Putting My Daughter Back in Her Crib

Please let me know if you get any good suggestions as I'm going through the same situation. My daughter is 11 months and is still breastfeeding in the evening and at night. She will stay in her crib until she realizes it. Then it is easier for me to bring her to the bed with us but even then she wakes up several times just looking for the breast. I know she's not hungry it's just comforting for her but how can I get a good night's sleep?

I went through something similar with my daughter at 13 months. I would highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It's helped me tremendously!

I have two suggestions. First, the old bait and switch. When you nurse her and she falls asleep, take out your nipple but put a pacifier in right away. You may have to try over and over again, but there will come a point where she will be so far asleep, that the sucking reflex will take over and she should just sleep through it. As far as putting her back in bed, try swaddling her while you nurse. I swaddled my girls...a bit earlier than eight months but if you swaddle her as she nurses, then she will already be swaddled. I put mine in the crib and as long as I had my hand on them, they would sleep...I also did the bait and switch that way, because I would replace my hand with a teddy bear on their tummy and would be able to sneak out. Oh, I have another suggestion...make sure she is getting enough to eat. She should be on babyfoods and cereals...oatmeal cereal will last longer in her tummy than rice and maybe she won't wake as often to nurse. If these ideas don't work for your daughter, don't forget to think outside the box for solutions...you know her best. Good luck and get some sleep!

N.
There is a book called the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley that helped me teach my kids to put themselves down. I am a SAHM now but worked until my son was 10 mos old and those were some of the most exhausting nights. He didn't use me as a pacifier like my second son. 8 mos old is still young so you will probably be dealing with some resistance.

If you daughter is nursing correctly bottom teeth should have no impact on you. While she is nursing she should be extending her tongue past her bottom teeth that way if she bites you she is biting her tongue.

And as for the rudeness SOMETIMES those habits are formed when we are trying to do what is best for our children. After my first son took a paci, my second son had acid reflux would not take a bottle and would not take a paci. He could not eat much at a time so he ate every hour out of necessity. Crying made the acid reflux worse and trust me he was unhappy anyway. The only thing I could find that worked and made some sort of peace in my house was nursing him all the time in feeding him all the time I became his pacifier. So before people are judged one should realize that what works in your house doesn't work in others. What works for some people doesn't work for others. To each his own.

good Luck with whatever you decide.
J.

I have the same problem with all 3 of my kiddos wanting to be in my bed all the time. I get no sleep. I attended a pure romance party 1 night and found that they have a product that you spray on the beds and they will sleep through the night. It is called dream. The girl that did the show had a 6 month old and she has used it since he was a newborn and he has always slept throught he night. I am now waiting for my bottle. Many girls say it really works.

S. Schmidt with Premier Designs Jewelry
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Hi N., I understand your challenge. I also breastfed my three sons and only one was attached to the breast. Here is what worked for me. I began to pump my breast milk and feed him from a bottle close to bed time. When he wakes in the middle of the night, I would give him a bottle. Place something in the crib that has your scent such as a blouse or a scarf. Children can be comforted by your scent. Talk to them prior to trying it, this will help them understand why you are doing what you are doing so they won't feel neglected. Be strong and be willing to go through at least 3 nights of letting them cry for about 20 minutes and continue to put them back in the bed. Keep me informed.

I have found with all of my babies, that if they slept in my bed they wanted to nurse all night. It didn't matter if they were used to sleeping in their crib and then they just slept in my bed one night while we were out of town.

My best suggestion to you is to let your daughter sleep in her crib. Give what seems like a reasonable time limit to you -- I started with two hours. I would not go back in their room for that amount of time. Sometimes they would cry the entire time (especially at first), and sometimes they would cry and put themselves to sleep. It often only takes one or two nights for them to learn the new routine. Once they do, they sleep SO much better and as a result, so do you. Eventually, they started to sleep better on their own and they started sleeping four hours and then five and then six.

On a final note, an eight month old baby that is still primarily breast fed can still sleep at least mostly through the night if not completely through the night. I wouldn't worry about that.

Good luck.

I never went through this, but 2 friends who had similar problems fixed the problem by leaving their child with the child's grandparent for a weekend.. When they returned, my one friend's son was sleeping in his crib vs. her bed and my other friend's daughter gave up the pacifier when she was gone. If you have parents or inlaws who can stay the weekend at your house while you escape, I would give it a shot.

I'm not sure if you will be able to see this from the web or not but maybe you can go on line and see. My son would not take a pacifier either and the hospital recommended these. He would not take anything else and used these until he was almost 2 and then we took them away. They are for preemies and work great! You can hold your finger in them while she is sucking and she will eventually take it. They have worked for several of my friends. They are funny looking but really do work! Good Luck!
Soothie Pacifier (2-Pack) Item No. 110809 - Product: 9302 http://store.babycenter.com/product/code

I sympathize! It sounds like the transition period will be hard, but I do think you can do this slowly wihtout having to resort to something drastic like 'crying-it-out'. I would suggest to start by letting her go to sleep with the breast, and then removing the nipple and rock her to sleep without sucking on it. This might take a while, I am sure she will be very upset! But if she's tired, she will eventulaly fall asleep. I am sure this will take a while, but eventually, she will get the picture, and she will realize that she can have closeness/security without the nipple. Once that goes well it might be easier to also substitute the sleeping ritual for something other than sucking (reading a story/ rocking, etc).
I wouldn't expect too much about her sleeping through the night. It varies tremendously from child to child and she is still very young.

Good luck!

Let her cry! Start out small...But little by little every night let her cry a little longer. And if you pick her up don't give her your breast. She'll figure out that nothing bad will happen if she doesn't have the breast in her mouth. It's a long hard process but you've gotta have your boob!!

Hi,
Sorry to hear that about you and your baby. Well I was doing the same thing w/ my now 9 mnth old baby boy. He would only use me like that during the night. I would give him my breast since he was hungry. He had never taken a bottle nor a paci. I got sick about a month ago and I had to get some shots and I was running a fever of 102. I hated the idea of going to the doctor, b/c I knew I would not be able to feed my son anymore if I got the shots. But I had to since I was really sick. I felt so bad and guilty not to be able to nurse him until a week later since the shots I had just gotten. I had to be strong and try to help my baby get through this without me nursing him. He cried, I cried but finally he had to take the bottle. We went through maybe 3 diffrent types of bottles and nipples until he took one. YEAAHH! I could of pumped, I wanted to pump, but I had decided that if he was doing great after a week and after long night of him crying I knew this was best to just go w/ the bottle. He and I were doing so good. So I just let my milk dry and NOW I feel so relief and much better to sleep. He sleeps now in his crib and takes his bottle at night before going to sleep and maybe twice at night. But trust me it's much better than just having my breast there like a nagging toy to him to find comfort and not even drinking milk. It will be hard at first, maybe the first 3 days but after that you and your baby will be sleeping just fine. Him in his crib and you in your own bed all alone. :) Now I'm the one who misses my baby next to me. But he still sleeps in his crib. I hope this helps you. Like I said I really wanted to nurse until he was 1 or even close to his 2 yr. like I did w/ my other son. But I'm glad I did this a month ago. Good luck and I know you can do it and like this he will learn to sleep in his crib all alone. Let me know how it went ok.

N.,
I've been through this same scenario with 2 of my 3 children. As awful as it seems, the only thing that worked was to just put them in their crib and let them cry it out. It didn't take long, about 20 minutes the first night, then 10, 5, etc. You feel horrible when you are doing it, but it is so worth it for both baby and you. They get a full nights sleep w/o interruption and so do you. You can still nurse her at night before you put her in bed to still have that bonding time, but then be tough and put her in her bed. You'll be glad you did! I think when we realize our breast is just being a human pacifier, that is the time to make the change. Take care and hang in there! Melissa

Hi N.,

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time and you got a lot of advice here. Pick a routine and stick to it. It will be hard, but you have to do this.

I've mentioned this on another board too, but co-sleeping, especially for such small babies is very dangerous. I've done it myself occasionally and I'm not judging you at all, but this info doesn't seem to be common knowledge as it should be. My brother is a pediatrician and he had a patient (and knows of several others) who died because they were suffocated in their parent's bed. These cases are so awful. Little babies can't fight their way out if we roll over on them, or they can get stuck between the headboard and the mattress among other things. The parents always think they will wake up, that they could never possibly not notice something like this - but there's no way to be responsible for our actions as we sleep. People who advocate co-sleeping talk about how it's common throughout history and other cultures. Well, they didn't have headboards, a bunch of pillows and plush mattresses. There's just too much complexity in modern beds and opportunity for a little one to get trapped or smothered.

Anyway, sorry if I freaked anyone out, again I'm not judging anyone. We get so tired and this seems like a good way to fix the issue at first. I just had a huge pit in my stomach when I learned of this danger, and getting to a routine with the crib turned into more of a mission than ever.

Try the No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley or The Sleep Book by Dr. Sears.

It might be better to move her over to daddy. If you were next a your favorite buffet all night, you would probably roll over and want a snack. Maybe move her over by daddy, so she is not smelling her mama.

I also want to add, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her seeking comfort from her mother during the night. Although I know how hard and frustrating it is (my 2 year old still needs to nurse some nights), I know I am building a strong bond of trust with her. She is learning that mommy will be there for her, and building that relationship of trust. If you are ready to stop, there is nothing wrong with that, but I think a gentle approach is the best way to go.

it takes three days to break a habit. You will just have to sit and breast feed her before bedtime , then put her in her crib. Make the three days full days so she will be tired at night. She will cry but she will go to sleep. It will take a lot of patience but you will have her back on a schedule that suits you all. I pray for your quick success. God bless.

Hi N.,

I just wanted to sympathize with you. I am dealing with the same thing with my almost 10 month old. We have spent probably $50 on different types of pacifiers, and she will not take one, nor a bottle, and I am the pacifier during the night. Let me tell you my breasts are getting very sore! I have been reading a book called "the No Cry Sleep Solution" that I am going to start implementing soon (we go on vacation in a week and I figure it would be better to start AFTER we return). The author had the same issues and has a process to help them sleep through the night without the breast and in their own beds. It takes more time than the traditional "cry it out" methood (which I can not do myself :). Good luck and know you're not alone!

N. G,

I was in almost exactly the same situation a year ago. My 8 month old was still waking up at night to breastfeed. We had her sleeping in her crib in our room. I decided there was no reason an 8 month old baby needed to be eating in the middle of the night, so we moved her crib back to her room. We never let her sleep in our bed. She also used a pacifier but was capable of putting it back in her mouth herself. The first night she was alone in her room and woke up, we let her cry. It was so hard and I cried just as much as she did. I went in once or twice to pat her and tell her I was close by and that she was okay. After that, I let her cry herself back to sleep. The next two nights she woke up and cried a little while, but I did not go into her room at all. The fourth night she slept through the night for the first time in her life and I haven't heard from her since. It was so hard, but I was so glad I did what I did. Everyone in the house was able to sleep through the night and get the rest we all needed. She was just fine and I think she needed to sleep by herself. I now have a 3 month old also and am having a hard time letting go. But I do not want her to be in my room for 8 months also. I'm planning to give her about another month, and then I'll send her to her room. She is still eating in the middle of the night and I may continue feeding her until she's about 6 months old, but not past that. My husband is urging me to move her out now, but I'm going to give her a little longer. I don't want a repeat of the last baby. The last one was new for me too, because I have a 4 year old who slept through the night at 6 weeks and slept in my room until she was 3 months old. She moved out with no problem at all. Hope my story will help you and give you some hope. It's very hard but letting them cry it out and put themselves back to sleep worked for us. Good luck to you both!

L. S.
Mother of 3 little girls: 4 years, 20 months, and 3 months.

I agree she needs another way to comfort herself and I recommend a pacifyer also. Also, feed her at bedtime and in the morning but don't automatically feed her when she wakes at night, she needs to learn night is for sleeping not for eating. She may wake up but comfort her without feeding her (I would try to feed her more during the day to be sure she really is not hungry). Do you pat her to sleep? Try this at naptime too to try to get her used to going to sleep this way.

It's hard but you will get through it. I would deal w/ the feeding and pacifyer thing before you worry about the sleeping in the bed thing - that is too many battles to fight at once, if you ask me.

Good luck!

i think you should start with substituting a pacifier for your breast. you might have to try several different brands before you find one she likes b/c the nipples are shaped differently. once she will take the pacifier instead of your breast, you can start putting her back in her crib, which might be a harder task, but you will be better off waiting until she will take the pacifier =) hope this helps

This will be difficult and you are going to be exhausted, but it should only take a couple of nights. Start a new bedtime routine, one you plan on sticking to. I used to read Goodnight Moon while they cuddled in my lap with their bottle, passy, etc. After that put her to bed. She is going to cry, let her cry for 5 min. After 5 min - go back in comfort her without picking her up - never pick her up! You should only go back for 30 seconds-1 min. Then leave again. Now go back in 10 min, comfort and leave. Continue to go back, adding 5 min each time 15, 20 , 25, 30 etc.
My last child made it 60 min (she is still very stubborn), but it took us two nights and then she slept through the night.
Good Luck to you - I remember how hard it was.

If you are a single mom and away from your daughter most of the day, she is looking for the only way she knows how to connect with you. Her little soul needs connection with you, her main source of security in the world! I would argue that you should continue letting her nurse and stay in your bed if at all possible, because forcibly separating her and letting her cry it out will cause other problems (fussiness, clinginess, crying). She really will separate when she is ready if she has enough of your attention now. But it can be really hard to wait, especially if you are by yourself!
I understand your need for sleep so you can function well during the day and not be resentful of your daughter. Is there any way you can increase the time you spend with her? Can you spend any more time cuddling and playing in the mornings and evenings, and nurse her as much as possible during those times? That may decrease the times she wakes up during the night. Best wishes to you.

At first I wasn't going to reply, but I so feel your pain and your daughter is young enough to start new habits easily. I bought into the whole never let them CIO method that sounded so wonderful on paper and I am sure there are some babies who sleep just fine on their own...or parents who don't mind co-sleeping for years.

Nothing worked with my son until I finally let him cry for three nights in a row. He was almost 16 months old and he could cry and scream for almost 2 hours at a time, the first 2 nights...then he finally slept and I GOT TO SLEEP TOO!!

I would lay on the floor at night next to his crib and cry because he woke up every HOUR and I responded every time he cried...no one told me that it was okay for them to fuss a bit in the night and re-settle themselves.

Every child is different and I tried every no cry method I could find, but I was the one crying from sleep deprivation.

Sending you a great big {{{{hug}}}} good luck!!

i had the same problem with my son and i found that if you put them in there bed and let them cry to sleep they are usually too tierd to wake up in the night and will eventually just go to sleep instead of throughing a fit.

I am just going to be rude and say this anyway. I was shocked when I read this including replys. WHY would you be a human pacifier from the get to? A breast is for BREASTfeeding not a toy. You will never get rid of her now. Good luck finding an alternative to that. I don't understand why mothers always need advice on getting their kids out of bad habits when the mothers are the ones that start them. Always think long term. Is this going to be a problem in 6-12 months. Sorry if I have offended someone.

The only way you're ever going to get some sleep is to put her in her own bed. Start a new routine and stick to it. For example. Every night before bed, give her a nice warm bath. Massage her with some lotion afterward. Nurse her, but not until she falls asleep. Put her in her bed drowsy, and tell her the same thing every night such as, 'night, night' or it's time for night, night. She will cry at first, probably a lot. But after about a week, she'll get used to the new routine. She may fuss a bit, but she should eventually get with the program and fall asleep quickly---on her own. This will NOT make her clingy, or fussy during the day. In fact, she'll be resting better and will probably be in a great mood.

I'm adding this after reading some of the other repsonses. Don't let the rude lady upset you either. She was of no help at all. You're a first time mom and it's hard to know everything, that's why you're asking for advice. A good mother asks for help. Remember that. Also, don't feel guilty about wanting some rest! You need it to be a good mom. Crying it out doesn't hurt the baby or give them psychological problems later. I have 3 children who have all had a to cry at night a bit to fall asleep. They are fine. Very happy, content, secure, well adjusted, not clingy or fussy children.