Preschool - Charlotte,NC

If he's advanced, but not *genius* (meaning he's going to be at the head of his class, but not quite advanced enough to skip grades), the one of the BEST skills you can teach him is how to challenge HIMSELF. Start that early. You can also teach him the lesson of *just because we don't wanna doesn't mean we don't hafta". You've enrolled him in PreK. That's a parental decision you make that is in his best interest.... and unless you feel *harm* is coming to him...... that's where he stays.

If he doesn't develop the ability to interact with other kids, take his turn and not come home and whine about school.... he's going to have a much worse time next year in Kindergarten... so don't coddle him.

Instead - try and instill in him the ability to be challenged in SOME way, even if he knows the material. Encourage him more to play with other kids, rather than how his counting skills are. Coach him on what to do if he wakes up from nap and naptime isn't over yet. THOSE are the skills he needs to learn in preK.

Those are the skills that will serve him well in the real world when he is smarter than the people around him. He will have to find a way to make the best of his environment
(she says while sitting in cubicle, typing on Mamapedia, surrounded by *sigh* idiots).

Preschool isn't about learning.
It's about socialization. Not being around other kids and playing nicely. But about learning rules, and to respect others and authority. It's about learning a routine, and social norms.
So no, he should not be in a more advanced class. He's 4, and the very thing he's struggling with (listening to the teacher and joining in, etc...) is what he needs to learn. Taking him out, IMO, is a mistake.
The teacher should be able to handle him. If not, look at a different preschool. But any preschool that's worth their charter should be prepared to handle "difficult" yr olds. Lord knows my 4 yr old is tough, but they seems to have "whipped him into shape" with some challenges we were having in just a few short weeks.

So I agree with your husband. He'll fall into line. At 4, he's just pushing his boundaries - both with you and school - to see what he can get away with. He needs to understand that being difficult will not get him what he wants.

Preschool is not about academics, and it shouldn't be. So kids who have spent a lot of time developing academic skills (either because the parents encourage it or because the child likes those sorts of activities) often have not spent the time developing social skills. (And the reverse can be true of some kids.) So those "academic" kids who can count and read and recite their times tables have often not spent as much time doing social things. Some of the kids started preschool at 3, so they are ahead in that area, just as your son is ahead in counting.

So I'd say the last thing your child needs is a "more challenging" pre k! If he is missing you 2 days a week, then he needs more time in school.

You are doing the right thing getting him into the "school habit" now for 2 days. Imagine what it would be like if he had to go 5 days! Kindergarten is not even about knowing all your letters or writing your name. It's about working in a group, following directions, engaging in some individual activities (e.g. independent reading), and being part of a community. Kids also need down time, and that's what "nap" is - they don't have to sleep, so see if the teacher will allow him to sit quietly with a book.

Your child needs more work, both in school and with you, on socialization. Leave off with the academic skills and help him mature more and be able to establish some relationships. If you push him into a more academic program, you will continue to neglect the areas in which he is lacking. Encourage him as much as possible to play and have fun - so much education actually happens through creative play and cooperative learning. Kids need creative time so I'd spend time on that at home - just unstructured creative play. He will learn much better and adjust much better as he gets older, and he will actually be a better student if he develops new ways of learning.

I would doubt the being bored thing. Most preschools are about social skills with some learning thrown in. They have circle time where they learn to sit still and sing some songs, show and tell, some alphabet and number work that takes only a few minutes and then lots of play. Some kids need a lot more help socializing than others. I have one of each. My daughter has always taken a while before she was comfortable with other kids. To this day if she had it her way she would be home with me instead of with other kids. My son is the life of the party, and if any learning takes place, it isn't intended. Still, he will complain that school is too long and boring. Give your son some time. Talk about how wonderful school is and the fun things he gets to do. If you can find a buddy for him in his class, this will help you a lot. Oh- and my daughter hated nap time when she was in pre K too. she would beg me to pick her up before nap time came. She was bored and couldn't sleep and her teacher wouldn't allow them to read. If his teacher will allow it, see if he can read through a book quietly.

Well, there's not much you can do about what grade he's in, he's not legally old enough to start kindergarten until he's a full 5 years old by the official cut off date which is usually the first day of the school year or shortly after in September. I think you need to tell your son it's his job to go to school and that even if it's not what he wants to do he needs to keep trying and do it.

He may be bored. He wouldn't be bored if he'd participate in the activities. That may take time. Just encourage him to go and play with the other kids.

I would give it a little more time. If you think he needs more challenge, then find things to do with him on the days off. I suspect that a more academic program would be more days so it wouldn't meet the concern of him missing you. For me, DD isn't going to preschool to know her ABCs. She's fine there. She's going to interact with other kids, to handle listening to someone else, to be social and have lunch with her friends. She goes to a M-F half day program.

I keep suggesting this because it was SO helpful to us - Have you heard about the book The Kissing Hand? Every day I give DD a Kissing Hand and off she goes.

My SD did not nap and was in a full day program. She survived even though they regularly confiscated her barrettes (that she would play with). Ask the teacher if there's something a non-napping kid can do quietly, like look at books. He can't be loud, but he can't disturb anybody else. Sometimes the lesson isn't going to be hard for him...and sometimes it will be. Not everyone is good at everything. Not everything is going to be fun all the time.

I don't think it's harming him. It's new and different. He needs to adjust. If he were screaming and crying every day and the teacher reported that he was inconsolable then I'd consider that harm, but just doing his own thing? I wouldn't consider that harm.

I would check/observe what they do there. It could be it is too simplified for him. If they focus a lot on academics and it's all stuff he already knows, then he is most certainly bored. However, if they are doing mostly hands on, imaginative play type activities, he could just be homesick. Personally I don't feel preschool is usually necessary if the child has an involved mother - like you obviously are. I think young children develop best under their mother's care. (Not a real popular opinion, but mine, nonetheless. ;) Combined with some playdates he'll be ready for Kindergarten next year, although you could face the same issue. Then again, I've seen LOTS of questions on here from mothers who's child attended preschool and still had a rough time adjusting to daily Kindergarten, so either way, you could have issues no matter what you decide, LOL. Good luck! :)

Since he just started not until age 4, and only 2 days a week, that might be a problem. I've found a good window between ages 2 and 3 to start. Then it becomes routine, "what you do." It actually becomes fun! Maybe more days?

Here they have one once you are 24 months, and then 3, 4, etc...

Make sure there is lots of outside playtime! :)

In my opinion, preschool is primarily for learning social skills, first and foremost.

I agree with asking about observing from a discreet place. Children will often act very differently at preschool when their parents are there, but the other issue is the non-participation, and if he's engaging with you, you aren't going to see what the teacher is genuinely seeing. (my preschoolers act like monkeys when their parents would come visit sometimes and be all over them)

You might also try scheduling a short conference or phone conference. I would want to know specifically when he was 'not participating'... is it during activities that he's grown out of, or during playtimes, or at circle/gathering times, when he really does need to be with the group? If it's at playtimes, then the question comes up for me: is he an observer? Is this more about his personality? Many teachers will be able to help include a child into play, but it is also wise to hold back a little on this until a child is truly settled and transitioned into the new group, which could take a month.

What sort of ideas does the teacher have for getting him engaged with other kids? That's also important for you to know. If she really doesn't have any ideas that sound reasonable (non-punitive), maybe it's better to look at a more advanced program. I always encourage parents of children this age to consider the social development before the academic development, because kindergarten teachers need these skills to be present so that they can teach well. In short, if he's not getting his social needs met with this program-- if the teacher or director has nothing to offer you in this regard--perhaps a move would be more constructive for him. Just remember-- he might get a little bored in kindergarten too if he is learning so much, so you may have a similar challenge there also.

I find it odd that they have a nap time in pre-k. I would check out some other programs. I know my kids would not have done well with a nap time since they had stopped napping at 2 years old. Is it an all day program, or half day? My boys did three afternoons a week, and there was no napping.

Pre-k isn't about academic preparation, it is about learning to play fair, take turns, follow directions, participate, sit in the circle, stand in the line etc. These skills are more important for him to develop right now than counting.

Kids are always going to be on different levels. My son started 2 mornings a week when he was 3. He knew all of his letters, numbers, colors, shapes, could count, etc. But he was never bored. They learned a lot of stuff about animals (and not just typical ones...they learned about flamingos, bats, etc), the weather, the seasons, and holidays. Each week had a theme. And, even though he knew the letter "B", he would still have fun making it with finger paints, play-doh, etc.

I don't think that your son is too bright for the class. I think he's not being taught on a wide range of topics or challenged.

if hes been with you since he was little and not in day care this is totally normal. just keep telling him how great it is. ask the teacher if he seems to hang out with one kido and set up a play date to get them a little more bonded and that may help some. dont stop sending him bc it will be ten times worse in kindergarten...

Our son was very bright and knew all his numbers and letters at a VERY early age. He learned to read early and had a huge vocabulary when he was very very young. But we sent him to a 3 morning a week play based preschool and he LOVED it. They had giant projects all the time...like making a giant paper mache dinosaur, volcanoes that erupt, a giant swinging pendulum that can paint on paper on the floor. They did scavenger hunts and nature walks. They took field trips all over town...the post office, the museums, the grocery store. They painted with shaving cream, got messy, made tracks with cars in paint on long rolls of paper on the floor. The teachers were amazing and had so much energy! Maybe you should look at a different kind of preschool for your son? My son is in 3rd grade now and is in the gifted program in his school...I think a play based preschool really worked well for him.