Potty Training a 3 Year Old

I don't know what more you want him to say to you. He is probably never going to say "Hey Mom, I'm just going to use the bathroom now and stop going in my pants, so please buy me some underwear." If that is what you are waiting for I think it will probably take until he's 5 and embarrassed that all of his friends aren't wearing diapers anymore.

This is a power struggle. But I think that waiting until he tell you he's ready is not the best approach. I know 2 boys in kindergarten who still are in diapers, so it is a real concern. I also know that waiting until after 3.5 years of age makes potty training harder because they get used to being wet/dirty and it doesn't bother them anymore.

I'd advise you to go cold turkey. Prepare of lots of accidents and issues. Good thing is that its summer, you could spend the day outside to keep from destroying your house, and have the potty out there. Give him lots of salty snacks and drinks so he has to pee a lot, this will provide plenty of opportunities. Don't put him on the potty unless he says he needs to go, he's dancing, or he starts to wet himself. Spend several days watching him and catch every accident. If you're working, take time off, if you have other kids, find a sitter for them. And do it for both day and night time.

I'd advise the 3 day potty training method (http://www.3daypottytraining.com/pages/help.htm?official) It works really well, AND you have a login to an online helpline for help if things don't work. You might want to asks her some questions before starting since you've got some issues already with fears. Its totally worth the $25 for the ebook!!!

This really worked for my daughter who asked to potty train, and I used a different method that recommended putting them on the potty and timed intervals, and then got so traumatized that she started fearing all types of things that she used to love. This 3 day method really works well to connect sitting on the potty with actually peeing/pooping. No sitting on the potty for hours with a book/video hoping they'll pee...lol.

Best wishes!

Bluntly, by 3.5 years old, being "ready" is no longer in question.

My only advice, once you are ready to really jump into potty training, don't go in with the attitude that you are going to, "give it a try." It's a commitment, and from what I saw with both my sons, it is a commitment over several months to keep everything on track.

I potty-trained our first, and my hubby potty-trained our second, and we both just said, "this is it, it is time." and there was no going back to diapers.

Just the $$$ we saved in no longer having to buy diapers made it very worthwhile.

Go for it :)
T

my son is much younger than yours (23mo) and I just did the 3 day potty training method. On day three he became sick (high fever and dizzy) and stopped showing interest in the potty. We had COMMITTED to no more diapers, so while there was a set back and it didn't take us 3 days, we're currently on day 7, yesterday there was one accident and today so far...nothing.

I think the program is simple, easy to follow instructions, however is very time consuming and requires your undivided attention.

This program is not about forcing the child, but just not giving the option of diapers. My son REALLY didn't like the feeling of poop or potty on him. I did cloth diapers for the last year and the difference in cloth and underpants was significant enough that he didn't like the feeling of wet/dirty underpants. He kept telling me he was "all wet" and "yucky".

He's very proud now and loves his big boy underpants.

I know you were looking for advice from moms that have been through it with older children, so hopefully this has at least helped!!

I had a stubborn one too. She was totally capable and knew what was going on. I got rid of the diapers, panties only, and went cold turkey. Things were a little messy for a couple of days, but it was ONLY a couple of days. Come to find out she was afraid of the potty...the noise the toilet made when flushing and falling in. So you might try some "fun" big boy pants or just go without pants. Going without pants...he would get the full effect of what happens when he goes. When there is a diaper there, he might not see the need to cooperate. Bribing works if the bribe is something really important to the trainee. The bike must not be the golden prize. LOL! Just be very matter-of-fact about it. The one thing you don't want is for it to turn into a power struggle. If you wait it out too long, I think he will feel like he is really in control of you on this issue. So...I would go cold turkey. No diapers and no pull-ups.

It sounds like you are expecting and have another younger child as well. Can you appeal to his "big boy" status? Really get him excited about being different from the babies. Maybe he wants to stay younger to get more attention from mommy. I only have one but she was excited to get out of diapers early because that meant she could do more things and go more places. Good luck.

Updated

It sounds like you are expecting and have another younger child as well. Can you appeal to his "big boy" status? Really get him excited about being different from the babies. Maybe he wants to stay younger to get more attention from mommy. I only have one but she was excited to get out of diapers early because that meant she could do more things and go more places. Good luck.

IMO, asking for a clean diaper when he goes IS expressing interest. You can't force or make them do it, but you can strongly encourage by making this a fun and "big boy" thing to do.

My oldest son didn't want to go either but I would put fruit loops in the toilet so he could "shoot" them down when he would pee. My girls and I would sing a song and dance around every time they went. They got to pick out pretty new underwear when they were dry for a week. My youngest son just felt how comfortable underwear was he didn't want to go back to diapers. Also you can try giving him stickers whenever he does use the potty. Once my youngest son stayed dry for a week I bought him a new hat which he wore with pride telling everyone who would listen that he is a big boy! Hopefully this helps. Good luck!

It's really impossible to know what the individual outcome of forcing the issue will be until you look back on the whole experience. Kids are such individuals, and parent/child dynamics are so individual, that it's simply hard to know.

I have watched a couple of generations of kids being potty trained, and in almost every case, it appears that allowing the child to lead the process is what's most effective and painless in the long run. It does take longer, especially for some children (most often boys). But even after parents begin to despair that it will ever happen, every child I've personally known or heard about has finally just decided to go for it, and at that point, the training can take as little as one day.

From you request, I'm pretty sure you think you've been patiently waiting for your son to show signs of readiness. And it's hard to know without having been there, but if he's becoming hysterical when the subject is raised, then, at least in his mind, too much parental force has already been applied, and he feels cornered and completely resistant. This could happen as a result of one unfortunate event, or as a result of you and his daddy persistently urging, suggesting, bribing, insisting, etc.

And do check 'readiness' lists – there is a possibility that some crititical point of physical or emotional readiness has not yet been achieved (some helpful checklists, tips and pointers: http://www.parentingscience.com/toilet-training-readiness.... One way or another, he knows it's a topic of intense interest, something you REALLY, REALLY want from him. and he has put on the full emergency brake.

My suggestion is that you tell him that you trust him to get there when he knows he's ready. You respect that he has his reasons for not wanting to use the potty right now. You want to give him whatever time he needs to figure this out for himself. You might even ask him to get you one of his crayons to write with, and make a list of ALL the reasons you and he can think of for not wanting to use the potty. If he's clever and verbal, he can probably generate some reasons of his own that might surprise you. And you can add to his list, too, to show your complete sincerity. Little kids are mightily impressed by being taken so seriously.

Then don't say another word about it. Be prepared to offer nothing but cheerful silence on your part. No comments about big-boy pants, how much easier a potty would be, no frowns or comments while you change him. Give him some time to process. When he's convinced, in a week or a couple of months, that you are really going to respect his schedule on this, he may simply stop resisting. I've seen it happen several times with kids by the age of 4 at the latest (and I think some kids really have an emotional block before then that they need time/maturity to overcome).

This may sound like he could stall endlessly, but he won't, unless there are issues in your family or medical issues for him individually that need professsional intervention. He may simply need the emotional space to make that choice for himself. And honestly, kids do want to train when they are ready, just as they want to crawl, walk, and talk when they are ready.

I can really understand how trying it is for you to have three in diapers at once. Consider how much more trying it will be if you are forcing an unwilling child several times every day, and are cleaning up endless accidents and doing extra loads of laundry on top of it. Kids can be forced to sit, but unless you are going to strap him in, he may simply withhold until he's free again.

When I was raised, it was traditional to have kids trained by 2. I don't really remember my training, and neither does my mother, according to her. But she was an extremely forceful and controlling woman, and has raised 4 daughters who have dealt with emotional problems our whole lives, with varying levels of success. Once of my sisters has been emotionally disabled and living on the taxpayer's dime for a couple of decaded now. Once has sought love and understanding in a popular but unsavory cult. The other two of us have been luckier, but still struggled. Is any of this due to potty-training trauma? None of us have the resources to find out, but in my own circle of adult 60-somethings, there are several who have undergone extensive counseling to find out why they have huge issues with authority figures, or lifelong depression or rage, and have traced at least some of their misery and confusion back to potty training. It's so common in my generation, it's nearly a joke.

It it true? On an individual level, who really knows? But there's a lot of research on child development in the past few decades, and many studies to the real value in giving children more control over their own choices and decisions. Children who get to participate and are not simply raised according to old patterns of control have fewer emotional issues, perform better in school, have healthier relationships in childhood and adulthood.

Check this out yourself in books like The Science of Parenting – based on studies by brain researchers measuring the effect of different parenting techniques.

Also the book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, and the concept of Emotion Coaching, another term you can google for lots of useful information. (Here's one good link to get you started: http://www.education.com/reference/article/important-pare... .) These are not on specifics like potty training, but whole philosophies of parenting that study the differences between Authoritarian, Authoritative, and Permissive/Negligent parenting. (As you might guess, Authoritative parents raise the happiest and most successful families).

He's only 3.5.
There isn't anything set in stone that says kids have to be potty trained by a certain age. Yes the schools do require it. But until he wants to go to school, you aren't under any pressure.
So if he wants to go to school, then you have leverage. "Can't go to school if you don't use the toilet. Teachers won't let you." "Only big boys go to school who know how to use the potty" He'll have two goals; learn to use it so he can go to school.
By a certain age tho, it is time to put on the gloves and get it done. And use as much blackmail as you can think of. "We're not going to go there until you start using the john". Put the ball in his court! Good luck

I wholeheartedly agree with Tania C.

And, I would like to add: if he is asking for diapers take them away. (Right now he's calling the shots.) Get him the thicker cloth training pants and rubber pants to go over them. (You can use them with your younger children when it's time for them to train.) And don't use Pull-ups, they feel just like a diaper to kids and they have no motivation to not go in them.

Tell him there are no more diapers for him (get them out of his sight and save them for the younger two) and that from now on he can poop and pee in his pants or use the potty. He will have the choice, and the experience of being wet and smelly should get him motivated. If it doesn't have him start washing them out with Zote, a laundry bar soap, each and every time.

Like you say, he's very smart and developmentally on track, so it's a power-play thing. Rewards, stickers, presents and treats haven't worked, so now it's time to let him have his way, on your terms. ; )