Potty trained...almost.

What flipped the poo switch for our son was to make a "treasure box" I filled a clear plastic container with a lid with little goodies from the Dollar Store and a few candies. If he was able to poop in the potty he got to pick one prize. By doing that he could also see what was in the box for the next time. That was what finally did the trick with him. He wasn't interested in stickers, charts, etc but a very small reward was enough to tip him over the edge. He was 3 also. We gradually phased out the treasure box as he got better at using the potty.

All I can say from my experience (which was EXACTLY the same!) was that I just had to wait until SHE wanted to do it. I tried everything...bribery, punishment (she had been doing it for several months and then just wouldn't anymore....no reason, she just said she didn't want to stop playing to go, so she got punished), I had her helping clean herself and her underwear up. Nothing worked. She just had to want to do it when she was ready. If I were you, I would try to keep it as positive as possible and do not get upset about it. This was the hardest part for me since I knew she could do it and was just, for whatever reason, not doing it. But, getting upset just upset everyone and it really wasn't worth it in the end.

You can try the incentive route to see if your daughter responds to that, but I just wouldn't push the issue. Remind her of where it goes (dump it from her undies into the potty in front of her) and leave it at that. I did eventually get her to go in the potty a few times (although it was still intermittent), so we made a huge deal out of it and went to the movie store and let her rent a movie (first time she ever did that) and to the ice cream store for a treat. I told her if she kept it up and got lots of stickers on her chart, we would have another adventure. She eventually started to respond to these bigger outings, but I would only do it about once per week or so. We went to the dollar store and let her pick out a toy, etc. That way, she was in control of the potty and the reward. I let her pick (within reason and I gave some choices) so that she could have something to look forward to. This eventually worked, but this was after much suffering, so I would do the best you can and really play it up when she does go in the potty. SO HARD, I know, but I can honestly tell you that all of the crying, yelling, and heartache isn't what changed her behavior and didn't help anything while going through it.

I am humbly telling you that I made some mistakes in this area, so learn from my mistakes and just keep talking to her and trying to help her make good decisions. Hardest part of parenting my daughter so far!

My daughter did exactly the same thing (she's 3 too), and I was really worried about it for a while. My advice: DO NOT turn it into a power struggle. If she's 3, she is all about independence. (and don't go back to diapers either. That would be confusing to her and negate all the progress she's made with pee. I think it would be demoralizing)

With my daughter, she really just needed to be left alone to figure it out on her own time. It was a drag cleaning out poopy underpants, but really she didn't like having poop in her underpants either - I just had to let it go so that it was her OWN thing and not mine. I even quit bribing her after a while. When she needed to poop and I could tell, I would talk to her about options: I offered to help her get to the big potty or the little potty, or she could go by herself, or she could put on a diaper and poop in that, or we could just take her pants off if she wanted. I totally acted like I didn't care one way or the other, and only cared what she wanted. She declined all these options several times and went in her underpants - which I just took in stride: "oh, do you have poop in your underpants? ok, let's get you cleaned up and get you some new ones". Then one day (I think when it had sunk in that it didn't matter to me one way or the other), she decided to try it in the potty. And she's gone in the potty ever since then.

Obviously this problem can be worse if there is discomfort with pooping. My daughter has trouble with constipation, and when she DID start going in the potty, it was when she was having "happy poops, not hard poops" (her words).

She will get tired of pooping in her underpants on her own, if you can just relax enough to let her. Good luck!

a suggestion i got from our pediatrician was that after each meal have her sit on the toilet for 10 minutes, i guess this is when we naturally usually go and it is a good reminder. I know it is easier said than done and I admit I did not try it but maybe you are better at those sort of things than me :)

Stop the potty training immediately and put her back in diapers!!! I know it sounds extreme, but I am speaking from experience. Withholding BM's will cause major problems-- I know because my 8 year old still poops his pants and he can't help it. It's because we pushed potty training (at age 4!) and he wasn't ready. He held in his poop so much that it affected his ability to feel the sensation that he needs to go.
Also, make sure you give her lots of fiber and liquid. Let her decide on her own time when she's ready to poop in the toilet.
Good luck!