Potty-training Advice and Pacifer Issues Advice Needed

I feel for you. I am 33 and have a 4 year old and I am wore out!!! I just threw my daughters paci in the garbage and let her cry it out for a few days. That was when she was 18 months old she is 4 and has since taken up thumb sucking. I guess she showed me!!! I used training underwear and since it is summer this is a great time to just put a dress on her. My babysitter at that time was a veteran and has helped raise over 35 children and this is how she trained them all. I stayed away from pull ups because they are too much like a diaper. This worked for us but we had a lot of accidents before she got the hang of it.

I actually tried to start potty training my daughter at 2 1/2 and she just wasn't interested. I stopped all together and tried about 3 months later (about 2.10 years) and made it more exciting with Princess, Dora and Hello Kitty underwear. The pull-ups actually made the process worse. I also put a sticker chart on the wall next to her little potty, so every time she went pee on the potty she got to put 1 sticker on her chart (and for poo she got 2 stickers). I just picked a day and stayed home most of the day to really work on it.
It has been about 3 weeks since the process and she is doing well. SHe does have the occasional mishap, but that is to be expected. Just stay very positive!
As for the pacifier, we started it gradually. She could only have it in her bed, then one day She and I put them in a brown bag together, said bye-bye to them and she put them in the trash can. The first few naps and bedtimes were hard but after about 3 days, she didn't miss them at all.

This does not sound like a good time to start potty training. She's going through a lot and my own daughter is 33 months and not physically ready. She understand the concept, but her body is not ready to cooperate - doctors say most girls are ready at three and boys at three and a half. Just because diapers don't fit doesn't mean she's ready for the potty. I'm sure there is a brand out there that will fit or go to pull-ups.

G., I know you got lots of responses but I just wanted to say that your little grandaughter might not be ready. With the things going on with her mother she might need the pacifier for the security( making it that she can only use paci for nap and bed could be a first step). And if she is not showing desire to go on the potty, trying to push her will only bring more frustration to everyone(our 3 1/2 year old (wears size 4-5 in clothes)is still in diapers (size 6)at night and they are quite big).My 2 cents:)

OK, first of all, I have to say that 2 1/2 is not THE time the kids should necessarily be out of diapers. My older daughter potty-trained at 2 years and 7 months, but she's extremely smart and many of her friends were still in diapers at that age. So don't stress about it. If she's too big for diapers you may want to take a look at her weight and eating habits before you worry about her using the potty consistently. I am a firm believer that kids will get it when they want to get it, and that all you can do is encourage them to do it, not push or threaten. That said, we bought Elmo's potty time video and used 3 Pez as a reward everytime my daughter tried to go, and 5 Pez if she actually went, and she's never had an accident.
Furthermore, at 2 1/2, my daughter (now 4) was also still using a paci. We had a rule though that it couldn't come out of her bed. If it came out of her bed it went in the trash and we didn't replace it. When she was 3 and 5 months we had a bye-bye paci party and invited her friends over to celebrate that she was going to be a big kid for real now. We had cake and played bye-bye paci Bingo and that night the pace fairy came to take the paci to a baby who needed it and she left a present for my daughter all wrapped up by her bed. For maybe 4 nights my daughter had some trouble staying asleep when she would wake at night looking for her paci, but after that she was fine and has been paci-free ever since.
It can be done with consistency and a lot of effort. Good luck. You and your best friends sound like saints. If I were you I would also encourage your daughter to do her share of parenting, as that's what parents are supposed to do.

I am a mom to four children with another due in July- I am currently potty training my daughter who turned three in Feb. of this year. Your granddaughter is still a little young, in my opinion. I wouldn't worry about it too much. One thing that did help me when I was potty training my older girls was to keep them in panties while we were at the house and only put diapers on them when we went out or when they went to sleep. It helps them to feel when they're wet and realize that they don't like that feeling. Giving them something to drink and then setting the kitchen timer to remind me when to put them on the potty helped as well. I usually timed 30-45 minutes after I gave them a drink.

As far as the pacifier, my girls had theirs until they were three but if you are concerned about it, go through and snip off the tips of the soft mouth piece. (Make sure you get any loose pieces.) This gets rid of the suction and they soon find that it is no fun any more.

L.
mom to dd's 9,7,3,18 months and 1 on the way!

Hi, first of all props to you for jumping in there so willingly for your daughter and grandaughter, That is ALOT of responsibility, not to mention trying to remember everything, with little ones, there is only 2 years between my boys, and I had trouble remembering stuff from just 2 years prior:)let alone my child being grown, and having to remember. As far as the potty training goes, the thing that worked for me was just the repetiveness, noting when I gave drinks and how long til he usally needed his diaper changed. It worked best for my sons starting out to be naked on the bottom half, so he could see what he was spose to hold.lol then once he saw himself pee, it seemed to help him put 2 and 2 togeather to help start the process. Then we got him underwear with his favorite cartoon caractor on them and told him not to pee on scooby doo. And of course accidents happen, when they did we would get real sad and say," oh no, you peed on Scooby." See it didnt bother my son being wet, so we had to find a reason "he cared" about not to have an accident. It helped alot. Main thing, potty training is exausting!!!! Just keep taking her and when she is ready she will have the right path layed out for her and she will take off!
About the Binki, the 1st part takes a little toughness from you. Take it away except nap and bed time. That way she can start doing stuff with out it but still has it to sooth her. Its not a huge shock for her if you ween it slowly. If she is aloud to have it all the time she will see no reason to give it up. One thing that worked for us was the "binki Fairy" After a couple weeks of my son going with out it except bed time, we told him he was such a BIG BOY with no binki! After talking him up when he didnt have the binki and telling him that he was gonna have to give it up when he did have it, that helped him get ready for the big day. On that day, without him I went and got him a bear I knew he would love and got a clear plastic tupper wear bowl and lid, and togeather we went through the house and put all his binki's in there for the binki fairy to give to babies, and she would give him his new BIG BOY pesent to sleep with. I told him to say bye and that I would bring back his BIG BOY present. Went to the kitchen and made the switch. When he wined that night I just encouraged him as a big boy and that the baby's had the binki's. Then 2 weeks later we was in the store and saw a baby that had a binki like his and I told him that it was his and that baby was happy because of his binki present. Its corky I know, but it worked with out huge fits! (Biggest thing, no matter how you get rid of it, get them out of the house so you have no moments of weakness to give in and let her have it. when you say its gone, throw it away! So its really gone.)
Best of luck to you hope this helps!

Ps please dont think I am crossing the line but it sounds like you need to toughen up a little on your daughter. Helping out when shes sick is one thing, With having health problems she needs to take all the chances when she's well to be a MOM to her daughter and let you be the grandma, and not milk it any. And as her Mom if you see its laziness you need to call her on it! She may get upset, but that better then her missing out on her own little one durring the chances, when she's well. Again I hope I didnt cross a line, I am just a very straight up person. Best of luck to you, and I hope she gets better:) I'll be praying.

I would only potty train her if you see the signs that she needs potty trained. Such as staying dry during the night, if she's telling you that she is uncomfortable in her diaper when it's wet. When I new my son was ready, he would rip his diaper off everytime it got wet. As far as the pacifier, take it away during the day and only use it for naps or night time. Then you could gradually take it away during naps. Let me tell you if she's sleepy enough, she'll fall asleep. I hope any of this helped.

since your granddaughter isn't quite 3 I would say just wait. Ever heard of potty training in a day? But you do it at age 3 with a pottying little doll like "Kelly" and her potty. There is actually a book! HA!
As far as the pacifier just have your granddaughter throw it out the car window. She will see it is gone-know it is gone and you won't have one to rely on. Kids get over this very quickly. Or just throw them all away and tell her when she asks they are all gone. I find I am the one who has trouble giving up the pacifier. It is too convient to quiet them! HA!
M. mother of 4-elementary teacher.

As far as pacifer's go...when my son was 2 the dog bit off half the pacifer. Obviously, there was not enough to suck on. Then with my daughter I just cut it off a little more than half way and said the dog must have bit it off and that was it. They both held the paci in their hands for another week or two and then we threw them away. Also, there is another way...Put them in a box for the Paci Fairy to take them to new babies who need pacifers. You can actually mail it (have your neighbor remove it from your box) or put it by their bed and the fairy picks it up while they are sleeping.
Hope everything works out!

sounds like shes going through alot at 2. i would not push these issues at all right now. the potty training you could work with her but the paci is such a comfort for her. as for the potty training put her on the potty every hour and if see pees give her a tootsie roll or other little candy. if she poops give her a toy (we wen to the dollar store and filled a basket so she could pick when she pooped). but i wouldnt expect much ive seen kids going through times like this and its almost impossible to get them to potty train or give up something very dear to them. good luck

she is only two, and she may not be ready to potty train yet. what signs has she shown that she is ready? does she stay dry for an extended period of time, or at night? can she tell you before she goes or give you some indication that she is about to go? can she pull her own pants down and sit on the potty herself? if not, she may not be ready. for the pacies, this is what worked for us: at 2 1/2 we told our daughter that the paci fairy was coming to take all of the pacies for the babies around the world. we packed them all up in a box, and wrapped them in fancy paper, and a bow. we put them on the porch before bed, and in the morning the pacis were gone, and their was a new baby doll in its place.

Potty Training 1-2-3-- great book-- thin and easy to read-- great method. I would recommend you all use it and all do the same thing. You can probably check it out of the library.

Mel

Hi G., re: potty training, your daughter is at the right age to potty train. I have one the same age that we are working on right now, but it is my third. First step we take is to start wearing panties - at home only. I put a little footstool in front of the big potty to make it easy and fun to get up there. Expect accidents! They have to learn that peepee makes a mess. Poo too. She will want to avoid messes quickly, but you can also help by prompting her to go or placing her on the potty intermittently. Just disregard the possibility of using diapers at home and after a few days of messes and a few slips after, she will be trained. You can then move into outings when you feel confident that she doesn't want to go in her panties anymore. It's a process.

RE: paci, when my first daughter turned 3, I decided I had let it go long enough. I explained to her that, at age (fill in the blank), all children sent their paci's to the hospital for the new babies. If the babies didn't get paci's from children, they wouldn't have paci's when they were born (act sad right here). She hesitantly listened but wasn't very happy about it. We even drove up to the hospital and I 'ran it in' to the new babies to show her we were telling the truth. It was rocky for about a week, but she accepted the story and had (some) compassion for the little babies. It was much more humane that just taking it away.

hope this helps... S.

I can see where you are coming from with the childcare. I moved in with my parents when I was pregnant with my 2nd and 3rd child because of preterm labor and strict bedrest, So I needed their help, but I still took part in raising my kids from what I can do from the bed (read stories, cuddle, teaching right from wrong, etc.

First of all you need to have a talk with your daughter and remind her that she is responsible for this little girl and she needs to start helping raise her. If she is incapable of helping you need to seek custody so you can take care of her (medically, financially, etc.) With that said...

1. Potty training. Everyone has to be involved. Start by taking her every hour. set a timer. That will teach her the motions. I would also only use pullups at night. Yeah, it gets messy but it works. Find a reward for your granddaughter that she likes (cheap) cookie, M&M, stickers, or just kisses. Every kid is different. Stickers work for most you can put a potty chart in the bathroom for her to see and every time she peepees on the potty she gets a sticker, every time she poopoos she gets a big sticker.

2. With the pacifier: I would tell her that it is time to give the pacifiers to the pacifier fairy so she can take it to the new babies at the hospital. Round up ALL the pacifiers, put it outside in a unique place (hang from a tree, by a rose bush, etc. Then in the morning there is a big girl toy, sippy cup, etc. (you get the drift)

Good Luck Grandma, enjoy her while she is little!

Both my girls kept their pacifiers until they were about 3 1/2 but we did make rules as to when they could have them..like only in the car or only when in bed...just remember she wont start kindergarten with it in her mouth...much better than a thumb that cant be taken away..also as for potty training..candy rewards work well but if she isnt ready it wont happen...i teach 2 year old preschool and we did have them all potty trained at the end of the year by just making rewards fun..also remember though...do not try to do both at the same time...i would recommend doing one or the other..i think potty training is easier than getting rid of the passy..

She is still young. And it sounds like her little life has been turned upside down. I would not push either issue right now, as she may rebel, especially with her mom sick & new living arrangements, there is enough in her life she has no control over.

My Daughter is about to turn 3. She is addicted to her pacifier. We are introducing ground rules, such as, no passy at the table for meal times (maybe have a special basket she can put them in?), remove passy to speak, no passy at the playground, etc. She has shown that she is slowly letting go on her own, so I let progress be progress & don't give her a hard time about it beyond the basic rules.

As for the potty, most kids get to it in their own time. Some earlier some later. I'd let it go for a while. One day in the future, take her shopping and let her choose big girl underpants that she can wear when she is ready. If they are in the house, she will be thinking about them & what it takes to get to wear them.

My experience, guidance is good, control leads to rebellion & doesn't work well for anyone. Take a deep breath, and remember she will be potty trained & passy free before she goes to collage!

Good luck

Are your daughter's health issues temporary? If so, what will she do when she's better? Is she depressed? Might you be enabling her by doing everything even if she could/should do it? (Rhetorical questions just for you to think about.)

Anyway, if the little girl finds that she gets lots of attention concerning 'pottying' (negative OR positive), she may use it just to have time with an adult. Just take her when you go to the bathroom (and go often! Ha!) & have her to sit there like you do. When she hears you peeing, say 'can you make it rattle (or 'make it tinkle') too?' , and don't make any deal about it unless she does use it (to which you sing her praises, "Good girl!" and clap your hands). If she doesn't 'go', just pull your pants up, put her diaper back on and go your merry way with no comment. She'll get it.

As for the pacifier, only give it to her when she asks nicely for it. Otherwise keep it put up somewhere. Usually a baby goes through a stage (usually about one year old) that they are so interested in everything else it's easy to take bottles and pacifiers away. If it's NOT taken away during that time, it seems that they get RE-attached to it and it's harder to 'break' them of it. I'm also 50, and our youngest is just 'flying the coop' (and leaving us with an empty nest) this weekend. (*sigh*) Anyway, I read everything I could get my hands on about childrearing when they were all (4) little. She was our only thumb-sucker. If the others had done it, I'd have been mortified, but with the 4th one, you're a little more 'laid back' (LOL) I'd read, though, that if a child has a 'security item' (blanket, stuffed animal, bottle, pacifier, thumb, etc) which makes them feel 'warm and fuzzy', and you're trying to take away that one item, it simply makes them feel INSECURE and MORE dependent on it. Again, don't make a fuss about it. Maybe set rules that she can have it after meals and/or when she's going to sleep and stick to your rules!! My mom (who's been in heaven for nearly 10 years) gave me the best parenting advice I've ever heard in one sentence: "Don't say anything to a child unless you MEAN it." Hope this serves you well, also.

God bless, and may your daughter regain good health (mental and physical)!

P.S. I read some of your other responses. I'd never heard of the 'Paci-Fairy' or that other babies need the pacifiers, but that's cute! LOL Guess I'm just old fashioned and overly practical!

Oh, and if you decide to use training panties, don't put plastic pants over them or else they can't feel the 'cool/wet' sensation. I was way into adulthood and parenting when I finally read that the coolness is from evaporation (which DOESN'T happen with plastic over-pants. Like, DUH! LOL I'd just never thought about it.)

I don't know what you have already tried, but let me tell you what has worked for me. I am potty-training my daughter who is almost 3. First of all, she didn't show me that SHE was read to potty-train until she was about 2 years and 8 months old. First I told her we were going to learn to pee pee & poo poo on the potty like mommy does. Then, I would set my kitchen timer for every 1/2 hour. Every time it went off I took her to try to pee pee or poo poo (talk her through it every time). I told her that every every time she pees or poos on the potty she would get a piece of candy (marshmallows work, too). In the beginning, she would pee, but still poo in her diaper. I would lightly scold her for the poo, but soon she would poo on the potty, too. MAKE SURE YOU CHEER LOUDLY WHEN SHE PEES OR POOS EVERY TIME INVOLVING THE WHOLE HOUSE!!!!! As situations changed, I would change the candy prizes. She would get ONE pices of candy for pee pee and TWO pieces of candy for poo and also if she had a dry diaper through the night or after a nap!! Well, I hope this helps. Just remember to constantly talk to her. ALWAYS CHEER FOR EVERY LITTLE VICTORY!! Good luck.

As for the pacifier, my son was 6 months old when he sucked a hole in HIS. It took me 2 weeks to find another just like it. By that time, he was over it. So, I'm guess, if you just get rid of it, you'll have 1 1/2 weeks of miserable nights but she'll get over it. SUPER NANNY would tell you to talk to her about the pacifier fairy. That there is a little baby that needs it and she can send it with the pacifier fairy. You actually have her put it in an envelope, address it, and put it in the mail. Later, you put a special little prize in another envelope (from the fairy)and have her get it out of the mail.
Please feel blessed that she is "addicted" to the pacifier. My daughter sucks her thumb and just can get rid of THAT!! LOL Again, good luck!!