Question About Love

The answer is yes, you can fall out of love. It happened to me. In my case it was me doing the falling out of love. I was with this man for 10 years. I stayed in longer than I should as I was actually shocked at my self for falling out of love. I did everything possible to get back in love with this man. What made me fall out of love I couldn't really say. He was the same guy I always knew. I chalk it up to growing up and things change as far as needs, responsibilities etc as we get older. So I left him and even though it was me doing the leaving I was terrified that it could happen again in another relationship. I am married now to the love of my life and I love him more each day. Get out and find that "true" love. You deserve to be loved as much as you love this man. A. B

Hi K.,

Take a look at the book The 5 Languages of Love. It's a short book, easy to read. It talks about how we give and receive love, and some things are really meaningful to us but others would receive love better in another way -- like my mom is delighted to receive a gift, to her that's a sign of love. To me, I have too much stuff and a gift is actually a sign that people aren't listening to me -- so for me, listening is the biggest sign of love. The book teaches you how to give love so that he receives it strongest AND how to show him what is most meaningful to you.

read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Even if you're not married, it still applies. Men relate differently than women do, and if you want to make him feel loved, which will rekindle the love he feels for you, then this book is how to get it done. I recommend reading it together actually. My husband and I read it together and through all of it, he was rolling with laughter (because it's just so cut and dry true and funny). He also thought that it was pretty awesome of me to want to make him happy badly enough to read a book about it.

If this doesn't work for you, then it's possible that either your man is confused about what real, lasting love really is (as in, he thinks it should always feel just like it does in the beginning - and we all know it doesn't) or he truly just doesn't love you any more, in which case, it may be time to move on.

That's a big question with a gazillion possible causes / answers.

People can fall out of love with each other.

Typically, it's because people grow in different ways, their emotional needs change, their desires change, etc. Eventually, they decide that they don't want the relationship anymore because it no longer benefits them emotionally.

Take a step back and assess how 'attractive' you have been to him. I'm not talking just looks, I'm talking about your attitude towards him. Are you mistrusting of him? Do you complain alot? Do you treat him like a child? Do you clam up and don't talk about what's going on inside you and then burst into flames when you have an arguement? Do you let him walk all over you (e.g. let him degrade you, call you names, control you in any way)? You really have to be honest about looking at yourself and how HE looks at you.

It took me a LONG time to figure men out and I'm happily re-married today.
Here's what I learned:

1. The more desperate you appear to him, the more he'll move away. Guys want to know that they are with a stable and strong woman. They don't want someone who appears too needy or insecure. Present yourself as a woman who values herself enough to just walk away when she's not wanted. If he has told you that he no longer loves you, then the message he is sending to you is crystal clear. WALK AWAY. Why would you want to convince someone to stay with you who doesn't want to deep down inside?

Having said that....for your NEXT relationship, #1 above applies in addition to these:
2. Guys can't read your mind. Don't sit silently waiting for him to mess up and then crucify him for messing up. Talk to him clearly and directly about what you want and need. Because men are 'task-oriented', if you give them direct instructions on how to give you what you need, they're thrilled to be informed and they will do what you ask.

3. Make sure that your future goals for the relationship are the same. This is a big one. Do you want to get married and he doesn't? Do you want kids and he doesn't? Does he want kids and you don't? It could also be that you both want kids but don't see the other person as the one to have kids with!

It's painful to hear someone you love tell you they don't love you anymore, but it's even more painful for you both to try to convince them to stay with you.

All the best ~

i think love is not just the magic "happy ever after" you see on tv and movies. i was thinking about this while watching general hospital this morning lol. so call me silly. i just don't know why we all expect to find our soul mate, and that they'll never hurt us or let us down. here's the thing... all relationships take work. and after you've been with someone a few years maybe the "newlywed" feeling goes away. but if he expects that magic feeling to last forever he's going to look for a long time (his entire life) and always be disappointed. i think, to an extent, one sort of choses to love or not to. it's an attitude thing. if you choose to stay in a relationship and honestly try to make it work, you see those good qualities in him/her that make you love them. if you choose to not love someone anymore, you see the things in them that are less attractive. i really think you can skew your vision, to make it fit what you want. now what someone wants depends on a lot of different things. is he bored, depressed, stressed out, feeling misunderstood...the list goes on and on. but i honestly feel if he really wanted to "try", the two of you could fix it. the hardest part is realizing that you can't be both people in the relationship...you really can't make it work on your own. if he is unwilling to open up to you about why he's not happy and work with you to fix it, there's literally nothing you can do. i hope he decides to work on it.

Yes, people fall out of love. It happens all the time. Are there kids involved? If not, I'd tell you don't waste your time "making" him love you. He either does or doesn't. Cut him loose. Work on yourself. God bless.

Love questions are hard to answer because it is so hard to know what the other person is feeling. You probably need to to have a specific and possibly painful with him. What does his "no" mean? Is he done trying to make the relationship work? (in which case it is time to move on). Is the attraction gone or just overshadowed by whatever other problems you are working through? If you need to resolve problems, improve communication and/or rebuild trust then couples counseling is a reasonable alternative. I can't tell you what the answer is for you. You will have to ask yourself and each other some hard questions and be prepared to possibly get an answer that isn't what you want to hear.

K., if he doesn't love you anymore, you can't just do something to make him feel that way. You aren't in control of his feelngs or decide that you two love each other. You may still be madly in love with him, but you have to listen to what he is saying. Now, I will say that love does change over time. I'm 42, and in September I'll be married for 20 years. I don't still feel my heart skip a beat when my husband walks in the room or feel like I'm going to melt every time he puts a hand on me. Perhaps your guy doesn't understand the progression of love? Does he still want to be with you? Would the two of you consider counselling? This might help the two of you to analyze whether you are both still in love and realistically committed to this relationship, or whether it is time to move on. If he doesn't really love you, don't waste your time on him. You will get over him and you will find someone else who really will love you

K.,
You don't try. If he wants you there, he'll let you in. Give him his time but explore other 'friendships'. Please don't get carried away...explore only. This independence of attachment may show him how much you do mean to him...or it may not. In either case taking charge of your feelings and life may open your eyes to some painful truths about your existing relationship.
Good luck my dear
J. S

K.,
When he says he doesn't love you believe him.

If you really want to see if this man loves you walk away. Don't look over your shoulder, don't be available, develop some new hobbies, friendships, and things to do in his absence but don't settle for this confusion of the mismatch between what he is saying and what he is doing. If he loves you, he will pursue you. Let him chase after you while you chase after your dreams minus him. You may be very surprised at what you find.

Just know the best advice I ever received was this:
Your soul mate is not just one person but a type of person. Look for that type of person but put great thought into all of the areas big and small that are important to you and hold out for the best.

K.,

Why would you want to be with someone who says he doesn't love you with all his heart? It will be sad, and very difficult, but don't waste your time. Find someone that will love you and wont have a problem admitting it. Don't make someone a priority if they only make you an option.

Best of luck,
R.

5 years is a long time. I had to end a relationship after 5 years once, and I remember it was terribly painful...but necessary.
You say that you "know" he loves you...maybe he does. But there are all different kinds of love, and sometimes the kind that exists is good enough to live with, and sometimes it isn't enough.
Only you can decide if his commitment is equal to yours, or if it is enough for you.
Maybe this is a phase...The important thing is that you should know what you want, and that you should understand that for it to work, you both need to want the same things, because if you don't you will only grow apart, never together.

Sorry to say, but people fall out of love all the time. Also, love changes over time... sometimes it strangthes other times it weakens. With everyday and every action life changes & how we feel about people and/or things my change. I'm not saying he doesn't love you - after 5 yrs it is alway worth trying.

I'm not sure what brought you two together or what caused the distance between you two. And unless you are both willing to talk about it, you may not understand both side of the answer to the questions. But if you can find the answers it will help you to right the issues. You both need to be willing to work on it and find the place you once were.

I have been married for over 15 years & we dated for about 3 years before we married when I was 17 yrs old. I must say... relationships are hard work! You can't truely have a strong love for eachother if you can't be friends and talk about things... altough we don't always talk - sometimes we yell & cry as well. It just depends on how much we believe in what we are saying or fighting about. But all in all we always find a way of working it out or find what we both can let go of to make it work for both of us.

Guess in the end - it comes back to something my great grandma told me once. When I aksed her why she was still with my great grandpa after so long. She said - that they never go to bed mad at eachother - always work out the day's problems before you go to sleep or they will just become tomorrow's. She died many years before I married, but her word have stuck with me... they were one of the few couples that I knew growing up that actually made it till death do them part. And they had a love for eachother I haven't seen much in my life. So, we try to follow her advice - and I think all in all it has helped us get where we are now... 32 & 35 years old and married for 15 yrs with our 5th kid due in July. But most of all - a love for eachother that I don't see much these days.

I wish you luck - no matter how things turn out with him.

Do some small things for him...

You don't just loose your love over a short period of time. However, people do grow out of love. As you grow older often couples grow apart, they find they have develop different interest and views. Naturally a person wants to be with someone who shares common hobbies and values. Is this the case in your relationship?

All relationships have their ups and downs. It is possible to rekindle your love, but both of you have to want it and work on it. There is no magical way to get back into his heart. However, you can do little things for him. You can try doing some of the activities that you did when you first met.

Good luck.

I suggest you not to take a decision right now and if you can go to counseling,either if you stay together or decide to go separate ways,sometimes couples go through those batches and most of the time grow stronger, I know because I've been there.

first, i would really make sure he is what you want. Talking someone back into loving you could be just pushing off the inevitable heartache.
If you are determined to do this, put some thought into how and why you both feel in love in the first place. Remind him you are still that woman. but take time and care, it's not going to happen over night.
good luck.

grow a pair and get the hell out of there!! Seriously!! there are millions of guys out there and you should NEVER have to CONVINCE anyone to love you! F-him!! That is truly rediculous! Turn your back, walk and open your eyes to some guys who are truly worth it!!

While the beginning stages of love are mostly chemical reactions, to remain in love with someone is a decision.

If I was you, I'd ask him if he is willing to do the work. If he isn't, then there isn't much you can do.