RSVP Manners

Hi Pam,

I would call everyone on the list. Unfortunately, people are not respectful of RSVP anymore. I wish people were but I have found it not worth even putting RSVP on invitations anymore. I think the only time people do is for the wedding itself.

Good luck with the shower!

I would plan for at least 25... i know i've had the same problem in the past. In fact, my mom and aunt just had a bridal shower for my cousin, and had the same problem. These days i don't know what it is but people don't like to call their rsvps in. You should try to use an email for rsvps next time you may find you get more responces. I heard that one of my cousin's other bridesmaids said "Yes, I am coming, i just hate calling people i don't know to rsvp!" Dumb i know, but whatever... i guess people of my generation just don't understand until they have the problem (i was married about 4 years ago, and am 25).

I hear you!!! I wish I had advice for you, but I could not agree more. It seems that we have entered some era of "new manners" which amount to no manners at all. If you ever hear of a true bandwagon that I can hop on to get this through people's heads count me in--I'm on!!

I say a phone call would be fine.

Seriously what is wrong with people, if you are asked to RSVP, do it. I was married 3 years ago and it was horrible. Most people did not RSVP. I always make it a point to do so, it is helpful for people to know numbers.

Good Luck with the shower!!

Give them a call.

That's what we did for our wedding. But most may have missed that component because usually you are not expected to rsvp to showers..... Just call and say you're getting a head count for the caterers and I was just wondering if you are planning on making it?????

I know it would be a huge inconvience but could you call the people who did not respond? Maybe you could call the bride's mother and ask her to call the women in her family and call you back with a head count. And ask the bride to ask her friends if they are planning to attend.
I worked in the Deli of a grocery store and we usualy figured a 1/4 lb per person when ordering food for a large party. They can add an extra 1/2 lb for those who did not respond but the difference between 5 and 33 is too great and you would run out of food. Or just plan for 10-12 people to attend and hope you have enough. Explain the situation to your caterer and ask if they could deliver more food if a lot more people show up than sent RSVP's.
Good luck and I wish the lucky couple many years of happiness.

I know what you mean. I had the same problems when planning my sisters wedding shower and bachelorette party. I just called everyone a few days before and asked because I needed a head count. Some people seemed annoyed (usually because they were saying they wouldn't be able to make it) but "oh, well". I even included my email address so people could just send off and email to rsvp if that was easier for them.

I would NOT assume they are coming on this particular weekend because it is #1 Mother's day weekend, and #2 opening fishing weekend. I've lived in MN my whole life and have never missed an opener at our cabin for any occasion. I have been invited to a shower that day and have not responded yet, but am not going. Just have not thought about it since I got the invite about a month ago and should have called right away, but did not. People get busy. I would only plan on 1/4 of the people you invite to an event to be able to make it on normal occasions. In this cause only the five who responded.

You shouldn't have to, but I would call anyone you have not heard from. You don't want to pay for a bunch of food for people who are not coming, but you also don't want to have a bunch of unplanned for people show up and not have enough food. It is rude of them not to get back to you. I would call today and say you need to know. Good luck and congrats to the bride and groom!
S.

I agree that a phone call would be appropriate. It's unfortunate you've had such a lack of response, but for your sake, a phone call is the best option. Another rule of thumb I have discovered is that typically you should expect 1/2 of the people to show up that you have invited. So, in your case considering that you've sent 33 invitations and invited 66 people, I'd plan for around 33-35 people to attend. This, of course, isn't going to be perfect, but it can at least give you a guidleline for planning. Good luck!

Hi Pam!

This happened at my wedding (I was running the show myself) and it was suggested to me that I put in a phone call to each unresponsive party to confirm whether they would be attending or not, and if so, in what number. This is also how Martha Stewart would handle it within the parameters of proper etiquette! I checked! I'm traditionally a stickler for etiquette, so I completely understand your frustration and anger over the lack of common decency and respect that most people in the world have today - particularly in this nation! May God Bless you and your family richly! B. L.

I to become very frustrated by this because it does not give you the opportunity to plan and you want to be sure to have enough food. I will not contact people unless they are family, but people do not have the respect to RSVP any longer, they should know how difficult that makes this. I usually try to plan for those that I know will be coming, even though they havent RSVP'ed and then a little extra, but I have never catered an event which I know can be costly as you must pay per plate. I would recommend attempting to contact these people who have not responded and explain that you need to know, as much as you shouldnt have to.

I hate RSVP also, especially when I need to know how many people are attending. As a rule, I RSVP whether I am going to attend or not. That way there is no confusion for the hostess. I believe that most people RSVP when they are not going to attend the event. Since the shower is next week, I would call everyone you have not heard from to follow up if you have his/her phone numbers. It is possible that many forgot to reply. Good luck and have a fun shower. I hope it is a success.

yep it's frustrating. I would CALL everyone since you are having it catered. Frustrating, yes!!!! But that's the only way to get an accurate count. YOu'd hate to plan for 5 and have 20 show up!

I have found it's best to call people. Sometimes, they may not have had time to RSVP after opening their mail (I've done that) and/or misplaced it. Also, some people may have just plain forgot about it. I've had that happen to me when planning and they were actually quite happy that I called. Just be cheerful and tell them you need a headcount so you can plan for food.

How frustrating! Wouldn't it be nice to just make an announcement "whoever RSVP'ed may go and eat now", lol.
If I were you I'd just be sure to get food that will not spoil so if only that many show up you'll be able to save it and eat it.
Best Wishes,
J.

Ugh, major pet peeve of mine. Go through your list and call each person who didn't have the decency to call, you can't just assume they are coming if you need to plan your lunch. I'd be frustrated too being only a week out!
Good luck!

Unfortunately, most people don't RSVP like they should. I would recommend calling them to get an accurate head count.

If you have e-mail addresses for the people you can make a free evite at evite.com. This way you can see who actually opens it, what their response is and you would know who you need to take the time to call. I do this for all my functions and haven't had a complaint about people not receiving invites in the mail. It's much more eco-friendly and harder to forget. Evite will send reminder e-mails too for you. If that doesn't work for this one being such short notice, try it out for your next party/bbq/shower/whatever. Good luck!

Unfortunately, you can't count on people to RSVP for anything!!! Some people are just plain rude!!! I have parties in my home anywhere from 4 to 8 times a year, sometimes sending out upwards of 300 invitations (mainly online), ALWAYS asking for the people to RSVP, and I am lucky to get back maybe 20-30 yes's or no's. I always end up just having more food and drink than is needed, in case people do show up.

Wow, how frustrating! My experience is that more often than not, people who don't RSVP are not coming. I would ask your nephew and his bride if they could ask their friends (because they will probably be seeing them anyway), and his mom (or her mom) if they could ask their friends (if they are on the guest list). You are planning the party, probably paying for the food and decorations, and getting your house clean and ready. You shouldn't have to track down 28 people! A lot of times people "RSVP" to their friend, instead of RSVP'ing to the person throwing the party. I ran into that when I helped throw a baby shower last year. I think since you are throwing it at your house, you actually have a little more room for error than you think. I'd add about 6 people on top of whatever number you get (guys typically hate going to showers, so I wouldn't worry about getting many guys, and kids don't eat much, so I wouldn't worry about them, either). You could have a couple boxes of crackers and dip stashed in the kitchen (and maybe something else standing by) that you could throw on the table if you all of a sudden have way more people show up. If you somehow have a ton of people that show up and still don't have enough food (don't think that will happen) then you can just mention to people that you actually did plan for more than the amount that RSVP'd. I know you want it to be perfect, but don't stress about it. People tend to eat less at showers anyway. You don't want to pay for 33 meals and have 6 people show up. If I did that, I'd be so frustrated that I would have a hard time enjoying myself. So relax, and don't worry too much. And yes, people need to have better manners!

You're right to be mad. The courtesy of RSVPing is dying. People are so non-committal these days, they don't respond. I would have your nephew & his bride call the invitees (if they are their friends)and ask if they are coming or not. Can you email them and ask for a quick response?? Good luck.

Amen! I have had so many parties (our wedding included!) that people have not RSVP'd!! I am only 26, but I do so understand that it is just plain rude to not RSVP! I think this generation has lost all understanding of common etiquette.

How did you ask them to RSVP? Mail back card or email typically work better than phone #.
Ask the couple if there are any guests they know the status of or could help call. Good luck!

People seriously do not get RSVP stuff back in time. The main time I realized this was my own wedding. We had to call all of the people we hadn't heard from for both the shower and the wedding.

I'd say call them and tell them the RSVP is past due and you need to know the numbers for the food.

Good luck! :)

Or it could be like my wedding, when over 25% of the people who did RSVP and state they were coming did NOT show up! I assume the weather was too beautiful that day to show up! :)

I understand the frustration. It is not only irratating but it is very rude.

There is two choices you can do. One is to call everyone who hasn't sent it and tell them you are trying to get a final count on the food and ask them if they are coming and how many in their party. This will be time consuming at a very busy time but it will give you an idea of what to expect.

The other is to just have food for those who RSVP and serve them. Let the others have cake and join in the fun but don't feed them, saying you are sorry but you didn't realize that they were coming. It would be a good lesson for them but make it a downer for the shower so I would go with the first.

With school coming to the end of the year and summer starting it is hard to get a lot of people together for anything. Last few showers I have given hasn't had the turn out that I thought there would be so don't take it personally if not many come.

Good luck and have fun no matter how many show up.

Pam,
I had the same problem last summer when I got married. We had RSVP cards also and no response to a lot of them. I was thankful I ordered food for 150 when only 90 RSVP's came back out of 250 invites I still fed people who I thought were rude for not being respectful to the Bride and Groom. We must be old school:)
The one thing we had to do was assign someone to start calling the people on the list to see if they are attending the event. No answer, I said no food.
If they show they don't eat. Simple...
I did have family show that didn't RSVP and I made it a point to say to them "I didn't think you were coming".

I feel your pain! I went through this with my own wedding!!

Unfortunately, you need to call the people you haven't heard from. Many have probably spaced out the RSVP date. Please don't assume anything--you could end up short on food, or paying for food that won't be eaten.