School Birthday Party

Wow! I just sent cup cakes and little goody bags with small toys (bubbles, Jacob's Ladders, large glow in the dark rubber balls, slide whistles, etc - thank you Oriental Trading!) so everyone had something to play with. For a school party, especially pre-school, no one brings gifts (not at any school party I've ever seen). For a non school party, invitations are sent out, gifts come in, goody bags get sent home with guests, then Thank You notes get sent.

Wow, seems like a really big party for a 3 year old.
I do not think it would be very polite to put a wish list in the invitation. I can understand doing it for a wedding or baby shower but not a 3 year olds birthday party.

I would not include the wish list; some parents will call and ask for gift ideas and you can share what's on the list then.

Updated

I would not include the wish list; some parents will call and ask for gift ideas and you can share what's on the list then.

I agree-- don't include the Toys 'r Us wish list. Part of the joy of giving a gift is picking out something that you think the recipient will like. Maybe another child has a favorite toy and they want to get one just like it for your child. She may receive something she loves even more than what's on her list. You can always put "RSVP and Questions, call..." so if people want suggestions, they can contact you.

I think it is especially inappropriate to include the wish list when you're having it at the school- it does make it seem that people are obligated to bring a gift on what would otherwise be an ordinary day of school. It sounds as if you feel that you are spending a lot of money and therefore should be compensated with gifts for your child. Give a party that your daughter will enjoy (and at 3 or 4 yrs old, something as simple as a bunch of balloons makes them happy) and don't expect anything more.

I think you have a very insightful and honest friend and you should thank her for caring enough about you to say what she thought, she risked hurting your feelings, but you should listen because she is right.

It sounds to me like you may have already over stepped the typical understood boundaries for school birthday celebrations, at least for every school my kids were in. It would bother me to be in the position of not being able to provide preschool for my child if I wished to decline your invitation (if my child was afraid of clowns, for instance.) I might also feel funny and obligated to pay for the time my child was there, if that was not a day that they would ordinarily attend. Even if my child was not very close to your child, if I recieved an ivitation (registry or no registry) I would feel obligated to bring a gift, and that kind of puts people in a situation where they have to buy something for your daughter to go to school that day. I think a registry is tacky unless you are a bride or a new Mom.

If you want to provide a fun time for kids at school, then do that, but when you have a full birthday party during common school time, you are expecting a lot of people who depend on preschool for utility. I am sure you did not set out to do that, but some of the parents in the school may be looking at you that way.

As your daughter has more parties you will see, some parents will call you and ask what she wants, and some will not, and you are probably better off to leave it at that. Birthdays are the perfect time to teach children to be gracious about every gift they recieve, regardless of whether they got what they really wanted or not. I would suggest that you go ahead and hire a venue next time, and leave out the registry on any invitation you send out for this party, and the parties to come, and that you learn a little life lesson from the experience! Maybe most of all, listen to your friend, she seems to have your best interests at heart!

M.

Do not include a wish list. That is the same as saying a gift is expected, and the reason for a party is not to extort gifts, but to enjoy the guests' company and celebrate a special occasion with them. A clever way to show what your child likes is to use a themed invitation (i.e. if your child likes Tinkerbell, then buy Tinkerbell invitations - this points parents in the right direction without having to say anything!)

Now, if people ask you what your child would like, you are certainly free to tell them. However, most people will buy something your child will like, and most people do include gift receipts these days, so you can exchange the gift if you don't like it.

Well, to be honest, if I recieved a 3yr old's party invitation with a gift list, I would think it was a little tacky. But, then again, I'm not one to ever go to a bday party without a gift. I think most people would bring an age appropriate gift without being prompted. Most 3yr olds are pretty easy to please. ;0) The only way I would ever put any type of gift guidelines in my childrens bday invitations would be if I was doing a "book party" or a "donation party". Where you ask all guests to bring a book which will in turn be donated to such and such. But, a gift list for your child is a little pushy in my opinion. I actually just sent my son's bday invites to his daycare today to be handed out. His bday invitations have Transformers on them. I think most people will probably take the transformer toy route b/c it's kind of a hidden clue, ya know? ;0) You could always do something like that. Incorporate the things she loves most into her invites. Like if she loves to color, make her invites with pictures of crayons and squiggles all over them.....ya know? Good luck!

We do wishlists in our family... but they only go out to family members. (Including family by love -very very close friends, like godparents-, but not by blood).

What I have seen & appreciate, are "what Suzy Q or Little Johnny is into" lists.. .which aren't wishlists, but look like this:

Dinosaurs, balls of all sizes, fairies, art supplies, picture books. As always, hand me downs are fantastic.

That way a person can buy a stuffed dino, or dino stickers. Or buy sidewalk chalk or a watercolor set. Whatever their budget allows.

BUT... just a caveat... I have never ever seen a school party where presents are brought. Quite honestly, if an invite had come with a presents cue for a school bday in preschool or K, I would have kept kiddo home that day. We can't afford to buy presents for everyone in his class... and if it was expected that presents should be brought (and I ALWAYS send gifts to bday parties outside of school... but we choose which ones we go to) to one child's school bday party, the implication is that presents are expected for every child's school bday.

I vote "tacky"! If someone CALLS you for ideas, you can give a few....

Our son will be 4 in a few weeks, and we'll have a small celebration at Day Care. We usually let him pick out a fun cake or cupcakes (we always try to accommodate kids with food allergies).

My personal opinion is that it's great for the kids that are there, but I'd never use it as a more traditional party. We always do something separate and invite the friends from school he'd like to have in attendance.

I am in the "tacky" camp. We're probably going to follow the lead of one of our friends who had a "no gifts" party for her daughter's 4th birthday this year. The economy stinks, our kids don't need anything, and the party is his gift. In their case, they asked for donations to the local humane society in lieu of gifts. You could bring something if you chose to.

But, most people will provide a gift receipt if you don't like what they selected anyhow. I think your choice to make a party at school is very thoughtful, but since the families can't choose having their children there, I'd not make it one where gifts are even a consideration.

I have to agree with your friend if you are throwing a school party typically you would not bring a gift regardless to whether you are supplying allt he things you would at a home party.

If you sent me an invitation for my child to attend a party I have the choice as to whether the child will attend or not and if I attend I am obligated to provide a gift if I do not attend I don't feel obligated to give a gift unless they are close friends.

I would steer away from the wish list, if they want to bring a gift like you did to a class party they will and if they want to know what your child like they will ask.

I would tell the teacher your child has a toyr us wish list in case someone asks.

When my kids celebrate their birthday's at school (2nd gr and K & each had 2 years of preschool) all I did was send in cupcakes. Some parents bring in a cake or ice cream cups.

I agree that if a wish list went home I would feel obligated to buy a gift. I've also never seen a full party in a preschool or elementary school and I subbed for 5 years in several schools before staying at home. You did say that you have received school party invitations so this may be an experience unique to your area. I don't think I would send out an invitation unless this is a common thing there. The teachers should know the usual amount of kids on the particular day so you can be sure to have their party gift/favor.

For non-school parties I do send out invitations (each child has so far only had one...but I think my son is going to want one this year). Most of the parents called and asked what my daughter was interested in this past year. When I RSVP I always ask what the child likes.

Good luck with whatever you decide and Happy Birthday to your daughter!

Of course it is a real party, why would paying for a separate venue make it more of a party? I would mail the invitations, it's not nice to give invitations out in school if not all of the children are invited. I would not include a gift registry for a 3 year old's birthday party. If someone is inclined to bring a gift and wants to know what she would like, they will ask you, and you can tell them that she has a gift registry.
The thing that I find odd - is this party actually during the school day? I can't imagine school using their instructional time to have a full blown birthday party that people are invited to.

I agree with your friend - it's not a party in the "traditional" sense since the kids are school are basically required to attend, so it's tacky to even suggest gifts. If someone wants to give a gift and asks you for suggestions, then you can provide the wish list to them separately. How much you spent on the party is your choice, and should not be a factor in gift vs. no gift.

B.,

A agree with your colleague a wish list in an invitation is tacky. The fact that you are giving each child an invitation will almost insure most children will bring a gift. (That is if the invitation makes it out of the back pack or lunch box and gets into mom or dad's hands)...It might be a good idea to mail them.

Sounds like a great party!

Blessings.....

Wow! I have so much to say about this that I don't even know where to begin. So you said Nursery, which I'm guessing isn't public school which is why they might allow a clown in. If you are doing something at school, it's because YOU want to. It's just a regular school day to those other children, so in a sense you can't technically expect a gift...invitation or not. Secondly, I don't see how you can give an invitation anyway since you are giving a party during school time.

My son and 2 other children in his 2nd grade class last year had the same birthday. The other 2 mothers and I got together, bought pizza, drinks, cupcakes and goodie bags for the kids. We didn't send invitations or expect a gift. We did it for our kids because we wanted to.

Lastly, a Wish List is the tackiest thing ever, especially for a 3 year old. I won't lie...every Christmas I make a Wish List for Toys R Us for my 3 children...but it's for my own private use. I print it and shop off of it for myself to keep track of what I want to get them. I have received invitations from people with a wish list, and I purposely by something not on that list. It may sound childish but I think people need to teach their children to be grateful for what they get.

I'm sorry but I just feel like you don't have the right to send an invitation or expect a gift when you are doing something during school hours. This would fall into my "New Mom" category and that is the stuff that gets under people's skin as you move up in grades. Being a "School Mom" is worse than high school. The mothers are catty and just waiting for the opportunity to pounce on someone. I'm not saying ALL school moms are like that, but a lot are....it's really a good time every day with the drama....but it's just my opinion.

I'm not sure if it is normal for your nursery school to have such a grand bday or if it is considered over the top but the wish list definitely would be pretty over the top. I'd leave it out. And I'd be kind of insulted to see it if I received one. Good luck.

I would never include a wish list. Sounds like she has an abundance of toys at home already - enjoy blessing others on her day.

Ok -I'm confused- maybe I misunderstood your post- your party is at the school? During the school day or afterwards? Why would kids need an invitation to attend if they are already at school for the day? It sounds like you are trolling for gifts from kids who are there to attend school, not go to a party. As a teacher of 1st grade for 10 years- I have experience with parties and parents. I can't imagine a parent hiring an entertainer, doling out invitations, goody bags, ice cream cake- for a school party. That is a lot of instructional time being used up. Imagine if all 20 (?) kids in the class did this for each of their birthdays. And what about the poor kids whose mom only did cupcakes- or nothing at all? Makes those other kids uncomfortable. An appropriate school celebration, would be something like cupcakes, juice boxes and singing Happy Birthday. If your doing the whole 9- have it outside of school- That's the tacky part of this whole scenario! A wish list is just adding to the tackiness! It sounds like you're using the school to save yourself the time and effort of having a party. I can't believe they allow it actually!
If I misunderstood your post and your having your own party not involving the children while they are attending school for the day, then a wish list is your call. I know a few people who have done it. I never bought a gift for a child that way. With gift receipts and easy returns- you don't need to.

I would feel like you are ordering what we can give you, I really don't like those things except for weddings. So many people already have homes and that's a way for them to get needed things they don't have. Sorry, you have a good friend though.

if someone asks what he likes you can tell them what he likes, no more than a couple of general ides. If you were closer friends with the other parents you could maybe say "You know, he is really wanting the "X" and the "Y" from Toys R Us".

Just another thought, just because you can afford to buy the things on the list doesn't mean the other parents can afford them. With the economy the way it is some people are REALLY pinching pennies so that if they lose their job or have to move they won't be hurting. Just don't be disappointed if the gifts aren't exactly what you guys want.

Maybe you could send the gift list to your families that send him something. They can send him just what he wants, or a gift card.

I have to agree with your friend, I think it's tacky. Especially since the party is at the school. If the child goes to the school every day and is going to be there the day of the party w/out choice of the parent anyway (b/c if it was outside of school they would choose whether or not their child would go, and you never know w/some people... buying a gift could be the deciding factor) it's kind of like "look, I'm giving a party you guys should get my kid something". Just my opinion... but I've always found kids party gift lifts tacky. My son has more toys than he needs, so for his last party I asked for used toys to donate at the place we had the party.

Sounds like a great party, happy birthday to your little one!

I just have one question. If you are going so over the top for her third birthday what on earth will you do for her fourth, tenth or sweet sixteen? She is 3 and will probably be scared of the clown and overwhelmed at all shindig. The other 3's will probably have melt downs too. I am surprised the school would let a clown or magician come to the school for safety concerns.

I think that if you send an invite to everyone a gift will be implied. No need to add the wish list. But if anyone asks, you can tell them about the wish list. Or if you have a good friend at the school, perhaps she can spread the word.

I don't think you should include a wish list as it is not customary to send out a registry with an invitation to a child's birthday party. You may be a parent that appreciates help in the gift department, and this approach may appeal to your sense of practicality (knowing that you'll easily get a present that the child will like) but not every parent will feel the way you do. And several may think it seems ungreatful.

I agree with you that it is definitely a "real" birthday party. Nonetheless, I wouldn't give out a wish list. When I get invited to parties, I often ask the Mom what type of thing the kid likes and then I will try to get that gift. But personally, I don't live near a toys r us and not everyone shops on the internet, so if you give that list out, parents may feel put out that they HAVE to shop there. I would just wait and see if parents ask you what your child wants and then you can tell them.

What's a party without presents?

You co-worker's opinion should not effect your decision. Is that person going to be there at the party? If not, don't sweat it.

I think that's a great idea.

woow!!!!

i just send cupcakes and goodie bags forthe kids
:)

i don't know how that school make school party but if they send invitation in the past you can do it
if i receive and invitation to a party with a gift list i will be thankful because i always have a difficult time buying gifts for the kid and with a list you can choose something the kid will really like .

B.,
Two things, 1. I would not include the wish list, but I see that you already agree with that :)
2. check with the daycare/school about mailing the invitations, as it is deemed private information they may not provide you with the addresses to all the students. In the past the teacher would put the invitation in the kid's folders for me. Maybe they can do the same for you.
Enjoy, and happy birthday to your daughter :)
Blessings

I think including the list with a disclaimer stating that the list is just for ideas or something would be okay. I know that sometimes, it would be nice to have some idea of what to purchase. Just make sure that the list has items from all different price points...
YMMV
LBC