Potty Training - Waverly,VA

Boys take a little while longer than girls. 2.5 is really young for a boy- and the more you push it the more they rebel. I would try once a quarter to see if he is ready. Probably not likely til a bit after his 3rd birthday...

My boys both decided on their 4th birthdays that they were big boys now. I had been trying with both of them since they were each 2 years old, and no matter what I tried, they didn't want to do it. You want it more for him then he does, and that makes for a very unhappy family. Give it a rest for a while, he will let you know when he is ready.

I have two kids, a boy and a girl. The boy, also my first, took a lot longer to get interested in potty training. If you don't HAVE to have him potty trained by a certain age, then I would back off for a while and re-introduce later. I have no secrets, because it seems that each child is different. But once they start getting upset, you risk just getting them set in not wanting to do it. When he gets a little older, he might be excited about certain underwear, and then be motivated to wear them and to keep them clean/dry. Don't feel like you have the only child not potty trained at 2.5. My son was over 3 when he finally got it.
A.

He's just probably not ready. I'd give it a rest for awhile. Try again in a month or so. If he's still not ready, try again in another month. The more pressure you put, the longer it will take and there will be more emotional baggage tied to going to the bathroom. I've seen 5 and 10 year kids have issues with holding BM or panicking if they wet themselves. Relax, give him time.

I hate to tell you but your son will be potty trained when he's good and ready. pushing him into it, if he's not ready, will only make it take longer. we had the same battle w/ our oldest. he would make progress and then regress. we tried all the bribes, candy, making him clean himself, going naked, taking away toys, etc... there are different factors that can effect how ready they are. for us, we had 2 children in the time that we were potty training our oldest (so we were trying for over 2 yrs and i had 3 kids in diapers/pull-ups at the same time). big world rockers and also something else to take focus from him. he started expressing interest, again, when our almost 2 yr old starting sitting down on his own. our oldest is now 4 and he still wears pull-ups over his underwear at night, for accidents, but is finally trained. our middle, now 2 and 1/2 yr old, goes pretty regularly and has dry pull-ups all the time. our success this time around, i think, is because we have just let him have control. we ask him all the time, encourage him to sit, reward when he goes but we do not make him sit or get frustrated or disappointed when he has an accident. sorry to be long winded but i battled w/ this too so i'm hoping that i'm helping. the key: all kids are different. there is not 1 way that works for all kids. but what IS true for all kids is that they DO respond well to positive reinforcement and a lack of pressure. good luck!!!

HI J.,

I am having similar issues, nothing really works just give it time. Back off a bit and dont push it. It turned into a poer struggle with us so I backed off. Sometimes she goes and sometimes she doesnt. I keep telling her that big girls use the potty but dont ask her to go. She will just say NO!! If I go, I tell her I am going and sometimes she will want to go too! I give her praise but no more "goodies". She feels like it is HER decision to go or not and it is WAY less stressful for both of us. She likes to feel like she is the one who decides and I know at some point she will decide for good. Truth- no one goes to college in diapers- ya know? Boys take longer anyway says everyone I know.
Good Luck!
D.

J. -

I've been there! I thought my son was so behind his peers in potty training - BUT, I have 2 sisters who both have sons and they said by 3 years 3 months - it will be fine. I relaxed on the whole thing, did not force it though we read Elmo's potty book, etc and sure enough at 3 years, 3 months old my son showed an interest and virtually overnight was going potty - on the big toilet - by himself. He started by going pee standing, but was having bowl movements on the large toilet (no kiddie seat or anything) within 3 days. He was 3 years and 3 months this last May - so completely potty trained in time for summer camps and pre-school. I have a friend who pushed her son at 2 1/2 to start and more than a year later he is still resistant and needs a pull-up at night. Letting go of pushing my son before HE was ready - and not focusing on it so much really helped us. I think the hardest part was adjusting MY thinking - I needed to let go of the "my kid is potty trained at 2 years old" mentality. I actually never met a child who is fully potty trained at 2, though I hear about it, I've never actually met one.

Hi J.. I know it's hard but I would let it go and wait till he is interested in it. I had the same problems with my first son and I researched it and just stopped all together with him. Then a few months later, he took the initiative and wanted to use the potty. With boys it takes longer, but you cannot force them no matter what. Even though it is frustrating to you. Each child starts on their own time. Most boys are not fully potty trained until 4 years of age. You should check out the website for Dr. Greene at www.drgreene.com. Good luck and much patience to you.

I had a similar situation with my first child. I was pregnant with our second and my husband decided I shouldn't have 2 kids in diapers. Nice idea...but my daughter had other ideas!

We tried every trick in the book...and it was a constant struggle until SHE was finally ready! It caused me so much stress and anxiety that when our son came along I swore "He can go to COLLEGE in diapers for all I care! I am NOT going to go through that again!

Of course we had the potty. He sat on it...read on it...but when nothing happened, I really didn't care!

When he was 2 yrs/8 months we were at the store getting ready for a vacation and I thought it would be SO nice not to have to bring the diaper gear. I ASKED him if he would like to have some "big boy underpants" for the trip and he said "YES".

He put them on as soon as we got home...and never wore another diaper again! He was "toilet trained" in one day!

My suggestion is to let it go for a few months. Your son is obviously not emotionally ready yet, and just hasn't learned to read his body and know when he needs to go and control it when he does.

When HE's ready, he'll do it. And I promise...he won't go to college in diapers!

Hi J. and anyone esle out there with this issue, because it seems to be a big one. When my 3 year old started going to daycare a year and a half ago, he was in that place you describe where he knows where he's supposed to go but every time we mentioned it he would slowly back away from the bathroom. His then sitter gave me this document and within the week he was trained. At first I thought it was harsh, but it really worked.

Amy’s Easy Toilet Learning Method

For many of the recent years, parents have struggled with trying to find the best method to encourage toilet learning. Like most of parenting it is important to understand that there are no quick fixes or easy kits that can be purchased. It takes time and energy and perseverance. The following is what I have found works best when trying to achieve this important milestone. It will only work when it is followed exactly and both classroom and home are working as a team. Before you read the steps, there are a couple of points I think are important to remember;

No stickers or treats should be given when a child has urinated or had a bowel movement using the toilet. This milestone is a part of life and is something that children need to learn. They should be proud of their accomplishment for its importance and not because they receive a treat.

Potty Cheerleading is something that many times, parents find themselves using as a method of positive reinforcement. The cheerleading works the same way that a tangible reward does. We want children to understand the value of intrinsic satisfaction instead of extrinsic rewards and there is no better way to help bring that message home than during the toilet learning experience. A simple yet authentic, “you should be very proud of yourself that is a big step towards growing up” should be sufficient.

In order to be successful, you should preplan this. You need a weekend where nothing is on the calendar, so that complete focus is on getting your child to the potty when they need to go.

Use only the actual potty. While potty chairs may be more appropriately sized for young children, they do present sanitary risks. Since you would eventually be transitioning to the regular potty anyway, you may as well start there.

It is important that children wear underpants ONLY. It is part of making sure they are actively involved.

You know your child is ready when they are out of a crib and have put away all signs of “babyhood.” (No bottles, pacifiers and can put themselves to sleep) There are also ready only if you are ready and willing to make the commitment to the time it will take to go through this process. It isn’t something that you can do halfway. If you’re not focused, the child can be hurt by the process.

Be economical, to buy underpants from a fancy department store but also don’t borrow them from your sister’s children. Plan to purchase new underpants so wait until you are almost or are out of diapers.

Have plenty of groceries and some good videos, because for at least the weekend, you are homebound. For this to work you need to stay at home where the relaxed environment includes familiar objects and easy to access supplies. I would even discourage visits from friends and family. The added excitement might throw him/her off schedule.

Here are the necessary steps, that when followed, should take about two weeks to complete. It is possible to night train at the same time. Those steps are included as a part of the process.

1. On Friday evening take him/her to your local store and have him/her pick out several pairs of underpants, whatever kind he/she wants. (Have no fear if he wants Barbie underpants she’s not a bad looking babe and if she wants Bob the Builder-hey there could be a lot of money in construction.)

2. When you get home spend a lot of time talking about what is going to be happening tomorrow as you unpack and put away the underpants. Have him/her pick out 1 pair to start with tomorrow.

3. As soon as he/she wakes up the next morning, take them to the bathroom and remove the diaper and have them sit on the potty. Take as much time as he/she needs; maybe even reading a favorite book. When he/she is finished, have him/her practice wiping and help to put on the selected underpants.

4. If he/she urinated or had a bowel movement, the begin giving them lots to drink and set a schedule of going to the bathroom every hour. IF they did not go, give them lots to drink and start by taking them every 15 minutes until they go, then start the every hour schedule.

5. Put as little clothing on them as possible. Don’t use anything with buttons or snaps and pack up those onsies. Try to stick to just shirts or perhaps a pair of elastic shorts or sweatpants. Something that makes it easy to pull down and change as accidents occur.

6. Spend the rest of the weekend going to the potty every hour. Don’t spend a lot of time talking about it or asking if he/she has to go. Just be very matter of fact about the situation.

7. If he/she has an accident, try not to say anything except, “well we need to change your clothes.”

8. For nighttime, you’re going to need to stop giving drinks 2 hours before bedtime. Continue to take them to the potty every hour until they go to sleep.

9. Between 12 and 2, he/she should be woken and taken to the bathroom.

10. Once they start back at school they should arrive in underpants and remember to pack at least 5 complete changes of clothes including socks and at least 1 other pair of shoes. Follow the same rules for clothing that you were using at home, simple and easy to pull up and down.

11. The caregivers should be aware of the situation and ready to proceed with the same pattern that you have established at home.

12. After about two weeks, potty learning should be complete enough that he/she will go to the potty with little or no prompting.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU GIVE UP AND PUT THE CHILD BACK INTO A DIAPER. ONCE STARTED, FOLLOW IT THROUGH.

He does NOT need to do it soon.

Stop stressing yourself out and putting pressure on him. Most kids train around age 3-3.5. Kids do sow an interest as early as 18 months, but that does not mean they are mentally ready or physically capable.

I know you are doing what you think is best for him, but anything that brings your child to tears is not working and a good indication you need to rethink what you are doing. Put him in diapers and just drop it for now. IN a few months try again for a few days, and if it doesn't work, wait a few more months. The key is "No pressure!"

When he is older (more verbal, excited to do it, able to control himself physically) , I suggest you try the naked weekend method. Let him be naked, giv ehim juice, and take him to the potty every 30 minutes. And he will get it. But only if he is ready. It's his body, it's up to him. Let him be a baby and play and grow up on his own schedule.

Boys tend to take longer than girls do, I'm afraid. Just keep at it. It'll work. The easiest thing to do is to give him compeition. If you know of other kids his age, put him around them and show them that they use the potty and not use diapers. Kids want to be older than they are. Giving them inspiration helps.

Remember: you don't see a 20-something man still wearing pull-ups, so he won't resist forever. It will just seem like it. :-)

sounds to me you are trying too hard...my sister resisted potty training until she realized that she wouldnt have to wait to be changed. course, back then you started potty
training when the child was 18 moths old.. so that they
would be completely potty trained by the time they were two.take a break from it, put away the potty chair and the stickers and especially the rewards. and tell the child that if he wants to stay in diapers for another six months, thats fine.. but he will have to WAIT to be changed, the next time you take the child on an outting, of an hour or less, dont take the diaper bag..tell him would you like to try out the potty while we are out, or
do you want to go home ? and it may take several VERy
short trips out, without the diaper bag, for the child
to decide that it is a real inconvience to have to go home
just to be changed. when you get him back home, ask him
would you like to try out the potty and then go back out,
or do you want to stay at home in diapers? no exceptions
and dont let the child go around you, and get someone else
to take him back out in diapers. because big boys dont
wear diapers.
K. H.

Many, many boys just aren't ready to potty train at 2 or even 2 1/2. My suggestion is to completely forget trying for 3 months. Don't mention it. As he nears his third birthday bring the idea up again like a fresh start You may find he trains easily at 3 or even 3 1/2 when he is ready. You honestly can't rush this step. They are all different and you just have to wait them out.

Hi J.. I feel your pain. I'm a mom of three, my last child positively REFUSED to potty train! She was 3+! Don't sweat it. It is both physical and mental/emotional for your son. Its about "control" on the mental side. Just stop trying for a while. Pushing him will only make him more miserable and defiant. One day my daughter woke up and said "Im tired of wearing diapers. Im ready for my big girl panties." That was it. She started using the potty from then on and we had very few accidents. It took a few more weeks for night-time training. That is common for little bladders and deep sleepers! Unless there is a medical condition, check with your pediatrician, I promise your son will start using the potty when he is ready. You cant force it. Let it go, try again in a few months, let him guide you. Use lots of positive re-enforcement with his other accomplishments and let him know he can decide when to strart using the potty. He souds like a strong willed child. Go easy on yourself and your son. And absolutely positively DO NOT let anyone else, family or friend or nosey women at the store... EVER make your feel bad or inadequate! Tell them to mind their own business! He is your child and you will do what is right for the both of you. They can do what they want with theirs but they can keep their judgement of yours to themselves! This phase shall pass!

we are going through something similar. Both my neighbor and my friend potty trained their boys at 2 1/2 (and neither boy wanted to be trained). For both boys it took about 3 weeks. They both said that you have to get rid of the pull ups and diapers (except during sleep) go directly to underwear and never turn back. A lot of it is finding what they want as a reward. One boy loved trains so she would take him on the light rail if he peed. Another wanted rubber frogs from the dollar store. We are entering week 3 with my son and it is getting better. If he has a pull up on though he will use it and not think twice. I think I waited to long to train mine. When they get past 2 1/2 it becomes a control issue. Good luck!

Sounds like he is not at all ready! It is still early for him. I would stop everything and wait until he lets you know he's ready, which might not be for 6 months or even a year.

Seriously, you need to wait. You can do way more harm if you push him into potty training. I have twins. One of them potty trained at 3 with no effort on my part. The other one is still in the process of getting it. He was 4 in July! My son did not respond well to stickers, candy, etc. I did find one thing that worked. He loves trains so I purchased a 130 piece train set and every time he went potty or kept his underwear clean for a two hour period, I gave him a sticker. When he got 3 stickers, I let him pick ONE piece of the track. That actually was the ticket for us. When you are ready to try again and when he is ready, try to find something like we did and maybe it will work. You may not even need something, just time....

I would say that the majority of boys don't train as early as 2. Any kind of force will only delay further and cause a battle you can't win. Wait until right after his 3rd birthday and try again. BTW, I have 4 sons, the youngest now 14 and none of them trained at 2.
Best of luck.

I didn't read the other responses, so I'm not sure if this will be a repeat of what others have already said. My now 2.5 yr son was the same way. We got rid of pulls and diapers all together, except for nap and bed time. When we were home he ran around naked (still likes to do so :P), if he had clothes on he just went in them. At the beginning when we went out and about we put him in a pull up, but asked often and took him to the bathroom to go. He did real well with that. We also started with the candy as a reward, but he figured how to manipulate that situation, so when the candy was gone, that was it. He'd ask, we'd say its all gone and he wasn't getting anymore. After a while he stopped asking for it, but continued to go to the bathroom. It took about a month to 1.5 months for him to be completely potty trained during the day. It was along process (our first son was potty trained in 3 days and 4 nights (for night time). We are still working on night time w/ our 2.5 yr old. I hope this helps and I wish u luck w/ ur little one.

J., Relax, and lay back on the potty training. Two years old is very young. My boys did not fully train until they were four. Try again when he is three. The emotional trauma of pushing him now is not worth it. He is just not ready; that's okay. I've heard this from many, many people already. It's best to start the training when his is ready and willing to cooperate. Especially if it is not necessary for nursery school or the like, do not push the issue with your baby boy.....I.

Hi J.!

My son didn't start learning to use the potty until he was almost 3 1/2 and at that point, since it was his idea, he was trained over the course of a weekend and without any bribes needed. I kept him in pull-ups only at night but never really needed them since he was dry in the morning. He has had only a couple of accidents since being trained and we never had to deal with control issues. My nephew, who was started being trained at 2 1/2 due to preschool requiring it when he turned 3, is having a much rougher time. He would pee, most of the time, but not poop in the potty. They have almost worked that out with him but my SIL wishes she could have waited a little longer to have started training him. So, relax, take a break from it, and start it again when he is showing more interest. Leave the potty out where he can see it, maybe have him play with some older cousins or friends who are potty trained so he can see how natural it can be to use the potty, and just let him be the guide on what he is ready for. Good luck and this will all work out!

K.

Is there a reason why you want to potty train your son so early? If you are doing it so that he can attend a preschool that requires such a young child to be potty trained, then I would say that that preschool is not understanding of children's individuality.
Each and every child is different and will progress with milestones at different ages. Most boys potty train later, between 3 and 4 years old) especially if they are the first born.
If your only reason for wanting to push him to potty train so early is that you don't want to buy diapers, then I think you should think again and let your son be ready to do it on his own schedule. When he's ready you will know and at that time it will be a whole lot easier and less frustrating.

I have 6 kids and I never pushed potty training until their 3rd birthday. It worked very well -- short lived headaches for me and all were totally potty trained kids within 2 weeks. Sounds like your son is just not ready yet. Some kids aren't at 2 years old. Don't stress. Wait 6 months and try again. Good luck!

You need to let it go. Really, you are putting so much pressure on your child that you are probably causing him not to want to have anything to do with it. Most boys don't potty train till they are three. It doesn't mean that all of them don't, it's just that most of them don't. I would let it go for at least a week. Then, all you should do is keep offering him to go in the morning after he wakes up, after his nap, and before and after bath and that's it for a while. If at some point he starts showing interest, then you can start offering more times during the day. But keep it as an offer not a command. My nephew wouldn't hear of it until he was 3.5 and then was potty trained in a weekend because he was completely ready for it. My almost 3 years old has been going potty for a while but is not ready to be out of pull ups and that's just fine with us. When he's ready, he'll just get it just like that.

Also, I think it will backfire if you keep offering rewards for something trivial like going to the potty. Rewards should be offered for extra stuff and special occasions not for something natural like going to the potty. He is obviously not ready so it would be good if you didn't pressure him. I understand your frustration. I would like my son to be out of diapers too especially since we also have a baby and it's getting annoying and expensive, but he will be done with diapers when he's ready for it and not a day earlier.

My son is almost 3 now and not yet potty trained. We try a lot of things as well-rewards, books, putting him on the toilet through out the day...etc. He started off a lot better but over time seemed more resistant. He is in pull ups but I don't want to try to switch him over to underwear until he starts to tell us he needs to go. At this point I'm just letting him set the pace. I think the more frustrated or pressuring you are only makes some children want to go less or just stresses you out more. Don't give up but don't feel overwhelmed or like you have to get it done by a certain time. Boys are usually more of a struggle than girls and just keep trying, I'm sure he will get it!

J.

It sounds to me that your son is not ready to potty train & the more you try to force it the harder it will be. Once he is ready it will be a very quick process and can be done in a week (with no bribing necessary) and he will have the odd accident but that is just while he learns when he first feels the need to go and then when he has left it too long! I would stop trying for now , by all means leave his potty where he can see it and let him have a look , play with , even sit on fully clothed if he wants to , just don't say anything , then one day he will either surprise you and bring you a pee in the potty (as my son did) or just ask to go & then you know that HE wants to do it which is the most important factor.

Good luck

K.

J.,
I have not yet read your responses but eagerly look forward to reading them because I am having the same exact problem except for my son just turned three. I am so frustrated and do not know what to do and the last thing I want is someone telling me how to do it when I feel like I have tried everything. I can can see him in the corner getting ready to the deed and tell him we are going to the potty and he will scream no - if I make him go in the bathroom he will refuse to go and then get constipated so I let him go in his pants because I would rather have that than a hurting belly. Feel free to send me an email with any success you may have. Good luck!