Please Tell Me There's Light at the End of the Tunnel...

Updated on January 11, 2012
R.D. asks from Richmond, VA
21 answers

My 2 year old son is going through speech therapy. He has the vocabulary of a 12 month old. He was born tongue tied, his frenulum was clipped, but his tongue still doesn't work to form words the way it should. We're working on all this. With sign language, it's getting a little better, but today he keeps saying 'ah-yah-yah', some very precise, 3 syllable something or other, AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS. He's in tears, frustrated, and I'm almost in tears, frustrated, because we can't communicate.

I just want to be able to understand my son.

I'm trying to be patient, but this is hard, so hard, not being able to communicate. He understands ME, I can't hardly understand him (although I understand him better than anyone else). Days like this make us both just SO miserable.

So for you moms (and dads) of late talkers, how did you manage?! What kept you going, kept you positive, while you were struggling to communicate with each other? When your kiddo finally started speaking, was it a gradual change, or was it like someone flipped a switch in your child and they just started spouting words like crazy?

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So What Happened?

It's not banana, he can say 'nana' for banana... [scratches head and thinks some more]...

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

It does get better, I promise.

Ask him to show you what he wants or ask him to draw it for you. It has to be a word or phrase that he knows and/or object that's in the house and/or something he's familiar with.

A book? A toy? An action? A character? Something will click because if he can say ""nana" for banana, then "ah ya ya" is probably close to what he's trying to say. Maybe he's stressing the wrong syllable. "AH ya ya" "ah YA ya." "ah ya YA."

Play with it. Make it a game.

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A.M.

answers from Phoenix on

I used to ask my kids to "Show me?" They would take me to the toaster or outside even to show me that they wanted to swing, or go for a walk or even take me to the garage to get bikes out. "Show me," allows them to feel like they can communicate better without the frustration of not understanding each other.

Hang in there!

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J.B.

answers from Louisville on

I did not talk until I was four years old... Had to go through a lot of speech therapy where they would put me in front of a mirror and use their fingers to help me put my mouth in the right shape... My mother made a picture book with me. We cut out pictures from magazines and glued them to the pages. I could practice trying to say the words, but I could also point to the thing I wanted. There were pictures for nouns and for verbs and emotions. That was in the 60's before computers. Also remember not knowing I was not speaking clearly and wondering why I was so misundetstood. The speecjh therapist taped me and played it back to me so I could hear what I sounded like... To this day I hate to hear myself speak on tape, but it gave me the feedback that prompted me to want to learn to talk clearly.

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M.M.

answers from Oklahoma City on

my daughter couldnt speak well do to ear infections and not hearing our words so i understand your frustration to some extent i decided if i couldnt understand her the second time she said it i took her by the hand and asked her to show momma what she wanted . i also have taught her sign language but she doenst know everything in sign. so she would show me and as she took me along i would ask based on where we were going do you want something from the fridge? do you want a toy from your room. speak slowly and clearly show him to say yes in sign language and no or simply shaking of the head in yes or no. then say ok what about and continue asking slowly once again based on what direction you are going. it is very frustrating to not understand. but take it an item at a time and you will find out what that is meant for. WHEN you do say ok sweetheart what you are calling ( his phrase) is calle (whatever he is asking for) say it a few times very slowly let your child see the formation it takes for your mouth to produce the words and remember nothing happens over night but in time things do get better

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P.B.

answers from Austin on

My daughter did not speak much at all, maybe 10 words when she was tested at age 2 (or 2-1/2). She had had tubes down her nose/throat due to gastroschisis (intestines on outside) at birth and all the complications resulting.

It affected her ability/willingness to eat + talk. She qualified for free speech class through public school at age 3. It was a lifesaver because when she learned to speak, she also learned to eat (she had occupational therapy at home for that).

They used the picture cards, mentioned by Janet, below. The cards come home as homework.

As far as I can remember, it was gradual. Since I had planned to teach her to read (before I knew she would have this disability), I bought her phonics books -- the books also served to distract her while feeding (which took 5 hours/day at times!).

It all came together when she was 3-1/2. I think I managed because we only had communication problems when she was (finally) hungry & would whine instead of say words. "Mook" was milk, finally.....

Best of luck to you! I've been there!

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M.G.

answers from Seattle on

As a mom to a nonverbal 5 year old I feel your pain. My son does not sign more than two signs. However, what I found out worked for us at that age(and now)is to use Picture Exchange Communication System(PECS.) There is a notebook that he has that holds all sorts of PECS for communicating on a plethora of issues. The PECS can be found online and all you do is print them out, laminate them if you desire, and use Velcro to adhere each PEC to a notebook, board, or perhaps a schedule. This helped greatly in bridging the gap a bit more. Best of luck!

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

With Tommy I was lucky because he was a monkey boy, if he wanted it he would figure out how to get it. Funny thing with him he went from less than a 12 month old vocabulary to a full vocabulary by the time he was three. It was like once he figured it out there was no stopping him.

Andy was a lot harder. He was nearly six before his vocabulary caught up with his age.

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3.B.

answers from Huntington on

:( Sorry! My first two were excellent talkers, my youngest who is 16 months barely says anything. He SCREAMS alot, and throws things at me lol He ped says he's fine, but I can tell he knows what he WANTS to say most of the time, he just can't. And he was blessed w/ my maternal grandfathers side of a hot temper :)

Hang in there, I nannied for a kid who was in speech therapy at 2.5, when I got him he was a little over three and WOW you'd never know. That kid could talk your ear off! And very very smart. his mom said it was like one day language clicked and he never shut up lol

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M.L.

answers from Chicago on

It will get better! When my son was a newborn I thought about the day I'd be able to tuck him in at night and he'd tell me stories about his day.....well, I kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting.....At 16 months he was evaluated and started speech and developmental therapy. For 6 months I saw NO change and started thinking it was pointless. When he was about 2.5 all of a sudden it was as if a switched turned on.....my son is now 5 and is very articulate. It will get better - I promise.

We had meltdowns like crazy due to the lack of communication - we used some sign language - that helped. Since your son can understand you maybe work on him showing you what he needs while he's working on using his words.

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✤.J.

answers from Dover on

I 2nd the 'banana' suggestion. My daughter didn't have any medical issues with speaking, she just chose not to until she was about 2 1/2. (She's been kind of a devilish little monster since birth). When she did decide to grace us with speech, it was full sentences. We've never figured out why, I think it was just to be a little stinker.

ETA--I just remembered one time when my son was maybe 2 years old after picking him up from daycare & getting home he kept saying what sounded like "Puck-a-weeze" over & over & over again. I had absolutely no idea what it meant & he was frustrated & I was frustrated just like you were saying. He went to bed that night mad at me because I'd never figured out what he was trying to say. The next morning I put on the Disney channel for him while I went to get dressed & he came to get me from my room to show me that "Puck-a-weeze" was on TV. He was trying to say Hercules. Oy!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Maybe 'I love you'?

Can he draw a picture? If he's learning sign language, could he maybe spell a few of the letters?

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A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Could it be 'banana'?

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

& you're feeling stupid, because you can't understand him. Hard to take as a parent! Hugs to you.

Soooo, you are doing everything possible to work thru this. Here's my idea: when you are feeling frustrated, light a candle....say a prayer....& then go & hug your child. This method will allow you to accept that the conditions are not ideal, but will allow you to embrace/accept your child as he is...without the angst you are feeling.

In each speech case I've encountered, it's about 50/50 on whether it was gradual or a switch flipped..... You're doing a great job, R.. I always enjoy your posts & your responses. You have your hands full & your love for your children is always apparent! :)

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Hugs! My son had a pretty mild speech issue in the world of speech issues, but he was/is a late talker as well. He started getting services right before his 2nd birthday but he just graduated from his program a mere 2-2.5 months later! So yes, there is hope!!

I remember very clearly those times when he would be saying something very specific and he knew exactly what he was saying but I had no clue! I still have days like this to be honest! Anyway, it sucks. I don't have much advice on how to get through those days except keep trying. Keep adding more signs or trying to figure it out. I always felt so frustrated (and truthfully kind of stupid) when he would say something and everyone would always look to me to translate and I just couldn't.

For my son, one day he just took off. Everything started to click and he started saying everything and anything and his words became more clear! Now he will actually attempt to repeat a word we say and he's adding new words to his vocabulary all the time. One day he just exploded and i knew our speech therapist was going to kick us out...and she did! :( I was so sad, but it's also a good feeling too!

The only advice, which I know isn't comforting, is to keep at it. Keep using the strategies you're learning, keep trying and it will get better soon!

ETA...I also wanted to add that one of the biggest helps in his therapy came from his 4 y/o sister! So maybe have your older kids help him out and encourage him to talk. Also, they are sometimes better at understanding what he might want. Sometimes I think my daughter just made stuff up, but whatever, it made he feel cool! ;) But, for real, sometimes she really did understand him and I didn't so I was happy to have her translate.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

My son was on the bilingual milestone set. Which meant half a dozen words at age 2. (bilingual kids typically run a year "later" - not late, latER) than monolingual kids. Mama, baba, nana, up! being the four used on a regular basis.

Communicating wasn't a problem, though, because his FACE was so expressive.

LOL.. don't get me wrong, though, I'd occasionally get the 'demon look' of frustration, or the full on body flail when I wasn't getting something he was trying to tell me with his face... but most of the time; we could "talk" via facial expression and body language.

Looking back on it... one of the things that MAY have helped was www.starfall.com.

My son's ADHD-c. Many people say they have active kids. In my family, he was pretty normal for an 'active kid'. Which meant he'd easily run 3 mi in the morning, take a 15 minute break... and then be go-go-going for another hour or two, another blink-and-you-miss-it break, and another couple hours. I set up my living room as a jungle gym, and had "stations" throughout my house. Then my SIL recommended starfall, and BLISS for about an hour every day he'd be sitting with his bum in one place clicking on the website (<insert hallelujah chorus>). I didn't sit with him, I took a WELL NEEDED break of my own 5 or 10 feet away (small house). And be listening to gales of laughter. Come to find, that's how Starfall 'works best'. Because if you're sitting with them, your own body language is telling them you're bored, and that's IF you can manage not to say "Let's do THIS one now!" The voices on the computer, however, are JUST as excited on the 50th repetition as the 1st. So the kids can repeat and repeat and repeat to their heart's content.

it's a reading site. And one of the downsides was that he WAS reading by 2.5, and reading fluently (magic treehouse type) by age 3. That really is a downside, but I'll skip that for now. MANY of his "first" words, were sounded out words he was reading. "Sssss-tuh-ahhh-p! Stop!" as we are at a stop sign for example.

Somewhere between 2 & 2.5 my son had a language EXPLOSION.

Half a dozen words to hundreds of words and full sentences. (So while kind of gradual, we did go from 6 words to full sentences in 6mo... which is fairly common for bilungual kids, anyway).

But an hour a day it was "Tuh! T! Tiger! Whoa.... look at his teeth! Whoa. Tuh. Tiger!" and <insert music> duhn duhn da duhn dah duhn Aaah! Astronaut! Ah!"

There would be gales and gales of laughter, and I would hear that tiger growl, or that astronaut dance easily 10, 20, 50 times in a row. And the songs "Listen to the short a sound ah-ah-ah-ah! The a in rat the a in cat, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"

So Starfall may have helped a bunch, as did relating to my son in many ways like a deaf kid. Meaning I always looked at him when I was talking to him. Because he wouldn't use words to answer me. It would be the cock of an eyebrow, the shruge of a shoulder, lit up eyes, a wrinkled nose.

He wasn't talking, but he was communicating just FINE.

((I should add... he was never in speech therapy. I'd been in neurology classes for about a year, so I knew bilingual kids didn't have the same 'track' monolingual kids have... first words are typically at age 2ish-2.5ish AND my godmother was a speech patholoist. My MUM was hugely concerned, as was my godmother UNTIL she learned he was being exposed to 4 languages on a regular basis. "Oh, he's doing just FINE." she assured my mum. "If he's not talking by age 4, THEN we'd do speech therapy with bilingual kids. But their brains are wiring differently, and spoken language starts between ages 2 and 3."))

Aside from facial and body language, the following phrase HELPED A TON.

"Show me?"

Sometimes kids get soooo caught up in trying to "use their words" that it doesn't occur to them to actually take your hand and take you to the thing they want.

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M.J.

answers from Spartanburg on

My son just turned 6 in October. We faced the same issues without the tongue tie problem. After having to press my pediatrician to further investigate my son's problems with speech we started with BabyNet which is an early intervention program with the state. All children under the age of 3 qualify regardless of income or insurance. We were assigned an early interventionist who came to our home once a week and worked with him on things. He had it all together developmentally but his speech just seemed to lag behind. After two speech evaluations they determined he had an articulation problem and off we went with speech therapy. He continues speech therapy at his school where he is in K5. I can't tell you how many times I have cried over knowing how frustrated he would become when I couldn't understand him. Funny thing - His older brother who is almost 3 years older than him has almost always understood what he says. You will come to undertand his words better and better the more he says them...I know that doesn't help now but it can give you some assurance that there is a light. Have him take you to things and point...this helped us a lot. He also used his hands to demonstrate things. I can tell you it is a hard road....just about 3 weeks ago he was trying to tell me something and I kept saying the wrong thing back. After several minutes of this he began to cry and asked why people couldn't understand him. He said "I know what I'm saying. Why can't people know what I'm saying. Why do I have to go to speech?" I had to resist everything I had to keep from crying and try to explain things. Don't be afraid to press your pediatrician for help. Check into Baby Net in your state. If you need a listening ear, my is open. At the age of 2 is where our struggles started and I know it gets hard. I will be praying for you both...there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!

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S.C.

answers from Des Moines on

It gets better! My son tested as the very low end of normal twice for speech. Now at almost 4 he will NOT shut up!!!!

I LOVED having a little baby. I LIKE having an almost 4 year old. I'm trying to FORGET the part in between. 1 1/2 to 3 1/2 just SUCKED!

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H.G.

answers from New York on

Haven't read your answers yet - could he be trying to say I love you? Sending you a big hug, R..

D.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi, R.:

Ask him to show you or point to what he is trying to say.
Just a thought.
Good luck.
It will come in time.
D.

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

My Da da? A night-night? Some kind of food?

What time of day/where is he when he says it?

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B.P.

answers from Cleveland on

Well my almost 3 yr old has been in speech 1x/week since the beginning of august and her speech has improved A LOT. june of last yr she was saying probably 10 words if that not even mom or dad. and she was 28 months or something and when she was evlauated for speech she had the vocab of a 13 month old. she is going to finish her new eval at the next appointment (would of been done yesterday for expresive language but her therapist was out sick) and we will see where she is, surpisingly though her receptive language is 3.5 yrs old. so above average for her. Just keep at it. it will get better i promise you. BUT once they strart talking they try more and it starts to get harder for a while to understand what they are saying because they are trying so hard but cant get it out. I think my daughters brain just started to click with her mouth. but to answer how i manage, i just try and think about what she does around that time. and i give her choices as to what she wants. but i can understand her better then anyone else can because i am with her 24/7

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