Private Parts - Flint,MI

This seems very normal.
But oh my gosh am I way old? The seven year old has a tablet?
Except for 'B' I think most of these mothers have excellent thoughts on this matter.

stop freaking out.
it's a very normal phase. nothing wrong with re-directing it when it happens, ie 'tommy and sara, your bums and genitals are private parts. i know you are curious about their differences and i'll be happy to answer any questions you have, but no more showing them to anyone else.'
and then do.
problems arise from kids being made to feel like freaks over their natural curiosity. you can say 'no' without making them feel guilty or ashamed.
khairete
S.

When you freak out about this innocent curiosity and start interrogating children, all your doing is pushing her away from having an open relationship with you in the near future.

Calm down, go back and gently talk to her. Don't ask her why she did this, her 6yr old brain can't answer that.

I hope you thanked your cousin for being honest w you and telling you right a way. Don't shun the boy, act normal around him. You can tell them no more devices but no one should get punished for this.

Breathe

This is perfectly normal and she can't answer your questions because the answer is she was curious as well. Just the nature of that age.

Not letting them play anymore is a total overreaction, so is going irate whatever that means. You were responsible for those children, your cousin had left her son with you, you didn't know what they were doing, you are irate with your cousin? She at least knew what was going on, she apparently communicates with her son. Most parents would be more angry with you but your cousin was calm, gave you the facts, and probably had a discussion with her son.

What everyone (except B) said. But as far as asking why she did it, that is not a question she can or will answer. So, I would stop asking it. I don't know is the universal answer to all those questions - why did you put the baseball in the toilet, why did you microwave the crayons, why did you take off all your clothes? They just did - probably they were curious - but they cannot process and explain it. Just accept that many things seem like a good idea at the time.

Don't freak out. As everyone (except B) has said, this is normal. The fact that they are like brother and sister makes it seem even MORE normal to me. My kids are always seeing each other naked, the same way they see me naked plenty of times.

Also - unless you taught her specifically you don't SHOW your private parts to anyone, she might not know that. You probably taught her "no touching", and it sounds like they weren't touching. I try to run "scenarios" with my daughter like "What if a kid asked to see your underwear? What do you do?" I think its highly likely that kids will be messing around, being silly/curious, and stuff can snowball. I've seen this happen very innocently, with the girls all just being silly with each other. And at this age, anything having to do with "butts" is completely hysterical to them.

I was recently at the gym where my daughter (age 7) takes classes. One of her friends had an Ipad and took a surepetitious, (clothed) picture of my bottom. She thought it was hysterical. My daugther knew it was wrong, but didn't know what to do. So I realized that this is part of my training that has been lacking... the "what to do."

In my daughter's school, they taught them to Stop. Go. and Tell. Stop is you tell the person doing something wrong that you don't like it and its wrong and they should stop. Go means you go away from that person to a safe place or person. Tell is you tell an adult what happened, and if the first one doesn't believe you, you tell someone else. Now I try to reinforce these steps with her, because it seems to go beyond just "private areas" to let her know what she needs to do.

Take a deep breath! No need to freak.

This is so normal. They are curious. Children this age are only traumatized if parents make this into a big negative deal. I know this based on personal and professional experience. My cousins and I played doctor once and were found out because I had sand in my vagina. No big deal. I'm also a retired police officer who investigated such situations. When children are close in age they participate together. Their is no coercion. They were curious and checked it out. I would think taking pictures is a part of their life and of no concern. We take pictures of everything today.

It is very normal for children to be curious and it is true... she can't answer your question because she was curious as well.

The fact that you went irate about it sends a message that she did something horribly wrong. You do not (I hope) want her to grow up ashamed of her body and thinking she is dirty because she showed her privates. ALL kids do that at one time or another. You seriously would keep them separated over this? Look at the message you are sending to your daughter if you over react like this? You are sending her a message that she is bad. Oh so wrong.

I believe your behavior is overboard. You should explain of course that you understand curiosity but she should not be taking pictures of private parts with friends. At some point, she'll probably have a show and tell of the body with a girl friend as well so be ready for it.

What she did was normal. What you did was out of line by overreacting. From the other parent's perspective, I would be upset with you for not knowing where my child was and what they were doing while they were in your care.

First, calm down and stop asking your daughter the same thing over and over. Do you think a 6 yr old will magically come up with an answer you suddenly like, when pressed. You are going to make her feel horrible.

Next, this is actually pretty normal curiosity for some kids. Just calmly teach your daughter about who may see her privates, such as her dr.and only when mom is in the room. And be sure to remind her of this every so often. And for God's sake, let her play with her cousin.

Just a quick reality check: he's not a sexual predator, he's 7 years old. They have had no experience with pornography. Your fears and knowledge as an adult have changed the situation into something much worse that what it is.

It's extremely doubtful either child knew anything other than "hey we have a camera! let's take pictures!" And then they were curious, because she's a girl and he's a boy and those things are different.

Unless your prepared for your daughter to never tell you anything again, stop overreacting and interrogating her. When you're calm, sit down with her and tell her you are sorry for overreacting and scaring her. Tell her that you know she was just playing games with her cousin, but the kind of game they played wasn't OK because her private parts are just for her to see, not anyone else, even a friend.

Then back off and set up another playdate with her cousin.
Hopefully his mom had the same talk with him, but feel free to reinforce it right before they play by reminding them both (quietly, calmly) that the game they played last time with the camera is not allowed, and our private parts are to stay private.

He's 7, she's 6. Exploration is normal.

Calm down and talk to your cousin. Make a deal that no kids are unsupervised with cell phones or tablets or anything else that takes pictures.

Each parent explains to each kid that no one sees their private parts (the parts covered by a bathing suit) except a parent and a pediatrician.

If you continue to freak out, your daughter will never come to you again, and you don't want that. Instead, talk about doing things just because people ask you to, how to say no and how to respect boundaries.

This is a good lesson for a lot of things, not just private parts. One of the news shows did a report on kids who've been told not to go off with strangers. With the parents' permission, the news staffer asked the kids on the playground to help him "find his puppy" - and even though the parents were positive the kids would never comply, they almost all did so. So you need to see this episode in your daughter's life as a teaching moment, not a freak out moment of banning her from her cousin's life. On the plus side, this occurred with her cousin, someone with whom she is comfortable. Their curiosity is normal.

She can't answer you because this is beyond her realm of comfort and she cannot handle your reaction. Please tone that down, let her know that kids make mistakes and you're glad you know about it and that she now knows that no one gets undressed for someone else and takes pictures of themselves, not ever.

Moreover, it's time for both sets of parents to get some books on anatomy and teach the kids some things about their own bodies and the bodies of the opposite sex, in age-appropriate ways (no full frontal photographs, please - just cartoon-like diagrams to start with). Let them know that you, the parents, are the place to go with questions.

It's also a good time to talk about what goes on the internet and stays there forever. That's beyond her in some ways, but now's the time to start the discussion.

Do either of them have a sibling of the other sex? If not my guess is they got curious and wanted to see what the other had. They are at that curious stage.

This is normal.

I went through this phase with my brothers. Lol. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I was old enough that I still have vague memories of it.

Chances are, they were innocently curious about each other's bodies, and because they are so close felt comfortable about showing themselves to each other. At this age, there is nothing 'dirty' about it.

Please stop putting so much pressure on your daughter about this. Instead of interrogating her and making her feel ashamed about what happened, use it as a teaching moment. Be calm and understanding... If you are freaking out and making it a huge deal, all you are doing is sending the message that she did something bad... And that will make her feel apprehensive about coming to you if something else does happen. (I speak from experience here.) instead of asking her WHY she did it, tell her that you understand that she was curious, and that you understand that she was only playing with her cousin... BUT there are certain ways that she should not play with other kids. Her private areas need to stay covered;if they aren't, then the play is not appropriate. She should never let anyone take a picture of her without clothes on, no matter who that person is.

I wouldn't separate her from him. Again, all that will do is send her the message that getting "caught" in a situation like that will get her punished.

Also... It sounds like he may have been the one who instigated it' and she went along. While this is still within the normal range and wouldn't overly concern me... I would definitely try to empower her to say "no" when she feels uncomfortable. This article is very good, IMO, about ways we as parents tend to stifle our children's ability to claim ownership of themselves, and how to empower them more. (If you click the transcript link under the video, you can read it instead of watching the video.)

http://www.upworthy.com/here-are-4-ways-were-accidentally...

I agree with the other mom's that you need to educate yourself on normal developmental behaviors. These kids were being normal curious kids. There is a big difference between seeing bodies as simply interesting things and seeing bodies as sexual. Yes, support your daughter in creating boundaries and owning her own body rather than in being ashamed of it.

Even though it doesn't sound like there was any touching involved, might want to pick up the book: "A Very Touching Book...for Little People and Big People." By Jan Hindman This is a great book to talk about the difference between good touch, bad touch, and secret touch. This book will help you and your daughter understand more about how to define her experiences.

Also, the books "Where did I come from" and "What is happening to me" by Peter Mayle are really great books for when you do start talking more with your daughter about her body and sex.

I can remember a similar situation with my cousin (without the photographic evidence of course).

It's all normal and harmless. It's not like he's a teenager.

I would just talk to her and remind her that only moms, dads and doctors should see her private parts and only if they need to be checked for a medical reason.

I would also suggest you ramp up the supervision on these two. If you or your cousin can't be there, maybe the kids shouldn't be there either. Clearly your aunt was too busy with her store to watch them properly.

I think the photos are just part of the world we live in now. So show me yours and I'll show you mine has become much more with cameras EVERYWHERE.

I think it's an excellent early learning opportunity for you both. Aside from telling her to always keep her clothing on, no matter who asks, you also need to instill the value of not taking a picture of EVERYTHING she feels like and certainly not posting it for the world to see.

Like it or not, cameras are not going away - only getting crisper and clearer!

Oh, and don't freak out. But do be sure that his mom talks to him as well before resuming playtime.

Why are you angry with your daughter? She is SIX. She is SIX!! You are acting like she's an adult in a child's body.

OF COURSE she doesn't know why she did it. She is too young to say to you "Mommy, if you had taught me not to, I wouldn't have."

Have you talked to your cousin about it? Has she seen the picture? She needs to deal with her son. She needs to take the tablet away. And no more playing at the aunt's store where no one is supervising them.

You obviously need some help in figuring out how to talk to your daughter. You've traumatized her with your attitude in front of her. Talk to your ped and ask for him or her to send you to someone to help you both.

normal curiosity.. just like we all did when we were young.. except now kids have electronics and can take pix when they play dr..

calm down.. let the kids play but have adults keep a better eye on them.