Problem with My Best Friend's Child

I would first ask her (as a lead in?) why she thinks it's HER. After listening to her, I'd ask if she ever CONSIDERED that it might be her daughter's behavior. There are tactful ways to go about this without being accusatory and get someone to think about what's really going on.

Remind her that you DO want the girls to play together. Ask her what she'd do if the tables were turned? That might help talk out some solution.

If it were me.......I'd sit down with BOTH girls and your best friend. I'd talk to your friend ahead of time and come up w/ a plan of attack here and EACH OF YOU NEEDS TO TRY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE NOT TO TAKE SIDES HERE. It's NOT about your or hers daughter as much as it is about the behavior. Each of you need to have a talk with your own daughter ahead of time. Kids tend to clam up when they should be speaking up. This is CRITICAL TO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND FUTURE PROBLEM SOLVING.

Ask each of them what they like about the other. Allow EACH EQUAL TIME to talk. Then, ask what things bother them about the other. DO NOT let the kids interrupt. Allow each to talk and then ask the other how the behavior makes them feel. You can even use other examples of the same behavior and talk about how it makes you/them feel.
What are other solutions? Set BOUNDARIES and /or goals and STICK TO THEM. Hope this helps.

I would just try to find a nice way to be honest with your friend. She may not like it at first but that is what friends are for. She knows her child is bossy so she can't get too upset, she probably doesn't know what to do about it herself. Offer her your support and tell her you would be willing to have a sit down with her and her daughter. Your friend needs to explain to Jessica that how you treat people reflects the kind of person you are and how people treat you back. Jessica needs to know that she is and is going to lose her friends if she keeps this up. Maybe she needs to hear this from your daughter too. A good friend should be honest to you even if it's not what you want to hear. It's a good opportunity to teach your own daughter what it means to be a good friend too.

I babysit for a 3 1/2 year old girl that is bossy. It's so hard to deal with. She bosses around my 2 1/2 year old all day every day. Nothing seems to work. My daughter told me the other day that she was excited the little girl WASN'T coming over, because she was too bossy. I know that Mom spoils her rotten and lets her get away with anything and everything, so that's where the problem lies. At least I am able to attempt to discipline while the child is here. I think your daughter is old enough to decide who she wants to play with. If she doesn't want to play with Jessica, she should tell her "You're too bossy and mean to me and I don't like it. I don't want to hang out anymore." It's clear that your friend understands that her daughter has a problem, so I don't know that it would come as a big shock to her. I'm sure her feelings will get hurt though. Maybe if you explain to your friend that it's your daughter's decision and if Jessica can learn to not be so bossy, your daughter would love to play with her more. And be honest with her, tell her the reason the people aren't coming to the party is because Jessica is a bossy brat and nobody likes to hang with a girl that's like that. It's harsh, but maybe Jessica will get the hint.

Talk to your daughter about her friend being so bossy and explain to her that it is a phase and you two don't want to hurt her feelings by not showing up for the party.Usually kids that are real bossy have some under lieing problem , usually being spoiled rotten. My one niece is like this and my sister has had fits about it for 2 years and she is only going to be 5 in september.My sister has taken priviledges away and made her play nice and learn to share but she still gives those evil looks when she doesn't get her way.Your friends daughter needs to learn that she can't boss people around and soon.Maybe she needs therapy or counciling. Feeling that she has to be in control of every thing is a bad sign in some ways and a good trait in others if it is chanelled correctly.She needs to learn to give and take and be a normal child. Her friends need to become more assertive and not let her have her way all of the time.This could actually be a good lesson in being compasionate to others problems.There is a reason the child acts this way and it needs addressed soon before she has no friends at all.A lonely child can be even worse.
Maybe your daughter can have a talk with her after the birthday party and explain she likes her but she doesn't like being bossed around and if it continues she won't want to be her friend any longer.This may shock the child into a better behavior but don't hold your breath it may take a while. Good luck. I would also be frank with your friend and maybe the 4 of you can sit down and talk about it without hurting any ones feelings. It is a really tough spot to be in.
I have a friend who is 48, she is real bossy and demands that people do what she wants to do. Recently I told her I didn't want to go to bingo with her because I wasn't having any fun there.She took it very personal and decided that I couldn't come into her restraunt after 3:30 p.m. any longer.She lied to me about the reason why.So I said that is fine, my money will spend just fine elsewhere.I haven't seen or spoke to her in over 3 weeks.Now she sends her son over to check on me but tells him to say he just stopped by to see if I needed any help with anything. He told me this and I have been friends with him for at least 7 years.I doubt she will ever change but I would hate to see a child end up that lonely.

This is what happens....either the bossy kid gets alienated for being bossy, or someone finally gets up enough nerve to say, "The reason nobody wants to be around you is because you're so bossy!" Unfortunatly, it's a lose-lose scenario.

Let your daughter know that it's a phase....that she wouldn't want a birthday party all by herself either - nobody deserves that, even if they are bossy. But after that, she can limit her time around the other child.

I really wouldn't say anything to the friend - chances are she already knows (at some level, even if she doesn't want to admit it). I have a 5 year old who hasn't become bossy yet, but I'm expecting it...it seems like it's a phase. She has 4 year old twin cousins, and one of them is VERY bossy. So bossy that last weekend at a family event, she came over to me and said, "We're all going to go out on the boat and YOU can't come." I told her I so could too come, and not only was I coming, but I was going to carry her on to the boat too! (I said it jokingly, and that I was going to do that so I could "get her belly" as I tickled it.) She left me alone after that. I don't know where your friends daughter got it from, but my cousin's kids have NO discipline at all, and think they rule the roost.

Fortunately, my aunt was very aware and will hopefully be able to discreetly cover that realm with my cousins. Either way, we don't see them that often so I don't have to worry about it that much.

Anyway - for what it's worth....and good luck!

Hi N. I go along with the others to some point but when I was a young mother like you I was just as puzzled as you. I was always afraid of hurting someone else's feelings and to this day I am still sort of that way. I do think it would be benificial to you and your daughter to have a sit down talk with all four of you. I would talk to your friend first and see what her thoughts are but it is hard to be nice to someone (the girl's) when there is a bully in the group. I am thinking at that age they should be past this stage but some never grow up. Good Luck

This may sound harsh and cruel, however, I am not known for being tactful and am in fact blunt.
You need to sit down with your friend and her daughter (and maybe your daughter) and just flat out tell "Jessica" and her mother what the problem is. When the child attempts to "boss" you around you have to flat out advise her in no uncertain terms she is a child, she does not have the right to boss adults around and if she can't treat you with respect it would be best if she doesn't come over for at least a week and stick to your guns. Warn her first what the results are going to be for her rudeness and then carry through with the consequences.
Explain to your friend it is not her behavior that is the problem but her child's behavior. That you want to remain friends with her, but she has to take some control over her child and start restricting her behavior in order for the other children to want to be with her.
The child needs to start thinking about other people and their desires not just herself and her need for constant attention and having things her own way or she is going to be a very lonely individual.
Do they attend a church? Is she part of a Sunday school group? Just asking because she needs to understand people who are there for others will find others there for them as well and this is a good beginning towards that goal.

I would do one of two things, 1) Have your daughter tell Jessica that she doesn't want to play with her anymore if she is going to be so bossy or 2) Talk to your friend and just tell her honestly that your daughter doesn't have fun playing with Jessica because of her bossiness. (I would do this later though, not on/at her birthday/party)

It is a tough situation but I don't think you are going to be able to avoid it. Good Luck!