REVISED INFO: Daycare Provider Doesn't like My Toddler Saying No

I'm not sure what your daycare provider has a problem with. Is your son telling her "no" when she asks him to do something? I have always tried to use "no" sparingly and instead would say "not for Paige". I also (at the advice of our pediatrician) give her two choices when I ask her to doing something. For example, when it is time to go into the bathroom for her bath I tell her "You have two choices. One, you can walk into the bathroom all by yourself or two, Mommy can carry you." Then I give her a minute to make up her mind. If she walks in herself, I praise her and tell her she made the right choice. If I have to pick her up and carry her she usually gets upset and cries, then I tell her that SHE made the choice. I also use the "I'm going to count to three and then Mommy will make the choice. They both seem to work very well with her by giving her some control over the decisions. I also feel that many toddlers go through the "NO" stage and it makes it worse to make a big deal out of it. It sounds like your son is trying to assert some independence which is a good thing, as long as he listens you. Try to get your provider to be more specific on what she feels is the problem, maybe giving you examples. She isn't there to raise your child the way SHE thinks he should be raised, only to care for him while you are at work. I'm really interested to hear what she says. Keep us posted!
L.

I've worked in various day cares and love being around children. I agree with the advice of Love. Your son should clearly understand who authority figures are but that is not the day care providers responsibility. Children often say no just to say it, even when they are actually doing what you ask of them. I would explain to her that you are address the issue and thanks for her input.

I won't add too much to the advice already given for the sake of not duplicating it. I don't think it could hurt to give your toddler some other options such as "I don't like that" or "I want to do something else." But ultimately, kids repeat what they hear, and as you said...all good parents say "No!" Don't stress too much....this too shall pass!

I would agree that it is a stage and just because they hit the third birthday doesn't magically shut it off. Seems like you might need to have a sit down with the provider and come up with a way that you feel is ok to respond to his "no" responses. I tend to withhold something my preschoolers want if they won't do what they are supposed to and it generally works. For instance if I tell them it is time to get pajamas on and they say "no", I tell them they can have their drink of water (or whatever) when they do what they are told. With that said, I really like the "two choices" method I read and I think I will try that one myself!

Hi L.-
As a former preschool teacher and current nanny, it sounds like your provider is coming across some difficulty with your son and is hoping to gain your support in letting him know that it is not a choice to tell her 'no' when she is asking him to do something, although it seems she is going about talking to you the wrong way because this should have been a private conversation out of the way of your son.
Although it probably is a stage, your son is not a toddler any more, he is a preschooler. (They grow so quick!) And in being a preschooler, he is able to understand and express himself in sentences. He can comprehend now why 'no' is the answer so that should probably be part of the direction. It is also important that he knows the role of his provider is to keep him and the other children safe, and telling her no is not a choice, and that listening to her is very important.
I would ask her for a moment that she could express any concerns or difficulties that she may be incurring.
Good Luck!