Seeking Advice on Time Outs in Daycare

REDIRECT! Unless a child at that age has bitten someone they should not be in timeout. Pulling aside and talking about words and feelings (30 seconds or less) is enough of a timeout for under 2. If the child is close to two or older you might use the minute for age of child method for timeouts.

Kate had some good info!!

I used to work as an infant care giver in daycare. Daycares have to abide by the state minimum standards. Part of that is the teacher to child ratio. Also in the state minimum standards it states times outs should be 1 minute per year of life. A child should not be left awake in a crib for a certain length of time (up to 30 minutes) or left in a highchair for a certain length of time.

The guidelines for discipline also state:

There must be no harsh, cruel, or unusual treatment of any child. The following types of
discipline and guidance are prohibited:
(1) Corporal punishment or threats of corporal punishment;
(2) Punishment associated with food, naps, or toilet training;
(3) Pinching, shaking, or biting a child;
(4) Hitting a child with a hand or instrument;
(5) Putting anything in or on a child’s mouth;
(6) Humiliating, ridiculing, rejecting, or yelling at a child
(7) Subjecting a child to harsh, abusive, or profane language;
(8) Placing a child in a locked or dark room, bathroom, or closet with the door closed;
and
(9) Requiring a child to remain silent or inactive for inappropriately long periods of time
for the child’s age.

To me calling a child "bad" would fall into the harsh language category. I do not believe this is appropriate behavior for the care giver.

Daycares are also required to have background checks on all employees AND continuing education for each employee. Each employee is respionsible for completing a certain number of hours of continueing education each year.

On this site you can read the state minimum standards that all Texas daycares must abide by. Each employee is required to read this and take a test when they are hired.

http://www.carecourses.com/StatePages/Texas_Daycare_Train...

If you educate yourself on this info, then you can ask the right questions, or when speaking with the director you will know exactly what to tell her.

There are many great daycare centers that are dilligent in following these guidelines, but many are not!

I have an in-home daycare, so my perspective is a little different here. First off, let me say that time outs are rare in my home (My kids are 4 and 2 and the kids I teach fall somewhere in between these ages.) These kids are not perfect by any means, but they are young and my belief is that they are to be taught first and consequences come second. I use their behavior as a teaching tool so that they better know what to do next time. Time outs are reserved for when a child can't get a grip on their emotions and have melted down or who are just needing some space (yes, they can put themselves in time out). And I have a HUGE problem with a teacher labeling a child "bad" - kids are not bad, there choices might be, but not kids. Plus, if you just toss a kid into time out without teaching what you expect from them next time the scenario arrives, they've learned nothing and will probably think time-outs are just routine nuisances, but not something that should be avoided.
So here's an example of how it might look:
Jill sees Jack with a toy she wants.
Jill takes toy. Jack gets mad and hits Jill. Jill cries and Jack tattles, "She took my toy!" My response: "Oh, Jill - you're crying. Are you okay?" Jill responds that Jack hit her. "Jack, did you hit Jill?" Jack tells me, "She took my toy!" I say, "Did you use your words with Jill and tell her that you were playing with the toy?" Jack says no. "Jack, we use our words, we do not hit. Jill is crying because hitting hurts. What can you say to Jill?" I'm sorry. Can I have my toy back please? "Jill, Jack is upset because you took his toy. We do not take toys from our friends, that's not nice. Please give the toy back to Jack." Jill returns toy. "Jill, what do you need to say to Jack?" Sorry. "Now, Jill if you want a car like Jack's let's go look in the car bucket and see if we can find one."
My big things are that the kids learn: 1) we respect each other's space/property - no hitting/taking toys/etc 2) we use our words with our friends (this also helps put out fires before they start and teaches them strategies for working with other people). This also helps CUT DOWN ON TATTLING - which drives me nuts, especially if they haven't tried to work it out themselves first. Sometimes it really is as easy as saying, "Hey, that was mine. Give it back."

So...to your post...
Does that scenario you describe sit well with me? No, but I don't really have the facts as to why that child was in time out.
Do I think time outs are appropriate and your daughter may have one while in a daycare setting? absolutely - especially if she's of the human variety. :)
Would I talk with the director/teachers regarding how they're teaching self-discipline and appropriate behavior? ASAP
I would also request that I be notified with a phone call/note (your preference) if my child received time out for any reason during the day - I'd demand: reason for time out, duration of time out, events leading up to (what did the teachers do to help my child learn what was appropriate for deciding to put her in time out). Yes, you'll be "That Mom" - but at least you'd know what was going on. You'll also know by their reactions when you request it whether or not they use time out excessively and inappropriate or not.

First of all, I personally have an issue that you were told the child was "being bad"...but that's my thing...personally I refuse to use the word bad in relation to children or their behaviors. I think it undermines teaching them good self confidence...There are so many other options to describe the situation without being specific (as they are not allowed to give specifics to you about another child). For instance, she could have said he was in trouble for inappropriate choices or something of that ilk.

Moving off my soap box...

Day cares have a ratio of 1:8 for toddlers and 1:4 for infants, therefore some form of discipline is necessary to keep order and rules for everyone's safety and well being. Personally, I am okay with time-outs as long as they are age appropriate (1 min per age year of the child) and there is a conversation with the child about the inappropriate behavior and what could have been done differently...Also, I usually check with the day care center as to how they enforce timeouts...some have a specific shair in each room that isolates the child for a few quiet moments and the teacher will talk with the child in that area...come have a special rug, etc. It has been a long time since I have heard about it being done in a day care center by standing the child in a corner...I would discuss your concerns with the day care administrators, and if you are not happy with their answers, then look for another placement for your child and make sure discipline how and when is part of your interview process...

Good Luck... ;-)

Hi A.-

When used correctly, I think timeouts are ok at this age. The rule of thumb that I have always used is 1 minute for each year of age. That little boy should have been in the corner for 1 minute maybe 2 minutes if he's closer to the age of 2. Also, they need to be consistent with the use of timeout and they need to have clearly defined the rules and what behavior will result in a timeout.

I would talk to the teachers first to see what they say when you ask them how they administer the timeouts. If they don't seem to have very specific guidelines and are not able to give you a concrete explanation of when and how the timeouts are given then you should be concerned. After that, I would talk to the owner of the daycare and make sure that the answer you received from the teacher's matches what the owner says is the daycare policy.

I am actually more concerned with the idea that the teacher was standing there eating her breakfast while she should have been tending to the children. At minimum that seems really unprofessional.

If after talking to the teachers and the owners you are comfortable with your daughter continuing at the daycare, I would suggest that you do a surprise drop in whenever you can and just watch from outside the door if possible to get a feel for how the classroom is run.

Good Luck,
K.

Sounds like a pretty crazy place to have a baby. I work at a montessori, and we are never allowed to tell a child or anyone else for that matter that a child is bad or being bad. Children are not bad....they just make poor choices because they have to be taught to make good ones! The fact that several children were crying and no one was attending to them would worry me. Sure little ones cry when they get dropped off, but the teachers should be helping to redirect them into some toywork or an activity so they don't feel uncomfortable with mommy or daddy leaving them (NOT eating cinamon rolls). I could be written up for something like that where I work. And then for the teacher to tell you that another child is "bad" NOT okay.

Yes, timeouts are effective. We dont call them that. we just ask the child or tell the child they need a min to think or calm down. It shows them that they have done something that is not okay, but that they aren't "bad"!

If you want some more info on how things should or could be where your dd stays please just message me, I would love to help you out!

Good luck
D.

Please trust your instincts. Are you normally disturbed by the lack of involvement of the teachers when you leave there, or was this a one time thing? One thing I notice is if the teachers are friendly with me or not when I come and go. Are they interacting with the children or are they interacting with each other instead? I also have an issue w/ her eating while kids are crying. Of course, you know best if this is a big issue or not by what you normally see.

I left my baby in a daycare that was supposed to be "the best" for almost a year and I NEVER felt comfortable with it. I did not trust my insticts. I finally moved him after one too many concerns and I regret I didn't do it sooner. His new daycare was MUCH better and I knew then to trust my feelings. You are the mom. Do some drop ins and see what you see. They should be interacting and having fun w/ babies that age, and if there is always a tantrum and the teachers seem indifferent or stressed, that's a problem! It is NOT normal and acceptable!

You can also check out the daycare's record at TDFPS's child care licensing website - google TDPFS and you'll find child care licensing. Go to child care search and check it out if you haven't (remember almost all daycares have some minor violations but ratio, discipline, or background check issues are red flags).

Good luck and take care!!

alright, i have a question for you. It's going to sound like I am being combative with you, but I promise, I'm not! I just want to give you something to think about.

If a child misbehaves in a daycare, what should happen? Do you think it should be ignored?

I question myself how old this kid was, and was this child old enough to understand the rules, but when a child DOES know and understand the rules, just like they do at home, I feel there needs to be consequences when they are broken! Don't you?

Anyhow, being a first time mommy can be brutal, and the idea of your child being corrected by someone else is hard, I know. I think you just need to make sure that the expectations and the punishments are AGE APPROPRIATE. Outside of that, don't worry. I mean, would you really want your kiddo someplace where they are allowed to just run rampant!?!?

Good luck to you!

first of all, kids need time outs. It teaches disapline without spanking. But you have to do it constructively. Set time limits/rules etc. and pick one spot to be time out. This is not a bad thing. I have had all 3 of my kids in day care, when I was working. You must research the centers and ask them their policy's and get with other parents to see how they feel about the place. If you feel uncomfortable about the place, I suggest you go somewhere else. I've been very lucky to have picked great daycares for my kids. But I did my research. I asked parents I knew about recommendations. Not all daycares are created equally some are better than others. It's the kind of people who work there too! Is it just a job or do they really enjoy the kids?

A big part of it is that you're protective. It's hard to conclude that other people won't have the patience with your child that you have. How long has she been going there? Time-outs are appropriate at that age, but the reasons are important.

I'm uncomfortable with the woman saying the boy was "bad". I'm wary of people who use that term to refer to children. They usually prove to be people who won't take the time to learn the child and give care based on the child's individual needs. I've worked with children for a long time and always make time to learn the individual needs of the child, especially at that tender age. It's not always popular because it takes more energy. People don't want to be bothered with them anymore once they lose that babydoll likeness.

If you think something is up, there is. Move her. Trust your best judgment. God gave us instincts for a reason.
I had a daycare in Indiana for several years. I was taught not to set a child in timeout until the age of 2years old. Until then you are to redirect ONLY! This is what I was taught and this is what I practiced in my daycare as well as with my own child. Knowing that studies change nearly daily, I just checked the American Academy of Pediatric's website and this is what they had to say.

Time-out. Time-out should be your last resort and you should use it only when other responses do not work. Time-outs work well when the behavior you are trying to punish is clearly defined and you know when it occurred. Time-outs also can be helpful if you need a break to stay calm. You can use a time-out with a child as young as 1 year old. Follow these steps to make a time-out work:
Choose a time-out spot. This should be a boring place with no distractions, such as a chair. Remember the main goal is to separate the child from the activity and people connected with the misbehavior. It should allow the child to pause and cool off. (Keep in mind that bathrooms can be dangerous and bedrooms may become playgrounds.) Decide which 2 or 3 behaviors will be punished with time-out and explain this to your child.
When your child does something she knows will result in a time-out, you may warn her once (unless it is aggression). If it happens again, send her to the time-out spot immediately. Tell her what she did wrong in as few words as possible. A rule of thumb is 1 minute of time out for every year of your child's age. (For example, a 4-year-old would get a 4-minute time-out.) But even 15 seconds will work. If your child will not go to the spot on her own, pick her up and carry her there. If she will not stay, stand behind her and hold her gently but firmly by the shoulders or restrain her in your lap and say, "I am holding you here because you have to have a time-out." Do not discuss it any further. It should only take a couple of weeks before she learns to cooperate and will choose to sit quietly rather than be held down for time-out.
Once your child is capable of sitting quietly, set a timer so that she will know when the time-out is over. If fussing starts again, restart the timer. Wait until your child stops protesting before you set the timer.
When the time is up, help your child return to a positive activity. Your child has "served her time." Do not lecture or ask for apologies. If you need to discuss her behavior, wait until later to do so.

I say trust you gut.

Hi there A.,

I have a big problem with a caregiver using the term "bad" to describe a child under their care. If this is the first time something at the daycare didn't sit well with you, I'd call a conference with the director and that teacher to explain how you feel and just want to get clarification on how your child's classroom handle discipline. A child should never be left alone in a corner for more than 1 minute per age. If this is not the first time you've felt uneasy about this daycare center, I'd start looking for a more suitable arrangement.

Also, I don't believe teachers should be eating their food in the classroom. I used to work at a daycare center that encouraged teachers to dine with the classroom as a way to model table manners and eating habits; but it doesn't sound like that was the case in your daughter's classroom.

Always follow your instincts and do unannounced visits on random days and times.

I know that I am late on this one, but I use to work with the 18 to 24 month olds and that was the hardest job. We had 2 children in that class that were biters. It was so hard to have to tell a parent that there child was bit by another child and it was also hard telling the other parent their child was biting. If your child is hurting another child you want that stooped and if your child is hurt by another child your want that stopped. What else is a daycare worker suppose to do if not time out.

C.