We received two save the dates for weddings a few months ago - one the end of June, one 4th of July weekend. The first is being thrown by a couple who are both widow/widowers and they have 2 young children to take care of as well as both work full time. So I understand if it's very difficult for them to do everything timely. But the wedding is 4 weeks away and a "destination" one. The groom is an old, used to be very close friend of my husbands though they don't see each other much for the past couple of years. We tried to be very supportive when his wife was dying though. Second one is my old, used to be one of my best friends. The groom. We've drifted since I had kids and moved out of the city etc while he stayed single and he also has a very demanding job that requires a lot of travel. That wedding is now 5 weeks away and no invitation either. The fiance in this case works full time but I don't think at a demanding job and there are no kids to take care of. I've read minimum 6-8 weeks for wedding invitations to go out. What do you all think? Do save the dates mean the actual invitation is not really necessary? The second in particular is a very traditional wedding. Fairly fancy, first for both of them etc. I'm figuring we got cut from the lists but can't believe people would send a save the date and then do that... But I also can't believe they'd send invitations this late when many people will need to book hotels...
Yes - I could ask but seems tacky/pushy to me and perhaps this is fairly normal now a days. That's kind of my question. Maybe save the dates have gotten so popular that the actual invitations go out much later than they used to? For the 2nd wedding, a very good friend was also verbally invited and got a save the date but no formal invitation either. However, while we were all very close at one point, this friend also wasn't sure if he was close enough anymore to get an invite either. So both of us may have been cut. The best man is a friend and just emailed yesterday. I mentioned no invitation but he didn't reply to that... First wedding btw, I can't make as i"m taking our kids to visit family. It'd be my husband going solo and he doesn't worry about planning in advance. :) So I'm mainly just curious if this whole thing is weird or not.
So it does happen that people get an STD and no invite!!
We did get the invitation right after I posted this for the further out wedding... Nothing for the closer in one which is now 3 weeks away... My husband emailed the groom on another matter so we'll see if he responds.
A friend sent their save the date cards months before the invites, but they still arrived about 9 or 10 weeks out. Granted, this is kind of late in the game for not having sent invitations out, call and ask because YOU need to know.
I'd call or email and say something like, "I feel awkward asking about this, but you sent us a Save the Date notice a while back for your wedding. We haven't received a formal invitation and weren't sure if we were still invited? We have other potential plans that day, so we wanted to double check. If we're not, we completely understand. We just need to double check on the situation."
I would contact them and tell them you received the save the date but did not receive the invitation and were wondering if it got lost.
It's possible it got lost.
It's possible they are doing everything very last minute and figure if you got the save the date that you'll be booking hotels and stuff anyway.
It's possible you got cut. In that case, calling them up would be a good thing because it's RUDE to send a save the date and not an invite!
Good luck!
E-mail: "Psst! Am I still saving the date? I was waiting to finalize my reservations once I got the invitation."
They have likely lost track of time.
No, the STD has not taken the place of an actual invitaiton, even if some people treat it that way. I know a couple who sent out a STD for their wedding and then went around scolding people for not RSVPing. If they want to operate outside the box, cool. If they want to follow established etiquette, that's cool, too. They don't get to do both, though, and expect other people to know how the hell to respond.
ETA: For those who are unaware, "save the date" translates to, basically, "As you live your busy life, please do not schedule anything else for this particular portion of your calendar, as I would like for you to share in a certain experience with me. Block this chunk of time for me. Details will follow."
I hate to offer this possibility, but I'll throw it out there. Perhaps with the expenses associated with the weddings, they realized they need to lower their invite list. You may not get invitations after all...
I wouldn't save the date or make plans to go, unless you were formally invited.
An invitation still has to be sent out.
Save the date things are not an invitation.
All it does it tell a person when they plan to get married.
And then based on the save the date notice, people can get them wedding gifts anyway, even if they don't go.
Especially since one of the weddings is a "destination" wedding.
And that is ONLY 4 weeks away.
I wouldn't go to that one.
** Just Google Search "What do save the date wedding notices mean?"
Maybe since they sent you a save the date, they felt there wasn't any rush in getting the invitations out (since everyone's been notified of the date)
Why haven't you just e-mailed or called these people and simply asked?
If you're not close enough to feel OK calling or even sending an e-mail to say, "Hey, got your save the date, what's up..." then you are not close enough to them to worry about even attending their weddings.
We received a "STD" (haha) for my husband's old friend's wedding, but never got an invitation. We assumed that their guest list had changed and that we no longer made the cut. That was fine with us.
If you think that you'd definitely be invited to these weddings, I'd ask mutual friends or family members if they've heard any further details about it, as you go the STD but never received the invitation. It is possible that it was lost in the mail.
Every save the date I have recieved, I have received an invite.
Do you know anyone else around that should be getting an invite and see if maybe they did recieve thiers?
If not I would just ask.
Well, you know the dates and can make all your reservations for lodging, if need be, right?
If you are that concerned/worried, I don't see anything else to do besides to call them and ask?
To answer your question: Yes, I think it's a bit weird to be this close to the actual dates and not have a formal invitation yet.
I'd call. They may just be having a big reception after the wedding or your invitation got lost in the mail, it happens. If you are friends and are wanting to go then call and say you were really looking forward to attending but haven't received any more information.
They are probably just late in sending out their invites. I doubt they would send you a save the date and then not invite you, or at least have the decency to call you and explain. The save the date would not replace the invitation, as the couple would still need to get RSVPs and give all the details of the time and location.
Ask someone else who would be invited in each case whether or not they have received an invitation.
