Refusing to Go to Sleep

Maybe she really isn't tired. Does she nap? Try shortening her nap (an equally painful process) or eliminating it altogether. Both of my kids started giving up naps around 2 1/2.

Have you tried Jo Frost's (the supernanny)way? I don't agree with everything she does but her bed time tricks work well. At this point if it were me I would try just about anything. Good Luck!

Each child is different I have had three.With one of my kids I would go to bed early with them lay next to them on the floor read to them til they went to sleep after a while it did not take long. Another child needs moms pillow and soothing music and that worked.The last was the hardest. Tv video, disney movie said they could watch there favorite if they lay down in bed and stay there, remember with this you must give warm bath to relax them. Fun night light out of reach of couse so they are not scared. favorite baby buddy who will sleep with them so they do not feel alone. Good luck

I am a firm believer in the book, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child (I hope the title is correct). The author is a pedi in Chicago and has great ideas on sleep training. I have used his technique and see amazing changes in my son. I would recommend moving her bedtime up 1/2 to an hour. I know this may interrupt your schedule but it will work. If she wakes up earlier in the morning, do not get her until the normal wake up time. Do this for a week and then slowly move the time forward. However, if she seems happier and more energetic this earlier bedtime may be what she needs???? Hope this idea helps!

Dear D.,

Taking away stuff doesn't work, charts do not work either, she is too young to know what you are talking about. Just keep on putting her back into the bed and don't do a lot of talking. You could also mention to her that you take care of her even when she is asleep and you and Dad check on her through out the night.

Cuddly baby dolls and stuffed toys might help, you already know that. Just be firm and don't argue, just be firm and determined. She will sense your attitude and finally give up. During the day you need to tell her that she is going to stay in her bed when you put her to bed for
the night. She still does nap doesn't she? Sometimes children try not to nap at about that age. She needs to stay in bed and play or rest, but doesn't have to actually sleep until night time, but just being in the bed will bond her with it and give her rest at the same time.

Be sure to get her up from the nap or rest time before 2:30 or even earlier so that she can have a good quality play and family time before supper and bed.

Good luck, C. N.

Hi, I'm a mom of two adult girls with 6 grandchildren. I also have a brother 2 1/2 years younger than I. It seems to me your little 2 1/2 year old daughter needs you to reassure her she is still just as important to you as she was when she was in the crib that her new sibling now has.
Take a half hour and spend it in her room when she's in bed and sing to her or quote bed time stories to her or talk to her about when you were a little girl. Make it be a very special time just for her. Encourage her, as the big girl she now is, and let her know how special she is to you. Good luck and God be with you and your family.

Perhaps she is not ready for a toddler bed; maybe she is afraid of her new freedom, lower bed, etc....we moved our daughter to her toddler bed only when she showed signs of readiness, i.e. verbally and also she was eager to control her going in and out of the crib. Her crib converted to a toddler bed so it was not a traumatic change for herand she loved it...she was about 2.5, but every child is different....perhaps you can ask her why she is so frustrated or try staying with her for a liitle while maybe reading a book or just hugging, let her know you will be just around the corner if she needs anything...we did all we could to make her feel comfortable...no behavioral charts or threats...I dont think its a behavior problem but truly that she is afaraid or uncomfortable. Good Luck!

Hi D.,

The first thing that occurred to me that maybe she wasn't quite ready to move to a "big girl" bed yet and would feel more secure in her crib, what do you think? We didn't move our daughter out of her crib till just a week before she was 3....she was very excited and ready and we had talked about it for some time before that, to accustom her to the idea and make it sound inviting. :) We also explained before she first slept in it that she had to stay in bed until time to get up in the morning (or after her nap) and so far she has stayed in with no problems (she has a few soft dolls to play with in her bed too). She has called out when she wanted to get up and go potty, and that's fine of course. :)

If the toddler bed situation is not the problem, maybe your little girl simply needs some tweaks to the bedtime routine that you are currently doing, to help her relax and calm down for sleep. One thing that leaped out at time was that you said you didn't start her bedtime routine till 7 or 7:30 pm - it would be better if it was finishing up by that time, in my experience. I think a 7-7:30 bedtime is very good even for kids who are older than your daughter, so I must respectfully disagree with the person who suggested that it should be later. For us, that time works well and if we miss it (especially by a long shot), my daughter tends to have at least one night waking or sometimes more, whereas if she is in bed and at rest "on time" or close to that, she will sleep all night long as usual. A very good book to help with sleep issues is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It's helped us a lot!

A warm bath before bed is a good way to help the relaxation process along. Singing and cuddling before expecting her to lie down in her bed is also a good idea, if you don't already do that. If you are tandem nursing, then of course nursing is a time honored and wonderful way to relax both mom and child at bedtime :). My daughter still nurses and it's part of our bedtime routine (and naptime) and it is visibly very calming and comforting to her, even though she doesn't nurse very long at a time.

Another thing that's important is to keep play and stimulation low key for a few hours prior to bedtime for her. If you watch TV you might try keeping it off for at least 2 hours prior to her bedtime (even if she is not "watching" it will still affect her if she is exposed to it). Also it would be best for her most vigorous play and exercise to be earlier in the day, just like it's not recommended that adults exercise vigorously in the last few hours prior to retiring for the night...it's too invigorating and can cause alertness at bedtime.

The last thing that occurred to me was that since your daughter now has a younger sibling, could she be feeling like she needs more of your attention and time or that she is being "shuffled off" to bed and missing out on something? Just a thought. At her age, kids are still very needy - of their moms especially - and are back-and-forth between needing to be a "big kid" and a baby. Make sense?

I hope you can work out a bedtime routine that works for your family so you ALL can get some rest. :)

Blessings,

S.

She's 2 and a half... maybe 7:30 is too early for her to go to bed now..try raising her bedtime by a half hour to hour. You may notice she will tire herself out and is ready for bed when you want her to go down. Good luck.

Try not to let her wear you out, my advice is to just ride the wave and know that she'll pass through this phase. We've gone through 4 or 5 phases where bedtime is not at all routine but after a couple of days or even weeks it gets back to normal. It could just be a growth spurt or a control issue that she's experimenting with.

Check out www.childhoodmatters.org, for you'll find previous radio programs on this topic, and tune in to KISS 98.1 FM for the live program "Childhood Matters" on Sundays 9AM.
Sweet dreams!

Your daughter might be frightened of the new bed and may need more comforting and support. She is trying to tell you something isn't working and she can't as she is only 2 1/2. I wouldn't take things away from her as this is a new situation that she is adjusting to. See if she needs a special blanket or toy...she is too young for a behavior chart; she doesn't understand and doesn't have the capacity to make the changes you think she should. Try praising her - you are getting to be such a big girl and you have the best big girl bed...what color sheets would you like to have on your bed...what special animals would you like to sleep with you in your big girl bed? Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you.

I think you are expecting too much from her and may be making bedtime a not so pleasant time for her...make it special and something she can look forward to (special time with Mommy or Daddy) by reading her a story and snuggling with her....

Hi D.,
This is a hard age. Does your child nap? You might want to consider stopping the nap or shortening it. Mine both (3.5 and 2 yrs-20 months apart) started napping only sporadically around 2. The behavior chart might be young for her to comprehend as well as the throwing out of toys; she may not understand the consequences. Super Nanny would say to put her back to bed without saying anything and keep doing this until she falls asleep.

Remember they are constantly changing and the impact of a new sibling can manifest itself in many ways.

Good luck,
A.

Hi D.,
Just know this is a phase they go thru .... both of my girls did this!
Follow your usual bed time routine ... then when she gets up, say it's bed time and put her back in her room. Try not to get upset and don't engage in too much conversation. Kind of like the SuperNanny Method. it will work if you stay strong and don't give in.
It won't last forever -- even though it seems like it!!
Good luck!
R. L.

Hi D.,
Is she napping? She might be outgrowing her naps or may just need to take them earlier in the day and perhaps you could limit the amount of time that she sleeps. My son did that for a while too as he was growing out of napping. When he did nap, I would make sure that we did a lot of physical activity in the afternoon, have some quality time with him when his little sister went to bed and then put him down for the night. Hope this helps!

Thanks for the email, whoo, that is really hard especially since you have a five month old!!
I believe she is looking for comfort during this transition and what she is going through is very normal! If she came from a crib there is a huge difference in cribs and toddler beds, height and the open space instead of the cozy cornered space. All I can say is bare with her and comfort her instead of trying to make her do what she needs to do. She'll get it and this time will pass but she may be a little scared so she needs encouragement and probably a longer routine for a while. I would reassure her that if she can't sleep you'll be there to comfort her and reassure her that she is safe in her new bed and so lucky to have this new bed because it's a sign of growing and growing is a healthy thing.

Remember she doesn't have the words yet to express how she really feels, this happens more around three to four and then it's ongoing even until adulthood right?? (0:

Blessings,
V.

I can't help but wonder whether there is something about the toddler bed that frightens or makes your child uneasy, or something else associated with that change in her life.

You might want to try reading Elizabeth Pantley's no-cry sleep solution. I have three children and the oldest transitioned out of our bed into his own bed at around five years of age and we are now in the process of transitioning our 4 year old into her bed with her brother. My own experience has been that punishing the child or treating their lack of readiness to sleep alone as a behaviour issue doesn't always work. Finding out what is causing her to wake up all the time and trying to meet that need or being more gradual in your attempt to get your toddler to sleep in her own bed may be more successful. Elizabeth Pantley gives a lot of good suggestions for various ways you can try to get your toddler to sleep on her own all night. There is some charting and tracking in the beginning and it's not a quick-fix but like dieting and other life changes, the quick-fix usually doesn't last. While it may take you a couple of months of having to work a little harder to achieve your goal, you will hopefully find as most families do, that your toddler will be sleeping peacefully in her toddler bed without a huge tantrum every night. You can get the book on Amazon.com. Telling you what I did won't necessarily helps as every child is different and one of the points in her book is that what works for your friends isn't necessarily going to work for you. Good luck. I know how challenging it can be especially when you have an infant that you are needing to get down to sleep as well.

I'd suggest moving the bedtime back a little bit. My oldest (now 13) was never ready to go to bed, let alone to sleep, by 7:30 at night. We had 8 pm as his bedtime with story, hugs, etc.

Another suggestion that worked for us was, he had a special children's flashlight to "read" books with after the lights were turned off. The trick was, it only stayed on while he gripped the handle. He was allowed to "read" in bed until 9 pm (at which time we came and took the books and flashlight) or until he fell asleep, which ever came first.

Are you sure she isn't taking too long of naps during the day that are preventing her of being tired? If not, try giving her some choices before she falls asleep like being able to take a coloring book into bed or reading you a bed time story. Try to make her feel like she is in control to some degree so it isn't a control issue for her. Good luck!!

Hi D.,
I went through something similiar when my 6 year old was her age. If I've learned anything in the last 5 years, basically when mine decided she was her own person, is that consistency is the key. And not just in this case, but with everything. Don't give in because in turn, she is training you.
She's merely testing how far she can go with this newfound freedom that is her toddler bed.
It's okay to go in and tell her, without holding her etc., that it's time for bed... "good night". It gets easier with time... I PROMISE. Eventually she will realize that she's not getting her way and she "may as well go to bed".
Good luck.

Hi D.,

This is something we did for our son when he was around the same age. He moved to a twin bed & a new house and so the transition took a while but if you stick to it you'll be so happy. We got this idea from the Nanny (from the British show) but implemented it differently to work with our son's needs. For the first 5 nights we took turns sitting at the the foot of his bed until he was super sleepy almost about to fall asleep then left just as he was about to drift into sleep. Just make sure that you make it very clear to your daughter that she is not allowed to talk to you or come to you; otherwise you will leave. Then the next 3 nights we put a chair right next to his bed and sat next to him for 15mins. We explained to him that he was not allowed to talk to us or we would leave. Then the next night we moved the chair about 5inches away from his bed towards the door. The same rule always applies, no talking to Mommy or Daddy. With each passing night shorten your stay so that you will only need to sit for 3-5mins max and move the chair a little closer towards the door. Soon the chair will be right next to the door and finally you will no longer need to sit next to your daughter. It worked for our son & he used to cry & make us lay next to him until he fell asleep. It just takes a lot of patience from you & your husband but I promise you after about 2 weeks you will happy you did it. I hope it works for you and I know it will be hard with a 5 month old. Good luck & let us know if it worked.

Best,
T. B

Hi, D.. Just a few thoughts on your situation. The first thing is that perhaps 7:30PM is a bit early for your daughter to go to bed, especially if she is still napping. If she is napping, you might want to make sure she's up by 3PM and has plenty of exercise after that to get tired out for bed. Do you have a consistent routine? I always read to my daughter (have your husband deal with the baby) in a dimly-lit bedroom, and played the tape "Lullaby Magic" by Joanie Bartels. It set the right mood for going to sleep peacefully, and, in fact, my daughters listened to those songs until they were about 5 years old, when they switched to story tapes. The other bedtime ritual we had was to read "Goodnight Moon"..the girls loved to cuddle on my lap and 'read' along with me. Don't resort to bribery! Make your daughter understand how wonderful her room is, and how special bedtime is. She will soon look forward to going to bed. Hope this helps! S. A. (mother of 18 and 14-year old daughters)

If she was just transitioned to her bed move her back to the crib. Maybe she feels safer. If that is not the case it could be developmental or a stage. Does she have an active imagination yet? She may be scared or have bad dreams. She may want more attention because she is jealous or feeling left out because of baby. We had to take our (now 4) oldest child back to bed several times for almost 6 months. We would take him back, lay him in bed, and not say anything. We didn't argue, plead, beg, or anything. The only difference was when he had a bad dream. He had some recurring dream about the palm of his hand or something (we couldn't figure it out) but we drew lots of pictures. We drew bad dreams then turned them into happy dreams. We also do positive meditation with him now every night. It takes about 5 minutes after his bedtime stories and he's good for the night. You could try all of these and see what works for you and your daughter. Good luck!

my daughter's went though the same thing i have been though it three times and each one of mine... it wasn't so much the punishment that worked as far as the reward's i also saw that you have a new baby as well and mine are all 2 years apart as well what worked for mine was getting them a special blanket for there bed that they got to pick out... and then if they wouldn't stay in there bed blanket got taken away... also we would start bed time earlier to compensate for the extra time to get them to sleep normally it takes a small ajustment peroid with the new bed for it to be comfortable for them... maybe read a story to her while she is in bed while dad takes over with baby... sometimes it is just that extra mom time that is needed,, and then switch have dad go in and give hugs and kisses.. tuck her in and settle her in for the night.. good luck and she will get better with time

My daughter did this at around 2 as well. I finally let her cry herself to sleep. This took about three nights and she finally got that we wern't goping to let her get out of bed. The trick is to have the same schedual on the weekends even though it's fun to be able to spend that time with them.Soon she'll be telling you it's bed time. It's hard and your gonna want to get her out of bed DON"T DO IT. It will be worth it.

I have tried two things that worked with my daughter who started her tantrums around the same age (she's now almost 3 1/2).
1) Put one of those child locks on her door so she can't open it and come out. This is harsh but my daughter would play the game of coming out of her room, crawling to the living room, and peeking around the corner. As soon as we put the lock on she cried for about 10 minutes then went to sleep. We did that for a few nights in a row then took her lock off when she wasn't looking and she stays in her room at night now.
2) If the lock idea is too harsh for you, try being mute. Carry her back to her room but don't say ANYTHING. This worked for us after our 6 month old son was born because she just wanted attention. When she found she wasn't going to get it at night, she stopped coming out of her room.

However, our daughter mostly goes to sleep no problem now, but has decided to wake up early instead. It's always one thing or another, isn't it? Good luck!

Hi D.,
I agree with Carolyn N. Putting her back to bed with no talking or eye contact is the first step. Also try an earlier bedtime. My daughter is the same age and she falls asleep between 6 and 7 PM. That isn't when I put her in bed, that is what time she falls asleep, and she sleeps 11-13 hours at night. Sometimes she won't nap so I start the bed time routine at 4:45 with a bath. I notice that if she falls asleep too late, she wakes up during the night and is awake very early. I have a book by Dr. Marc Weissbluth called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" that is my sleep "bible" and recommend it to all parents.
Good luck!
L.

You might try staying with her in her room after you turn the lights out. Lie on the ground next to her bed and have another wind-down period in the dark. Somehow children seem to feel more protected and in control in the crib setting. There are so many possibilities now. Help her make a transition without the pressure of a timetable. Praise her for time spent in her big girl bed and take her back to bed, lovingly, when she gets out. This may help reduce the anxiety she's feeling.

Hi D.,

We had the exact same problem with our 2 1/2 year old. We used the SuperNanny method. It's rough. I cried the first night. But, what you do is follow your normal bedtime routine. Read a book, say goodnight and tuck her in to bed. Then, when she gets out of bed, no eye contact, and you can't talk to your daughter. Just put her back in bed. We stayed in the hallway sitting on a chair. When she got back up again, we put her right back into bed. No words and no eye contact. Most likely, she will cry (our daughter did). But after about 45 minutes of doing this on the first night, she stayed in bed. The second night, it only took about 20 minutes.

Like I said, it isn't easy. But it really does work! We have another little baby now that is 3 months and the 2 1/2 year old has started getting out of bed again. We tried our same method again and it worked. Trust me, you and your daughter will be much happier if you don't have to use punishment tactics to get them to sleep.

Best of luck to you!

Just make sure she does not have a tummy ache or something that can cause her pain or discomfort!!! Like Paseturized milk can cause gas for some kids and she might be in pain!!!! watch her diet closelly

Try making her excercise before bed like jumping on the bed with you or roughhousing...then give the bath to relax...and get her in a different routine...so she can pass gas and be tired at bedtime!!! It's just a thought!!! Love, G.. :0)

Hi D. ~
I never had this problem with any of my children, I have three kids. I have a 10 yr old,4 yr and 3 yr old. But I have a friend that has had trouble with this and she said that she put the child safety doorknob handles on the inside of her daughters door and closed the door, that way her daughter was forced to stay in her room. My person oppinion is that it might be okay for a short period of time as long as she wasn't crying hysterically and freaking out. The last thing you want to do is scare her and make her think that she isn't safe. No matter what you do, I am sure it is just a faze and it will pass like most things do with children.
Good luck and Happy Holidays!
A.