Pregnancy in Your 40'S

If you can weather the miscarriages, keep trying. My best friend had 5 miscarriages before having a healthy happy full-term-and-then-some 10 lb. girl at age 41. The baby is now three and is advanced for her age in alphabet, counting, etc. The miscarriages were daunting but she kept trying, maintaining an attitude of "if it's meant to happen, it will." She is so glad she didn't give up. Good luck!

I had my first at 36 and 2 miscarriages within about 6 months of each other and finally got pregnant at 39. I got pregnant about 1 month after the 2nd miscarriage. Both of my miscarriages were at 5-6 weeks. I did have an amnio with both pregnancies. We were very concerned about birth defects because of my age but I think we were a little on the paranoid side. I have a friend who was in her late-thirties, had a late miscarriage and later had a healthy pregnancy. Don't give up! Michele

I think whether or not you can get pregnant is one issue and it seems to be personal. I know people who get pregnant at 40 or older totally by accident. But in terms of special needs, there are a lot of tests now so it probably depends on how you feel about terminating a pregnancy. If you're ok with that, if a test does come back showing Downes or something, then you have an option. I think many of the tests can be done pretty early now.

I had my first little one when I was 36, and couldn't get pregnant again with number two. I had one miscarriage at 8 weeks. I tried different home fertility ideas and nothing worked. I tried acupuncture by a fertility specialist and WOW it worked and fast. It gets your body working and flowing like it's supposed to. I got pregnant in two weeks, but kept going for four months and felt soooo great - comfortable pregnancy, significant wieght loss - It was great!! I highly reccomend it.

I had number two at 40 and he's 8 months old now (and walking and climbing and trying to keep up with big brother) It's awesome.

Hi M.,

I'm 46 and had my 1st child in July, 2008. For 8 years I had multiple miscarriages and tried IVF twice which resulted in only one pregnancy that lasted 6 weeks. I contemplated donor eggs and adoption, and pretty much gave up conceiving on my own and didn't try anything for almost a year. Then my husband and I took a 10 day vacation to Hawaii (and I was on my period at the beginning of the trip...hubby wasn't thrilled about that part). We came back home, and a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant at age 45. I too worried about how my age would affect my unborn. Thankfully, I had no complications during pregnancy, delivery (c-section) and recovery. My baby girl is normal and healthy! No Downs or genetic defects. We were blessed with this miracle, this bundle of joy. It can happen! My advise: don't stress about getting pregnant and plan a 10 - 14 day vacation to Hawaii... It worked for us. :=)

I can only imagine how hard it must be to go through multiple miscarriages. I don't know if I would be able to keep trying. I just wanted to add my voice of encouragement for healthy 40 and up pregnancies. I had my first at 38, and my second at 40, and we would welcome a third, which, at this point, would happen when I am 42 at the youngest.
My SIL had multiple rounds of IVF both times to have two healthy daughters and then was shocked when, at nearly 43, she turned up pregnant. She now has a healthy 8 month old.

We opted for full genetic testing, which, while not offering guarantees, at least can give peace of mind about major chromosomal mix ups. Even if the odds of chromosomal defects go up, it is still more likely to have a normal fetus than one with problems.

Best of luck to you.

Hi there, I wanted one more child and was 39 at the time. I called geneology places, not sure but it might have been in Berekley. What I did find out is that the numbers go Way up in terms of having a child with down syndrome when you hit 40+. I did end up getting pregnant and delivered when I was still 39 and she doesn't have down syndrome. My pregnancy was hard but I had 8 pregnancies total, I had 2 miscarriages so my body was a little worn out. That was why. This is my situation, not trying to scare you or persuade you in any direction. You may want to look into the stats, this may help you with your decision. Good Luck in whatever you decide.

Hi M.,
I will be 42 in 2 weeks. 7 months ago I delivered a beautiful healthy baby girl. She came after 3 years of trying and 3 miscarriages. My husband and I contemplated fertility treatments but they were way out of our budget. I was heart broken from the miscarriages and really feeling like a failure so I stopped "trying". I didn't chart anything. I figured I was trying too hard. We finally got pregnant naturally. I did do all the genetic counseling and the amnio because I was very concerned about my age and b/c I had so many miscarriages. Your age is a factor and working with a fertilty Dr. maybe worth it. Just to make sure that you don't have anything medically wrong. Don't give up!

Hi M..

I wanted to encourage you if you want more children. I married late and had 3 miscarriages before my first son was born when I was 36. Had 2 more miscarriages, and my second son was born when I was 40. I had another miscarriage at 16 weeks when I was 42 and decided not to try again only because my marriage was bad. Ended up divorced at 44, so I'm glad I didn't try again. However, if I had a better marriage I would have tried again.

I don't think you are too old. The risk of special needs increases as you get older, but if your other child was healthy, your next one probably will be too. Also, I personally think you would find that special needs children are a blessing. Both my kids tested positive for Downs, but are not Downs children. Tests aren't always accurate.

My kid's pediatrician said she has first time moms in their 50s all the time. I don't have that kind of energy, but I think women are healthier these days and do well in pregnancy and mothering.

I also used Chlomid for one pregnancy, but that one ended in miscarriage and all others were conceived naturally. I am confused as to why so many miscarriages, but I can tell you that I figured out how to get pregnant after my first baby. Sorry to be graphic, but when "it is all over", lay on your back and lift your rear into the air (pelvic tilt) for a couple of minutes. Then lay on your left side for about 1/2 an hour or more if you can. I know it sounds crazy, but it worked for me every time, and 2 other friends who had problems conceiving also had luck when they did this.

Good luck to you. I hope you will be able to make a decision without worry. And I pray that if you do conceive again, you will be blessed with a healthy, full term little one.

M. - I have not had the exact experience you are asking about, but I did have a good friend who conceived (naturally and without intervention) a lovely daughter who is now 8 years old. I would like to shart some info: I have been learning recently about how unsafe ingredients in personal care products made by major manufacturers in the US could be contributing to infertility because of unsafe ingredients that could cause infertility, as well as chronic disease. Please visit www.findgreenhere.com (safe cosmetics page, cosmetic database - insert the names of your personal care products including baby products, and/or key ingredients). After researching, you may find that you want to stop using anything on yourself, and hubby or daughter unless it is all "clean and green and toxin-free". That potentially could help with fertility. V. G. :o)

Hi M.,
My little lovey was born when I was 38, and it was such a difficult pregnancy, that we've decided to try to find a surrogate. However, if it had been a normal pregnancy, I would definitely do it again. The reason is that MOST of my friends who are having babies are in their late thirties and forties. I think the big factor that would influence my decision if I were in your shoes would be what would bring me greater peace of mind, and what my limitations are. What you're going through is very difficult and painful, and you will just have to ask yourself when enough is enough. However, if it is really important to you to have another child naturally, then keep trying. I do not think you can decide whether your chances have long past unless your doc says there's no chance-even then, you can get other opinions, there are too many suprise stories out there. There are many ways to screen for chromosomal abnormalities these days, and a lot of perinatal help, too. good luck and the best wishes to you.

Hi, I'm so sorry for your miscarriages, that must be so hard.

I was 42 when I conceived my daughter, 43 when she was born. Although I did not have any miscarriages (that I know of), I too was very worried about birth defects that we are told are so much more common after 35. After much reading, and lots of online forums, I realized that while the chances of having problems do go up, it just depends on how you look at it. While I was told that I had a 1 in 35 chance of having a child with genetic problems, I turned it around and said, that means I have about an 87% chance of NOT having a special needs child. My statistics aren't probably mathematically correct, I forget the exact numbers, but the genetic counselor we saw agreed with me. She said "that's actually a great way to look at it."

We did choose to have a CVS test, but there are many non-invasive tests that can be done ahead of time to determine if your baby has any risks or problems. I think I thought it was a done deal that I would have a problem, but I met many women in their 40s online who were successful getting pregnant, and had babies with no problems whatsoever. The only problem I had was during the pregnancy, during the last few weeks I developed pre-eclampsia, so labor was induced one week early. My daughter is healthy, happy, sassy and had no problems after she was born other than constipation.

The older you are, say in your late 40s, of course the chances of problems go up. But I for one wouldn't hesitate at your age, especially as you're not trying for your first, so you know that you can get pregnant and carry a child, unlike so many of my friends.

Good luck to you, and feel free to contact me for any other questions.

L.

Hi M.,

Happy Birthday! Wishing you abundance and joy on this day! How special that your birthday is Thanksgiving. If you have had 3 miscarriages my heart goes out to you. That is not easy. I am 42 yrs old with 2 children both very young and I did not have any miscarriages, so that is not where my advice comes from. My advice to you is not scientific, simply just based on my beliefs about how to create what you want in life. Forget about those miscarriages. I'm pretty sure that's not all that unusual and doesn't mean you can't have a healthy pregnancy and child. I would simply put your your focus and energy into nurturing yourself in every way. That vitality will create the fertile ground, the sacred garden where you may nurture a growing child. Enjoy life and be grateful for all you have.

Many blessings,

A.

I've had 3 too in 11 month. I'm 39. I am going to an OBGYN infertility clinic to get examined and blood work to figure out why. I've been checking online - WebMD - & I think I may have a type of tumor that iz the culprit. WebMD & my Dr. both told me to avoid getting pregnant after the 2nd failure. The 3rd one waz an accidental pregnancy and I had been on hormone therapy - which ruled hormone deficiency out...
I have a broken key on my keyboard THX to my boy - I bet you know which one iz buzted. ;)
Anyway - be careful, you need to get checked out to try to avoid going through another heartbreak.
Madonna had a kid at 44...maybe we can too ( before 44 !)

You mention past history of infertiltiy treatments....do you not want to go that route again & are just trying to 'let nature take its course?' We spent about 3 yrs trying to get preggers the 1st time (finally preggers @ 34 via injectible drugs & IUI) & then when we wanted a 2nd child we tried it on our own for a while but then when that wasn't working, we went right back to the same drugs & the same procedure & got pregnant the 1st round of IUI. First child only needed one attempt at IUI to work as well. No misscarriages then but once I hit 40 ( 2yrs ago) I found myself preggers the old fashioned way but lost the baby just shy of 2 months. As I became aware & you already are, miscarriage rates go up in your 40's. You're also at a risk for a multiple pregnancy but as far as a child w/special needs, that stat is off, esp. the one in regards to women having kids's w/Down's. There are teenagers & plenty of other women NOT in their 40's or late 30's having kids w/Down's. So, I suggest you stick w/your infertility specialist/endocronologist so that they can find a cause for the miscarriages but also find a way for youto carry another prenancy to term. Happy early b-day & best of luck!

Dear M.,

First of all, I commend you for your fortitude in continuing to try to get preganant. Although you are right about the age-related risks you mentioned, it doesn't mean you can't have a completely healthy child while in your 40s. In our day and age, there are very advanced tests which aid moms during their pregnancies and beyond.

My experiences with miscarriages are much like yours. I had my first child at age 35 and my second at age 36. I then had a couple of miscarriages and thought I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again. At age 38, I got pregnant again, but lost my baby at 42 weeks (yes, she was overdue). I was devastated and wanted to give up. I then got pregnant again a year later. Sadly enough, I only carried that baby a little over 3 months and miscarried again. By this point, I was really considered high risk, but felt that we were supposed to have one more child. Amazingly enough, I got pregnant only a few months after the last miscarriage and was thrilled!

In September of 1999, at age 41, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Afer birth, with the winter months approaching, he began having trouble breathing. He was hospitalized for RSV, but pulled through (We had a wonderful doctor). Now he suffers with Asthma, but is a vibrant, wonderful child.

In March of 2001, very close to my 43rd birthday, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My doctor had insisted I get an amnio when pregnant with my son in 1999 (We lived in Switzerland for many years). When pregnant only 18 months later, I was told I needed to get a placental biopsy. The results were frightening. I found out that my child was at risk of birth defects and we were advised to abort. The findings showed that our daughter had Turner's Syndrome. I immediately went to work researching Turner's and found out that many Turner's babies are born without defects. We changed doctors, getting the head of OBGYN in our Swiss Kanton, and our daughter was born with very minor physical problems (rather unnoticeable actually). We will never regret our decision to follow our hearts and our doctor even told us he'd help us have another baby if we wanted to (He's quite a well known fertility doctor in the country).

With all the trials, it was completely worth the long road and my vote is that you keep trying, too! Please keep me posted as you keep trying...I will support you every step of the way! Please feel free to ask me anything at any time.

Good luck and keep the faith. Everything is possible with a positive attitude!

All the best!

D.

Over 40 is not considered as high risk as it used to be. I was 39 when our last child was born. The OB said that over half of his patients were over 35 and age alone did not make it high risk. He said that over 35 has become the norm in Silicon Valley. However, you might still be considered higher-risk because of the miscarriages.

I would say follow your heart. If you really want to try again, then don't let your age stop you.

I haven't been through this myself, but watched my mother go through it when I was in my late teens. She wanted another child, and finally had my youngest brother when she was 43 after many miscarriages. He turned out fine. I know that isn't always the case with late in life babies, but have seen several late life babies born who turned out just fine. I think if I were in your position, I'd just relax, go the natural route for a while longer, and if nothing happens then, consider adoption. You may not be able to adopt a tiny baby, but there are a lot of young children who need good adoptive parents. You sound like a very loving person who would be a good mom to one of them.

I'm sorry for your losses. However, if you want another child I would encourage you to try awhile longer - maybe another year or two. I had my first child at 36, miscarriage, and last week had my second child at age 38 (almost 39). I do not think your conceiving/maintaining pregnancy issues are very age related - they are just your body issues. As far as birth defects, at ages 35-40 the risks go up slightly, but not like in your middle forties where they go up more significantly. You will probably have a healthy child. I also had amniocentesis with both my children for my own knowledge. I wanted to prepare ahead if there were any birth defects (none were found - they are both healthy).But remember CVS testing or amniocentesis only detects genetic problems (such as Down, Trisomy 18 etc.), not necessarily developmental problems (like a cleft palate for instance). It sounds like your larger challenge is keeping a pregnancy. If I remember correctly, Prometrium during the first trimester is supposed to be helpful in maintaining pregnancy. It sounds like you already have adequate medical care to help you as much as possible with conceiving and maintaining pregancy, although perhaps a second opinion with another fertility specialist might be warranted - couldn't hurt. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors - I'm sure it will happen for you again.

I conceived at 39 and had a healthy baby at 40. Pregnancy was really rough for me, though, and I'm a pretty healthy person. It is all true; fertility declines w/age, pregnancy is harder on the body, risks increase, etc. Every woman's body is different. Some can conceive easily at 42. Others have trouble at 34. You might want to check into acupuncture / Chinese medicine. Also, check out books like "Stay Fertile Longer," "The Infertility Cure," "The Way of the Fertile Soul," etc.

Oh those doctors! They scare us all silly by talking about advanced maternal age starting at age 35 (ancient) and then tell us that our risk of having a special needs child DOUBLES over 36. What they don't say is that the risk is very small even when doubled.

I know plenty of women who have had uncomplicated pregnancies and perfect babies over 40 (and quite a few who had tough pregnancies in their early 20's).

If this continues to worry you, I recommend going to see a genetics counselor, it will really put the statistics in perspective.

After 3 miscarriages I think you are very courageous to keep going. How heartbreaking. But if your body had a healthy beautiful baby once, it can do it again.

Hi,
I am so sorry you have had three miscarriages, that must be terribly hard to deal with. I had my daughter when I was 42, she is healthy and normal and my pregnancy was normal. I read a lot of books about older women having babies. There is an increased chance that older moms can have special needs kids and I think I recall an increase in miscarriages. Have you talked to your Dr. about your situation? My dr did not think it was any big deal that I was 42.
I hope everything works out for you
J.

M.-
I just want to encourage you. I had two miscarriages, one baby girl, then 7 years and two more miscarriages, another baby girl, 1-1/2 years later, another baby girl, one more miscarriage, then yep, 2 years later, twin baby girls!! I refused genetic testing personally, I worked in ob/gyn for 15 years and saw many tests come back positive and women being thrown into emotional loops and worries that were completely over the top. One woman had a 'raised risk' of a defect, went out and aborted the baby because she freaked, then actual test results came back completely normal. She has to live with that. I've seen very few children born with 'genetic abnormalities or Down's' yet watched parents be elated to have this blessing of a child. The risks are there, sure, but minimal at best. I hope you have more children, whether they grow in your body or in your heart. You've got a while, my tax accountant's sister had triplets at age 55! Yep, you read that right! Be encouraged and relax.
Bless you!
D.

Hi M.,
I'm 40 with a 20 month old and have been trying for about 10 months now to have a second and I'm just about to see a fertility doctor. I see that your posting was from a year ago. Did you have any luck conceiving?
Thanks,
H.

Hi M.,

I worry about the same as well. I'm 39 going on 40 next year and we've been trying to have a 2nd child for 3 years. I recently had a miscarriage (my first one ever) and I was pretty discouraged. I guess we'll still try and whatever is meant to happen - will happen. I'm at a point where I'm ok if Emily who is now 4 yrs old is our only child.

S.

I don't know where you live, but I would try Jennifer at www.acupuncturefertility.org. She's in Sacramento and helped a friend of mine who had had multiple miscarriages successfully get pregnant.
I got pregnant at 38 after 2 rounds of clomid and now have 2 beautiful 4 1/2 year olds! (Yes, be prepared for multiples - the chance increase greatly as you get older!)

Dear M.,
I would like you to find a HypnoFertility Therapist to help you discover what, if any fears, of pregnancy you might have. Research ahs shown that hypnosis enhances your chance of getting pregnant. HypnoFertility also has the added benefit of helping you to find out if you really want another child.
Best of everything, S.

Feel free to contact me if you want further information.