Plz Help on Hard Pregnancies.

I don't know why this happens to you, but I'm very sorry that it has and does. I had every "normal" symptom known to the doctor without actually having anything wrong. Pregnancy was such an ordeal that I stopped at 2, and would love a 3rd, but dread being so sick and incapacitated for 10 months, plus the c-section recovery.

I think that you might have a lot of problems from getting fixed, you should look up tubal ligation syndrome, and then have your husband get fixed if you really are done. It sounds like you might need to be for your safety and that of your family. A mommy is more important than another sibling in the long run. But, I can't decide for you or tell you what to do.

I will say that I wish you the best, and hope that you find some peace and answers.

Doctors can say WHAT is happening.
They can usually figure out HOW (not always)
But "why" isn't in their province.

Why are some women fertile Myrtle's, and others struggle for even one viable pregnancy? Why do some women have easy / amazing pregnancies, and others are sick & miserable? Why do some women have multiples, while others have vanishing twins?

There's rarely an answer.

I have super hard pregnancies, and miscarry most of the time. We know why that's happening/ aka "how" (my placentas start ripping away because they grow to big)... But we don't know WHY that happens to M., nor why they grow so big (nothing to be done). Just that it does. It took a gazillion miscarriages to figure out how it was happening. So we CAN treat it, now that we know how. But they'll never be able to say why M..

Maybe some day, they'll learn how it happens and be able to correct it. But science hasn't gotten far enough to know that "how", yet. (And there are 2 "how's" involved. How it happens and How to stop it from happening. We know how sex is decided, but we can't choose sex. We know how cancer works. But we don't know how to stop it.

What I'm hearing is a similar thing for you.

They know what's going on, but they don't know how its happening, nor how to stop it from happening. Just how to treat it after its happened (medication & surgery).

Maybe by the time your daughters are grown, they'll know. Or their daughters. Or theirs.

Until then, though, all they have to work with is what they know.

If being pregnant puts your life on the line
or
if miscarriage(s) will be tough on you emotionally
then maybe it might be best if you stop having more kids.
You have kids to raise who need their mother and your husband needs you too.
Of course - your husband could get fixed instead of you.
It's easier and a less complicated procedure for men.
My girlfriends mother (Catholic) almost died giving birth to her 7th child.
It was very touch and go.
She had her tubes tied before she left the hospital.
Her husband didn't talk to her for 3 days, but then figured her life was worth more than having more kids.

i wonder if the nurse was just giving you her medical opinion - maybe not what you want to hear or not in the kindest way, but to M., i can see her point.

you don't mention how many children you want to have. i've read a couple of questions and you don't mention this. i am finding it hard to answer (as a one-and-doner :)) because to M., after 4 children, it would be a no brainer. pregnancy sounds dangerous to you - and very dangerous for your babies. that would scare M. - a LOT. especially if i had 4 healthy little miracles already.

but i am sorry that you have these issues. gosh i can just imagine the medical bills, not to mention the emotional toll it must take on you and your husband. if not having your tubes tied, why not just take the pill? i have been on it for 6 years and have never had a problem with it. i take it with my daily multivitamin and it's no hassle at all. just a thought.

I had a friend who had to go through hell to get her babies to stay in till 30 weeks. She had two and then her husband had a vasectomy. Will your husband get "fixed"?

Pregnancy is tough on a body. High risk pregnancies (IMO) are even tougher emotionally.
Sounds like you have a large family.
I didn't want to get "fixed" either. I have two children (three high risk pregnancies) and he has two. I thought we may want to have one more. I've had the five year mirenia IUD for almost three years. I think I may have the tubal ligation after my five years is up-but still have two years to decide.
Don't let the rude Nurse bother you. Your body, your decision. It really wasn't her business.