Preschooler Wanting Friends

Making friends is a skill and kids need to learn skills. We gave my son a 'script' and practiced and it helped immensely. He has always been very eager to make friends and would run right up to a new kid and roar or chase him or run away. When he tried 'hi, my name is X, would you like to play?' it was a HUGE improvement. Sure, not every kid wanted to play (he was 3 and would go up to 6 year olds if they were all that was available). But then he would come back to me and say 'that kid didn't want to play, I'm going to go try that little girl over there' . And most kids at that age respond well and are willing to play with anyone.

Ugh. I remember watching that social awkwardness.
I have an only and he always seemed more comfortable around adults.
Let me tell you, watching him in PreK was PAINFUL! LOL
Just wanted to let you know that my little socially awkward geek boy is now Mr. Popular guy who knows and gets along with everyone.
It's OK. He'll figure it out!

Time. Time. And more time. He only just turned three; he's still barely out of babyhood, really, in the big scheme of things. It's great that he is in a preschool setting; that will be a huge help to him figuriing out how to get to know and how to play with other kids. I bet if you were watching other kids in the preschool as closely as you are watching your own you would notice that other kids have their own individual issues with things like starting conversations with "I have black shoes" or "I hate blueberries" or "I ate oatmeal today." You'd find that other kids who seem very confident with some playmates might suddenly seem shy or awkward with other playmates. So take a deep breath, remember that he's only barely three, and relax a bit. You will find playdate friends soon enough if you talk with other preschool parents. You're doing plenty to help him learn social skills. It is VERY typical for a child his age to behave exactly as you describe.

He may seem to you to be "sad" about not having friends, but remember -- that may to some degree be your adult mind placing adult ideas on his behaviors and moods. Sure, he wants to play with someone, but right now he wants you more than anyone. Yes, he may say that he wants to play with another kid this instant, but in fifteen minutes he likely will be happily engaged doing something else. He is not suffering because he's an only child, by the way; only children don't have to have siblings to be socialized or learn how to play with other kids (I know plenty of siblings who don't get along with each other and who teach each other nothing about socialization!).

He's fine. You're doing fine. Give him time. That's hard to hear when it seems like other kids are little social mavens, flitting from friend to friend with ease, but believe me, their parents could certainly tell you stories about those kids' own social quirks, issues or concerns. It will all smooth out eventually. If you continue to worry, talk to the preschool teacher or director for a reality check; she or he likely can tell you how your son is doing, based on the teacher's more objective experience with many kids.

One other thing: Once he is in a preschool that is not "mommy and me" he may change somewhat. Kids often behave quite differently in a setting where there isn't a parent present. For now the preschool sounds wonderful and is a great transition for him, and your being there is just right. But eventually he'll be in a preschool where you're not there (correct?) and that will push him further along socially -- when he's ready for that.

Ahhh, it will come on its own, he has to go thru this with little to no help from you honestly. My son was very simmilar and on our way to something where we would be with other kids I would talk to him about learning names and about how to play and good ways and not so good ways to play. My son is 5 and still calls all of his cousins "Girl" or "Boy" and mixes up names, he has 11 of them! He is doing better with the kids in his pre k class and his teacher but he still gets his teacher and helper mixed up 6weeks later. It will come, just give him time and coach him on his way there but leave it up to him when you are there. On your way home you can discuss what worked and what did not work and why as well.

I'm curious if he is able to remember their names, or if there is one child that he is gravitating toward at all that might be memorable to him...focus on one child's name at a time. That may help a bit. We had class books that came home with pictures of the kids and their names and "favorite things" that rotated through the class. This helped me to be able to sit down with my son and talk about names and see if he remembered or could tell me anything about that person. Your son is pretty young and you can continue to work on those social skills. If you connect at all with a mama in the class, maybe you could get together at a park outside of class (or indoor gym, now that it's cold) and see how they interact there. It's normal for this age to parallel play - play next to one another but not so much "with" one another. Check out some books from the library, too, about making friends (for him or for you to get ideas for his social skills). Sometimes books are fun ways to start conversations about how to talk to new "friends". :) Good Luck!

My son also turned 3 in July. He has never been one to go up to other kids. In fact, at his first preschool (he started at 2), the teachers told us that he only wanted to hang out with the adults. That eventually changed though and he made lots of friends. We are lucky in that kids tend to gravitate towards him, even when he doesn't reciprocate (I don't know where that came from since I was never particularly popular). At this current school (he started in August), his teachers tell us he plays with everyone, but it took some time before he could tell us anyone's name.

I will also add that if I or my husband went to preschool with him every day, he'd probably never leave our side and wouldn't play with anyone except us. I think you will likely see a lot of growth when he goes to an independent preschool.

Don't worry about your son.
Kids this age... are NOT fully developed, socially, nor about friends.
They are still, clumsy about things like this.
Its okay.
It is also about emotional maturity and development.
They don't always know how to do this, by themselves.
They do NOT have, 'conversation' skills. Yet. Normal.
Kids are also... shy at this age. Normal.
They do NOT know... all about social cues yet, nor how to analyze it.
They don't even know... about emotions yet and all the abstract connotations of it. Emotions, are not even fully developed yet, at this age. And they don't even know.. the exact words for their feelings. Normal.

Just talk with him. They learn this way and being guided, by their parent.
And don't make him feel, that something is wrong with him.
Teach him about people, role-play with him, teach him the words for his feelings, teach him by role-playing what words or sentences he can use to talk to other kids or make friends.
AND, teach him how...to 'discern' other people. So that when he gets older... he can gauge other people and make good choices about friends.

All in time. He will learn. Like a rock collecting moss.
It takes, time.

He might need a little more coaching from you. My daughter is 4 years old, also an only child with no similar-aged cousins. She's uber-social but even she was just calling kids "Boy" and "Girl" if she had just met them instead of finding out their names. When I noticed what she was doing, I called her over and told her she needed to ask them their names if she was going to be playing with them, because just calling them Boy or Girl was kinda rude. She caught on pretty quick after that. I don't know if she's just lucky, or it's her personality, but it seems like if she just goes up to a kid and asks them if they want to play with her, they almost always will - she rarely gets rejected and if she does, I am teaching her not to take it personally. She also knows that it helps to pay the kid a compliment, so she will often say something like, "Hey, I like your shoes!" or "That's a really cool shirt!" and then they are saying thanks and complimenting her on something and she tells them thanks and off they go.

I think it's normal for a lot of kids his age to just sort of make statements like "I have black shoes" as a way to get some attention and then expect the other person to expound on that. Another parent should be able to at least say "Oh, those are nice!" or something like that, maybe ask a question like "Where did you get those shoes?" to get the child to say more, and start practicing having a little mini-conversation. I'm sure a lot of it could be your son's age, and some kids have a more reserved personality than others. If he seems to get tense when another kid wants to play with him, just encourage him to go play - many times they can take their cues from you and how much confidence you seem to give off.

As for my daughter, who knows...maybe she will be a politician some day.