Second Child - Howard,OH

Besides myself, I have found that most people I know feel that the perfect time between the first and second is 2 1/2 years. There is 5 yers between my brother and I and it was rough. There is 7 years between my niece and nephew and it was rough. There is 2 1/2 years between my cousins, in 3 families, and it worked out good. They kids were separated in age enough to have their own friends, personalities, and toys, but close enough in age to be close with each other. I also have friends that were far apart and ones that were fairly close in age. The closer ones seem to have it together better.

I personally enjoyed a 3 year spread between my kids the most.They were a little independant before the totally dependant baby came along.

My two are 3 1/2 years apart. For us, it works great. We only have one in diapers. And with one in school, it gives me time to spend one on one with the youngest. The only "problem" for us is that the oldest seems to regress just a little. Mainly with baby talk. And the youngest has a great big brother, that she can copy all the time. She has the attitude that she can do anything that he can do. But, it is lots of fun.

I have a son and daughter who are 2 years and 10 days apart. I wanted to have my two children close together and I knew it would be difficult for the first couple of years and believe it will get easier as they get older. Even though my husband and I talked about it almost every day while I was pregnant, neither of us were prepared for how difficult it has been. Our children are 2 years and 4 months. Don't get me wrong, I do not regret having either child. It has been an extreme challenge. Of course we both have to work full time now. In the past, we were fortunate enough that I was able to work part time. That is one of the things that we didn't consider before we made the decision to have a second child. Some of the other things we should have considered was: 1) Who is going to get up in the middle of the night when the second child doesn't sleep. Of course my son slept through the night at 6 weeks. My daughter still is up 3 times a night. By the end of the week, I feel like a walking zombie and then don't have the energy to play with my two year old. Talk about feeling guilty. 2) Childcare cost doubling. 3) Finding time to keep up with the household chores.

If you want to have children close together, I hope I haven't discouraged you. I am glad we have two children who are close. I just wanted to share how difficult it is and the things we should have thought about before we made our final decision. If your family is fortunate enough that you both don't have to work outside the home, I am sure it would be easier. Have a good day.

i have a 4 year old girl and a now 13 month old girl, i think it is nice having them that far apart because the 4 year old can help out with her sister. she also isn't completely dependant and knows right from wrong enough to not need my constant supervision. i know that sounds bad but trust me, its nice lol

My sister had a son August 30th one year and had her 2nd child Sept 4, barely a year and she has alot of chaos in her life, but they basically wear the same clothes, eat the same things and keep each other company. I had my children 4 years difference. I had my first in 2003, and the 2nd in 2007. So far balance has been kept. Basically its a personal choice. What do you have going on in your life right now? Do you have the extra time at this point for another baby? Or maybe waiting just a little longer so your first child can "help" you and understand the benefit of being the older sibling. Then maybe there wouldn't be a big jealousy factor. My sister and I are also 4 years apart, my opinion would be to make it 3 years difference :O)

My boys are 15 months apart and I think it is GREAT!! I did think I would be overwelmed when I was pregnant with #2 but after I had him I couldn't see having them at any other age. My oldest is 3 and my youngest will be 2 a few days after my due date with #3. They both know what's going on and that there is a baby sister coming and they're very excited. No matter how far apart they are, you'll survive!

I know people with little ones who are less than two years apart. They love it, I think they're nuts. My two are 7 years apart. I love it, people think I'm nuts.
I am the oldest of 3. My sister is 4 years & 9 months younger than me, and our brother is 2 years & 9 months younger than her.

There is a theory that there's never a "right" time, so just go ahead. I think that whatever your situation, you find the grace to love how it is for you, and you could never imagine life any other way.

Good luck!

I have five children and I have had them close together as well as farther apart. My closest are 13 months apart. They are 2 and 1 and so far it has been busy and sometimes crazy, but they are starting to play together and it is a beautiful thing to see and to know that I have given them each other as playmates and friends. The two furthest apart are 14 and 7 years old. It is great that my daughter has a big brother to look out for her and protect her. And my 7 yr. old got alot more individual attention than the others did. My two older ones have been helpful with my 7 yr. old and babies, but the closeness isn't the same kind.

So I guess there are positives and negatives to both, but each way has its own blessing so it just really depends on what blessing you want the most for your children.

I've always wanted to have my kids 2 1/2-3 years apart. I felt that gave me a few years with each child before I had to start taking care of another baby. I didn't want to miss anything! I don't suggest waiting too many years though. My husband has a daughter (whom lives with us) that is 8 years older than my son, and where this can be helpful sometimes, it's like having a 'second mom' in the house and we are constanting telling her to let us be the parents. But my son is 2 1/2 now and I'm expecting our next child in 3 weeks! And we plan to have our 4th in another 2 1/2-3 years! Good Luck!

I know a lot of people think it's crazy, but my sister and I are 9 years apart. We are very close...we actually never really fought (what would a 11 yr old fight with a 2 yr old over??) and my mom has never regretted it. It sort of gave her time to spend with each one of us as we were really young.

Mine are 5 years apart, and again, I think it's great. It's not as overwhelming with diapers and night feedings when you've got one well over that. And, since mine are now 17 and 12, I can say they are really a lot of fun now being at different ages and enjoying very different things. I don't think I was ever as stressed as a lot of moms who had 2 or 3 toddlers that were close together.

I know I'm probably in the minority, but honestly...I do think having your kids spaced out a little more is a little easier on you....and it gives the kids more of you at each stage of their life!

M., Mine are far apart. I have a 10, 6, and 2 year old. When they were babies, it was so much easier. Now they are at different phases in their lives. I had really difficult pregnancies. and needed a good age difference. See what your situation is. J.

I am also the mother of an 11 month old boy & we just started trying for baby #2. We want to have the kids close together, plus we aren't young parents (I'm 32, my husband will be 39 on Sat). I figure if I got pregnant now since you're pregnant for almost 10 months my son will be close to 2 when the next one gets here. If it takes longer to get pregnant, then at least we started early.

That's my opinion on it, but I think it's a very personal choice based on what's best for you & your family. :-)

Good luck!

C.

my boys are 20 mos apart and it is exhausting. i had found out i was pregnant when my oldest turned 1. so i was really tired trying to keep up with him. the boys fought a ton for a couple of years. But, they are 6 1/2 and 5 right now and play so well together. they are always playing together. they still fight but not as much. i've also been able to experience the siblings further apart. i have a 17 month daughter and she is 3 1/2 years younger than my youngest son. that was quite a change. even though it was exhausting with the boys close together, i was still in "baby" mode. when i was pregnant with my daughter, my boys were able to do things for themselves and i got used to that. so when my daughter was born, i forgot how much work it was! But, i have been able to enjoy her as a baby more than i did with my boys. i have been able to focus on her more individually. with the boys, they were both "babies" together. but i love them and in the end i dont think the ages difference among them really matters as they grow up. well, i hope this helps....

I had mine 1 year and 3 months apart. I would not suggest that again. I feel like I never leave one stage before the next starts. I would say at least 2-3 years between children. My oldest reverted to habits he grew out of when the baby was born. I couldn't get the oldest potty trained until the youngest was well on his way to potty training. It's a bit unnerving when you think you just exited the terrible two's and you enter it again with the next at the same time. Ugh. So many people say they look like twins. Honestly, I think it would have been easier if I had twins.

Additionally, your body needs time to reach it's normal hormonal state after having a child. I had many complications with the second partly because my body wasn't back to pre-baby state. I looked just as thin and healthy, but my hormones, uterus, and other things were not there yet. My body wanted to have the second baby at 6 months. I was 4 cm dialated. I had to go on bedrest for months. That was rough. When baby finally arrived, I had him in 2 pushes. He practically fell out, which is scary looking back that I could have had him at home or the street.

I know every woman is different, but that's what I experienced. I think it's nice to have more time to establish your relationship with baby number 1 before the next comes as well. Have time to establish family routines, make sure the relationship with hubby is strong. Things change so much between being with your partner and then adding a baby or two. Sometimes you don't notice it all at once, but over time you realize you might spend less time doing things on your own, things with your partner, things developing your relationship. Day to day becomes focused on the kids. When the stress of raising kids, finances, health, or other things come up, the relationship between the parter and self is what holds things together. That should always be strong throughout it all.

Take some time out with hubby or your partner and make sure one-on-one time is a part of your normal routine as well. Sometimes I miss the dating, feeling special because you're on a date, having the time all about the two of you.

-S.

I had 3 boys within 2 years... my twins were born 25 months after my oldest son. No, I didn't plan twins of course, but I am so happy that my boys are all so close in age. Luckily, my oldest son is kind of small for his age, so all 3 of my boys (now ages 11, 9, and 9) can all wear the same clothes. It's GREAT! It's a lot of work when they're little (up all night with infant twins and all day with a 2 yr old and infant twins) but it was and is the most rewarding "work" I've ever done. =) We now have a 16 month old son, so I do see the major benefit of having older children to help with the baby... but I HIGHLY recommend having children close in age.

Good luck to you!
S.

I have a 2 year old (Jan 06) and an 8 week old (Mar 08). Pros: Two children are such a blessing. I can't wait till they can really get to play together. I can't wait to see my oldest help my baby learn new things.
Cons: Shopping, especially without a double-stroller, diapering two children, and two kids who don't talk at the same time.

I have 2 kids a 9 yr old and a 20 mo. old, both boys. I don't regret for a minute having them so far apart. I had many pressure me to have my 2nd sooner but I never wanted that. I wanted my oldest to have his chance to be "the baby" first. He is old enough to understand that his brother needs more help than him though I still try to spend as much time with him as possible. It is one of those decisions that is just personal preference. My sister and I were only a year and a half apart in age. I can't stand her still. We haven't spoken in a civil tone to each other in 9 years and 4 months. Shannon G.

I can say, from my experience that less than 2 yrs apart is not always good. Wasn't for me anyway. I was born in '76, my sister in '77, brother in '78 and another sister in '80. Since our ages were so close, I never felt like the oldest and we were always fighting about something. . . but that might have been my mom's parenting method too! In my opinion 2 1/2 or 3 years is a good space.

Hi M.! I have been there on both ends. I have two boys who are 15 months apart. It was like having twins, but I just rolled with it. It was no big deal. Now that they are 10 and 11 years old, they play together on the same ball teams, enjoy the same things, and hang out together. We just had a baby girl who is almost 7 months old, and they are fabulous with her and are a big help to me. I loved having my boys close together! No matter what, that baby will be a blessing -- whenever it comes into your family!

We have four children, ages 9, 4, 2 1/2, and 15 months old. Our three sons were born within 3 years and 2 weeks of each other. I would recommend spreading them out more than 18 months apart, but maybe not as far as between our first and second (two months less than 5 years). Our boys constantly argue and I feel like all I do is referee! I think you would be happier to wait a little while before adding another baby to your family. I think it would give you time with your first, and by the time you have a second, you'll be able to have more time to spend with the baby than you would if you had another right away. Take your time....we wish we would have!!! It's exhausting!

I had my kids close together. 17 monthes between 1 & 2 and 22 monthes between 2 & 3 (all just under 4 years apart). I love it! While it was hard at times when younger. They are into same activities. If we go to a movie the 10 yr still wants to see the ones that are appropiate for the 7 yr old. Vacation time is easier to plan they are liking same activities vs having to find something for a teen and a 7yr.

Although I do know people who have them spaced apart and love it. I think it depends on you and your husband, there is no wrong or right answer for everyone, just what works for you.

2-4 years is ideal. I have a 25,15,13,10 years

there are SO many pros and cons on both sides... take a leagal pad and start writing them down... fold the paper down the middle and then when you both write as much as you can think of, talk about both sides.

we do that for major decisions in our life :)

My brother and I were 3 years apart and it worked well. My husband and I planned to have ours 3 years apart but nature had it's own thoughts on it...we weren't that careful...

My first two were 15 months apart(not planned that way, but blessed anyhow!!) And take into consideration that the birth of my second child happened 5 weeks early/almost in the car/and at the wrong hospital(so it was somewhat traumatic). At first, it was very difficult, just because they were so close in age. But it gradually go easier and the older they got, the closer they got and they are now 5 and 7 and best of friends. I love that about them being close in age. I probably never would have planned it that way, but God has his own plans for us and it turned out to be wonderful. I also had a third child when my other two were 5 and 3 and that was also good, they wanted to be little helpers and love their baby sister dearly. Everyone has their own preference and thoughts about when to have another child and how the other kids will react. Whatever you decide, you will make it through! There will be hard times and joyous times in both circumstances. Go with the flow and just enjoy them as much as you can, it goes by soooo fast. Good luck!