Screeching toddler...any Ideas to Get Her to Stop?

This is probably going to sound absolutely crazy, but have you tried simply ignoring her when she does it? It sounds like she may be doing it just to get a reaction from you, since you said that sometimes she does it for no reason at all.

I know that it will probably be very difficult to listen to it and not respond in any way, but if you can manage it, and she doesn't get the reaction that she expects, she may just stop on her own.

My toddler did the same thing for a while. We just asked him what he wanted, and we paid close attention to what it was that he was trying to tell us. That helped a lot. Trying to "shut her up" as you say may just backfire, causing her to scream more if she is not getting her needs met. Talk with her to try to figure out why she is screaming. Chances are she can understand what you are saying better than she can express herself, and this lack in ability to express herself clearly may be what is leading to her screeching. Good luck and please be patient, this stage, like all the others, won't last forever.

I always turned into a game/fun. When my son would start to screech/scream, I would gently tap my open hand over his mouth to turn it into an "Indian call." Then he'd start laughing. When he found out that I would do that every time he tried to scream, he stopped. The screaming didn't get him any where. Then I'd sing simple children's songs like the ABC song and play children's tapes in the car. Next thing you know he was singing "I've Been Working on the Railroad" or the ABC song in the stores instead of screaming. I really think the screaming/screeching has to do more with bordom than anything else. Another thing to remember is to talk to your child/baby when you are in the stores. Have an actual conversation with them, so they feel more like part of a family. My son wound up talking early, probably because I talked his ears off.

Ahhh - the good ole days! Your toddler has just discovered that not only is she in charge of her voice/body but that that control can reap rewards. Live with it, she'll outgrow it. In the meantime, just try to ignore it as much as possible or feel free to tell her to hush.

It looks like someone already said it, but just to reiterate that her screeching is about frustrated communication and probably attention getting at times. I'm guessing that most of the time, you know which and what it's about (in touch mama!). Call it what it is and re-direct her to say/express that appropriately. I do not reccomend that you rely heavily on the stare technique because it will increase her insecurity which will lead to further problems that might develop differently.

The MOST important gift you can give your daughter is the gift of self confidence. That doesn't mean over-indulgence as some parents do (which BTW, doesn't sound like your case so good job). But it DOES mean providing an emotionally validating environment. I'm a MH Therapist and can go on about this topic for quite some time, but I'll leave it at that and hopefully it helps guide you. Feel free to write back if there is any specific example or whatever that you do want more input on as far as this goes. Best wishes, N.

Hi J.
This is so normal - you aren't supposed to "shut her up", she is finding her voice and discovering that it's actually her own little self making these noises...

I know it gets noisy, but look at it differently and try to enjoy it...kids grow way too fast...before you know it, she'll be a sassy teenager and you'll wish she was a toddler screeching again!! LOL!

J.

Hi J., I agree it is annoying. I have only one daughter (4 sons) and she did not do this. I would pull over and tell her in no uncertain terms to stop. Screeching is NOT acceptable and very distracting when driving. Could cause an accident. You have not mentioned her age and she is surely looking for attention but that is not the way. My best, Grandma Mary

You can't yell back at her, because that's like hitting her for hitting someone else.

Many kids do this; my daughter was a screecher, briefly. We stopped it by making sure it caused something she did not like. At home, we would put her in her room and tell her she could come out when she used a normal voice. In public, we would find an appropriate time-out place. In the car, we would pull over and sit until she stopped screeching; if we couldn't pull over, we turned up the radio. But there was never any attempt to cajole her out of it -- we basically would not talk to her unless she stopped the screeches. The whole period only lasted about 2 weeks, because we made sure there was no reward in it for her.
I'm not saying it's easy -- ignoring a child can be tough, but if you stay strong, you can eliminate the problem by not reacting dramatically to it.

J., how old is your daughter who screeches?

(If your stare is more than just an innocent stare...in other words, if your stare includes a mean grimace, clenched mouth, jaw, narrowed eyes, tightened face...it will be perceived as a threat and instill fear. Bottom line is, do we want to instill good behavior based on fear?)

R. Conte

J., You didn't mention how old your daughter is, or what her language skills are.

If she is speaking pretty well, then the posts here are good advice. If you sense her moods when she does this, give her the words. "I know you are feeling" (frustrated, happy, excited, tired, angry bored, etc.) "But you cannot yell, I don't understand what you want, please use your words."

If she isn't able to communicate her needs through speech yet, she is probably frustrated, and screeching it the only way she knows how to communicate what she feels.

My daughter was twenty months when I realized she wasn't speaking well enough to tell me all the things she needed to say. She became frustrated very easily. I ended up calling Early Intervention, and they sent a speech pathologist and educational evaluator to my home. The results of the evaluation were that my daughter's speech skills were in the 40th percentile for her age ( and therefore didn't meet the standard for early intervention) But her educational evaluation was off the testing charts , which went to age 5 average intelligence. So here was this little kid, with so much to say, and so many questions to ask, and she couldn't make herself understood. Based on the "standard deviation" the gap between her potential and performance, She received services.

It was like she and I spoke two different languages. She would screech and tantrum all the time. After a while with the speech therapist, she got so much better, and stoped the screeching... It was so great.

She is starting her freshman year in HS now, and received speech therapy through 4th grade. She has always been in "Special Ed" classes, which administers the Gifted and Talented program in our school district. She also still has what seems like an "accent".. But her speech is no barrier to her. She is articulate, has a lot of friends, and is in all honors classes.

I'm glad I had her evaluated when I did,, It really helped her and made my life so much more pleasant.

I'm not implying your daughter has a speech delay.. She is most likely just stretching her voice. But I wanted you to know there's another side to every issue, and that I have been there.

Val

Hi J.. Both my girls are screechers - and it drives me crazy. What seems to work best is getting them to sing. It's almost like they need to exercise their voice just as much as their bodies. So I try to distract them by getting them to sing favorite songs. Or we play a voice game - we all shout, talk, whisper, and hum the same thing. Then we drop out the shout and then talk, whisper, and hum, etc.

We have taught my son for a very long time about "inside voice" and "outside voice" Sounds like you are describing are called an "outside voice". And he knows the difference. Even at 2 he knew the difference. We are now trying to teach my daughter (she just turned one) the difference. Let her know that it is o.k. to make those noises. That is what outside voice is all about (and hopefully far away from you) but screeching isn't o.k. while mommy is driving or sitting at the table or in the store... When she starts, clearly say her name so you have her attention and tell her "That is not an inside voice. Inside voice is talking nice to mommy." She will get it.

My daughter did this as well. It was very annoying, but if it's any consolation, she did stop after a month or so. I've read that kids like to experiment with their voices and love the range of sounds they can make, so a phase like this is just them feeling things out. When our daughter did it, she only had a few words and we realized that she was doing it when she wanted a change of scenery (out of the highchair or something similar)so we tried to be aware of that. We also ket her know that the screeching wasn't pleasant to listen to. Now that she has a lot more words, she will periodically screech or make other loud sounds to communicate and we tell her that we only respond to words and that usually helps.

good luck!

J., There is nothing worse then a screaming child in the car. I try playing games as a drive. For example ask her to find red cars driving by or sing a song. This only works sometimes for me but its worth a try. I know this advice probably isn't helpful but sometimes its nice to know that your not the only one with a screaming child. So don't worry its a phase. DVD'd in the car work too.