Please Help Me Figure Out Why My Son Cries When I Leave the Room.....

It happened to me too... he's 20 months and only now STARTING to pull out. I have no good advice, just to let you know you're not alone.

My son is the same way. I think it's normal for the babies to prefer mommy all the time. I think they will grow out of it. My son is now three and he still prefers mommy most of the time, but is starting to let daddy do some things. My husband handles it by tickling and roughhousing and other daddy-type stuff that gets our son laughing and distracted from his insistence on all mommy all the time. There are still some hurt feelings, but my husband knows it is just a natural phase and tries not to take it personally.

Hey V.,

Don’t be too discouraged, this can be a matter that may occur for a short stint. I was on the opposite side of the same issue except it was my ex-wife and nearly every other friend and family member who was the recipient of such behavior. There is something special about the bonding period which is often overlooked or missed due the excitement of a little one.

Often dad falls to the background when all of the attention is given to the newborn and mommy acquires wanted and sometimes unwanted assistance from helpers. This just pushes daddy further back out of the picture. Not suggestion that Mike has not been in the picture; I’m sure he is a very loving husband and caring father. However, he may be a bit out of focus in this family portrait.

Fortunately the bonding period is not a fixed point in time. Since you have yours son’s undivided attention, you simply need to redirect the attention and encourage warm sentiments towards Mike. The more Baby Boy G. sees and hears that daddy is as wonderful and caring as mommy he should warm up to him. Group interaction and a little intervention by you can steer both guys in the right direction. Your son can sense any tension or apprehension Mike may be giving off so he should always feel comfortable caring for and tending to his boy’s needs. Tone of voice, attitude and body language will alter your son’s demeanor and improved behavior will soon follow.

Each of you are still learning and adjusting to each other daily so some things will take time and many will take practice. You and Erika can use you natural nurturing talents to reassure Baby Boy G’s confidence in Dad and vice versa. Purposefully leaving the guys together might be stressful and frustrating at first but sounds like it may be required. Pick times of the day when temperaments are level and more fun activities can be prescribed to pull attention away from you and drawn towards daddy.

There is never an exact science to raising kids so let Mike know that at 14 months or 14 year there are going to be plenty of times when either he or your son will be running and screaming over something. As the both of you show him that he has TWO great parents, things can lighten up for everyone in the house. Soon you can leave his side, his room and eventually out of the house both of your boys big and small are just fine together; while the girls go out and play.

Best of luck, be patient yet persistent,

K.

Hi V.,

I know this is a hard stage to deal with, but that is really all it is, a stage. To your son, you are the most important person in the world, the only one who really counts to him, the one who will always take care of him no matter what. This is a good thing! Your son does not hate your husband, he is only 14 months old! He will grow out of this, but you will always be who he wants when things aren't going just right. Don't stress about it, be thankful you get to be so very important to someone.

Take your weekends and let Dad and children have some time together. Or, you take the 14-month-old while Dad and Jr. go out and do something together. AC Moore offers Saturday craft time, Home Depot and Lowe's also offer free programs on Saturdays (Home Depot-first Sat.; Lowe's 2nd and third Sat.). Let Dad have some bonding time. Your son has bonded with you, which is why he has trouble letting go of you. Then, gradually extend that time to weekdays.

I think babies bond first to the mother then to the father. Our daughter was very attached to me for the first two years. Then Daddy became her friend. I suspect this is natural especially if you are a brestfeeding mother. Pray for father bonding. Explain to your husband that he may need to be patient: his time will come. The more time he can spend with the child the more bonding will take place. Af

It is probably separation anxiety, but to add a little of what is happening in his world might help.... I was told that around 12 months, they realize for the first time that you are not physically attached to them, and that if you leave the room, you might not come back to them. For all this time, they figured that you were like an arm or leg that was just part of them. So this is a really world-rocking change for them at this age. I believe I read this in Dr. Brazelton's Touchpoints book, a great book for emotional development. I also like the Gesell Institute series of books for each year. ("Your one-year-old", "Your two-year-old"....) Hope that helps!

He is at about the right age for sepeartaion anxiety..if I remember correctly. There really is anything you can do about it but it will pass as he gets older. As for your husband I am sure he is having a hard time with it be reassure him it will pass and soon your little one will only want his Daddy, they do take turns :)

it'll change. at some point he'll want your husband and not you. but, it doesn't hurt to use this opportunity to tell him he should spend more time with his son, them 2 alone.

I would suggest maybe some Daddy only fun time. He is a little old for Seperation Anxiety but does know what happens when he cries.(Mommy will come) He's figured out he has some control. Maybe daddy should have a special treat when he picks him up.(lollipops work wonders) Maybe have daddy have one in his mouth when he arrivals and offer baby one. There is nothing wrong with making daddy's arrival come with a surprise/treat for a little awhile. We used Mini MM's for potty training and just stopped one day with no problem. They were 26 & 27 months, fully potty trained, happy, healthy and NO cavities.

I agree with previous responses - it is just most likely a phase. My son was the same way and my husband also said that he thought our son "hated" him. Then a few months later he was all about Daddy. When Daddy came home he forgot all about me! And when Daddy left for work he would cry. Tell your husband that his time will come :)

Hi V.,
I don't think there's an explanation other than separation anxiety. My daughter did the SAME thing every time I had to run upstairs or move to another room. She'd throw a fit and cry "mommy, mommy..." until I returned. And when I returned she wasn't trying to be held or be with me--just happy that she could see where I was again. What we ended up doing was just going on our lives as usual and basically making her get used to the fact that Daddy is just as good and capable as Mommy. On nights that my husband put her to bed--because I was too wiped out and needed a break--she would cry and cry for me but he just kept on reading her books and trying to comfort her and after just a few minutes she'd get over it and be happy with him. Eventually she got used to it (and also grew out of the separation anxiety stage) and now it's not a big deal. Patience is all you can have to get through this short stage.