Potty Training - Pella,IA

My suggestion is to quit trying to get him to do it. I know it's frustrating, but he will come around-seems like it's somewhere between 4 and 5 that they seem to "get it"

Is he wearing tight underwear? My son was having problems and we switched him to boxer briefs that were a little baggy because they were not tight like a diaper. It helped right away. I also had a doctor tell me to put them on the potty after breakfast everyday at the same time for 10 minutes and their bodies will regulate and they will start going to the bathroom at that time. It might make it easier to train him if you know when he is going to go. Good Luck!

We did the following when our daughter was 5 and soon to be going to kindergarten:

*she would beg for a diaper and so we would give her one but we would make her poop in the bathroom

*next we made her sit on the potty to poop with the diaper still on

*then we started leaving the diaper unhooked but still somewhat wrapped around her

*then we started drapping the diaper over the potty seat and having her sit on it

*and finally we drapped the diaper more forward on the seat so that the poop actually fell in the toilet

*and then we made a huge deal about the fact that she actually pooped in the potty (yelled and celebrated right there in the bathroom, called everyone in our family to let them know what she had accomplished and how proud we were etc)

eventually she started going in the potty while just holding a diaper. for some reason i think it was a security issue for her and each step took several days so like 3 weeks to get it all done.

Hi A.
If you are a working mom does your son go to daycare? If so how do they deal with him messing in his pants. He may be getting mixed messages and therefore does not know what to do. Good Luck T.

Not saying I am a pro, I have only done this once with my son. Our son actually did not want to poop on the potty for a while. He had no problems going number one, but he would not help out on the poop part. How we started getting him to go poop was getting him really excited about what was going to happen. This might sound gross, but we would say, lets go see if it is going to be a sinker or a floater. We would tell him he needed to relax and just let it happen and ask him questions about it, sinker or a floater. He would actually want to see himself what was going to come out and we would all laugh at what ever it was- either a sinker or a floater.

I have known a couple of kids who have done this ~ it's a huge inconvenience and messy to boot. It may stem from his fear of having his poop flushed down the toilet, or a different fear that is not so easily identified. Have you asked him what he might be afraid of?

Once you have started down the reward/punishment route with an issue like this A., you are going to have to back track and do something that may not come naturally to you: APOLOGIZE to him for not understanding the problem, for punishing him or for maybe even scaring him more... and then ask, ask, ask him to provide you with some insight. "Mommy really wants to understand your feelings. Are you afraid of..." and then list the possible things that you can think of that might be scaring him.

Fear is a potent motivator to a four year old. You might find that the fear that keeps him in diapers is also guiding some other dysfunctional behavior. Perhaps something happened to him when he was younger that he cannot let go of. Only you can find this out...

Once you find out what it is, you can soothe his fears in many ways.

If you don't find anything out about his fears right away, relax and let it go. Just bringing it up and letting it go may give him time to think it through and provide the answers you are looking for.

By the way, I had a friend who did this (she is now 20 and definitely out of diapers) and her mom insisted that she wear panties until she had to poop. Then, she put the diaper on her but insisted that she stand so that the problem was not so messy. It was the advent of pre-school that made the problem go away. Day care will often lets kids stay in diapers where pre-schools don't. Switching child care to a pre-school may help too.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE see your doctor about this. I sounds like he has encropresis, which is a real medical condition. My daughter has been dealing with this for nearly 2 years. Only recently did we finally realize that it is a much bigger deal than a "control" issue. It is so much more common than you would believe. Check it out on the internet, but PLEASE see your physician and begin treatment. It is most likely that HE DOES NOT HAVE THE SENSATION that he needs to eliminate. My daughters colon is so stretched out (3x normal) that her rectum is distended. She also has lost the sensation for the need to urinate. Please see your doctor

You're going to get advice all over the board with this one! We went through it to with our older son (now 12 and he claims to not remember these problems). It probably isn't a bad idea to have him checked out by his doctor to make sure there aren't any medical problems going on. With our son we actually sought the help of a child therapist and she recommended we back off. The more we pressured him the more he resisted. We remained very positive and encouraging. (It was very tough not to get angry and frustrated!) I think with our son it was some sort of fear issue. He wore underwear but asked for a pull up when he had to poop, we calmly cleaned him up afterwards and put him back in his underwear. Our son is very analytical so we read books about using the potty and also talked a lot about the wastewater treatment plan and what happens after we flush. I think there is a Magic School Bus book about water that discusses what happens after we flush. His preschool teachers still talk about the day he came in and gave them a detailed description of the wastewater treatment plant! This is what ultimately worked for us and he was about age 4 and 2 months. Good luck.

A....my daughter was the same way. She would beg for a diaper to go poop. After she turned 4 we decided we needed to do something. It turns out that our daughter tended to be more on the constipated side of things and it was a little hard for her to go. Our Dr. said give her miralax and that did the trick. Once she was able to go potty easier she was able to then transition doing it on the toilet, no problem. We then weaned her off the miralax and now have a perfectly potty trained little girl. GOOD LUCK...I know how frustrating it can be!!

Uh...You are never supposed to punish a child for potty training accidents. This situation sounds VERY stressful on your son and it is probably causing him to want to poop in peace on his own. Every action causes a reaction...you making him clean up his own feces at four-years-old is inexcusable. EEK! Here is some advice from www.keepkidshealthy.com
Reasons for developing a resistance to potty training can include:
severe punishment for not using the potty or being forced to sit on the potty
being scared to sit on the potty chair
flushing the toilet may have scared him from wanting to sit on the toilet
being pushed too early or fast before he was ready
inconsistant training, especially among different caregivers
he may have had a painful bowel movement from being constipated. If this is the case, treat his constipation and wait until he is having regular, soft bowel movements before you begin training again.
or he may just be stubborn and is involved in a power struggle with his parents and is using his control over where he has a bowel movement
he may enjoy the negative attention he gets from not using the potty or from having accidents
although rare, there are medical conditions that can make it difficult for your child to hold in or delay urinating or having a bowel movement. Discuss with your Pediatrician if there are any medical reasons why you may be having a hard time teaching your child to use potty, especially if he seems to have other delays in his development.

You may have tried this already, try buying underwear with his favorite action figure on it. Expl.-G.I.Joe, you can't potty on G.I.Joe. Or put a square of toilet paper in the water and tell him that is a boat and he should try to sink it with his own bomb.

My 4 yr old (now 5) was the exact same way. He could care less about doing it in his pants. I also tried everything from stickers and big rewards to time outs and taking things away. Nothing worked. He even understood exactly what was expected of him but still nothing.

I had to get forceful. I know most people say not to punish a child for not going on the potty, but I had to get tough. He knew exactly what was expected of him, and I knew he could do it physically as he had done it before. My son hates taking showers, so everytime he pooped in his underwear, I'd make him clean the underwear himself, then make him take a 2 minute cold shower (it was actually luke warm water, but felt cold to him) to "clean him off". He HATED it...and it was so difficult for me to hear him cry and scream the whole time, but I really had to get tough. I also took away his favorite toy and gave him a time out.
3 days later he was pooping on the potty, and hasn't had an accident since.
I think what also helped is this happened during Easter time, and when we were at grandma's for Easter dinner, he happened to do it in his pants. I don't think he thought I would go through with it at grandma's, but I did, in front of everyone. He was so embarrassed....poor thing. But the next day he was going in the potty.

Sometimes you just need to bring in some tough love. My child is very stubborn and strong willed...and it was a total battle of wills with him. I just showed him that I was the one who was going to win.

Good luck in whatever you do. I hope it works!

Of course check to see if this is medical. If not consider the following;

Does he do #2 at the same time everyday, or is there a pattern -like after eating? If so, you're just going to have to be tough on him and make him go when you anticipate he needs to go. For instance, if you know he goes an hour after breakfast, don't give him a choice or remind him he should try and go, just take him in there and make him sit down until he goes.

Is he still wearing diapers or pullups? Get rid of them now, and put him in regular underwear.

I had one of those, and having to be "proactive" is the only way to get those "lazy" ones to take charge. It's very tiresome, time consuming, and easy to forget to get them to the potty in time and then you'll have a mess.
For me it was only until I took the initiative that we saw results.

Be sure to have diversions such as books to read while he goes. Sometimes kids get frustrated or stressed out and can't go. I think books (any fun ones or potty related books will do) takes some of the pressure off and then they can go.

Making them wear undies is another deterent. He won't like being uncomfortable or the smell. If he does have an accident, don't rush to clean him up. He needs to get the idea this is really unpleasant. If you're too quick to clean up, there will be no incentive for him to avoid using his undies instead of the potty.

If you find you forget to get him on the potty at anticipated times, or you don't seem to find a pattern of when your child needs to go, invest in a timer and fruits and fruit juice to get things moving and regular. Perhaps he doesn't get enough bulk or is constipated. If so, this might be why he's still having problems.

Set the timer for every 30 to 60 minutes until your child gets more regulated or you are finally able to pick up on a pattern. Besides fruits and other fibers, more water can help too.

It may take a while, but going through this routine will establish #2 as a habit, and eventually he will go on his own.

Good luck
Hope it helps.

HI A..
We have done a few different things after going through the same thing for months....
First, (a little back story) we have a savings account for our boys - 15 dollars a month - that they know about. Whenever we get money for a gift, it also goes into this account. So, we took a roll of quarters out of his account (he doesn't know that, but this way we don't have to take it out of our pocket) and whenever he goes poop on the potty he gets a quarter.
Then, once a week, we go to Walmart and he can use the quarters for whatever he wanted. (arcade, or save for a toy, ect...) The first week he had 5 quarters, then he was back to going in the pullup and was really bummed out when he didn't have any quarters to play in the arcade the next week!!!
I would still get frustrated when he would mess himself, but I tried to let it go and eventually he figured it out.
Hope that helps some

Hi A.

I have been having the opposite situation happen with my girls. They will not poop on themselves but think it is okay to go pee in their pants. I think that they think this is okay as they get reward stickers when the go poo on the potty. I have been more aware of them having to go pee now because they are starting to do the shifting from foot to foot dance when they have to go pee. The way that I got them to go poo on the potty was that whenever they got done eating I would let them play for about 10-15 minutes and then would ask them if they got to go poo. They would always say "No", as that is the first word that they learned to say after mommy, but I knew better and would put them on the potty anyway and sure enough they would go poo. We made up a potty dance and a song and we sing it everytime they or I go poo or pee and they enjoy it so much that I think this helps with the potty training thing. So hang in there and make up your own silly song and dance and see if that will help. Also don't forget to praise him and reward him with stickers or whatever, as it will really mean so much to him as he accomplishes this potty training thing.

P.S. They have accidents sometimes still but are doing terrific with the potty training and so will your son.

I understand how frustrating this can be!! My son, who is now 7, was refusing to do it in the potty at age 4 and it drove us crazy!! He would poop on the floor if we didn't give him a diaper, and I sent him to a summer program with a pull-up on because I didn't want him to have an accident. He did end up doing it in the toilet, and I think it just had to be on his terms. The more we tried, the more he resisted. so the best advice I can give is just grit your teeth and he will soon realize what is in his best interest. Hard to do, but it is an area that we cannot control!!
Good luck to you, and know that you are not alone:)

We take care of our grandson. He is almost 3 and is potty trained. We tried and tried after vacation with him (which got us off schedule) and it seemed like we were back to square one. Then we started him in a Daycare where 4 other little boys his age were who were trained. After Day 1 with them, he was trained! I guess after seeing them, he was ready to be a big boy too. Our package of pull-up basically went to waste. Praising is a big thing too! Treats didn't always work for us before either. I don't know what to tell you, mayge big brother can try to take him with him and show him how it's done?

Our oldest LOVED Thomas the tank engine when we wer training him, so I would take away 1 train & put it on top of our upright piano, so he could see it when he went in the pull-up & gave him one back when he went in the potty. On day 10 I was out of trains (I had taken 5 & given back 5)& worried that I wouldn't have any to give back. So I changed the rules a little since he had done so well. So I took away 2 each time he went in the pull-up & only gave one back for going in the potty. I picked which one I took, 'cause he wanted to give me his little brother's favorite train the first time :) & then he picked which one to get back. I remembered which one he wanted back & wouldn't take it back the next time, would the time after that. It worked very well & didn't take that long. I couldn't do the same method for DS#2 because he was always very constipated from 6mos old, so he took a lot longer because needed to stand to get it out.
Good luck

My daughter won't go in the big potty, but she'll go in a training toilet. Have you tried that? The lack of flush makes it safer or something. She's been pooping fine that way until we went on vacation in Florida away from her royal throne. She held it in for days until I bought a cheap one at Wal-Mart. I had it in the hotel for no more than 3 minutes and she had it in the bathroom and went!

Also, try getting the book ZOO POO. That seemed to be a turning point for us when she wouldn't even do it in the little potty.

Oh, mine also needs "pridacy" as she says when she goes. She sits in there alone with books, etc. until she's done.

This wasn't in your post, but are you still using pull-ups on him? If so, try getting rid of those and put him in underwear all the time. With my boys the pull-ups felt too much like a diaper and they HATED the feeling of poop in their underwear.