Possible 6 Year Old ADD??? Frustrated...

Updated on February 07, 2013
D.O. asks from Buffalo, NY
12 answers

Hi,
My daughter is having some issues at school, she is a smart little girl who knows the material but is a daydreamer who has a hard time sitting still and holding attention, she needs frequent reminders to stay on track and finish her work, however her teachers constantly tell me how sweet and loving she is. She goes to OT for her handwriting which has drastically improved. Last week was a bad week, she got a "red day" ( Best behavior is green then yellow 5 yellow 10 and red) and 3 yellow-10 days her teacher is very good but very regimented and I do get my fair share of notes and emails about my daughter and her lack of attention but I have spoken to other mothers in the class who say they have received the same feedback This week we set a goal for her, if she got 5 green days we would have lunch at school with her Friday, she has had greens the last 3 days. So I know she can do this when she applies herself. The school had a SST committee meeting today and her teacher brought my daughters situation up at the meeting to try to brainstorm ways to help her. The team has suggested we get her tested for ADD with first an evaluation with our physician and is going to have the school psych sit in on the class as well as do one on one screenings with her. I burst into tears today thinking about someone sitting on a corner and watching my baby and writing down everything that they think is wrong with her. What I was surprised to find out was because this is not an “academic or learning “ issue there are no programs or resources to help her whether she has the ADD or just needing extra help focusing it is something to be handled at home and with a physician, the teacher kept saying that past students have had medication and have had great success, I am torn because I want to make school something my daughter enjoys and excels at. I do not want to medicate her as I have heard horror stories. I know there are MUCH worse situations we could be in I'm just not sure what the right course of action is. I almost wish we had a charter school in our area that would have a more free thinking way of teaching instead of automatically putting labels on these young kids. We have an appt with our ped next week and we will just go from there. Sorry I’m a little frazzled and needed to vent.. I just think she is a great kid with a remarkable spirit and I hate that anyone tells me different, but I’m her mom so I’m a little biased I guess. Rough day…

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

My son is on the spectrum and has sensory issues - he's a seeker and couldn't sit still. They got him a sensory band - it's like a giant rubber band that goes around the front legs of his chair. He's able to push, bounce his leg on that. From what I've heard, it helps a lot. He also get's movement breaks and does things for the teacher to keep him moving and channel his need for stimulation. Don't know if this applies, but some schools really think outside the box and do what they can for the kiddos who need a little tweaking of routine to succeed.

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J.O.

answers from Detroit on

I hear you! My child is usually on yellow, sometimes green. Has troubling staying on task at age 6. Well, if you ask me a 6-year-old needs a LOT of time to run and play, and the way schools are run do not meet the developmental needs of kids. Some kids are docile enough that they are not a "problem." If I had a different option of schooling (way less structured at this age) I'd do it. But we have what we have.

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

Is it possible that your daughter is BORED? Is she just high-energy? Is she a little younger than the other kids in her class? Sitting still for an ENTIRE DAY is a lot to ask of some 6-year olds.

I get angry when I see that ADD or ADHD is being brought up when kids are just being kids. ADD and ADHD are very specific disorders and it's much more than not being able to sit still.

My daughter was supposed to be tested for ADHD in first grade because she couldn't stay on track, she was disruptive and didn't sit still. We yanked her out of public school (not that that should be YOUR solution, but it was ours) and she is doing JUST FINE. Her birthday is in July, so she was a lot younger than the other kids in her class and she just wasn't mentally ready for first grade. She would get bored, or she didn't "want" to do the work, so she would goof off. If you gave her the right incentive or discipline, then she could do it if she wanted to. She just didn't want to...yet.

An ADD or ADHD child usually can't behave, because they physically CAN'T. They also tend to have other issues, sometimes sensory, OCD, etc. When I see an ADD/ADHD child compared to a child that can't or won't behave/pay attention/follow through there is a BIG difference that I can see.

I also distinctly remember getting in lots of trouble for the same things in first grade, but I was bored because I was gifted. When you understand something the first time a teacher says it, it's hard to sit through it while the teacher explains slowly for the rest of the class. I was also high-energy. Fortunately for me, my pediatrician told my mom to get me more challenging schoolwork and sign me up for gymnastics :)

Hopefully your school psych knows what she's doing. I don't put a lot of stock in school psychs--but that's just me.

Now that I'm part of a homeschool community, I'm glad we can celebrate our children's spirit. We don't make them sit down and shut up to learn. They learn at their own pace, in a way that make sense to them. Some kids need frequent breaks. Some kids learn through doing. Some kids need high-energy lessons.

There are also other things you can do like eliminate artificial dyes and high fructose corn syrup. My daughter concentrates better if she doesn't have those things. She is a "normal" 11-year old who can concentrate, follow through on projects, etc. She needed a little extra help learning how to organize her thoughts--hey, not everyone is born knowing how to do that!

Good luck to you!

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K.D.

answers from Jacksonville on

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD just before her 7th birthday. She is primarily inattentive and sounds a lot like your daughter. ADD is not an academic or learning issue, but it IS covered by the Americans With Diabailities Act, so of she has it, she can get accommodations like extra test time, organizational help, etc. Medication is a personal choice, but for my daughter it has been a Godsend. She went from not being able to focus and complete ANY classwork to being an A/B honor roll student reading a year ahead of her grade level. Even if she has ADHD, that doesn't make her any less of a great kid with a great spirit. If ADHD contributes to what makes my daughter's personality the way it is, then I'm thankful for her ADHD because she's one awesome kid!

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C..

answers from Columbia on

I would encourage you to change your perception a bit. Think of it not that they are *writing down everything that they think is wrong with her* but instead that they are taking notes on how your daughter's brain works.... so they can begin to develop ways for her to be successful.

There is nothing "wrong" with a kid who has ADHD (or is gifted, or is learning disabled, or is mentally ill). They just have an established pattern of the way that their brain works. So, the point of the evaluation is to figure out how her brain is working so that they can begin to put some coping strategies in place to help her engage in a well-rounded manner in order to be successful with mainstream expectations. It's NOT to figure out what's wrong with her.

I would highly suggest looking at a Montessori school though, if you have one and if you can afford the tuition. Montessori is geared toward individual learning plans, so that may help.

I'm not sure what horror stories you have heard about medicating someone with ADHD, but I would offer a few thoughts.
1. In my experience medication is not successful when one (or both) of the parents are NOT ON BOARD with medication, but feel "forced" to give the meds. So what happens is the medication is not given consistently or given an opportunity to work. In order for medication to be successful you really have to work with your child and the doctor. There are MANY different medications and dosing.... it's not that you just take the first prescription and never change. Medications should be fluid..... and geared toward whatever the child's needs are at the time.

2. Medications are nothing more than a "tool". They aren't magic and they don't fix everything. However they can be extremely helpful and provide a boost of that will then allow your daughter to develop some strategies that she might not be able to develop without the meds. Think about it like Pain Medication. You hurt your knee. You need physical therapy. You SHOULD take a bit of pain medication so that you are more easily able to work your knee into shape. If the pain is bad enough that you don't have the right range of motion....... you aren't able to work the muscles correctly. So..... take the pain meds and it allows you to do the work. Without the pain medications it will take you longer to recover because you can't do everything that is required to get back on track.

I would definitely do the evaluation. Take this as a great way to determine what your daughter's needs are... because only when you know how her brain works can you begin to interact with her in the most effective way.

Good Luck.

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L.H.

answers from New York on

Don't just get her tested for ADD/ADHD. Get her tested for being gifted too. Gifted children often get bored with school work and lectures that are too easy or not challenging enough for them. Does she pick new ideas/concepts up quickly? That's a clue right there. You mentioned she's smart, but how smart? Get her tested for being gifted. It couldn't hurt. I remember zoning out in class and drawing pictures in my notebook until I heard a word a didn't recognize.Then I'd pay attention until it got boring again. I was good at covering it up though. I could be looking straight at the teacher, but not really paying attention at the same time and she'd think I was. School was boring. If she does have ADD, then try enrolling her in something that requires concentration like kung fu, yoga, ballet, gymnastics, a musical instrument, art, etc. You mention colors to represent how her day is going...Sounds like catholic school. My son goes to catholic school and they did that there when he was in the elementary. They are a lot stricter there than in public school. You might want to try ways to give her a set time to burn off her energy. She could just simply have a lot of energy stored up. Have a mommy daughter dance session everyday after super.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

ADHD is "just" different. Not wrong. Its a different way of processing & storing information. As many benefits (if not more), come along with ADHD as drawbacks. Multidimensional thinking, sensory awareness, creativity, etc. Along with other neutral to negative facets (giftedness: normal, highly, profoundly, SPD, etc.).

Being ADHD does NOT mean she's not a great kid with a remarkable spirt. In fact, it may be as much of the "cause" of that, as anything. ADHD is the name for a neurological phenomenon, which is often phenomenal.

It just comes along with a few drawbacks. Like not being able to pay attention to boring things, and making cognitive leaps that non-gifted folk don't get, and misplacing things, etc.

Trade off is TOTALLY worth it.

For useful tips/tricks... Check out www.additudemag.com

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B.S.

answers from Lansing on

If indeed she does need help, its not the worse thing in the world. And there are medications that don't include horror stories.

My nephew was very much like your daughter, had a hard time focusing and disorganized. Finally, towards the end of 2nd grade, my SIL decided to call the pediatrician where it was then determined he had an attention problem and needed help. He is now on medication that does not have to be given regularly. He takes it on school days only. It has made a world of a difference. He focuses and is more organized. His teacher even noticed it almost right away. He is still the same fun loving kid but now just has more focus at school. I personally can't tell the difference between before and now, but he is doing MUCH better at school. (Now in 4th grade)

So keep an open mind and let be what be. Realize that if she does need help it does not have to be a bad thing. Also there is lots of information out there claiming the negative things that can happen if your child goes untreated. So keep that in mind too.....

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

How is she at home? My daughter was like this in 1st grade as well. But it was different at school vs home and that is one of the clues. ADD or ADHD does not differentiate by location. The problem if you can call it that lasted until the start of 4th grade. At the start of every year we would tell the teacher what had worked in the past. She sat near the front so the teacher could tap her desk if needed when she was talking about something. We worked with the teacher each year to find the best place to put her in the class physically. 4th grade teacher said she did not see why we even had any issues. She never had that problem again though we did still have to write things out for her especially in math so she could see how it was solved rather than told how. I had her tested for ADD/ADHD when she was 4 and again at 7. Both times, we never even finished the testing because it was just coming out no. My daughter does have a strong personality though and is a creative thinker. She needs to see things to be able to really pay attn to them. When it is just talking, she would zoom out. But we realized that when it was with writing and drawing or pictures, she was always on top of it. She is currently an awesome artist, works on animation on her Ipod and a straight A student. She also takes things very personally and can get emotional over things easily. And she is a very visual person. She will be in high school next year and was recommended to take AP classes that will be offered to freshman for the first time.

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M.D.

answers from New York on

I hear you!!! I feel like I could have written much of your post... Good luck.

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S.J.

answers from Buffalo on

Dear Michelle,
Your story brought back memories for me. I thought I would share a little of my experience and hope that it helps. My daughter was always a daydreamer. She was often looking out the window or distracted by other kids. I had her in a special French Immersion program which meant that her classes were all in French but by the time she made it to grade four she'd have 50% English classes/ 50% French classes.

At the end of grade one, the principal of her school called me in for a meeting. He told me that if I didn't pull her out of the special program and put her into the English program, they wouldn't promote her to grade two. I inquired further, and found out that what would happen is that she would be placed in grade two but the words on her report card would say "transferred", not "promoted". My argument was that if she was daydreaming in French class, chances are she'd also daydream in the English class. My little girl never passed grade one. She was "transferred" into grade two. My daughter is now twenty seven years old. She now speaks three languages.

We never went the route of medication and I am not a doctor so I am in no position to tell you what is the right thing to do. I can only tell you that many children learn in many very different ways. My daughter became an incredible artist. She always had academic problems and this may never change for you. We tried tutoring, private schools, and much more. She attended camp in Quebec every summer where the other kids spoke only French. When I noticed she was drawing amazing portraits of passengers sitting on a train, I found her art classes.

You may never find teachers at school who can really identify her strengths and teach to her strengths. Their classes are way too crowded and the workload is overwhelming. You may have to notice your child's strengths yourself and find activities you can do at home that will build on these strengths. You might want to watch her diet too. How much sugar is she consuming and how many processed foods? Does she have any food allergies? Even to food coloring? Did you get her eyesight and hearing checked?

I wish you luck. In my daughter's case (after the grade one incident) I ended up pulling her from that school and putting her in another elementary school with the same program. The second school however, had a teaching assistant in the class and offered Special Education support.

One summer camp that I found, was not only in Quebec and French, but it was known for its theatre course where kids would memorize scripts and then perform in plays. If you can think outside of the box and plan educational experiences for your child when she is not in school, it will make a world of difference. Good luck!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

One thing I would ask her pediatrician is about sleep apnea. My friend's DD had sleep apnea and then exhibited ADD like symptoms.

And while medication does work for many children, it's also over prescribed. I would get a couple of opinions.

And the flip side is unmedicated ADD can be a problem, too. My nephew did not want to be labeled and he self medicated with drugs and alcohol as an adult and has had problems that stem from that.

So start with the evals and go from there. And do you know the other kids? If half the class is getting these notes, is it the kids in the class or the teacher? I would wonder if several other parents were saying the same thing.

My SD was bright and bored. She was not ADD or ADHD. We had to work with her on appropriate school behavior. I suspect similar will be required of DD, who daydreams and likes to tell stories.

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