Reading Problem

Has anyone pointed out that a great deal of reading is nothing more than memory work? NO ONE knows a word before they learn it. The expectation of knowing things before learning them is popular and seriously delusional.

Being 'slightly below the norm' is ... normal. It is, in fact, it is extremely unusual for a child to be at, or about, the 'norm' in more than one area.

Do you appreciate people demanding you perform a task, with an audience, that you do not feel competent at?

Personally, with documentation in my hand (take a look at Alfie Kohn's The Homework Myth), I would explain to the teacher that there will be no more homework produced in this home until he's feeling better about himself and until he can name at least 6 things he does well.

If you're not prepared to do that (and lots of people aren't, which is fine), see if you can't find a way to make homework a whole lot less important, and 'put away' the reading practice to give him time to relax about the issue for a while until his brain catches up. Really, constantly worrying the issue doesn't create learning, it creates stress. Give him a break from trying, so he can have time to sort through it and assimilate what he's already learned.

Some people take longer to learn reading (math, skipping, you name it) than others, and pushing it makes for resistance (as you've found), humiliation (which you have witnessed lots of) and a growing sense that 'I can't' which makes people give up trying in shame. To avoid those icky results, talk about how it takes different people different lengths of time to learn things, that there are things you've only learned this year (be specific), and that there is actually a lot of time available, and he'll have caught up in no time.

Make sure you have a sense of 'lots of time' and that will take the pressure off all of you. Remember that it is impossible to tell, at 20, how long ago anyone learned to read. It is just not that important.

T.,

I know this can be difficult and can make for a very miserable evening. I am a fourth grade teacher. I work in a room with children who struggle with reading and writing and who are below grade level. FIrst make sure that he is reading at least 15 minutes in the evening. Put a timer on for him so he is not asking how much longer or getting up to look at the clock. Also make sure that his books are at his reading level, an example if he is reading at a third grade level then that is what level book he should be reading. When his time of reading is up then ask him to tell you the 5 W's of what he just read (who, what, when, where, and why) If he can't answer them tell him that it is okay and at first help him find those answers in his book. The writing can be very difficult for children. We see that boys in general struggle in this area. What you want him to do is get over that "fear" of writing. So, start off with a topic. An example would be "My favorite vacation" then again set the timer for 10 minutes have him write. When the timer goes off. He then stops writing. Have him share what he came up with. DO NOT worry about spelling at the moment. Then have him count how many words he writes in 10 minutes. Keep track on a chart each day. He will begin to want to beat his words per minute. Then begin to talk to him about how he can put more detail in his writing. I really wouldn't worry about the spelling for a little while. If your son begins to respond well to this then you can begin to work on the spelling. Spelling is very unique in the english language because it isn't just about memorizing it is about all the rules that apply that make a word up of the letters that it uses. Just try your best to keep encouraging your son, try to make it fun. Let me know if you need anymore ideas. I hope some of this will help you.

K. S.

I think before getting an assesment you could try a using an insentive chart. Sometimes children just need encouraging words and a goal. When he is frusterated, try to talk to him by asking him if he needs further explanation. You can also make it like a spelling bee game and give him an example in a sentence. I have tutored and worked with children for many years and I find that they just get discouraged because they don't understand or they are not slowing down. Give him a minuted to re-group, or maybe start by doing the spelling words he knows first, and then go to the next. A calm environment might be helpful for reading such as the couch where you can sit together. I have always found it harder for parents to work with their children because sometimes they too get frusterated because they want to see their child excel. You could do ten minute incriments of homework where you set a timer and then give him 2 minutes in between. This mighth help him to decompress his frusteration and do a little at a time. The incentive chart could be set up where if he completes his homework successfully without a break down and talking it through with you, he can pick the menu for dinner on Friday night. Or, maybe he can pick a movie for the weekend to watch or pick a family snack! Rewards work for many children and he can also visually see the progress he is making!

I'm a 3rd grade teacher so I thought I'd throw a few ideas out. As far as reading, you could have him choose books he enjoys or choose books that are slightly below his reading level. This way he can learn to enjoy reading (by reading high interest books) and he can begin feeling secessful about reading (lower reading level). As his interest and confidence increases, slowly begin increasing the level. I've found that getting buys to read can be very difficult, but if you can find that one character or story type that peaks their interest, it helps greatly. Maybe getting him to read books like The Spiderwick Cronicles, because it's in the theaters and that could be a reward for reading the books. As far as the writing goes, you could have him write letters to family and friends, he could write journal entries, or you could have him dictate sentences- he says it, you write it-(not all the time, but just to get him started and to show him what great ideas he has). Just some suggestions. Hope they help. Please know this is very common among 8-9 year old boys.

I can relate a little to you. My son is 10 but reads very well, but he does not like to read and when it comes to doing homework that involves reading, it is a struggle to get him to do it and it ends up being a drawn out affair with both of us very frustrated. Maybe talk to his tutor that he goes to and see what he/she does with him during the time they are together (our kids always seem to work better with other people than with us), but maybe the tutor can give you some other ideas to help him, maybe make it more fun. My son has never wanted to read, I don't think he has ever read a book from start to finish but he is a very good reader he just doesn't enjoy it. Even though he is 10, I still read to him every night at bedtime and I try to make him understand how important it is to read, not just for school and homework but for fun also. We will sit down with a news paper or a magazine and pick out articles that interest him and we will take turns reading, that way you are also letting him kind of decide what he wants to read (and that reading can be fun and not just work). Hope that helps. Good luck. (I think to that it is an age thing with these boys, my son is very emotional when it comes to homework and not knowing the answer and getting frustrated so easily, I know my son feels embarrased sometimes when he doesn't get an answer right because he feels like he should know it all).

I have dyslexia ---This sounds like me as a child - I did not discover anything about it until my husbands mother pointed it out to us - wow what a lot of wasted years !!!!!
I thought I was just plane ol stupid !
I discovered I have an IQ of 122, took some college classes and the world is a different place. (People with any IQ can act stupid )
Please have your boy checked for learning disabilities!

My 10 year old daughter and 7 year old son had trouble reading, and the very best advice I ever got was to read to them - every night/day....we do it in bed - they get to pick 2-4 books each and I read to them. I also bought some You Read To Me And I'll Read to You (or I'll Read to You and You Read to Me) books where you read one sentence and then they read the response to it....these were great books. Always help your child with the word when they get stuck, then they don't feel like they have failed. Act as if it is nothing...then eventually when they are comfortable with not always knowing the words, then have them try to sound it out. Also, when you read to them, always use your finger to follow along with the words that you are reading....you have to read much slower to do this, but children learn visually and seeing the word you are pointing to and then hearing it (especially repeatedly when you re-read the same books over and over), really helps. Perhaps go back to much simpler books for him and work your way back up to 4th grade reading. I also have several aids, such as Read With Me DVD (by fisher price I think and it is dvds you play on your tv and they are story books that also have games and such throughout the story - like an interactive experience and these were great). If you can make the reading FUN (as with ANY homework or learning experience), it will be much easier for both of you.

If he does well with the tutor- find out what the tutor does, ie-how to keep him focused, make it fun so you can replicate it at home. Make sure you're affriming his value in other ways by praising his efforts and achievements in other areas. Maybe have him read to someone younger than him so he can gain esteem in the level he's at and by teaching another

The only way to become a better reader is to keep reading. If a child does not like to read, this is a hard task. I suggest finging him reading material he will enjoy. You do not have to limit his reading to books, you could start off with magazines of his interest, or comic books.

Also, reading to him will help--EVERY night! What I use to do is read a couple pages, and them let them read a couple pages.

Hope this helps!

My son is in 8th grade now. He was slow to read. The school had him in a special program from 1-3 grade. That helped his spelling a lot. When he was young, I bought him playmobile sets which he loved. Everyday when he did his homework or extra work that I did with him or even reading a book he liked he would get to pick a bag which had parts of the play mobile set in it. (I did this ahead of time). He would love to get his work done so he could get more of the set. You could do this with any toy that has lots of parts. I also found that he loved Roald Dahl books. That helped. Good luck. By the way, last marking period he got all A's , A- and one B+ . And he no longer gets toys :)

He never got angry but he shed many tears. It is hard on a parent.

J.

T.,
I would probably have your son assessed for a reading disorder (this is my area). There are good people at the University Center for the Development of Language and Literacy at U of M, and they could make recommendations from there. Joanne Pierson is the clinic director and could offer some guidance. Some tutors are fine, but they usually don't have the background necessary for really getting to the root of the problem. Also, 3rd/4th grade becomes the point at which reading demands really increase, so if you don't address this now, it's likely to get a lot worse.
Best of luck.

Have you taken him to a doctor and/or psychiatrist, or discussed in length the possible causes for this problem with the teachers and tutor? Could he possibly have dyslexia?

My stepson (now 14) typically reacted in a similar fashion with his math homework. He would get very frustrated and angry, though he did not yell or become out of control. He has ADHD and he and his sister have both had problems dealing with math. They have both improved and my stepdaughter is actually doing quite well in high school.

If you have not already done so, I would look into possible learning disabilities, with dyslexia being the first if his issue seems only to be with reading and spelling.

Hope this helps.

I had the same problem with my son. It wasn't until 5th grade when I had him tested for dyslexia. I sure wish I would have done it sooner. The older he gets the harder it is. Your son could be frustrated because he can't do it. Just a suggestion but it really helped my son. There is so much help out there. Good luck

I am having almost the same problem with my 1st grader! I am so sick of him getting so mad and me getting so flustered! I can't think of anything to help you with because I am seeking the same help, but I can say you are not the only one so keep your head up!!
Jamie

have you gotten his eyes checked? maybe its as simple as he needs glasses?

Please make certain he isn't dyslexic (sp). My brother and my nephew both are and their reactions were very much the same. He just might be so frustrated and if he is dyslexic (sorry for the spelling of this word) he may even feel inadequate. Make sure you check this out.

My son had a similar problem when he was that age (he's 19 now). I think it may be that he's frustrated when he doesn't understand the word and he feels that he should. I used to read to my son every night and I would point to the words as I read them so he could hear how the word was pronounced and see how it was spelled. Maybe you should talk to his tutor and see if they had a similiar response from him.

Is he competing with his brother? Does his brother have the same problem? Some boys seem to be very competitive and can't handle it when someone is better than them at something, especially boys! I only had the one child, but he was always competing against his cousins. Try to explain to him that it is nothing to get upset about. Everybody is good at something. Try to find something that his is good at that his brother is not. It may go a long way at boosting his confidence.

Sorry to write a short novel! I've been where you are with the homework problem.

Good luck! L.

Cari K- has some of the best advice .. I was going to respond in almost exactly the same manner. I agree with all she said. He needs to feel successful and excited about reading and writing, barring all disabilities have been ruled out. Sounds like anger is the only way he knows how to handle his frustration. Give him some new strategies to deal with frustration. Maybe a word or phrase he could use or hand signal, if he feels like he has had all he can handle and really just needs a break.

I just went through something similar with my very bright 9 year old daughter. Have you made sure there aren't any "extra challenges". My daughter is an A student but got frustrated sometimes reading and had a hard time writing neatly. The school did some testing and her eyes don't track properly. It is more common that people know and, caught early, very fixable with some vision therapy. In just a month or so there have been huge behavior changes for my daughter and she isn't having fits anymore. She was just really frustrated before. This may not be an issue for your son but it may be worth checking.

My son is 9 and in 3rd grade and threw the spelling words acrosst he room when he misspelled "doubt".  I understand.  I also have a 11 year old that went through the same thing.  First I explain that they are allowed to make mistakes.  Then when he is calm, we work through how to remember the spelling.  However for the reading, I try anything to get them to read.  For my older son, it realistic things (hates Harry Potter and fiction), Field and Stream, Outdoor Life.  My younger son reads sports books, sports magazines and Captain Underpants.  Let them watch you read or tell him what you're reading.  For my older son he would read his Dad's farming magazines, before he would read the books his classmates would read.  At 10, let him pick anything, and I mean anything appropriate to read.  Even if it is below 4th grade level, let him read and gain some confidence.  I also have access to the books I used in school, which is a different way of teaching.  These worked for my older son very well.  However finding 30 year old textbooks may be difficult Don't give up, but try to be more creative and let him get involved in reading selection.

Has he been evaluated for a reading disability? Perhaps dyslexia? Tutors are great, but it sounds like he needs more help than that. Check with your school system to see if they have any help available for you. Sometimes they do, and at no cost. If not, push for the school to help you get recommendations for where to get help from. The longer you wait to tackle this the worse it will get.

Good luck.

When my daughter was in the second grade she really struggled with school in general. She had a temper and threw fits every time she had to do homework. I think she was borderline learning disabled but she was never labeled. Everyone agree there was something wrong but never could put their finger on it. Anyway I couldn't deal with her behavior but my husband could. He was extremely firm, not letting her get away with anything. I was not able to be that firm. I have a very tender heart so how it worked out was that when she became so frustrated she would come to me for reassurance and just to talk about her feelings. Not husband wasn't so great at that part. This lasted for about 3 years of very a consistent "yes you are going to do it attitude" It really worked! Today she is a nurse! What she leaned in those early years about not giving up really helped her through nursing school. My husband and I are particularly proud of her for her accomplishments. My advice is be firm,firm,firm, never give up, it will pay off in the end even if it takes years and don't forget about talking through the feelings. I also prayed and consider this proof that prayer works. Hope this helps

Spelling in sugar or flour may help with spelling because of the texture. Have him do it in cursive and say the words out loud. He may actually think it is fun to learn his words that way. If that gets tiring for him use color for his words. Each word would be a different color and he can run his finger over the word and say it out loud. For reading don't have him sound out words when he does not know them tell him the word so he can keep reading for smooth reading. You can read to him which is very good as he follows what you read or change from you read a paragraph then he reads a paragraph.

If the flour/sugar method works that may be a good way for him to learn in general. He is more of a kinetic learner. Yes, I use to be a teacher and now a high school counselor but spend many happy years teaching students of all ages in special education. No, I am not saying he has a learning disability but these methods work for all children. Feel free to write me back if you would like more ideas.
D. O