Scared to Let Her Father Take Her for Christmas.

This has to be hard and harder as she goes more. If she is unhappy there, her only way to tell that is to cry. It will not hurt her to cry and be uncomfortable but it is miserable to have a baby you can not calm down. So if she is not happy it is the family that will remember that she cries but she will never remember it. They will have to deal with it. I have a day care and have had some kids that cry. A couple weeks the one had a mom who just could not let go came in over and over making things worse. Usually the children cry only for a short time and quit. Needless to say that baby is no longer in my home day care. Had mom allowed me to do my job after a few weeks he would be doing fine like my other kids do. But at one time or another kids cry when left. Usually when they are a little older then 4 mos. I know you will feel empty so keep yourself busy. I used to cry when my kids went and could not get past it. Over the years learned to use that time constructively. God Bless and happy Holidays. G. W

The more family she has to care about her, the better! Enjoy the time off.

If they have never given you any reason to worry, then don't. Its completely natural for youto feel this seperation anxiety. I have 5 kids: 17,15,6,4,14months and I am an apprentice midwife - so when I had to start attending births again after the baby was born I had the same enxiety-leaving her wiht my HUSBAND! Its jsut your nurturing mothering instinct to not want to be seperated.

If you are nursing, send pumped milk bottles, also its would be a good idea to sleep with a samll blanket over the next days so that you can send a blanket with your familiar smell with her :o) -

I would not send a novel of instruction for her, if her dad seems to be a good guy- for her- though maybe not for you- then let him find his own way as well. He needs to know you are confident in his ability to care for his daughter as much as you are and it will boost his confidence as a father for you to hand him the bag, the baby , smile & wave and say have a good time. It will also improve your relationship wth him. You will have a relationship with him in some capacity for he rest of your life, so try starting it off on the right foot. ( My first two babies were from a previous marraige so I have BTDT)

Make plans for that evening so you arent at home chewing your nails and wearing a rut inthe floor :o) This is a good time for you to nurture yourself as well!

Blessings to you! You can do this and you can be strong for them both :o)

My first question is do you have a court order in place? Just to be on the safe side, in case his family or him decide that they don't want to give her back .If there is no court order, then he can keep her and no one can force him to give her back until there is a court order. Just like no one can force you to hand her over until there is a court order. Just something to think about.

Now to really answer your question, I know how hard it can be to hand your child over,especially when she is that young. It is completely natural. My daughter is 3 now and it is still hard, even with her father. (Similar situation, but he has become more and more involved over time.)Perhaps he too will become more and more involved, which even though it doesn't always seem like it, is a good thing. If you think she will be safe, then go ahead. It is good to get a break once in awhile too. She should be able to handle it. Let them know that if she is having a hard time, then they need to call you. I'm sure they would, but just knowing that they would should help you feel better. Good luck with everything.

Hi shelley, are you under a visitation court order? She will be okay, because she will be with family. And believe me they will be all over her watching her every moment and making sure she is o.k. I went thru the same thing, and I was paranoid. But they love her and will be excited just to get that little extra time with her. Pray on it, leave it in God's hand. You will do fine and the baby will be fine.:)

Shelley,

I know exactly where you are at as I was in a very similar position last year at this time. Please know that you are doing the right thing for your daughter and take comfort in that. It won't be easy but be strong and hang in there. The more interaction that your daughter has with all of her loved ones, the better off she will be in the long run. I know how hard it is to go without her for such a long period when you are not accustomed to it but stay strong and trust that it will be alright. Hang in there Shelley and please know that you are not alone in feeling this way. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. God bless and Merry Christmas.

If you don't have a good reason to be concerned, then don't be. It's only natural for you to be so protective of her, but she'll be fine. I understand that she's young and you worry, but the family will take care of her. It's good that he wants to have her, let him enjoy the holiday with his little girl. Good luck and merry Christmas!

I don't know if this will help but my roomate's boyfriend has a daughter from his first marriage who is three months old and he gets her once a month for a whole day. It is his second child so he has some experience with children but while she's here he does fine with her. It's actually nice that he gets some one on one bonding time with his daughter. His parents really enjoy getting to see her as well and they are just in love with their granddaughter. They do great with her! In your case, it might actually be beneficial bonding time for your daughter and her father. I know it's hard to just let your daughter go with people who aren't with your daughter on a daily basis but unless you feel uncomfortable with how they handle her when she visits I think that you should give them the chance to prove they can be a part of her life too without necessarily having a second party figure around during visitation. It's hard to be reassuring but I wish you the best and the best advice I can give is to take a deep breath, relax as best as possible, and try to enjoy a few hours to yourself. Let "daddy" and his family get to know her and enjoy spending some time with her. They'll be more relaxed without someone looking over their shoulder and if it goes well perhaps in the future you'll be able to confidently leave her with him and take a break from being mommy. Hope all works out and I wish you the best of christmases!

I remember feeling the same way with my first child. I thought I had to help my own mother(who has had 6)with my son for fear she would do something wrong. It will be hard letting her go, but as long as her father is trustworthy and he loves her, he will learn how to handle her just like you have. Spend time with your own family, if possible, while she is gone, go for a walk, do something to help someone else. Occupy your time, so your not sitting around worrying. You will get through this!

I've got to disagree with the other responders here. Four months is too young for her to be away from you for that long. You are her only comfort and security right now. Consider going with her. You need to be at peace with her father and his family to start a lifetime of cooperation among you all. Be polite, stay an hour or two and then take your baby home. As she gets older and knows her dad more, she can go for longer visits, but now she needs YOU.

I can understand your feelings; I felt the same way when my children were this age when they were with anyone but me. Can you call to check on how things are going every once in a while? This would be normal as I did this when I even left my infant girl with my mom. Usually, when I heard my mom say, "oh, she is sleeping righ now" and just gave me the detail it made me feel better. Also, I would try to keep yourself busy with family and/or other support during that time.

Separation anxiety and that feeling of "no one else can handle caring for my baby" is normal. That said, if it's truely a couple of hours, she should be ok.

Even though the time daddy sees her is short, does he love her bunches? Does his family love her bunches? If the love is there, she'll feel it.

Do you all live reasonably close by? Make sure he has your cell number so you can help if he needs it. You might take the time to go see a movie or have a nice lunch/dinner or something while the baby is there if you are not going to be with her. That way, you can have some "you" time, but still be accessible for the family if they need you.

Do you have a reasonable relationship with dad and his family? This will be key for her now and as she grows. The best thing you all can do is to have a civil, respectful relationship. She will thank you for it when she's older.