Preschooler Still Waking up Every Night

When my 3 1/2 year old is having night terrors, it is almost always linked to too much TV. When I cut back on the tv, it seems to get better. I also ask her before bed, saying, 'What are you going to dream about tonight?' 'I'm going to dream that I'm playing at the beach in the sand'... and so on. Now she tells me when we lay down; 'I'm going to dream about ice cream' and you are going to dream about poo bear and tigger.' :)

Ugh. I hate nightmare phases. Seems no matter how hard you try to shelter them from "scary stuff", preschoolers *always* hit a phase where they wake up screaming about the monster under the bed, the spider in their pillow, the lady screaming, the dog in the closet.

A trick that worked well for us was to make monster banishment part of the night time ritual. After we read story and gave out kisses, I'd turn to the room, clap my hands a couple times and say, "OK, monsters. It is time for bed now, so you have to go home! You can come back to play tomorrow after breakfast!"

Weird as it sounds, it worked like a charm on my preschoolers. Perhaps because Mommy is the Ultimate Source of What Will or Will Not Happen Around Here? After all, when I say it's time for their "real" friend to go home, s/he goes home! So it follows, if I tell the monsters they need to go home, of COURSE they just...do it?

Don't really care why, of course - I'm just grateful that it *works*! ;-)

Familiarizing him with lizards per the other suggestions may help, too. Something about them is probably creeping him out, fascinating by day and horrifying at night. That was what we had with our five year old daughter - all day long, she'd beg for a puppy. And then at night, she'd have nightmares about a "mean" dog in the closet or window. **sigh**

Don't make yourself TOO crazy looking for a logical reason for it, though. There might not be one - preschoolers' minds are not fully-formed logical thinking machines yet. I think that may be why they often respond better to the "monsters, go home now" routines than the carefully thought out lectures: "Now honey, blah blah imagination yadda yadda not real something about 'when I was your age' whatever-whatever-whatever blah-blah-blah".

Hang in there! Those wee-hour wakeup calls (screams?) are absolutely draining - make sure you take care of YOU too!

As the other respondents said, it could be "night terrors" (you can research it online) and also, during this age, their minds are very active in sleep AND when awake. Their Imagination is going going going... and they think of all kinds of things. Much like adults, but we have different thoughts suitable for our age. My daughter is almost 5, and she goes through this too... what we do is talk about it, (she knows if we're fibbing or trying to outsmart her), so we talk about it in a way that validates her AND that has a reasonable "explanation" for her and what her "dream fears" and nightmares are. Sometimes, what I also do, is pretend play with her about what her nightmares are... and then we work together to try to make it funny and harmless...so that she turns her thinking about it in another direction AND then she can then learn to "control" her nightmares etc. This works for her. When she has a bad dream about "monsters" (which is her nightmares)...then she turns it into a "funny" scenario instead. And then she tells us about it and feels proud. It's helped her a lot. But yes, nightmares and waking are phases of age development. And it can affect their REM deep sleep. Thus, they wake and seem scared. Sleep routines are for sure important. It "settles" them down... and is predictable for them, they know what to expect. Good luck, you've gotten good tips here.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Dear M.,

I used to have some friends that were intent upon keeping anything scary away from their son, they wanted to be perfect parents and worked very hard at it.

They were very successful in their parenting, except for the scary part. He stumbled upon a book about dinosaurs - that was long ago before they became so popular in our culture. He became very afraid of them and had night mares and cried and carried on - the parents finally concluded that
children need something to be afraid of - if they don't encounter it early, then they will find something later on.

Find some very good lizard books at the library, help him catch a lizard and let it get away, go to the Zoo and find some live lizards that he can see while having you right there beside him. It will work out. But don't hesitate, do it right away so that you can show him that they won't harm him.

I will be very honest with you, I am fraid of those gilamonsters or whatever they are called. My grandson had one that I had to feed and water, he was huge in a huge cage, and he gave me the creeps. I didn't need anything more to be afraid of either, but I got one more when I had to be his caretaker.

Sincerely, C. N.

Hi M.. First off I want to say "ditto" to what Tama and Carolyn advised. The bedtime ritual can really help, and also since his fear involves something real he may benefit from learning more about lizards. To help dispell anxiety.

In the meantime, night terrors are more common when children are overtired. If he gets plenty of night time sleep (12 to 14 hours), then look at his daytime schedule.

During their day, little people are doing a lot of internal cognitive work that we often forget about -- trying to process the emotions of the day, trying to take all the new information gathered and add it into their understanding of the world. The more busy a child is, the less time there is for them to integrate this subconscious material. And the more it's likely to pop up during sleep time.

Even something as simple as turning off TV and playing in playdough, gak, cookie dough (to help you bake), or even just soaking in the tub can be really helpful. No one has completely figured out WHY sensory play helps (although it is also associated with forming more synaptic connections in the brain). But it's suspected that small children can only handle so much audio-visual information processing. And TV of course is very "in your face". Which its why we've heard all the flap about is encouraging "passivity". It's more one-directional than many other pursuits.

Squishing playdough engages the senses, but makes more room for our internal selves. Whatever is percolating in the back of a child's mind can come out during sensory play and other open ended activities, like block play, drawing, etc.

Here's some fun sensory play recipes:

http://www.earthskids.com/sensoryrecipes.aspx

Meanwhile, bear in mind that this is totally normal behavior. Don't worry too much. Just give him some hugs and comforting words. Take him to the potty. And cheerfully put him back to bed as soon as he'll go. If he doesn't have a night light already, that would probably help as well.

My 2 oldest boys had this same problem, although over something different. After they came into our room scared and crying, we calmed them down and walked with them back into thier room. We turned the lights on and asked where they saw whatever scared them or what it wasin the dream that scared them. If it was, say, monsters under the bed, we would get a flashlight and show them that there are no monsters under the bed. The same could be applied for the closet, anywhere. We would leave him a small flashlight next to his bed so he could see for himself if he woke again before coming to us.
Now, I don't often like to bring this into conversation, but if you are at all spiritual and pray, like we are, we have found that saying a special prayer and ensuring them that they can ask their Heavenly Father for help is a big source of comfort for them. That's all I will say about that.
Another thing we say they can do is completely cover their head, if it makes them feel better so that nothing can see them. We have also put night lights in the room to help light things up for them which helped my boys because they could see.
Finally, we were sure to monitor the shows they watched or books they read and told them that this was just pretend and wasn't real when something like that showed up.
Eventually, my kids grew out of it. I think it's normal for our children to do this. I remember doing it myself as a child. All we can do is be there to help and comfort them as they pass through this portion of development.

Hi,
Where did he see the lizards? Preschools are very big on reptiles and dinosaurs. They probably have a box full of play lizards, snakes, and dinosaurs. He must have gotton the idea from somewhere.

You might want to mention the problem to them and ask for their help.

D.

Is there anything he might be seeing during the day that he fears? Maybe he really fears lizards, and he's seen it or heard a story in school about it that impacted him. Talk to him about his days in school, what he learns, hears, etc. . . Also establish a routine at night. Example: bath, soothing music, bedtime story. When a routine is established, it may ease his fears, or when he talks to mommy. Good luck.

There is two things that my mom did that were really neat when I was little. When I had a bad dream about a tickle monster, she wrote a letter to the monster telling him that we don't appreciate his bothering me in my sleep and we will not tolerate it etc. and we put the letter under my pillow and kept it there for a week. I never had the dreams again. Also, my mom took a spray can of aerosol spray and covered it with construction paper and labeled it Monster Spray, or Animal Spray or whatever pertained to the dreams that I was having and we would spray a little in the air before I went to sleep (it was just air freshener) and this really helped. One more thing, if you pray a simple prayer add the phrase, "and God please make my son be a good boy and not have any bad dreams, amen." This really works for my 6 year old. I hope these help. Good luck.

Is your son truly awake when he is up at night or kind of sleeping still ? MY son had night terrors since he was about 2 years old until 4 years old... about 2-4 times a month he would wake up ( sometimes 4-5 days in a row ! ) screaming and crying and totally inconsolable. He would still have his eyes closed and would just cry and wiggle around... nothing we did helped him. He has not had them as often now that he is older. Just console him as best you can, holding, rocking, rubbing his back and hopefully he'll go back to sleep.

We're going through the same thing, but it's alligators. What's woking for you?

M.,
I haven't run into this problem with my daughter, but I reccomend Dr. Ferbers Solving your childs sleep problems. I used this quite a bit with her, but I remember parts of the book discussed bad dreams and related sleep issues. Hope it helps.

By the sounds of it, it's about lizards. Sorry, I know that part was obvious. I had a TERRIBLE fear of sirens that lasted until I was in AT LEAST the 4th grade, maybe even longer. I would wake up in a panic every time I heard one break through the silence of the night. What I would suggest, if you can muster the energy, set an alarm for your self around the time he's been having the night terrors. Put a chair next to his bed or lay down next to him (which ever is easier for you) and be there WHEN he wakes. He will be more quickly comforted if you're there the moment he wakes. With time you should notice that he is waking later and later, then not at all. My mom had to train herself to hear the sirens before I did. She said that if I heard it first it would take AT LEAST an hour before she could go back to sleep, but if SHE heard it first, it only took about 10 minutes.

I would also recommend finding a couple of lizard books for him. During the day, at times that he will not be napping for at least 2 hours, read books that teach him about lizards. For bed time, find a funny story that a lizard is the main character, or at least a co-star! I think there’s one called “Izzy Iguana” that is a little amusing. Check your Public library and book stores. The workers in the children’s section should have good advice.

Hope it helped~ J.