Problem with Middle School Teacher.

As a former middle school math teacher, I would not go in assuming that the teacher is irritated with your child. IF in fact your child is not paying attention, then he may be irritated with his behavior. He may also know that your son has the capability to perform better. It may be irritation or disappointment at the situation, not necessarily at your child. The meeting will be more productive if everyone goes in open and willing to hear each other out.

That being said,,,the report card should be the FINAL phase of communication. The teacher should have known there was an issue much earlier in the grading period and you should have been contacted MUCH earlier. What is the cause of the F? Lack of completed work? Poor test grades?? In the age of cell phones and email, there is no excuse for not talking to you sooner.

And please don't let the teacher fall back on the excuse of "I was trying to teach your child responsibility" when you talk about the lack of communication. A teacher's job is NOT to teach responsibility, That may be a bi-product of what we do, but it is not our job. No where in any curriculum, regardless of the state, will you see "teach responsibility" listed.

I would also want to know what the teacher is doing to correct the behavior he is complaining about. Is he redirecting your son or sending him to the hall ? Because is the hall he will just get further behind - he's missing out on valuable class time and only getting more overwhelmed. (If this is his first year in middle school , that can be a HUGE transition for many. Behaviors you have never seen or heard about before may show up in class. )

I would want to know what services are available...does the teacher offer tutoring or extra help? If it's a matter of work not being completed, can the work be made up and the grade retroactively changed (possible, but unlikely). If it's testing, can he redo failing tests for a higher grade? (My students were able to raise any grade less than a 70 to a 70 if they came in for a tutorial about the test and did a retake).

And what is the teacher willing to do to open the lines of communication? Communicate via email, writing in a planner. Whatever the plan is, make sure it is written communication to document everything.

Not every teacher and student are going to "click". Just like any job, there will be personality conflicts. Hopefully, the teacher and your son will learn to work together.

One more thing, I would request an administrator be present. This will be a third party to "witness" the meeting. It will be someone higher up that you can call on for assistance...someone to report to if you feel like your child's needs aren't being met. An administrator will also be good to have around should the teacher do something upsetting to you.

GL!

Have you talked to your son about this particular class? He could be acting out because he is frustrated. It sounds like your son is going to be part of this conference. Am I correct? If so, I think that it is a good thing so that he can see that you are all working together to help him be successful. Listen to the teacher's comments and concerns without passing judgment. Ask questions about what was going on while your son was acting out as well and where he sits in the room.

Wow, it seems like that is not characteristic of him. I would mention in your meeting that all of his other grades are A's, and that you haven't heard this feedback from any other teachers, so this has surprised you. Honestly, if this report card F is the first you have heard about the issue, there has been a communication break down. It is good to have a meeting with parent/teacher/child to get everything out in the open. Going forward, I would expect regular feedback on his behavior (even if you have to chase down the teacher to get it), and then you will be better prepared to enforce consequences for his behavior. Good luck!

Hi, I am a teacher and I tutor some middle school students. When their parents get their grades, they receive a print out of all of the graded assignments, tests, etc, that show how they earned that grade. If the teacher does not provide that for you, ask for it. A student should not be given an F because he is distracted or messes around (that's a separate issue). I would want to know how the teacher figured his grade to be an F. He may dislike this class or have a personality conflict with the teacher, so everyone needs to work together on a solution to get through the year and to help the child be successful. If he is indeed screwing around in class, support the teacher in working toward a solution or appropriate consequences. Also, ask what other support he may need academically to do better in her class. Good luck!

I am a teacher and a parent and my advice is to be open minded about everything. Questions to ask are, "Can I have advice on how to help my son study spelling and reading. We have our child bring home the reading book the night before the test (classroom reading book) and reread the story and then I ask him questions. We study spelling words everyday at home. Maybe you can get ideas from her on how to study at home. Ask, "What discipline do you have set up in the class? If she does not have a way to discipline the students, then the both of you can set something up to help your son to know that there are consequences for not paying attention. A note generated by the teacher either on a daily basis or weekly basis could help your son see that you and the teacher want him to pay attention and succeed. Reward him at home when he gets a good report and take away priveledges when he gets a bad report. I'm not assuming your son is misbehaving, but if he is, these are some things to help. "Where is he sitting?" Is it next to someone he wants the attention of? Maybe he needs his seat moved to the front. Also, can the teacher give you notice before reportcards come out if your son is getting grades below grade level, so that you can help combat the problem before he gets that "F" on a reportcard. Feedback is so important. I hope I have helped.

I had this same issue with my son. He had a teacher who described a completely different child. I was completely confused and had a very hard time believing what this teacher said about my son. For us, after countless meetings and discussions, it came out that this teacher did not like my son for some reason. Part of me thinks it was because everyone else did and she just could not wrap her head around it. My son is very polite and this really bothered her for some reason. I would talk with your son and see what is going on, my son said she would call him out in front of the class and if he was involved in a dispute of any sort it was always his fault. So of course after some time he just decided if hes going to get blamed for everything he might as well have some of the fun. Kids eventually act how you treat them and she treated him with no respect so she eventually got no respect in return.
Just wanted to share our story in hopes it might help. Good luck!

I wonder what subject he earned an 'f' in. If he doesn't understand or is over his head, it may not be the teacher, it may be that he needs extra support. Maybe this teacher has other kids in this class who all feed off of each other and the other classes do not. I would just offer advise to stay open and not come into the meeting with feeling angry at either the teacher or your son. I would also confront your son in the meeting point blank. 'is this true about poking other kids?'. 'is there a reason that you may feel the need to poke other kids?.' try to ask open ended questions to get to the bottom of the cause of his behavior.
good luck

I have friends who are teachers and they say that middle school is a really hard time for kids. Some of the ones who were always quiet start getting rowdy and some of the ones who were rowdy get self conscious and quiet. They go from things being one way to having more than one teacher and different assignments....My one friend says it's like something from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" because middle school does something to kids.
Anyway, I think you should have an open mind at the conference. I wouldn't take things like not paying attention, poking and entertaining other children to automatically assume you have a "problem" with the teacher. The teacher may be irritated by your son's behavior, but the point of letting you know about it is a start for trying to get to the bottom of it.

The other thing I'm wondering is if this F was on a report card or just on a progress report. My son is in high school and started at the end of August. Their progress reports have not come out yet. Progress reports are the teacher's way of saying "this student, at this point in time, has the grade of F and is iin danger of failing this class". That way, you can talk and communicate about what is going on and find ways to improve things before that grade is reflected on the actual report card.
What I'm hoping is that you can ask your son if he's goofing off and why for this class in particular he's not putting forth the same effort or not using his class time wisely. My son's teachers were awesome and they stayed after school with the students who were getting behind or having trouble comprehending things. My son struggled with math for a long time because it just wasn't "clicking" for him and he dreaded it. But, it just took some after school sessions, even with some of the other kids who were struggling, to build his confidence. He doesn't hate math anymore.
I think if your son is struggling in one area, that might be a signal he needs more help with it and hopefully the teacher has some ideas for you as well.
Like I said, I have friends who are teachers and they really do care about the kids and want them to succeed. I think your son will do much better knowing that you and the teacher are on the same page as far as having a game plan. Perhaps weekly reports for a while as opposed to progress reports prior to report cards so that nothing comes as a surprise to you.

At this point, don't take anything personally. Nobody has said anything horrible about your son as a human being. The teacher didn't say he's not trustworthy or anything. Is he getting an F based on his behavior in class or based on his work that he does or doesn't do? Is he completing all of his homework? Is he completing his class assignments or turning them in half done? These are questions you have to ask. Not just the teacher, but your son. What's going on and how can we fix it?

Best wishes.

Our school has an on-line access for us to review all our kids grades and assignments at anytime. This way we can check grades daily if needed to make sure we know how they are doing without any surprises. If your school doesn't have this, then ask the teacher to contact you more often about the progress of your child. The behavior issue should be separate from the grading issue. Go to the meeting with open mind. Have you contacted the other teachers to inquire about his behavior in the other classes? Is he sitting next to someone who is egging him on? Has the teacher tried moving him into another seat? Have a list of questions ready for the meeting so you are prepared. Make sure the teacher gives you a good way to communicate with them to keep on top of the situation.

Children with reading disabilities who have been alowed to pull themselves along by sheer strength and will are often overwhelmed in middle school. This is incredibly common for a child to "choose" misbehavior" over feeling dumb. Get him some help. Have him evaluated for a learning disablity in reading. Ask for this at your meeting. He should have an Orton Gillingham based reading program. It will be harder at his age, but given his strenth in all other areas, he should be successful with this kind of program.

If you do nothing, you will have continued failure, and more behavior problems. Children read and write to learn in middle school, and he needs to learn to do both. The problem is not with the middle school teachers, it was with the teachers who let him slip through thier fingers without getting him the help that he needed to avoid reading failure. NCLB was supposed to help teachers catch this issue early, and they failed him long ago, in grades 1-3 by not identifying this early and taking him out of a whole langauge program, and putting him into an alphabet phonics program, the kind of program where all children can learn to read.

Request the evaluation from your school. If they don't jump on it at the meeting, write a letter and request it. He does not have to fail, to qualify for this program. It is a shame that they waited until he did so.

Also, have his eyes checked by a developmental optomitrist. Call your nearest childrens hospital and ask for the occupational therapy department, then ask for a referal to an eye doctor who evaluates visual motor, visual perceputual, and occular motor issues. Make an appointment.

It is always a wise idea to own your own private educational evaluation. You should never know less than the school about your son. Call a Neurophsychologist and get an evaluation. This keeps the school district honest.

Read about reading disablities at www.wrightslaw.com.

M.