Seeking Advice on Bedtime Ritual for 9 Week Old

I am shocked and upset at the advice to let a 9 week old cry it out. Even physicians who endorse the cry it out method don't recommend it for babies that young. Nine week olds left to cry will learn they can't trust you, and they will use up all their calories crying rather than using them to grow properly. It breaks my heart to think about a baby who depends on someone for everything to have to go through this. I hope you will not take this advice. Both my DC slept with us, it doesn't have to ruin the "romance." DS is 10 now, we are happily married and we have no sleep problems.

A.

Make sure that you have winded him. Even breastfed babies can get a little bit of wind.

Have you tried swaddling him? Babies like to know that they are secure. At his age I wouldn't wrap him to tightly but just enough to know that he is secure.

Does he fall asleep in his carseat? I had a friend who's little boy would only ever sleep in his carseat. He like the feeling of the security around it and also liked having his head slightly elevated. (She asked her doctor if this was ok and he said to do whatever worked - not harm to little one.) So you might want to try slightly elevating his head - not with head on a pillow but putting maybe a very flat pillow under his regular bedding to raise his head slightly, especially if he is a bit snuffly.

You need to let him try to get to sleep on his own - this is the hard bit. It will involve crying and tears. Don't let him "cry it out," but don't jump at his first whimper either. Wait a few minutes to see if he's really upset and awake, and then go in, reassure and comfort him without taking him out of his crib. Instead, pat and soothe him with your hand and talk to him. At first, go to him every few minutes, but eventually call to him from out of the room. Create a good positive calm bedtime routine.

My fourth son was the easiest to get to learn to put himself to sleep. He would have his bath first and I would nurse him and put him in his crib - sometimes asleep, sometimes awake. He would fuss a little and I would occassionally go back a speak to him while I was doing the bedtime routine with his brothers. He soon learned that he had had his turn at mommy and that it was his brother's turn. He could hear us getting on with bedtime and eventually would go to sleep. It got to where he knew the moment he was put in his cot after a bath and a feed that was his cue to go to sleep and would be asleep within minutes.

Hope this helps. With the first baby it is such a huge learning curve and we want to do things right. Believe me in the end we get there. Best advice - listen to other moms, listen to their ideas - but do what is right for you and your little one.

sounds like my son, (who, btw is 4 now and sleeps a solid 12 hours on his own) hang in there! it is tough, i know. i found alot of comfort and advice in both the Fussy Baby Book by Dr sears and the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. we took two hour shifts holding my son for almost a year. what if you nursed him in the bed and then just snuck out after he was asleep, that way he wouldn't have the transition from arms to bed. that is just a bandaid solution until you tried some of the ideas from the books. both are wonderful, with lots of small, gentle, loving things you can do to help them sleep better. At nine weeks, most babies aren't sleeping well, so do't get caught up in the competition. my son slept on his boppy pillow, on my lap for about nine months for his naps, then i slowly transitioned him to sleeping on the couch beside me as i read or watched TV, then to his bed, eventually. hang in there, love your baby and remember, this too shall pass!

I loved the books The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley on getting your infant to sleep happily in his or her own bed without traumatizing or endangering him or her and yourself, and Three in a Bed.

The public library in Montgomery has No Cry Sleep Solution and the one in Prattville may still have Three in a Bed.

I actually found that our family was healthier, with two working parents, breastfeeding, etc. with our baby in our room and often in our bed. Every family must do what is right for them, though-- I lost a lot of sleep, but worried less and was upset less because my child felt safe and secure.

If you are home during the day you may be able to do what it takes to ensure the baby's emotional wellbeing-- we had to make up for a lot of lost time in the evenings because my child was in child care 10 hours a day by the time she was 5 months old.

That said, once we started using No Cry Sleep Solution, my child was very happy to go to bed every night-- she wasn't talking but she would wave, like, get out of here, I'm tired! It was too cute!

But every child and family is different. Good luck!

all 3 of my kids were like this. i noticed with my first that when the baby would fall asleep in the car and we carried them into the house in the infant carrier, that they would stay asleep for hours. so i started putting the infant carrier IN the bassinet, next to our bed. i leaned it back so the baby was 'flat', removed the head support, and never put a blanket with them. we also have a ceiling fan that kept the air moving. this worked wonderfully because the baby felt snuggled, but i did not feel like we were increasing their sids risk because they had nothing obstucting around them and they were flat on their back, just cuddled up with their little legs up.

Oh, I remember those nights so well! Before my daughter was born, I was NOT going to have some spoiled child who slept in my bed. Really! Who would do that! And then my daughter taught me about attachment parenting. I fought for about two weeks to get her to sleep in the bassinet, and then I gave up, because I needed SLEEP!

The only way she slept was on her side with her back against my chest. You might have to not worry as much the routine for a few more weeks and just let him sleep where he will sleep. Do you have a swing? With my daughter, the swing was a good way to get "bedtime" going. I would change her, nurse her, rock her to sleepiness and then tuck her in the swing. She'd fall asleep, and I left her there until I was ready for bed. Or until her next nursing, which was usually my cue to go to bed.

When she was about 6 months old, she would fall asleep on the bed with me beside her, and then I could get up and do whatever I needed. By 9 months, she started to only go to sleep on the bed alone, and, when I got her a toddler bed in my room, she moved to it, no fuss, at around 17 months. She moved into her own room by 2 years, and that was that. I think gradual is the key to good baby sleep habits.

Get "Good Nights" by Dr. Jay Gordon for some other helpful info on good sleeping habits and cosleeping.

One word of weird warning: my youngest son, who is now 15 months, learned to go to sleep in bed from the beginning. He nursed, he crashed, and that was that. The problem? I wasn't always home at his 7 pm bedtime, and he wouldn't sleep anywhere else! LOL he got over that, and now he goes down, in his toddler bed in my room, just after the big (noisy) kids do at 9-ish.

These days of "hold me!" pass faster than they seem at the time. I keep looking at the leggy boy on his own bed and wondering where my snuggly little baby went. Just keep going gently (just like it sounds like you are) and he'll have good sleep habits before you know it :)

I have a thought on this, and it may seem kind of harsh, but it is the truth, especially as I am finding with our six and a half month old...babies know what they are doing even though they are so little!!!

While I do not believe you can spoil a newborn, you still have to start showing him the ropes early or you may end up having a baby that sleeps in your bed until he is even past a year old. I don't know anyone that has coslept with their baby, except for one person, that didn't have this happen. In fact, I have a sister in law who, I beleive, still has our one and a half year old in bed with them...and she started the same way you said you did, with the sleeper in between them. And think about that last phrase...in between you and your husband. It's hard enough having a baby, I mean, to find time to keep the romance alive and sparking in a marriage, without having someone else sleep in between you[

We found that giving the baby a bath every night about the same time and feeding him with a little bit of rice cereal in his bottle put him to sleep. We started the cereal in his bottle at about 8 weeks old. My mother in law told us to try it and it works. Also, no matter how hard it is, put him in his crib! We have had our baby sleeping in his crib since he was about 6 weeks old, and it would have been sooner but we kept forgetting to buy a monitor. Even until he was 6 weeks old, he slept in his playpin bassinet at the foot of our bed.

Every morning around 5 am or so if the baby wakes up that early now that he is sleeping through the night, I will get him to cuddle until about 7 when he really wakes up to eat. And sometimes I lay down and nap with him during his morning nap...but only because I have a little bit of insomnia these days. Most of the time though, he naps alone, in his playpin or his crib. I had a very bad habit of rushing to my son's every little whimper and paid the price for it for about a month and a half (until a few weeks ago) because he got used to it. The only time that he has ever slept for more than a nap in our bed with us is when he had a cold, and even then he didn't seem to care much for it...babies need their own space too even if they don't know it!

So what I guess I am saying is even though it can be heartbreaking to hear him cry (I know, boy do I know) you have to start early, like I said, or pay for it later!

We had the same problem, till I read that babies' sleep cycles are different from ours. Apparently, they go through about 20 minutes of really light sleep before they get into that deep sleep and you can lay them down, and they won't notice. Some babies settle more easily than others, and you can put them down during that first 20 minutes after they close their eyes. Just like mine, it sounds like yours is one of those that needs help getting into the deep sleep. Do whatever works best, but just *keep* doing it for 20 minutes!

What we do is "dance" - whatever steps you like, as long as they include forward and backward, side to side, and up and down - and sometimes, if she's fussy, use the shower for at least several minutes - babies love the sound of showers (and ours won't accept our recorded version! <Sigh> - maybe yours will tolerate that if you record it). We just keep her in our arms for 20 minutes. After that, as long as we lay her down gently, she's almost always good to go.

I've also found that if I hold her for just 5-10 minutes, especially after nursing her, (maybe bottle feeding will work for you, if you aren't nursing), in bed, then lay her down while still holding her on the way down, and then immediately putting a pillow behind her back (to make her feel secure) and snuggling up in the front, and making the "Shhhhhh" noise, will also tend to get her to sleep. Then, after a couple more minutes, I can remove the pillow at her back, and after another 30 seconds or so, gently ease away and tiptoe off. If you're worried about your baby rolling off the bed, you can come back and put him in his sleeper soon enough.

Good luck! Write and tell me how it works today!

L.

I recommend Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It's done wonders for us. We sleep trained between 4 and 5 months and our son has been able to fall asleep on his own since then and usually sleeps 12 hours straight. (I'm sure part of that is his personality, since he's very easy-going; but the week we trained him - laying him down tired but not asleep and letting him learn how to soothe himself - that was a very difficult week. And then it was over and now we rarely have difficulties.)

My best advice is to start having him sleep in a bassinette or crib. He might cry at first but believe me, it is so worth it in the long run. Before you know it, you will have a 3 year old kicking you in the middle of the night. Read "The Baby Whisperer". She gives great advice on bedtime routines, and sleep routines throughout the day which she calls EASY: Eat, Activity (even if its just a diaper change or a change of scenery), Sleep, Yourtime. This works! According to the book, a baby needs to learn how to soothe themself and not by eating. You can help to teach them how with your help. By sleeping in his own bed, without the interruption of other people, he can be more sure of his surroundings. You won't regret it! I used EASY with my son and at 18 months he still sleeps 11-12 hours a night and takes 2 naps a day. Good luck.

I have a 3 month old and from 3 weeks he didn't want ANYTHING to do with his bassinett but I was determined to make him sleep in his own bed. (of course nothing gave me more joy than sleeping next to him...I loved it!!) So my mom suggested me putting something in the bassinet that smelled like me...so I put one of my shirts in...then I noticed everytime I laid him on my bed he would fall right to sleep. So I put extra cushioning in his bed, then when that didn't seem to do it, I got his thick blanketand wrapped it around his body to make it feel like he was being held and I swaddled him super tight!! He was swaddled until about 10 weeks. Anyway, he finally started sleeping in his own bed and falling to sleep when I put him down. I never did the swaying or rocking b/c I didn't want him to get used to that. I can say that everynight, since he was about 4 weeks old, I have had the same ritual...nice warm bath, then changing him on the changing table and singing to him, then nursing him, and finally after he is done nursing I'll pat his back for about 3 minutes to make sure I got all the burps out and put him down. He is a belly sleeper too so that was a little tricky to master!! But all taht to say this...stick w/a consistant routine...My son has been sleeping through the night for 2 weeks now. I put him down by 9 and he doesn't get up until 5:30 or 6 every morning...I always tell myself, if I can't figure something out, "dont' worry, I'm still getting use to this and so are you, together we'll figure it out!!" Then Oscar, my son, just smiles at me almost as if to say, "you're so right mom!!" I believe you're doing great!! It just takes a bit to get everything down the way THEY like it!! Good luck. One more thing...I NEVER let him cry!! I believe that babies this young have NO clue what they want!! It is up to us to help them figure out why they're crying. They are so little...I was given the advice to let Oscar cry and i tried for less than a minute and I told my husband ABSOLUTELY NOT!! You have a good mothers intution...use it and let it guide you. I know I'm only a first time mom but I swear I have let my intution and God most of all guide me and give me the right suggestions and I have NEVER let him cry since that day. Its very disturbing that people think it's okay to let so a little thing "cry it out" b/c "they're throwing a fit" you can't spoil a child that is so young!!

HI K.,
Congratulations on your new baby and career! I am a mother of 5 children, ranging in age from 24 to 6. This is how I got my youngest two to sleep. I tried the whole "be ever so still and quiet lay them down in slow motion, creep out of room," only to have them cry a minute later!! UGH!!, so what I did with my last two was walk right up to bed and put them down, now my "secret" so to speak is, I am a HUGE fan of a cradle, and if and when baby cried I simply rocked cradle some, I had this next to my be so I could even do it with my foot when I was falling over exhausted LOL. A child will get use to what ever we decide for them to get use to. Look into buying a used cradle?? Mine stayed in that for 3 to 4 months. But if no cradle just lay baby down in crib and try patting bottom or rubbing back as baby lays in crib, oh that's another thing, all 5 of my children where belly sleepers, they never liked sleeping on their back and I felt it was such a cold position for them, how do you comfort your self on your back at that age?? That is how a baby is held and comforted by their mom is laying their belly against our chest, so to then lay them down on their back, just made no sense to me.

God Bless you! Hope that helps some.
T.

You need a Miracle Blanket. I am the mother of 4-month-old twins and this helped us survive the first 3 months. You can google them to buy online and see a video at their website. You can buy them at Pickles and Ice Cream in west Little Rock. It is a lot of money for a blanket, but I've paid much more than that for one good night's sleep in a hotel. The swaddling power of these is AMAZING. Good luck!

I have an 8 month old and am also a first time mom. It is hard and can be simply aggravating but you need to start with naps. when you lay your son down for a nap during the day, if he starts to cry simply let him cry he will eventually cry himself to sleep. the thing is a baby needs to be able to soothe himself. Also at his age you need to start trying to put him to bed when he wants to go to bed and go on his schedule for a few nights until he gets comfortable sleeping, then start to try working in a routine. I did this and now my daughter sleeps by herself all night long, goes to bed at 9 wakes up at 7:30 and rarely wakes inthe night, and the few times she does she will go right back to sleep.

My doctor had me continue to swaddle my son and it worked wonders. He was very secure and content. He did sleep in his own bed, though, so I don't the risks of swaddling and co-sleeping, good luck

I never let our son sleep with us, from everyone I have talked to all it causes is problems later with your child's bedtime habits. Try swaddling your child in a blanket and laying him/her down. It feels like they are being held. My son went through a spell recently he is 4 that he did not want to sleep in his bed he was determined to sleep with us. We still did not let him but he did sleep in the recliner for about 2 months. Finally he gave up and is sleeping in his bed everynight.

K. it has been my experience in talking with other moms NEVER NEVER EVER to place an infant in the bed with the parents! it is a bad habit to begin and a difficult one to break later on.

Place the infant in his own bassinet or crib and in his own room. You should be able to hear him cry from your bedroom. If not, buy a monitor and use it! The next piece of advice or suggestions I can offer to you is this. Music...Soothing baby music played on low volume in the infant's bedroom for both naptime and nighttime if needed during both sleep times. BAbies are quickly soothed by the notes of the lullabies. he will settle down , relax and sleep much better in his own crib with his own music. I would leave it on automatic so it will continue to play over and over again for a couple rounds at least. This ensures he is deeply asleep and resting well. Good luck and God Bless you and your little family.