Pregnant Again?

katheryn,

i got pregnant 5 months after my son was born. Talk about not ready?!? my husband just said i had 9 months to deal with it. i never forgot that and i love my little baby girl. i wonder if all mothers of second children feel they might not be ready for the next one?

good luck and don't worry, you have many months to get ready for this next little one.

B.

My children are 10 1/2 months apart. My daughter is 2yrs old and my son is 1yr old. It was hard in the beginning because I know I was spending more time wooing over my son and kind of leaving her out. If I was playing with her and my son was crying I'd stop to take care of him. I felt bad for this but I didn't know what else to do. Its gotten easier because she's a little more independent now and doesn;t want my undivided attention. She doesn't dislike her brother or anything and its nice now because they play together. Now they can both have my attention at once because they play together.

Wow you sound like I did! My son was three when I got pregnant with my second though and I still had the same feelings. Maybe even more so in some ways because he could talk and we spent TONS of Mommy/Cameron time! I wanted another really bad but when I got pregnant I worried I would not be able to love another child or that he would not get as much attention. The fact is that it is hard no matter what the age difference. I have two CLOSE friends that had children very close together and they experienced the same things just on a different level. They felt it was very difficult at first but then so did I. Making the transition from one child and two adults to two children was HUGE.

No matter what, if you are meant to have another baby now, it is going to happen. Try to enjoy it. You first is too young to understand but we Mommies are pretty amazing and are capable of amount of love that we can not fathom until it happens!

By the way, my kids are very close and love each other to pieces (4 years apart) and so do my friends' kids (15 and 18 mos apart)

Blessings.
M.

Don't worry, as a mother of six(19,18, 16, 15, 13, and 11) can tell you, they both will be the center of your world. She will do great if you keep her up beat about it, make her feel like she is a extra special girl getting to be a big sister. Get her a special baby and show her how to treat it. You need to be happy about this it is a great blessing for all of you.

My girls are 20 months apart, and I felt the same exact way you are feeling during my second pregnancy. Our time spent with our first child was so special, and it was bitter sweet to see it end when the new baby came along. I think it is normal to "grieve" for the end of a special time in your life. But, you have a new beginning to look forward to. My older daughter really did not understand what was happening when the baby came home, but she adjusted beautifully. She knew her life had changed, but I don't think she "got it" that it was because of the baby. She was happy to see the baby every day and loves her to pieces. During any big life change, I think it is normal to have some doubts and worries and even some sadness as you face the unknown. I hope everything works out for you and your family!

Hi Katheryn,
I can appreciate where you are...my kids are 21 months apart. I was very happy and excited to find out that we were expecting with both of our children, however, I can remember having the same concerns and feelings that you are describing. I even wondered if I could love another baby as much as our first. I don't believe that there is a "best" time to become pregnant, but that pregnancy happens when God intends it.

We talked a lot about "the baby" when I was pregnant and included her in conversation, as much as she was able. We bought little gifts, one from big sis to baby and one from baby to big sis. We have included our oldest in many thing along the way. She is a great helper to me. She can make her sister laugh pretty much any time, however, she has figured out how to make her cry too. They totally enjoy one another.

So here we are, our baby is one. Our first born really has adjusted very well to having a sibling. I guess when I thought about the timing, the longer she was an only, the more difficult the adjustment would be. She is a great helper and truly loves her sister. Things are not alway smooth and there have been some times that I didn't know how to handle different behaviors, etc.

Two is double the wonder and amazement of one. I think you will be just fine.

Sincerely,
L.

Congratulations on the new baby. Remember they are GOD's gifts and it's not just something that happens at random. I have two girls, one is 2 and the other is 5. When my now 2 year old came along my at the time 3 year old was excited at first and I didn't want to take any attention away from her. When Cadence finally came into the world Mason (who is now 5) was jealous at first and would say all the time you don't love me anymore and throw fits for now reason at all. I wouldn't give either one more attention then the other except when it was time to breast feed of course. I just tried to include Mason into evertything, diaper changing, helping with the wipes, getting a new blanket, etc... About a month later Mason finally realized that she was needed and was loved just as much as the new baby. It just takes them some time to get adjusted to it since they are so used to having all the attention. Now they are insepreable and just adore each other. Just try to have your first born included in as much as possible when it come to helping you with your new bundle of joy and she will learn to appreciate it and understand that she's not being replaced and make her think that she has the role of now being the BIG sister and has to look out for her little sister.

Everything should be fine. Tell your husband; I am sure he'll be excited. Good Luck!

Katheryn,

My issues wasn't between my 1st and 2nd, it was between my 2nd and 3rd. You see my oldest lives with my in-laws... I was 17 when I had her and we really weren't ready to raise a child - although we love her dearly, she is happy where she is, so we respect her wishes and don't force her to move in with us now that we are more stable and can provide for her.

Anyways... after being married for 10 years and we bought a house. The day after we signed the papers on the house we found out I was expecting... I had been told for years by different doctors that I couldn't have anymore - so we were so excited. Even my oldest (then 10) was excited. We had another little girl about 7 1/2 months later in early March '04.

When my little girl was 8 months old, I started having really bad pains in my abdomen - my doctor thought I had ulcers and put me on meds. My hubby actually told me he thought I was expecting again because of my moodswings. I didn't think it was true so I just let it go. But I did start seeing other signs and took a test at 2 in the morning about a month later. I cried when I found out I was expecting my 3rd... I didn't think it was fair my little girl would only get a little over a year when the older one had 10 years, I didn't think my hubby would be happy. When I went up to bed my hubby woke up to me crying and laughted at me because I was so emotional, but he held me till I fell alseep letting me know we would be fine and that Darbee would have her own little playmat for life.

My baby boy (Bubby) was born in early June '05. They are friends most of the time, but just like everyone - they do get into it from time to time,but make up and are playing again within minutes. Darbee did get jealous from time to time when I was nursing Bubby, but I made time for just mommy and Darbee time and we got her a baby to take care of like mommy was doing with my new baby. We also tried to get her invalve with him from the time he was brough home, even if it was just playing with him for a little while or handing me a washcloth at bath time. They adjust very fast at this age, my 10/11 yr old had more issues with jealousy then my 15 mo old did.

I did go through all the feelings you are having, and I am going through them right now too. I'm expecting another little boy in the middle of June. You see my Bubby is still my little cuddle bug, and I really don't want anything to change that... so the fears are still there even on #3 and #4. But what you believe is very true... all things do happen for a reason and when they are ment to. It will all work out! And I'm sure both your little girl and hubby will be happy when you tell them.

Congrats... it is fun seeing them learn together and play together when they are close. In my eyes them being close is a blessing... it just took me a little while to see it. Hope you are able to see it too!

I got pregnant with my 2nd son when my frist son was 9 months old. It was planned.. Due to being 35 at the time we wanted more at least 3 kids and not a lot of time.. so my Doctor suggested we start Trying when #1 was 9 months old.. Now of course, I had no idea we would get pregnant on the first try. But I wouldn't have changed anything. My sons are now 41/2 & 3(18months apart) and have eachother to play with all the time. Giving me a break, which is nice.. When Son #2 was about 2 months past his 2nd birthday I gave birth to twin boys(they were my attempt for a girl ;-)) Since at this time the twins are 1 1/2 they seem to get along great-- it is wonderful to see them all playing together- to hear the laughter from all four is truly a wonderful thing. SO my point is, don't "regret"(if yo do) this second pregancy yet.. the first will get plenty of attention I promise. She will be very helpful and possesive of the new bundle of joy...
Also about telling your husband, I waited to tell mine(a week or so)- just because it is such a wonderul little secret you can relish all by yourself until your ready to share the news.. then of course finding a cute way to tell him takes time. When I found out I was pregnant the third time(twins)
I took a photo of my two boys holding a white board with the words "We're going to be Big Brothers!" I made cards with the photo, and this is how we told our partents as well.

hope this helps.
good luck and Congrats!!
Kathy

Katheryn,
First of all, Congratulations and don't worry everything will work out. My children are 11 1/2 months apart and I absolutely love it. When I first found out I was prengnant with number 2 I had all the same feeling as you. I was very excited but nervous and scared as well. I was so worried that my daughter wasn't going to get the best out of her "babyhood" because she would have another sibling. However, everything has turned out great and I acutally recommend having children this close. When my son was born my daughter wasn't even 1 yet but from day one she has loved and treasured him. She was always so good with him and continues to be a little mom towards him. She was never jealous of him, but the time he was born she was in her wanting to be little miss independent so she was never jealous when I was holding him or had to feed him. There were rough times in the beginning, but you learn quickly that it is very fun to snuggle with two small children at one time rather just one!! You will adjust. Now that they are older (2 & 3) I love it!! They play together so well and are always looking out for each other. Don't stress out, everything will work out. If you ever want to talk about anything since I have been in your situation, you can contact me.
K.

I think most moms feel the same way initially. You have one precious child who is your world and you can't imagine loving another child as much or being able to give your first child the attention you are accustomed to giving. Trust me, everything will be fine! You are only improving your family and your daughter's life by your little addition. I remember feeling guilty for having another baby after my 2nd was born. I quickly realized that our family was improved and my 2 girls are so close... it is awesome to see!! Now number 3 is on the way and aside from jealousy I think my 2nd will exhibit I know our lives will be so much richer!

Hello congrats. I know how you feel. I have a two year old daughter and a seven month old son. We just found out that we are one month pregnant. While I thought I was done for now and I did not want any more kids god thought differently. We are not sure how we are going to do it but we are not the first to have kids this close and not the first to have three kids. I am scared but at the same time I miss feeling the baby inside of me. You will be able to love each child as you did the first one. It just come to you. My son and daughter are 21 months apart and my son and the baby will be 15 months apart. Just think they will grow up together. Everything will work out like it should. Just take it day by day. Start working with her and say that you are going to have another baby. Show here babies and talk to her about it. She is going to love that baby just as much as you do. Just take a deep breath and enjoy this time. I will all work out just wait and see.

Hi Katheryn,

First of all, congratulations=) I am also pregnant and I am due in August. I have a four year old girl and a 13 month little boy. Even though this pregnancy was a little "surprise," we are very excited. I think that no matter how close your children are, you are never really ready. When we planned to have my son, even with the great age difference, we still doubted if we were ready. You will always wonder if you are doing the right thing for your other children. I cried on the way to the hospital with my son because I thought I was ruining my daughters life! I can assure you that she is doing just fine! Now pregnant with my third, I know that having them so close will be difficult at times, but I have also heard that they adjust much better when they are younger. Best of luck to you and your little ones!

YOUR DAUGHTER CAN FEEL JUST AS SPECIAL AS MOMMY'S BIG HELPER. INCLUDE HER AND EXPLAIN TO HER AND SHE WILL LOVE THAT BABY THOUGH i'M SURE THERE WILL BE A LITTLE JEALOUSY AT FIRST. SHE CAN HELP CHANGE DIAPERS (NICE ONES), SHE CAN HELP FEED BABY (UNLESS YOU ARE BREAST FEEDING) AND SO MANY OTHER THINGS. I KNOW SHE'S LITTLE BUT SHE'LL BE FINE AND SOMEDAY THEY'LL BE THE BEST OF FRIENDS. CONGRATULATIONS!

hey katheryn,
congratulations! funny how things happen right when you decide they shouldn't,huh? i just wanted to tell you that it must be normal to feel that way reguardless of the age gap. my son is 4 and i had those feelings. still do sometimes. we will be walking together, just him and me, and i will be thinking "what if we don't get these moments for just us to share anymore when the baby comes?"
truth is, feelings like that make us good mothers. it means we care about how much of ourselves we are able to give to our babies.
one side note to kathy i: i'm really glad you are comfortable with the way you did things, but i would not go as far as to say your way is BETTER than how another mother chooses to do it.

Hi Katheryn!
I became pregnant with my 2nd daughter when my 1st was only 8 months old. They were born 17 months apart, almost to the day, and it's been great! My older daughter is one of those "difficult temperament" children (I call her a little diva), so I was a little bit worried about how she would react to not being the center of attention. I think it's positive having them so close in age, because the older one doesn't remember the baby not being here. I'm telling you, it's wonderful...please don't worry. Seeing my girls so close (in age and relationship-wise) is fantastic! If I had it to do over again, i'd do it the same. Another bit of advice, tell your husband soon. I waited about 4 days to tell my hubby because I was worried about his reaction, too, but when he found out he was thrilled, then upon finding out i'd known for a few days, that quickly turned to resentment. He was not happy that I'd waited to tell him. He was so mad at me, it basically overshadowed the joy of our big news.
Congrats to you and good luck!!!

I felt the EXACT same way when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter!! They are 15 months apart, so my son was 7 1/2 months old when we found out-we were in shock!! I could not IMAGINE loving another child as much as I loved my son-there was no way!! I wondered if I had enough love to go around for two children-everyone told me it was normal, and that once my daughter was born, I would love them both equally, but for different reasons. Well, my son is now 2 1/2, and my daughter is 15 months-everyone was right! You will find your balance, and get into a routine and groove so that each child gets quality time with you!

I was on the pill when I got pregnant with my daughter-antibiotics DO effect the effectiveness of the birth control pill-I'm living proof!! My husband and I figured it was Gods Will-now, I cant imagine life WITHOUT her!! I decided early on in my 2nd pregnancy that some people try for years and years to have ONE child, and here we were blessed with two-it was at that point that I counted my blessings and started to enjoy my pregnancy-we knew this was going to be it-we only wanted two children. Now, we are a whole family-complete!!

Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!

C.

My oldest 2 are the exact same age apart as yours will be and I have to say it was a blessing. My daughter was too young to care about sharing the spotlight when her little brother came along. I have heard people having problems waiting until their 1st child is already 2 or 3 to have another bc it is a rough age. I didn't have any problems and I actually thought it was a lot of fun. Plus the kids play so well together bc of common interests and being so close in age (they are now 7 and 5). Good Luck and congrats! BTW-I have come to realize how right your are in evrything happens for a reason.

Congratulations! My son was 8 months when I got pregnant w/my daughter. I was so excited and my husband....IN SHOCK! lol! Let me tell you tho that you will be just fine and so will your daughter. I have to tell you it will probly take her a little getting use to when you have the baby. My son did not understand where I was when I was gone to the hospital. I was a sahm and he was use to having me home. So that was the first issue. When I had her and my husband brought him to the hospital to see the baby he was not happy with me. He would not come by me at all. My heart just broke! I think he thought I deserted him somehow. BUT when I came home he was fine w/that and then it was the issue of having to take care of the baby and him not understanding he had to wait for mommy to do for him. I started out nursing and that quickly went to pot. lol! It does work out in the end. He quickly got use to everything and as they get older they started to play together and became close. It was very nice having 2 so close in age. Hard at first but good in the end.

S.

Katheryn,
All will be well. Having two children close together is actually better than having them four years apart. They will fight, they will be friends, the first will adapt and all will be well.

Relax. Enjoy your pregnancy, continue to love your wee one, and tell her in simple terms about the baby on the way.

Best wishes, and keep us informed.

K.

Hey there.. My daughter was 12 months old when I got preg with my son, and they are very close.. I made sure that I made special time with my daughter, when the baby was napping, or at night ect.. My daughter has never ever been jealous of her brother. She loves him with all her heart, and takes very good care of him, they are 3 and 5 now, and they are together constantly, the only time they are seperated is when my daughter is in school. They play very well together, they share thier toys, and at this point, I make it completely fair, one gets the other gets, what one gets to do the other gets to do. And it has worked out perfect.

Hi Katheryn,

I can't respond from a mother's perspective because I've had similar concerns. My husband and I have been thinking about a second child for a while but we keep putting it off. Now my daughter is three! What I can tell you is that everyone I know (children and adults) with a sibling that close in age considers that sibling the best friend in the world. Chances are that your daughter won't have lasting memories from this early in her life. In no time at all, she'll be saying that she's had her sister or brother for as long as she can remember. Just think how wonderful it will be for them both to have their best friend in such close proximity. They'll always be able to count on each other and because they're close in age, they'll go through a lot of the same things at the same time. Once you get past the diapers stage, I think you'll find this to be a blessing!

I have two boys who are exactly 11 months apart to the day. It's not easy at times, but they get along really good. They play together, the youngest is learning by copying his older brother. My oldest loves to try and wrestle with him, he tickles him, loveing to make him laugh.

Your daughter may not understand, it will be hard when she isn't the center of attention all the time. My oldest was the center of his daddy's world, he had problems at first, but my oldest realized there is enough to go around. Good Luck.

Our daughter was 18 months old when our son was born. Her godmother sent her a Bitty Baby doll about 6 weeks before our son arrived so that she would have her own baby and could play mommmy. It was something that helped her welcome her brother.

Hi, Katheryn--

I had the exact same feelings when I had my second daughter. I got pregnant when my first daughter was around 6 months old so they are about 14-1/2 months apart. I felt like I was "cheating" on my oldest by having another baby because the older one was the center of our world. Then after I had the second baby, I had postpartum (again), but it was really bad because I had so many guilt feelings for bringing the new baby in and disrupting my oldest's world. My oldest gave me a huge attitude and bonded with my husband and that just crushed me. It was really hard being in the hospital with the new baby for 3 nights and not being able to spend a lot of time with my oldest. My mom brought her to the hospital every day, but it wasn't like normal. It is VERY hard to juggle both babies sometimes, but my youngest is now 9 months old and my oldest almost 2 years old and you'll be surprised at how well it gels finally. It's also nice to have them so close together so you don't forget all of the baby stuff! Just know that they'll be best friends someday! :-)

I can understand that i really believe that is normal. The first child your excited all the first time thing the preparation and all that. then the second it is different for sure. I too had a special bond with my first but you yourself only knows that. It will too change after the second child. Be Happy and Rejoice and enjoy.

totally normal! I always really wanted babies, and every time I got pregnant (before I knew, must be hormones) all of a sudden I did not want them as much! My children are 18 months apart, just focus on this is your childs baby, not yours....

HI!
I can't tell you that everything will be alright, but I can tell you that I feel the same way. I have a two year old and I really wanted another baby and so did my husband. I didn't want my kids to be so far apart and all. But when I found out I was pregnant...I actually found out right before my son turned 2...I started to think. Everything is a worry, I thought I would be so happy. Now I keep thinking things like will my 2 year old hate a new baby, will we have enough money, will I be able to handle it. So I think that in hearing your story, this is probably a natural feeling. But GOOD LUCK!

PS. Go do something romantic for your husband and let him in on this little secret!