Hi Moms,
This is my second time potty training and I remember my daughter doing parts of this but I can't remember it being so challenging.
My son came home at the end of May and said he wanted big boy underpants (a lot of his friends had started the process), he was 34 months, it's now been 6 weeks of taking away diapers, except for the pull-ups at night. He had about 8 or 9 horrible days in the beginning when he just peed in his pants. Now he tells us when he needs to go and knock on wood no pee accidents in 5 weeks.
Here's to my question; he used to poop daily in the morning (mostly). Now he holds his poop in and goes every 3-5 days, he always starts to go in his pants and I catch him and he finishes in the toilet. He've tired awards, candy, yelling and simply talking it out with him. He still continues to go in his pants. The reason why I decided to ask for suggestions is because the other night he started in his pants I cleaned him and put him on the potty and he didn't go more, 30 min later when out to dinner he went again in his pants and my husband lost it and yelled. I cleaned him in the bathroom and he went more in the toilet. The next morning he was with my husband and he just pooped in his underwear. We are getting frustrated because we feel he simply doesn't care or after 6 weeks still doesn't know the feeling. We've tired potty seats, portable potties and the regular toilet.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. We are also moving to a across the country in 2 weeks and I am afraid he is going to regress.
Thank you!
Forget about it for now. Use Pull Ups and still REMIND him to go. If he gets into a routine again of going every morning then take him to try every morning around that time.
If he's in love with the underwear "idea" let him wear them ON TOP OF his pull ups.
I wouldn't fight this battle right now, with the move coming up and dad already having yelled at him once.
No need to be frustrated that he doesn't care when he poops in his pants, remember, he's been doing it for 34 months, this is what he knows! It's also one of the few things in his life he can control, along with eating and sleeping, don't get into a power struggle with him over it.
The is my go-to site of reference for parents with a "poop refuser or holder":
http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm
My guy did somewhat of the same thing so I know what you're going through, he held his poop for up to 6 days at a time and would try to hide when he needed to go, and I was terrified he'd develop encopresis so hit the web to get help and found this site. The site is a great source of information and will take you step by step through the process of getting your son to poop in the potty/toilet. Some of the key advice is backing off and putting the responsibility on your son to use the toilet, he cleans himself and his soiled clothing, having him sit at regular intervals throughout the day and evening, not willy nilly whenever, and using "power incentives." A power incentive is one that you the parent retain ownership of, (because once a child receives a material object the incentive to do what you want them to do is no longer there) while allowing him to earn 30 - 60 minutes of use of it when he goes poop in the potty and not in his pants, whether it be a toy, video game, DVD, etc. This concept literally had my guy running to poop in the potty on his own within a little over a day!
Since you are moving I'm going to recommend you put him in pull-ups (and I truly despise pull-ups and used cloth trainers with covers over them for all my little ones, because they are diapers and don't help a child train, lol, but I respect this is your way of doing things) all the time until about a month after moving. He is possibly rebelling because he's aware of the big change coming up, he IS going to regress and possibly start peeing in his pants as well, make your move an easier transition for everyone and start using the information in the site in about 6 weeks. In the meantime you and your husband take him in the bathroom every time you go so he can see it's a normal thing, and he can learn the fundamentals of pulling his pants up and down, wiping, flushing and washing his hands, all of which are part of the potty training process.
Stay consistent with it once you begin, hopefully in a couple of months he'll be done!
L., accept that he is going to regress when you move. Just put diapers on him again for a while. Tell him that if he can remember to tell you that he needs to go, you'll take off that ol' diaper and he can go to the potty.
He has too much stress on him right now, and that's why he is holding his poop. To be really honest here, THAT'S much worse than him pooping in his pants. You are allowing him to create a lot of physical problems with him holding his poop.
He wasn't ready to toilet train as far as pooping is concerned. His dad yelling at him was inappropriate and has set him up for more problems now. Backpedal now, and don't make your son feel bad about it.
Approach it like this: "Sweetie, I know you want to poop in the potty. But since you are having trouble with it, we're going to put on your diapers again. That way you can start pooping again everyday. When you want to pee in the potty, we'll go to the potty. If you want to poop in the potty, you can do that too. But we're going to wear diapers until you can poop everyday again." And do it.
You'll end up taking him to a pediatric gastroenterologist who will prescribe medicine and you'll have to change his diet, all of that. It's not worth it. A couple of months after you've gotten settled in your new place, I'll bet he'll be ready and things will go much more smoothly.
Tell your husband to shut up about his toileting.
Good luck,
Dawn
My son had this problem too. Our pedi said to have him sit on the toilet the same time everyday and to make it a pressure free as possible. So if that meant putting a pull up back on, then go ahead. He felt it was more dangerous for him to constipate himself than to use a pull up longer. He put it this way, he doesn't have any developmental delays, so I promise he won't go into kindergarten still needing a pull up during the day.
He was right, we kept the pullup on a few months longer and that helped. But my son was also on medications for asthma and allergies that contributed to constipation so we also had to use Miralax to help keep him regular for about 2 years. It was safe and effective.
Stopping him midway is going to lead to constipation as you are finding with him going every 3-5 days. For my son, he poop trained very easily (never had a poop accident) but for some kids, it is much harder. I think you should give him some probiotics to get him to go easier. Then put him on the potty around the time you know he usually goes. Make sure he is sitting down to go pee, sometimes that stimulates the poop and vice versa. Give him an immediate reward if he poops in the potty. You may also want to consider just leaving him alone for the next 2 weeks since preparation for a move can be very stressful and you may be picking up on that.
Boys are slower in this process.
His dad yelling at him is what has set him back.
If someone yells at me, I shut down (and I'm an adult).
From my child development classes, boys take longer, pooping in the toilet takes the longest to train as they feel they are losing a part of themselves down the big hole (toilet).
-Have patience.
-Try again
-Don't yell
-Talk to him about a reward. ("When you go poop in th toilet like a big boy, you will get a toy you get to pick out, a sm candy bar & stickers.)
-Even when he does go poop, he will have some transgressions. It's
natural.
-Also, think about how long it may take your husband to have a bowl movement on the toilet. Men take a little longer.
-Traveling sets a different tone. My sister, to this day, has a hard time having a bm when out of her element, on vacation etc.
Again, patience, time, not losing your cool, working "with" the issue at hand, thinking outside the box (asking ahead of time if he has to go if you can see he might be working on it), toilet seat insert (they can't really go well on the big one...too big & not enough area to hold onto), a reward system, praise when he does go pee in the toilet or finally poop.....even after starting in his underwear, it's hard when you interrupt the process (clean him up, move him to the toilet to finish etc.) try moving him then cleaning up afterwards, don't admonish when he starts in his pants. He doesn't have quite the control over his pooping or knowing when he's going to poop but your husb should have control over his temper.
Best of luck. Hang in there.
My goodness, stop yelling at him and stop feeling frustrated! He's not even 3. You can't make a judgement that he "doesn't care" because it's alien to him. Throw out everything you remember about your daughter because it's really true that boys are different with toilet training.
When my son was 3 1/2 I decided that it was finally time. After school each day I had him bare-bottomed, and he wasn't allowed to watch TV until he pooped. That worked for a while but still my grand plan backfired because then I dealt with horrible constipation for a year.
Personally, I don't think pull ups are worth the money but that's up to you. I just kept my son in diapers until he was ready. And it's really true: he won't be going to kindergarten this September in diapers (despite how much I was convinced otherwise).
Good luck,
B.
I bought a toilet seat that has a real kid sized seat attached that you pull down . It really helps because they can get comfortable and not feel like they are falling in. I bought it at One step ahead I think it's called . It's a mail order book. I have heard they have them at Menards too. You take your real toilet seat off and attach this one. We still have ours on and my twins are 6.I hope this helps:0)
Boys seem to be harder to train to poop in the potty. I remember my eldest sister having trouble with her son. My son was really good. When I noticed he pooped in his pants, he came right to me and ask how can he tell when he has to poop so he can get on the potty right away. I told him to be aware of the "poopoo belly." Sometimes when you have to poop you feel it in your belly like a little pain. (gas pain) It worked and I had no problems.Sometimes it's hard for them to tell when they have to poop, so you need to tell them how to know.
He's not ready. Yelling isn't going to do any of you any good. Boys are a lot harder to potty train than girls for the most part. While my son was pee trained, it took a whole lot longer for the poop to happen. I didn't consider him "potty trained" until both happened. Take away the pressure. Tell him that he needs to go back to pull ups and you'll let him try with his big boy underwear in a month, then see if he's ready. When I finally told my son that everything was okay, we wouldn't be mad, and he could go poop on the potty when he was ready, everything and everyone got calm. Two days later he was fully potty trained.
