If he was still crying, I would go in and pick him up until he was calm. I would make sure he didn't have a trapped burp and then I would put him back down in his crib and walk out. I would keep doing this until he was asleep. I soon learned that if his crying had breaks in it that he was on his way to sleep so if this was the case I did not go back in his room. At first, some days/nights were better than others, but after a week or two, he had learned to put himself to sleep. A week or two after that he learned to put himself back to sleep in the middle of the night and was soon sleeping through the night at 12 weeks. I hope this is helpful. Good luck!

My children both started sleeping through the night at 3 months old. For my daughter, that meant 6 hours in a row; for my son 8-10 hours in a row. After they started sleeping "through the night", we eliminated overnight feedings. If they woke up, I would do a quick check on them, comfort them, but 95% of the time, not pick them up. Also, I always put my children in bed while relaxed, but awake so they could learn to put themselves to sleep. To this day (they are 4 and 1) they go to sleep on their own and comfort themselves if they wake up and "roll over" in the middle of the night. I never waited until they were asleep.

I don't think I put my kids on baby food until at least 5 months. But having a good/filling supper does usually help them sleep. We would put them to bed about 2 hours after their final/dinner meal of the evening. And we had a routine of bath time, powder and lotion/massage, dim the lights, soft music (mobile) to relax, then in bed and lights out with hugs & kisses and prayers.

I've heard many say you can't spoil an infant and at 4 months, you child is still very young. If the baby needs to be near you, let it. I know there were times when my son or daughter woke up at 4 in the morning or some crazy hour and I tried a bottle or I needed to hold and rock them and I even put the baby in my bed with me for the last couple hours of sleep till a more normal morning hour. But these few months were short and soon they were over.

Hang in there!

Put him to bed in his crib first when he is awake and let him cry.
If he does cry, go at 5 min, 10 min, 15 min etc to show that you are still around and he doesn't need to be scared. When he wakes up the 2nd time around, do the same thing as you did the first time and let him cry.

You may want to give him rice ceral/formula mixture before he goes to bed instead of the fruit or veggie. He sounds like he is still hungry in the evening.

The best thing I did for my two boys (now age 4-1/2 and age 15 months) was to put them in the crib awake. It taught them to go to sleep on their own. You probably think I am crazy, but it was a wonderful thing! I had two handouts from my much loved pediatrician that I called my "sleep papers". I have passed them around to many other parents also. She has them on her website. Here are the links if you are interested in reading them.

http://www.drcarolynashworth.com/Scans/4-6_Child_Sleep.pdf
http://www.drcarolynashworth.com/Scans/4-6_Baby_Sleep.pdf

I first got these handouts when my older son was almost four months old. They really worked for us. Best of luck to you!