Pregnancy Loss and Showing Support

The best thing that you can do is to send a card and/or make a call and let her know that you are sorry for her loss and are there if she ever needs to talk or needs anything -- that she shouldn't hesitate to give you a call

What about having a tree planted in the babies name, or having your local church have a prayer service? When my brother passed away these were two nice gifts that we really found thoughtful. Both send a card telling who donated the tree or mass.

A person I once talked to said a friend had gotten her a necklace small diamond and told her it was a sign of the baby's spirit that it would always be with her even though not in body. I thought it was an amazing story and wished someone had thought of something like that for me.

I'm so sorry for her loss. I lost my son, Avery Jace, 9-5-06, I was 34 weeks 2 days when he was stillborn (8 1/2 months). We had an autopsy and several blood tests and everything came back normal. He was 6lbs 8oz and 18 inches long. I miss him so much. I don't break down as much as I did the first year, but I did have quite the break down last night. My heart and arms will always ache for him. Some people at work went in together and bought a beautiful tree for us to plant, so we then added flowers and plants and call it "Avery's Garden". Another friend made a wooden bench and a couple wrote poems. One is engraved on a plaque for the bench. If you are good with writing, I think writing a poem or even just a nice letter will mean a lot to her. Just stay away from telling her that it must have been meant to be or that god needed her baby more than she did. I was told that and I wanted to punch everyone who told me that - obviously they have never experienced a loss of a child. I received a lot of flower/plant arrangements, but one had a little praying baby angel on it's knees, so the angel now sits in our nursery. What is the baby's name? Boy or girl? Does she have pictures? I have some pictures of Avery and I am always happy when people ask to see him - just another suggestion is to ask to see the baby. I do have several poems that I found on the internet over the years that I would be more than happy to share - you could always frame one or something like that. Please feel free to email me at ____@____.com and I'll send some to you.

My heart breaks for your sister-in-law's stepdaughter as well as the rest of the family. It's such a difficult thing to go through. You never get over a loss, but you do find some way to get through it. If your sister-in-law's stepdaughter would like to talk to someone who has been through a loss, please feel free to pass my email on to her. I found talking to others who have experienced a loss like mine helped me get through each day and continues to help. Unfortunately there are a lot of us out there - but it does help to have all of them to talk to.

Sincerely,
A.

After our daughters died, we bought heart (ornaments) with footprint impressions in them and their birth date on the back. We also framed their knitted hats and have little bead bracelets with their names on them (tied to their little baby blankets.) All these momentos mean a lot to us.

L.,

First, you are so very sweet for thinking of your sister-in-law's stepdaughter. I know it will mean so much to her that you are thinking of her and acknowledging her loss. Much too ofter, moms & dads of stillborn babies are dismissed as not really having a loss.

I agree with the other posters here that getting her some type of momento would be so nice. I experienced the full term loss of my daughter in March of 05. I wear a bracelet every day that has her name on it along with her birthstone beads. There are a lot of different ideas you can do. Also, I really liked the Honeybaked ham idea too. You don't really feel like cooking and stuff after such a great loss.

You can also direct her to online support sites such as National Share Office www.nationalshare.org and the M.I.S.S Foundation www.missfoundation.org. She can search for local chapters of those groups as well to get in person support.

I will keep her and your family in my prayers.

I think everyone's suggestions are wonderful. One other one that I thought of is to have a star named after the baby. I'm not sure of the link, but I'll bet you could Google it. How compassionate of you to want to do something for her.

a card would be great. maybe even a gift card of money or if you know what city and state she lives in you could call or go online find a nice spa or salon and get her gift card there.

Write her a nice card letting her know how proud you are of her for stepping up to decide to have and care for her baby. And let her know how sorry you are for her terrible loss.

How very, very sad . . . and how compassionate of you to acknowledge her terrible loss. When my son was stillborn a couple of out-of-town friends had trees planted in his name -- one in Albania and one in Israel -- and we are very appreciative of the memorials that are out there. Another idea might be to enter the baby's name at the Shrine of the Unborn in the Church of the Holy Innocents. (http://www.innocents.com/shrine.asp) If she didn't name her child, then you could always use "Baby Boy/Girl Last Name". You'll get a certificate to send her and if you make a donation of $25 or more you would get a rosary. Even if she's not religious, the gift may be comforting to her.

If you're still considering food, we have sent food long distance by calling the Honeybaked Ham store near the family (when my SIL had surgery) and had them deliver a deli tray of meats and cheeses and a dessert.