Seeking Advise on How to Deal with the Breakup of a 5 Year Relationship

Hi K.. I haven't been in a 5 yr. but I was with this man for 3 yrs. and I was in love! Walk on fire for him, you know? We've been seperated for 4 yrs now...and I'm dating again. My b/f and I have been together for alomst that long.
What I am meaning to say is that life goes on. I understand its hard right now. You can't find that stability, your lonely, and probably a little nervous being alone after so much time together. I know it hurts that he left you for another woman. But listen up honey!! You can and WILL get over this. Your pain will fade, you'll meet new people, etc.
What you need right now is some girl time. Get together with some of your friends and cut lose girl! Enjoy your new found status as a single!!! (I know...easy to say huh? lol)
If you EVER need to talk or cry or just get something off your chest, I'm here for you. I understand this is a hard time. No matter what advice we mothers give you, you have to get through this yourself. You'll deal with it in your own way at your own time. Don't hesitate to mail me anytime. Good luck to you. Best Wishes, T.

Hi, K.

No one ever left me, but when I left my first husband for someone else guess what KARMAL. My second husband was my worst nightmare I finally left him after 8 years I was a single mom with 4 daughters for 11 years. I am married now to a wonder man. What goes around comes around and worst for him. Just remember your a good person and someday you will meet the right person. Everything happens for a reason DON'T TAKE HIM BACK!

M.

I can not offer much advice to you, but I can say I know EXACTLY what you are going through. My husband of 4 years (friend for 7) just decided to cheat on me while I was in Chicago, and didn't have the balls to tell me, I had to find out through effin Myspace!! He is leaving tomorrow, packing as we speak actually. All I can say is stay strong, men suck (majority of the time :))and keep your head up for your daughters sake.

Just checking in to see how things are going for you. I hope you are well.

Hi K.

I think you should move on I know it's hard and all but let me tell you. The day that you start going out with friend like lunch, coffee and so on. You will see life soooo different and then you will say to your self hey I'm a new person now. I can smile I can be happy that when you realize that for the first time you are really happy. Life give so many good and bad things but when you start to love you self and see all the good thing in you. You will see that you are better then you ex to be. You don't need him your better off with out him. some day love will come and thats when you will feel like a $1,000,000 dol peson. Don't give up in life. I'm in the same place as you right now not the chiting but the alcahol is making me want to move on with my kids. I also have been with him for 5 yrs but i'm just not happy any more. Anyways let me know how you doing you can always e-mail me. Be stong be happy and love your self first always.

M. from Menlo Park CA

it's very hard. i was with my husband for 7yrs married for 5yrs. at the begining is very hard but then you feel better. dont worry everything will be okay. just be patient enjoy your daughter. go out with her. i have 3 boys of my own and sometimes it does get hard. but i have faith of myself that i could move on. i hope i could help a little.

I am also a single mom with 2 children. I would suggest you look to moving on without this man. He is doing what he wants to do and i think you need to look out for you now and start to make some changes. I have a 15 year old also and he is supportive and understood that things were changing for the better when we moved out of his dad's house. The thing to do now is to see that you have some support of your own. You need people that you trust around you now, not so much to tell you what to do but to be understanding and strong for you when you make mistakes. I suggest you save money for yourself because that can really help especially if you shared income with this man. My kids and I had some tough times but we always came through even when we came to almost no money,food, or a place to call home. My friends really came through for me without judging me and because i'm a christian, i prayed and believed that God would have something better for me and he did!! I am still a single mom but i do have a very nice friend relationship that i cherish. My children and I have a nice home that we rent on my income alone and the kids are more stable now than when dad was home because there is no more DRAMA!! So take care to guard your heart now and dont allow him to sweet-talk you back and focus now on the betterment of yours and your daughters lives right now without bitterness towards that man. Remember, your daughter is learning about how to deal with relationships from your example. It may not be perfect but it is real and you could both become a comfort to each other in this season of your life so take care of yourselves and email me or let me know if you just need a friend.

Oprah always says the best advice she ever received is "when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM"...it may seem corny, me quoting Oprah, but I've taken that advice to heart. I spent five years with a man who repeatedly broke my heart. He broke up with me eight times within those five years. Each time to go sleep with someone else. He thought he was a good guy because he never cheated, he just dumped me for sex with another girl, then came crawling back...and I took him back, for FIVE years. But after hearing that advice, I promised myself the next time would be the last time. He showed me over and over again who he was, I needed to believe him and move on and stop holding on to the idea that "he doesn't mean to hurt me" and "at least he's honest"...YOU NEED TO NOT TRY TO FIX IT AND NOT TRY TO TAKE HIM BACK. He's shown you who he is.
I'm thankful everyday for my ex, because he taught me something about myself, and about what I needed and deserved from a relationship and I've since moved on and have found my absolute soul mate. We've been married four years now. It's like that song, God Blessed the Broken Road.

Hi K.,
I am sorry to hear this is happening. It took about 6 months for me to heal. My son is going to be 24 in August but back then he was 2 1/2. I beat myself up over what I could have done better or what was wrong with me and the bottom line is that is what your partner chose and it is not you. He should have been the man and stepped up if there was a problem and talked it out. The hardest part is putting the one foot out and dragging the next foot to make yourself begin a new and better life. I chose Country & Western dancing and I loved it.
The hole in your hear goes away. You need to get up now and look in the mirror and say I am me and that's okay. I am beautiful and smart and give yourself a list of things you want to accomplish in a certain amount of time. Being around water aways helps me. I love the beach, but I lived back in Oklahoma then so going to the Lake made everything clearer. Go to your safe and beautiful spot and make sure you try to do special things for you and your daughter like a nail salon and or a Hair salon. I have a 4 year old and we do things out together just because it breaks up getting in a just another day routine. My daughter loves it and I love to be pampered.
After, meeting my husband now I knew why I had been put through the tough times. I have never loved or been this much in love EVER. It's worth waiting through the frogs for. Wait for the one that loves you just as much as you love them. A good Massage never hurts. That hours does a body so much good.
Remember we all love you out here and we will be pulling for you to say, in a few months I rock and and no one will ever bring me down because I HAVE THE POWER! It's up to me.

well I was with my husband for 9 years and then he cheated on me. I am in the process of the divorce. We have a daughter together who is 7 and I have another daughter from another relationship who is 14 years old. Its hard on them but we are trying to get through it. I think the hardest thing to do is deal with the ex knowing what he has done and the disgust that I feel for him. It sounds stupid but it does get easier. I have found someone who is better and treats me and my girls like princess. So don't give up. If you ever want to talk just mail me.

well almost 4 years ago i went through a tough breakup too. we were only together for 3 years but he was the only father figure my kids knew and we were about 6 weeks from marriage when we split up. we split up because he had been cheating on me with another woman. it was rough and sometimes still is even though it has been so long. not necessarily because he's not here personally but just because i lost that help and support that i had when he was here. my children were 2 when we met and 5 when we split. they are now 9 but when my son thinks of "dad" he says he still thinks of him first. if you need someone to talk to you can email me. i too am a single mom and have 9 year old boy/girl twins.