Re-post: What Time Is Bed Time These Days for Most Folks?

You know, honestly, I think you're schedule sounds great. And it works for you and your family, and that's all that matters. People always get preconceived notions and ideas about what exactly you should do as a parent, but every child is different and every parent is different and ever day brings different challenges. If what you're doing is working for your family, then keep doing it.

I'm not going to presume to know anything about you and your husband's relationship from a couple of paragraphs that you've written because that's impossible. Sorry that others got on you for that - how do they assume to know what it's like or what your husband needs when they don't know him at all??? It seems like a "marriage counselor" should know that, but obviously not.

Anyway, all I was going to say is that you might tell your husband to do it for you if he doesn't like how you do it. You're the one that deals with the kids, so he shouldn't complain. And if he does, then let him get a taste of it once. Maybe he'll get some better perspective then. But whatever you do, good luck! You sound like an awesome mom and wife, and you seem to have a great schedule that works for you and your family. Best wishes. =)

Well I wont be any help to your husband! HAHA my daughter stays up too late. I can admit it, but I have a hard time changing it. She goes to be between 9:30-10 each night. Sometimes earlier if I am lucky. She is 4 years old. I have a hard time FORCING her to go to bed a lot earlier because we are a working family. by the time I get home from work and we get done with dinner, it is already almost 7. Then after baths/showers, etc...its already 8. If i made my daughter go to bed at 8 every night i would feel like I was never seeing her until the weekends. I might be the odd man out, but thats how we are I guess. I would like her to go to bed a little earlier...like 9 but much earlier then that I would feel so rushed every night to spend time with her. I hope everything works out well for you. Maybe your husband should put the kids to bed if he insists that is how it should be!

Y.-

It seems like you have recieved a lot of advice, but I thought I would put my two cents in as well. My son used to be up until 9:30 or 10ish and then I would collapse into bed as well. My husband and I agreed that we weren't getting any time together alone (which is very important if you want to have a healthy marriage)My son always had a routine before bed...when I was nursing my husband would get him in his jammies and read him a couple of books and then hand him off to me and I would nurse him and rock him to sleep and then put him in his crib. At 1 year the routine stayed the same except I stopped nursing him and just rocked him to sleep and put him in bed. Then came the realization that I can't continue rocking him to sleep forever....what if we had another child? What if I was still having to rock him to sleep when he was 7? And this rocking was taking a toll on me as well. I would be worn out from a long day and some nights I would have to rock him for an hour and a half! We decided to keep the routine but just rock him a little and then put him to bed and if he had to cry himself to sleep, so be it. So here is what we do now. There is NO tv until 8pm when he is in bed, he is at an age where he picks up every little thing that he sees and there is no way that I am having him watch the brutality of the news! This was hardest for my husband because he loves to watch the news and all that "filler" tv Frasier, Everybody loves Raymond, News, etc. So now when my husband comes home he spends some one on one time with our son while I cook dinner. We eat as a family at the table and talk about our days. Then I play with Dakota as my husband cleans up the dishes (I cook, he cleans and visa versa) Then we all play together....we are teaching him Hide and Seek right now (he's 22 months) or we play with his train set or whatever. At about quarter till 8 my husband changes his diaper and gets him in his jammies. Then reads him 2-3 books, then he comes out and I brush his teeth and we say night night to Daddy and then I take him to his room and rock with him talking about our day and what we did and what we will be doing tomorrow. I give him kisses and say good night and I love you and I put him in his crib and leave the room. Now when we first started this it was really hard for me to let him cry because he was screaming Mommy, Mommy. But surprizingly enough the longest he ever cried was 20 minutes and it only took a week! Whatever you do, don't go back in the room because that shows them that if they cry long enough or hard enough you will come and get them. He now knows that it doesn't matter if he cries I am still not coming in there. It was hard as I said but I knew it was best in the long run for the both of us. Now he just lays down to go to sleep every once in a while (maybe once every 2 weeks) he will stand up and cry for me, but only for about 10 minutes. I am usually out of the room by 10 after 8 and my husband and I can do whatever. It was so nice to be able to rent a movie and curl up on the couch with my husband. You don't realize how much you really missed that time to unwind. You don't have to fill this time with talking or anything like that I know you said your husband doesn't like that stuff, so just sit next to him and watch whatever show he is watching. Another thing that we do as a family that your husband would probably like and it would help him spend some time with the kids too! Go on family hikes together. We go down to the river or out to the lake and go on a little hike, for the most part my husband carries our son in a backpack but then we stop for a picnic lunch or something and let Dakota run around and play he loves being in the outdoors. And my husband really enjoys it as well because he gets to spend time with us but also be outdoors which he loves. I hope this helps some, I know you have a lot of advice to read through.

I have found alot of request on this site since i signed up a few days ago, that deal with sleep and sleep related issues. I started reading this book when my son was about 8 months old. It is called Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It was recomended to me by my son's doctor at children's hospital. I got it on ebay for like 5 bucks plus shipping., Well anyways it worked like a charm for getting my son to sleep in his own bed. He now gets layed down for bed and goes to sleep on his own, Somenights I hear him talking and stuff for a while but he always goes to sleep on his own. I am not sure how to help withyour problem but I know that this book would be helpful, and don't tell your husband, but tit does say that children in that age range should be in bed between 6 and 8 pm. Mine goes to bed at 630 pm everynight. You should read the book it is so so so helpful. And it is a cheep book too

My son is a bit younger than your kids, but we've always tried to have a schedule with him. As I've gone back to work and he's with my mother-in-law during the day, his schedule has been a little stretched lately, but he is still in bed most nights by 8pm. We start getting him ready for bed about 7:30pm. He has dinner at 7pm, and then we play and read and do a bath. Once 8pm comes, we say goodnight to whichever parent isn't putting him to bed that night, go into his bedroom with the door closed and the lights off. He's then rocked lightly next to his crib with his bedtime blanket and soft music going. 15 minutes, tops and he's out. Some nights, he doesn't want to go to bed...but we just stick with it. We've tried crying it out and that does work as well under controlled circumstances.

I think what might help is if you have a set schedule and a set bedtime routine. I try and get my son down for a nap at 2pm every day when he's home with me and he'll sleep from 2pm until 4:30pm, then he'll be up until 8pm. If we know we're going to be out past his bedtime, we try and bring his bedtime blanket with us.

Every child is so very different so having a routine may or may not work. It also takes lots of patience as there are days where my son just doesn't want to go to sleep. Try and have a "plan b" for those nights.

I don't know if this has helped at all, but good luck!

My suggestion is for you to take a few days off and go away. Seriously, your husband needs to experience what you do on a daily basis. What worked for his mom, was a different time and may not work for you. You could also do what he suggested and not have them take a nap then that night let him 'deal with' them...

Hi, I am just writting to let you know that 8pm is doable! My husband and I put our children to bed at 8 or 8:30 every night. That's our time to spend together! I think they need their sleep. Start out by making a new schedule that includes dinner together, a bath, and a story.
Good luck, S.
If you need help with this just write me back and I'll share more things with you. ps. I didn't think it would be possible for my family!

My kids who are 3 and 6 go to bed and 8pm and on weekends 830 pm. I think that yours would go to sleep a bit earlier if they were not naping so late in the day. IMO a 3.5 yrs old should not need more then an hour nap and they should be up by 3pm.If you like you kids up late to be with you thats great but it sounds like it is causing some problems in your marrige. Per haps a compromise and get them in bed at 9.Also it seems as though your bed time routine is to long. Kids love attention and will do any thing to stay awake. I would cut the reading/snuggle time down to 15min or start your night nime routine much sooner. Good luck to you..

Hi Y.,
You are right that your husband will have to deal with certain things now that he is a father and it is true that toddlers can be more difficult than an older child to get to bed. But I do think that adults need some "down time" and "alone time" (so your husband should cut back on the TV to spend more time with you and the kids). However, I think you need to get your kids on a better schedule. At their ages they shouldn't be napping so late in the day. Lunch for both should be around 11 or 12, they shouldn't sleep for more than 2-3 hours, get up for a snack then or a little later. Dinner around 6 or 6:30 is fine. Start getting ready for bed around 7:30 or 8 (bath, book). You can have them in bed by 8 or 9. My son is 14 months and is usually in bed by 8 (and he has not been an easy child, not super compliant at all). As another parent suggested to you, keep them awake if they want to fall asleep before lunch. They'll need to be on an earlier bedtime schedule when they start going to school - best to start now when they are more pliable. :) Good luck!

Honey, I don't know if you intended for this to sound like you are not currently getting along with your husband much, but that's what it sounds like. If you really want this to work and it's as conflictual as you describe here, I'd suggest making some small changes.

here's what I did when my controling, manipulative ex husband demanded his "quality" time with me and me alone...

Work hard on getting the kids to sleep for naps earlier. If they nap earlier, they'll wear themselves out at night earlier.

Enlist assistance from hubby in puting them to sleep earlier if he wants his evening to start earlier. I said something like "hon, I really can't do this alone. I'd love to spend some time with you, and the best way I can see that happening is to have your help."

Make DINNER the evening meal, NOT lunch. It's not too healthy (from my research anyway) to eat dinner too late at night. Lunch should be around 1pm ish. With the kids, I always made breakfast when they got up around 8-9, did run around errants or whatever, lunch at 11:30-1 (anywhere in there when it fit that day) then made sure the kids were both in bed for naps by 1pm, no later!! I liked the noon naps because then they would wake by 2pm and that's when I'd have to get ready to go pick up the oldest from school. I also always laid down with them which helped tremendously to get them to sleep. I told them they could help mommy sleep today, by that time, they were asleep too! worked like a charm!

Then I would also suggest that you ask your husband for a set dinner time, like from your schedule it sounds like maybe 5:30 would work into the schedule pretty well where if he is ravished when he gets home, it'll only be an hour, and if he's not hungry, remind him that it's so that the children will be ready for bed earlier.

Well, I hope this helps slightly, I hope it's not too intrusive, it worked for us for a real long time, but now divorced, I have to have my mom watch the kids and I go to work all day... Just a few simple suggestions...

(ps, I have not read any replies at all, I'll go back to read them...)

Well it seems you have a pretty good routine down. I have 10 kids on the weekend and 6 that live with me all the time. Our house can be a pretty busy place as for bedtime it ranges depending on the childs age. My 2, 4 and 5 year old fall asleep anywhere between 8pm-9pm no later. My 2 month old goes to sleep whenever I do but of course naps throughout the day. My 7,8,9 year olds go to sleep to anywhere between 9-9:30pm no later. As for the older the 10,13 and 14 year olds no later then 11pm. We have dinner late around 6:30pm, after dinner we have the children take their baths this seems to help them relax.By this time it is around 7:30pm. After their baths the children will retreat to their rooms. My children don't have their own rooms, their is 2 kids per room, we round out the night by me telling the children bedtime stories. My husband is the stay at home parent and my children seem to enjoy spending this time with me since they don't really spend the day with me. If your husband is up to it, he should be the one reading them their bedtime story.. At least this way he can share some alone time with the children. To me you are doing and excellent job and I agree with you when you say that he should realize that he is a father now.

Hello,

when my boys were that age my day sounded much like yours. I have to boys one is 4 and the other is 5. At that age it is very hard to put them down for naps and then down to sleep for the night at 8pm and them not be up at 3am in the morning. My husband had a hard time understanding why I just let them kinda set their bedtimes. I told him what was going to happend and I didn't have the time or energy to fight with them to get them in bed by the time he wanted. So what helped us was when he had the whole day off I did things the way he wanted and showed him what we would go through. It was a long day and I made him get up with me in the early morning and made him stay up with me and she what a pain it was to do things that way. Now he understands.
Now that our boys or 4 and 5. They are feed, bathed, and read to before 8pm then we watch tv as a family and then the boys are in bed by 8pm. they get to pick as tv show or movie to watch and I set the tv to turn off in one hour. That may not be the best way but they are in the room and normaly my 4 year old is asleep right away and my oldest is up a little bit longer. with them in bed my husband and I get to have our time and I still get to go to bed early so I will be ready for them in the morning. Hope that will help good luck

I have a 15 month old and he is usually in bed by 7:30 - 8:00 pm. He usually wakes up in the morning between 7:30 - 8:00 am, takes his nap between 12:00 - 1:30 pm. We eat dinner at 6:00 pm then right after dinner start his bedtime routine (bath, light play, drink of milk, brush teeth, bedtime book,snuggle while listening to soft music until asleep). Im sure people have mentioned this to you before but I highly recommend the book "The No-cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers." You would be surprised that after you follow some simple steps you can get your children to go to sleep earlier without them waking any earlier than they do now. Good luck with everything. :)

my 3 yr old goes to bed at 8:30. She gets to look through a book until about 9:30 then it is lights out. She does well with this rotine.
I do not agree with putting any child to bed bye 8 that is too early. If he does not want to be a dad he has no say on how you raise your child. plain and simple.
my 3 yr olds bed time is 8:30 my 9yr old is 9:00pm and my 11 yr old is 9:30. They are not lacking for sleep as a matter of fact my 9 yr old is in advanced classes and my 11 yr old has a 3.5 gpa so their grades do not suffer from a bedtime later than 8pm.

Good luck
T. C

LOL. I'm sorry, but when you said that you know that you were right, I just had to laugh. We all think we are, but the truth of it is that your husband has to matter in "your schedule" too. It does not have to do with who is right or wrong. You guys are a TEAM.

It does not ALWAYS work that way, but the fact that you are making an effort to help him have this time for himself or even for him to be with just you, he will be less cranky. Dad's matter too!!!!!!!! I know that I would hate to switch jobs with my husband. As much as many women think we could do their jobs better, I know I couldn't.

You kids can cut their naps down to one 2 hour nap a day. Just do things that will keep them awake if they are starting to doze off.

Why in the world do you need to wake up at 5am??? I guess, if you have to, but if the children will sleep in until 7am, let them. I hear that a lot, but I just don't get it. :)

Feed them lunch at noon. Keep them awake!! Then, at around 1pm, put them IN THEIR BED/CRIB for their nap. DO NOT let them sleep longer than 2 hours. If you do, they won't want to go to bed at 8pm-ish. Avoid snacks that have sugar or caffeine in them. You will find that they will be better adaptable to an earlier sleeping schedule.

Give them a bath at 6pm. Some kids get hyper after baths and some get tired. You'll know best what to do for your kids. If they get sleepy, make it a later bath. Then, read them books and sing them Silent Night to go to bed. You children will appreciate the ROUTINE and so will your husband!

I agree with your hubby's "MOM". Kids need to be in bed a little earlier. You really need to put you and your husband in "your schedule" and your life. I don't think that your husband is being selfish. He works hard all day too. (I am assuming) :) Being a "DAD" does not mean that he has to stay up late with the kids. I do not believe that is what 'makes a Dad'. Working is a very big and unappreciated part sometimes. Just be grateful that he does go to work and comes home to you and your family every night. Many women don't have that.

Also, you should always have there be "quiet time" towards the end of the night. It sounds like your children are plenty old enough. You can even read them books at that time. PUT THE TOYS AWAY!

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone. I am just all about the FAMILY!!! That just happens to include your husband!

Take Care.

I am a single mom of a very active 3 year old boy...our schedule has him in bed by 9pm at the latest everyday. After dinner (depends on the day--and who gets home from work/school first) we watch cartoons and read until 8pm, when he goes for his bath. After bath its jammy time and into bed. My son is a water baby so depending on his mood, baths can be as short as 15 minutes or take as long as an hour--but either way by the time he gets out of the warm (lavendar scented) bath--he is off to bed.

I am not sure if that helps you at all, but I have found by using J&J Lavendar bubble bath, it helps to unwind him and put him in a sleepier state.

dear Y., looks like we're in the same boat! I have an active 2 1/2 yr old daughter and alas she is a night owl,too!
I stay home and we wake up at 9or 10am and bedtime is between 10 pm or 12am. So , it could be worse for you! But fortunately ,my hubby isn't disturbed by our noise cause he can sleep through anything.This wasn't always our sleep pattern though. there was a time we were all in bed by 9pm but as her day naps disappeared or got shorter , she;s been able to hold out longer and longer and longer...
It's not your fault bedtime is hard.I once read that you can't make a child eat, sleeep ,or poop! It's also true for adults so the next time your hubby bugs you remind him of this and maybe he will understand!
My suggestion is to perhaps? wake them earlier and reset their body clocks. I've done it in the past and it works for months. It takes a few days to get used to but by the end of the day the sandman will come sooner.Another thing i do is to set the mood for bedtime by reminder her that bedtime's coming, then i put on her fave pj's, brush teeth, make the bed, turn off ALL the lights in the house(otherwise she won't go down 'cause she thinks she's missing out on something!) . Now she's in bed and i play her fave lullaby song , and i talk to her softly about why she needs to go to sleep(big day tomorrow, etc..)and in my case, she's asleep by the end of the song(30 mns/toy song).
Sounds easy but I did take me a year and a half to figure this out for myself! Try whatever your kids like as bait to go to bed.Ask hubby to turn off t.v so kids aren't tempted to stay up, too. Good luck Y., and sweet dreams!

I have a 3 month old, a 17 month old and a 4 year old. My middle child goes to bed at 9 (which was my bedtime when I was a child) My four-yr-old is a night owl, and doesn't go to bed until 10. My 3month old has her last feeding around 11. So I don't see the inside of my own bed until around midnight. Granted, my husband doesn't get home from work until after 9 and likes to spend time with our kids.

I understand totally about needing nap-time (especially for your 16month old) My 4yr old hasn't napped since he was about 2 and a half, though. But I do give him downtime in front of Veggietales or Thomas and Friends while his little brother takes his nap.

If you do want to adjust their bedtimes, just begin slowly by starting their bedtime routines 15 minutes earlier. Keep things like this for a few days, then move it another 15. Do this until you reach the time you want. I'd also strongly suggest that you and your husband try to find a middle ground in all this, or it could lead to much more serious arguments later down the road.

Best of luck to you.

I agree with your husband, but I also agree with you. I feel it is very important that there be some quiet time in the house for the adults in the evening. I also feel that all children need time to settle down before they are told to go to bed and turn off the lights.
That said, here is what we do... our kids head towards bed at 8:00. However, we have four of them and if they all have to use the bathroom before bed, it's now 8:15 before the last one gets in there! So the rule stands... 8:00, the house gets quiet. 8:30, you need to be IN bed, lights out, mouth shut... the girls read for an hour (they're 10 and 11 and both have poor reading scores), the boys (both 7) read two books and then get tv until lights out at 9:30. This gives my husband and I some time alone together... we have favorite shows we like to snuggle up and watch, etc. And allows the kids some time to adjust to the idea of settling down for the night. It works really well as long as they know what's expected... we've been doing this since the boys started 1st grade, they're now half way through 2nd. My sister also does this with her 13 and 8 year old daughters and says it works fine.

I have a 7 year old & a 2 year old, we have never had problems w/ the kids sleeping, we start our bedtime routine around 7, baths, brush teeth, get in pj's, read stories & then it's bed time, if they aren't tired they lay in bed & put themselves to sleep eventually. Lately my 2 year old has been going through a phase were he wants to get up & play in his room, we are working through it by going in there & putting him back in bed & turning his light out, no matter how many times it takes, not giving in. The past few days it is only taking one to two times of putting him back in bed, nap time he just went down w/o getting up at all, so I think it's working :)
I agree with the others, if the kids are up & in bed by 8pm then my husband & I get a few hours to unwind together & it's important to have a little time to talk to each other w/o the constant interuptions of the kids. We really enjoy it that way.

good luck :)

Hello there,

My husband and I are 8pm’ers. My son who is now just about to turn 5 has always been in bed by 8pm. (of course there are some nights he is allowed to stay up latter for many different reasons but for the most part it is 8 pm) I have had him on this schedule since he was about 6 months old. For us here it is what works. All naps must be done by 3 pm. (because like you said they need some wake up time and lord help mama and her sanity if they don’t get naps) Then starting the bed time routine he gets a count down, I tell him 30 mins to bed, 20 mins, 10 mins, 5 mins, ok it is bed time. He and his father (because he sees him less often with his work schedule) head up the stairs go potty, brush the teeth then read a story, he gets tucked in and it is lights out. When he is really wired up and I know that bed time is going to be hard, about a hr before bed we do calm play. Maybe a bubble bath, or reading, something where he has to sit sill and just chill. I realize it is easier with my son who is almost 5 than your two toddlers. However it has always been like for my son, so at time he was a toddler who was not happy with the fact bedtime had come. Sticking to it the reward is that he goes no problem. Sometimes he may sing in bed for a bet, but he stays in bed, and if he wants to talk to himself while in bed, i let him (picking the fights you know) and we have our evening begin

Of course just because it worked for my family doesn’t mean it will for yours, but keep in mind that once your kids get used to a set bed time (what ever time you choose it to be) bed time gets easier and faster. I also advise to you to have dad get involved with bed time, let him put a child to bed every night with you, switch children you take care of one and he takes care of the other. If he wants them down by a certain time, get him involved in the routine. Best of luck to you!

Hi,my name is D. and I have two kids 4 and 9 and one on the way. During the school week my kids are in bed at 8:30p.m. and on the weekends its 9:00p.m. It has always been that way so it is very easy for me to but my 4yr old down. I just say its bed time and they are off to there rooms. The thing is you have to be firm and get the little ones on a set schedule. That way it make it easier to get them used to a set bed time. I hope this helps alittle. ----D.

My daughter is almost 7 and her bedtime is 8pm. In fact she is responsible for getting everything ready and in bed by 8. Kids under the age of 5 are suppose to get 12-15 hours a sleep per day for proper brain developement. Even if they are not sleeping, ((or playing!!) the rest they get is sooooo good for them!!
Put it into action and hold your ground!

We used to think our friends were crazy when they said they put their toddler to bed by 7 or 7:30 pm. 6 months later we were doing the same thing. Here's our son's typical schedule (and it's very common as all the in-home daycare providers and child care centers follow a very close version)...
Wake anywhere from 0530-0630, sippy of milk
breakfast between 0800-0830
playing and playing
lunch at 1130
nap at 12 until he wakes up (usually between 1400 and 1430)
snack at 1445 or 1500
play and play more
dinner between 1730 and 1830
bath and play
bedtime is 1930 (7:30)

You have to have a routine that works best for the child AND the family and only you and your husband can figure that out. You should work it out as a team. Maybe you can compromise and put the kid to bed a half hour earlier a couple nights and see how it works. You might be surprised. But, I hate to say that I side with your husband. You two need unwind time together WITHOUT the kids! maybe if you give your husband unwind time, he won't watch so much TV.

Hi there,

Our daughter is 1 and she just goes to bed when she is tired. Some times it is early, and other times later than 8. When she get to be 2 or 3, we will set more of a bedtime. I can say that sometimes she does not get up till 8 or 9 am. Possibly getting up later, would cause early bedtime to be easier. My husband and I tape shows we want to see, or turn a kids movie on sometimes when we play with her. Hope this helps...

K

Honey, Honey, Honey. I'm a tell it like it is girl so I'm gonna tell it like it is.

Forgive me but I must quote Dr. Phil on this one. "Do you want to be right or do you want things to be better?"

Where do I start? And remember you asked.

It sounds to me that you get your schedule...every day, all day even if it varies slightly but it is "your schedule". You get to sip coffee when it's quiet, you get to run your errands, visit friends, take a nap. Your husband's major share of the duties is working all day. He comes home early. My husband had to work through the night for the 3rd time this week. What I wouldn't do to get my daughter to bed so we could spend time together. I'd chew off my left arm.

Your husband comes home at 4:30 ish and you don't make yourself availabe until 9 or 10. Do you blame him for finding an alternative reliable source of entertainment in the name of television? I'm a marriage counselour (an affair marriage counselor) and as I see it, if you keep this behavior up, your marriage may not last. Since you are having and emotional affair (replacing the love for your husband on your children instead of keeping a place in your world just for him) your husband is replacing you with TV....be thankful you haven't pushed him to more.

You said..."Hunter is just his usual self going strong past 9pm if we let him" ... more like if YOU let him. All kids will push to stay up late. You know the whole inch/mile saying. Your husband doesn't agree with the late bed time. Your children are children and shouldn't have a choice in the matter so basically, You and You alone are letting the children stay up. Don't you want to spend time with your husband? I'm not seeing that you don't and if I can see that, I'm sure your husband can sense that too.

I think you have a great schedule during the day. Do the naps. Do the routine.

My daughter just turned 20 mos and for the past 6 months, she will only take her naps around 4pm or later. Sometimes she wakes up around 6 or 6:30. Guess what...I still shoot for 8pm. Does it always work? No. But I shoot for it. Do you know why? Because I know that if I don't spend time with my husband, we will grow apart and I know that a house divided against itself cannot stand. Your marriage should be your first priority...especially in the evening. It's the foundation to your whole family. Does this mean your kids are less loved by you setting time aside for your husband? No. Just the opposite. As a tribute to your children, show them how great a marriage can be. Be the example. There's no greater gift to a child than to see the love between parents...even if they blush at the sight of a mushy parental kiss.

Your husband tells you he'd like the kids in bed by 8pm:
Translation: I'd like to have some time with my wife I miss her. (Right now it may be television time but give him another interest and replace your favorite past time (hanging with the kids with your husband)

You husband tells you "Now your yaking mouth is driving me crazy would you please be quiet too."
Translation: You're not listening to me or my desires so I'm not going to listen to you.

Your husband is a father now, yes, and things obviously will change. Becoming a father doesn't not replace nor become more important than your marriage. Being a father does not erase his first love...you. Being a mother doesn't become more important either. You were his wife first.

During the day with the naps, do what you do to put them to bed but cut back a little. Don't sooth them so much. Let them self sooth so that at night, you do the dinner, the bath, the books and songs but you lay them down and say good night. Your 16 month old will be out like a light once all the distractions stop. Some nights will be a struggle. My family is not perfect. We shoot for perfect and meet somewhere in between. With a husband that works tons of hours, her bed time changes on occasion so she can see daddy when she can, even if I have to drive her to the shop at 8pm for an evening date with Daddy. You have no idea how good you have it.

Your kids may protest at first with going to bed sooner but that's what kids do. They push limits and protest because of course it's more fun to stay up and play. You may have a struggle on your hands until they get use to it. Tell your husband you're going to attempt to slowly adjust to a new bed time. Ask him for his "expertise" and get him in there to help you. Do something as a couple with your husband.

You either struggle a bit with the new bed time or your struggle in your marriage. The choice is still up to you.

I honestly hope this works out for you. You can do this! You sound like a very capable women. Rent a movie for you and your husband and give it a shot. You may be amazed that your children will do what mama says.

I know you have already got several responses but I thought I would throw in my 2 cents as well :) I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. My 3 year old goes to bed at 9:30 pm but quiet time begins at 8 to start quieting him down. We put pajamas on at 8 with his little brother and then he sits and drinks a cup of milk and watches a t.v. show while I put my 3 month old to bed and then I sit with him and read him a book and then put him down. Sometimes he goes down a little earlier but usually lasts till 9:30. For a long time me and my husband thought this was late but it just works best for us. My son is just too active to go to bed any earlier and we are night people. He still gets plenty of sleep, he sleeps in and gets at least 12 hours a night. So we are just fine and content with this routine. But it would be a lot different if your husband worked early in the morning then I could see his point of wanting some more quiet time at night. Ask him to help you start a quiet time and try to get him to bed by maybe 8:30 - 9. It's all about compromise but you have to do what is best for all...including the kids :) Hope you have got some good advice and good luck!

C.