Second Baby Coming--my First Is Very Clingy. Help! - Pittsburgh,PA

Hi, J.:

It sounds like you have alot of responsibility on your
shoulders for being everything to everybody.

It also sounds like your husband and his mother have issues about the boy's response to change. Is there anyway they can change their attitude towards the child so that they can be nurturers as well to help you meet
his needs.

Would they want you to ignore their needs if they were in the throws of change.

The Pennsylvania Skunk Says: If you don't wanna change,
you're gonna get Skunked.

Good luck.
D.

My second was actually the clingy one when #3 arrived. He was mama's boy. I held him as much as I could and when the new baby came I did what I could and had my husband pitch in more often with #2. It was a sad moment when he started wanting dad more than me but I knew that was necessary. He eventually worked his way back to me. Trust me, it's an adjustment for all but definitely manageable.

My son was 26 months when my daughter was born. One thing that helped him was to have a way to be included. When I changed the baby's diaper he got the new diaper out and threw the old away. When nursing he cuddled up with us. If I rocked the baby he rocked his stuffed anomals or his baby doll. When the baby was in the ergo, he wore his baby doll in a carrier for dolls from my childhood. Dancing in the living room, he'll hold his stuffed animals or dolls like I hold the baby...you get the idea. I also talk up how much the baby loves him, likes him, is looking at him...after awhile he would tell me she said hi to him. A few days ago he announced that he loves his sister. So sweet and totally unsolicited. The other thing I did was prepare my mom ahead of time to be his go to gal for cuddles if I was caught up with the baby. And she was so ready to jump in and hold the newborn so I could have one on one time with my son. Hopefully you have someone who can be ready to support you and your son's needs through this transition. Congrats on the new baby!

Give your son lots of love and attention and holding, but don't let him manipulate you at dinner. Any time you give in to a tantrum, you're training him to get his way by having a tantrum. He's actually old enough to discipline for tantrums so he stops having them, but at the very least, do not do what he wishes in order to avoid a tantrum. Always make him sit in his seat a dinner, (if you want him in his seat at dinner, if not, keep him in your lap when he's NOT tatrumming, but not when he is).

The best thing to do when second baby comes is to expect it to be wonderful, keep your oldest included and loved, dont' allow bad behavior, and enjoy it. Good work being prepared with help for ppd, it's the best you can do. It will pass, so treat yourself as well as possible at all times.