Potty Training and Preschool - Highland Park,NJ

M.-
i've had 2 resistent boys with potty training and i just finished the second 1. my first was also resistant to change and smart to any of my tactics. you could play on the fact that he likes older boys--point out that the older boys do not wear diapers that they wear underwear. also, when i took him to his 3 yo well visit, the doctor told him that babies wear diapers and big boys wear underwear and that he is a big boy now. so, at home, i would say, i'm sorry, but the doctor said you have to go on the potty. that helped a lot. i also talked up a "potty party" and we went out for pizza and i took him to teh toy store to buy a new toy. the trick is to find the right motivator. and don't be afraid to be stern and say sit on the potty! i don't mean strap him to the cahir or yell or scream, but just be stern--you will not scar him!

Your son is a prime example of why I recommend training BEFORE they can talk. Cant talk, no argument. Since he is so verbal I would explain to him that this is what he has to do, WHY? because YOU said so. He knows exactly what he is supposed to do and he is playing you. Tell him the proof that potty is better than diapers is that potty trained children get to do lots of things that babies in diapers cant. Such as go to the big kids class in school. Then walk him to the outside trash bin with his diapers and toss them out. Tell him YOU have decided he is a big boy and potty is better, because YOU dont want to deal with the mess and smell any more. Be firm, but not scolding. He will see the light.

No matter what logic you use with your very smart "logical" son looking for "proof", he's still not going to do it until he makes the decision himself that he's ready. don't worry, I'm not saying give up!!

Put him in underpants, so he'll definitely feel the sensation of being wet - and let him stay that way long enough for it to get cold and uncomfortable, instead of warm and (somewhat) pleasant.

You could try telling him that it is the school's rule that he has to use the potty to be in the class he's in (if you are really sure he wants to be in the big kid class). Just make sure you don't make it sound like a punishment if he really isn't ready for the potty and does get sent back.

Also, I liked the mom that mentioned using the environmental argument. You could talk about the things you recycle, and other things you do to try to save the environment and say he can be a big helper by not wearing diapers any more.

M.,
You will thank yourself years from now if you don't force the issue. If the rewards system isn't doing anything positive, see what happens if you 'forget' it, or make him responsible for it entirely.

Bathroom activities are generally private for the most part (barring the beginning and ending of life). Helping him realize that diapers are not part of that privacy for him is going to help.

He's 3. I'd find a new preschool (or better, keep him home if you could but I think you can't) because potty training should NOT be an age-related issue for them. It is also a developmental thing - and a child should not be given new playmates just because he can't or WON'T potty train.

Potty is one thing kids CAN rule on. They can do it without a second thought, either. I've heard of some resistance resulting in rather messy consequences - for all involved - and it wasn't just clothing. He is exercising his will, and he'll continue to do just that.

I think if you start de-emphasizing it, no matter how well your chart is going over, you'll find better results, for both of you.

And to make a correlation, just as a child loses words because he's learning new things as a 1-2 year old, your son may just be focusing on other activities that are more important to him right now. And THAT might be all the difference. He truly doesn't see that going potty is any better.

Oh and I hope you don't feel you have to resort to peer pressure. It sets up a whole snowball effect later on down the line.

Good luck,
M.

Hi M., I agree with the others. He gets it. And is ready. As for his request for proof, this may be a good opportunity to talk about caring for the environment, e.g. reducing waste in landfills. Worth a shot if he's that bright!

I guess an argument in favor of using the potty is that he wouldn't be sitting in his poop!!!
Potty training is hard and sometimes such a power struggle. I have twin boys and when they turned 3, I decided to potty train them (fortunately, the school they go to doesn't require kids to be potty trained...) What I did was just take them cold turkey out of the diapers/pull ups. I told them the diaper fairy was coming to take away the diapers and that she was leaving big boy underwear, but she'd also leave a pull up for night time.
One of my boys (the very neat, fastidious one) was trained by the end of the day. He didn't like the thought of being wet or sitting in a wet underwear. The other twin was so hard. He wet his pants all the time and just didn't seem to care. So I stopped with him and waited a few months and when we started again (probably around 3 1/2), he got it right away. Notably, he is the younger (by 23 minutes) of the twins and I always call him my "baby." He said to me one day "Mommy... if I go in the potty, will I still be your baby?" So I realized his resistance was psychological (if not also physical). Perhaps your son just wants to stay your little baby. So maybe use words like "you're mommy's big boy." Try not to make it a power struggle. I wish the school gave you the option of keeping him in his current class without being potty trained. Ridiculous that they would put him back in a toddler class. Then would they move him back into the 3s once he's trained? I assume he's not going to be delayed going to kindergarten simply because for a few months he wore diapers....
Anyway... good luck...

I think if you explained this to him "simply" he may want to use the potty. and explain to him, that if he doesn't start using the potty, that he may have to go in the other classroom.

Get rid of the diapers- cold turkey. It sounds like he is definitely ready, he's just trying to call the shots. I had a friend just do the cold turkey method. It took a few days of being holed up in the house, but it worked for her 3 year old. I can get more advice from her if you like.
Good luck!
Lynsey

Take away the dipes and prove the potty is better than wet pants. My daughter is a lot like your son except she didn't have as many words at that age.

Invest in underwear and rubber pants and a bucket for soaking messes. Get him involved. If he wets or poops in his pants make him part of the process of changing and cleaning the mess.

We were getting nowhere with the stickers and rewards, she could've cared less whether she went to the potty as long as she had a diaper on to catch the mess. We also started withholding certain privileges unless she would use the potty and stay dry. She loved the computer and played games but she was not allowed the privilege if she didn't use the potty or stay dry.

She caught on pretty quickly after that. We went through about 1 year of potty training until we discovered what motivated her.

Good luck!

It sounds more like a power struggle then him not being ready. He sounds very articulate and anyone who can reason with you the way you say he does can use the potty. The weekend is coming up just tell him no more diapers and put on underwear. I own a preschool and I am sorry to say that I would not be able to advance a child to the three year old class in diapers either. We do not have changing tables in our three year old classrooms therefore they have to be potty trained in order to move up. I have potty trained hundreds of kids, I don't do pull-ups we go straight to underwear. We work with the parents and usually within a week we are done (some accidents of course which are no problem). Be consistent, encouraging, and firm about it and he will come around.

Hi M.,
I think you need to figure out whether he is truly unable/unready to do this, or if he is being uncooperative since you have been training for a few months. If he is truly unready, either physically or emotionally, then put him back in diapers and in the toddler class. Let him know that children in diapers cannot attend preschool classes. If you think that he is being uncooperative, then stop giving in to him and letting him have his way. Insist that he use the toilet. He is in diapers because you are allowing it. If he feels that you've not yet proven that the toilet is better, try cloth diapering him if you are using disposables. Having to sit in a sopping wet cloth diaper after every pee may indeed show him that the toilet is better. Or at the very least, the multi layer cloth training pants with waterproof liner/plastic pants. I'd suggest taking him to the toilet without fail every hour and a half. Don't wait for him to tell you he has to, don't ask him if he needs or wants to go, don't allow him the option, simply make using the toilet an expected behavior over which he has no choice.
Good luck, and remember they all DO get out of diapers sooner or later (and sometimes it is later!)

pretty cute...the whole prove it to me thing, seriously be honest with him. Tell him staight up that if he doesn't use the potty he has to go back to the baby class or stop preschool. also list the all kinds of fun things that bigger kids do and where they go and that he can't start doing big kid things until he proves to you that he is a big kid(pottytrained). it seriously just sounds like a power struggle to me. You could always tell him that you would be happier if he were trained(that might work) or offer him to stay in diapers/pull ups but he has to change them(it will be gross enough, but it's so much easier to clean when it lands in the potty!!!)Goodluck!

Hi M., I hear your issue with this and I have only my experience with my 5 and 2 of my 3 grands. Your son sounds sooo smart and is most likely just not ready for the potty. You may find if you step back for a while he will get to where you need him to be. I've seen many a mom agonize for the same reason(pre-school)and the child feels this pressure. It can also be a matter of control. I would say, you have to let them put him back and tell him he must be in the group with those who wear "dipes" not as a bad thing, just as a fact.(as a former child-care worker there are those who change diapers and those who don't) Potty training is a maturity thing and as bright as he is verbally he my just need a little more time. If he is just standing his ground the change may help him along. My best, Grandma Mary

We put targets in the potty so that he could shoot them with his pee. This made him want to go on the potty. Do you ever let him go around diaper free? I had to let my son go commando, whenever i put underwear on him he treated it like a diaper, but when nothing on he didn't make as many accidents.

I would be honest with him, and explain it's part of growing up. That he is a big boy, and should not need diapers unless its nap time or night time. We didn't do the rewards program or anything like that. What if you just put him in underware while at home and just took him to the bathroom every couple of hours? It's ok if he has an accident, and just let him know it's OK and next time he can listen to his body better. good luck, and I would not let the school move him back!