Role Playing All Day: Piggyback to "Does Your Preschooler Have Scripts?"

LOVE that she plays 'let's pretend' (i worry that it's dying out what with kids all coming complete with screens these days) but i would not cater to being part of it all day. it's nice that you want to play with her, but you can put brackets around it. there's no point in all this guilt. she's an only child, and there are HUGE advantages to that. one of the biggest is learning to entertain herself. any let's pretend game can be done solo, and there is zero shame for any mom to be able to say firmly 'mommy's time for playing this game is up. i'm busy now and you need to play with pretend kitty' (or substitute pretend kitty's name.)
once kids cotton onto the misdirection ruse, it just insults them. she's probably outgrown it. just be upfront, firm and kind with her.
khairete
S.

ES,

I must ask: what is the underlying issue which makes you feel guilty every time you have to say no to your sweet kiddo?

I ask this in friendship-- I know you are a very caring mom.

Christy Lee said it very well. But do, do look into why you have such a hard time feeling okay being 'mom'. It's a lifetime of making boundaries and saying "sorry,no" or "yes, and later"... does your little one throw big tantrums when you say no?

It's okay if she does. It's NORMAL if she does. What would be less helpful is if you acquiesced to avoid the tantrum.

Learning boundaries is a very healthy and vital part of growing up. Preschool teachers will not acquiesce. Kindergarten teachers will start to point out discipline issues. (I see this...it's very common that parents who feel bad saying no find their kiddos unprepared for the realities of schooling.)

Find out why you feel bad saying no. Once again, I know you are a very loving mom and want to do all you can for your kiddo. And she needs you to be able to say "no" confidently too. :)

Just like when she wanted to keep having you push her in the swing at the park and you kept indulging her, you need to be able and willing to set limits and tell her, "No, not right now."

Yes, it's cute, it's a phase, it's endearing, I get all that - until she starts trying to take over your life and your time and throwing fits because you are not following "the script". No way Jose.

If it were my daughter (and I do have one, she is 5 now), I could only put up with it so much, then I would have no problem saying okay, enough is enough for now. You are an adult and you are the parent, and you are letting a 3 year old be the boss. It will only get worse unless you let her know when it's time to stop and discipline her for the fits if she throws them.

Remember too that eventually when she goes to school and wants to play with other kids, not all of them are going to just follow along with what she wants to do, and she's going to have to learn to deal with that. At 4 years old, DD had a friend that liked to pretend play a lot, but often cast herself as the parent and DD as the baby, or herself as the teacher and DD as the student, so that basically she could boss DD around. After a while DD got sick of it and told her friend she wasn't playing anymore if she couldn't be the mom or the teacher sometimes too.

ETA: After reading your SWH - you CAN enjoy this time, you just don't have to enjoy everything about it! And remember too, you are raising an ADULT. She is going to have to learn to be okay with "NO".

My youngest is like this. All day long she is pretending to be something else. Could you say, "I will play your game, but only if I get to choose what I say. It is no fun for me, otherwise". Then it is a lot more tolerable (and even fun). I am more than happy to call my kiddo "Wolverine" or mention how strong and tough she looks or basically throw out a few comments here and there that show that I am a little interested in her game. Most of the time that is all she wants, is someone to recognize that she is a cat, or ninja turtle, or whatever, but not necessarily get super involved in the game.

Sorry but my son never did this.
My son use to like to rough house.
Which wasn't bad when he was really small.
But as he got bigger it got to be too rough.
We had to train him to stop when we said "Ok! That's enough!" before someone (me or Dad) got hurt.
Yeah, sometimes he sulked - but it was way better than a trip to the emergency room.
When you want her to stop, say your stop phrase and mean it.
So what if she cries?
What 3 yr old doesn't cry over something every now and then?
She'll get over it sooner or later and you need to set this boundary.
You can play pretend again tomorrow but when it's time to stop - you are done for the day.
She will adapt and your sanity will be spared.
Beware of giving in to the crying - it can be a start to whining - and that can be a really hard habit to break.

Give it a timeframe. "Okay, honey, we can play pretend for 20 minutes and then mommy needs to _________."

After that, tell her the next time that you can play pretend. 20 minutes in the afternoon or the next day. When she tries to "script you," tell her no. You pretend time is over until next time, as discussed.

When my son was younger and had games he wanted me to play that were too boring or annoying or disruptive to my work, this was my strategy. Set a timer and tell him/her that you can play the game for ______ minutes. Tell them that when the timer goes off, you have to get back to your chores/work and you will be able to play again later.

My son is 9 and he still loves to play imaginary roles (often a kitty, but also plays a knight, a Civil War general, and others).

Hi Mama, my girls love pretend play too. Sometimes when it feels too much I tell my daughters, I can play for 30 minutes and then I have some laundry to do or I am going to read have have "me time." If they get upset I do not change my plan. Try and see this as a way to teach your daughter respect for other people's wishes. Most three year olds need help learning this concept. Also, see it as a chance for her to learn how to play together well with others. My daughter will give me scripts and I do them for a few minutes but then I let her know I have ideas too and if she wants to play with me she needs to make room for my ideas. If she gets upset I stop playing and tell her I will play but only if you play nicely. Good luck!

Its a phase.
Mine did that too.

But you also have to get used to saying "Mommy doesn't want to play now..." and she can play with her imaginary friends.

The thing is, they do this.
ALL day long.
But you also have to.... say "no" sometimes.
It won't impede them.

Your kiddo is 3.
You can say, no.
Or "not right now... Mommy needs to wash the dishes." or "I can't concentrate now... let me have 5 minutes..."
Telling a kiddo "no" or "not right now.." is fine and will not, traumatize them nor their imagination.
They also have to learn, the cues of other people too.

If she gets incensed.... when you don't say it immediately enough, then oh well!
Let her get incensed.
A kiddo also has to learn... boundaries. And they WILL deflate on their own. Let her. deflate. on. her. own.

Just be blunt.
I was with my kids.
I was honest with them, didn't make up excuses.
Sometimes I just told them "I am not in the mood to do that right now.... I am getting grumpy by being asked all the time.... " Or "If you give me 10 minutes... then Mommy will be more than happy to play pretend..."
And I taught them the word "compromise." Even at 2 years old, my daughter understood that word and it she used it properly.

My preschooler loves to do this too. Invite over a preschooler friend for her to play with - a little playdate. Then they can pretend together and you can listen in and chuckle. This works for me! Also, it's ok to tell her no, mommy pretended with you enough...mommy has some work to do now. Let her cry and fuss. She'll learn you are not at her beck and call!

Don't feel guilty. Please don't. Six years ago, if I heard the phrase, "You talk Brown Horsey" just once more, I think I would have stabbed my eye with a fork.

My suggestion is to ask your daughter other questions, still about the Kitty, still engaging her in what she's interested in. For instance, "Honey, do you think Kitty likes ice cream? What's her favorite flavor?" or, "I wonder if Kitty can play hopscotch?" to further expand her dialogue. It is a phase and you will get beyond it, I promise.

But it's totally normal to imagine Kitty in a garbage disposal.