Playgroup Fun, Drool Gross!

I'm with Jenifer H. You just have to grin and bear it, because her little body is working to build her immune system, and she needs to come in contact with lots of types of germs. It's really true that people who are obsessive about clean have kids who get sick more often than kids who have more "experience" with dirt!

Hi K.,

I am EXACTLY the same. I am a SAHM, so we have always gone to lots of playgroups, if for no other reason than so I have some adult interaction throughout the week, but I hate the snotty, dribbly kids touching my son and sharing their toys with him.

He has always been a very very healthy little boy. I literally think he has had 2 colds and 2 minor bouts of flu in 2 1/2 years and I think it is partly because I tactfully (this is very important if you want to stay in the good graces of the other parents) steered him away from any symptomatic kids at every opportunity.

Of course they are going to put things in their mouths. It's one of the most important ways for them to experience things as a baby, but a well placed antibacterial wipe or a distraction from a particularly slimy toy will not go amiss.

Don't feel bad about being grossed out by this. Sharing is good, except with colds and flu.

Take care and congratulations on your new little girl. I'm 40 next month and expecting my 2nd in October, so I'm always happy to see the over 40s on here.

D..x

Your kid needs to get those germs to grow up healthy. Don't be paranoid, or the mom who sterilizes EVERYTHING just because it touched the floor. Colds happen. Babies survive.
However, if you notice anyone's kid seems REMOTELY sick, then it would not be a bad idea to suddenly remember something important you needed to be doing. taking a sick kid to a play group is messed up.
Sorry to be so blunt, but it's 1:33 in the morning, and I'm tired.
Good luck with your munchkin!

Hi K.,
Well, in all compassion and sensitivity, I say welcome to the real world. I think all of us moms start out feeling the same way, but it will lessen as time goes by. Yes, it isn't perfectly sanitary, but the truth is your baby (eventually) needs exposure to all these bacteria and viruses. Probably not necessarily at 3 months, but very, very soon. First, you will be surprised at how resilient she is. Second, if she does get sick at any point, consider it a blessing for her immune system, and don't go running to the doctor immediately. It is statistically proven that children who have been raised in an ultra-clean environment have more sick days than those who have been exposed to the "elements". You may have to go through a few colds or a few bouts of the flu (and it doesn't matter what strain of flu it is, they're all about the same...even the swine flu has been proven to be nothing more than a small cold), but it is life. Being overly cautious will only result in sicker children and children with phobias. And yes, it's hard to get past it, so don't feel bad about feeling the way you do. Just know that it's for her good. Also, she needs the interaction, so it's good for her social skills as well. And good for you for voicing your concerns. There are no stupid questions! And by the way, I have 4 children, one with congenital heart disease who has had 2 major open heart surgeries so far and more to come. I treated her exactly the same as the other kids, germs and all, and she is a healthy moose at almost 5 years old now. My brother, on the other hand, is obsessive about germs and wipes down everything with disinfectant. Consequently, his 3 children are sick with something all the time AND have multiple food/pet allergies as well. That pretty much settles it for me! God bless.

Hi K.,

I remember feeling the same way about my little one sharing drool when she was that age, and didn't understand why mothers of slightly older kids didn't seem phased by it. Then I noticed that I didn't care any more at a certain point, while mothers of younger kids seemed grossed out by it.

This might sounds odd, but I think we have natural instincts about how to protect our babies. Perhaps at the very young age it is appropriate to protect them from germs from drool on shared toys, and then at a certain age they are more resistant and we don't need to worry. Does this make sense?

I'd go with your instinct and try to keep her away from other's drooly toys for a while. When she is old enough to start grabbing drool covered toys, and does it faster than you can keep them away from her, then her little body is probably ready to deal with the germs. This might all sound odd, and not very scientific, but it felt right when I was a mommy of our little baby.

Good luck!

H.

You don't want to be the mom who wont allow other kids to play with the toys you brought. All babies (once they can move) want to play with the "new" toys (i.e. the toys other moms brought not the same old ones that you brought). So you will have to get used to it. The good news is that play groups are so wonderful for both moms and babies, mom's usually don't bring sick babies, and (once you baby turns 4 months old) it is really good to expose her to germs so her immune system will develop properly. Those prissy moms who wont share toys are more likely to have kids with allergy and asthma-- says the latest research. (look at this New York Times article http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27brod.html)

Hi K.,

I loved my mommy and me group. The teacher of the classes went through what to expect at each age group and I know that babies do not play/share with each other for the first two years. They parallel play. And, I agree with you, passing toys from mouth to mouth is probably not the best thing to do with a young baby. But, with all the research being done on development, maybe the sharing so young is the newest thing - I'd be careful with the toys though - with pandemics, etc = why risk it.
J.

I have a 7 month old and go to a weekly support/play group. I bring her own toys for her to play with and don't generally allow the other children to play with them. Most mothers will not bring their child if they are sick, so I wouldn't worry too much when she is older, but because she is so young now, I would be careful.

Yes, this is normal. Think of it this way: In general, the more colds your daughter is exposed to now, the less likely she is to get sick later.
In the play group my son and I went to we frequently had a "wet bucket" during winter cold and flu season. This is a bucket, or box of some kind where toys that have been chewed on and abandoned are tossed in and taken out of circulation until cleaned. You could suggest this but remember, summer is a low risk time to bolster your daughter's immune system.

I have two kids and we've enjoyed many playgroups, La Leche League meetings, Mall play areas, and even uncovered shopping carts! Sorry, I'm being a little playful. But in all seriousness, children get sick. It happens. I consider it strengthening for the immune system. I'd say we have suffered 3-4 sicknesses per child, per year. Once or twice we've gotten something worse than a cold. I credit our short list if illnesses with my breastfeeding the girls through toddlerhood--your body will produce antibodies to most things you're exposed to, helping them to skip over your baby, or at least be mild. My five year old started kindergarten this past fall and she had already built up a pretty strong resistance and missed only three days of school all year.

The early months you feel so sensitive about your baby's safety. I understand completely! You want to create a bubble around them to prevent any discomfort or challenges. At three months, I'd say keep her in your arms/lap--because staying up all night with a baby who can't breathe through a cold is no fun! But as she starts to sit, I'd just accept the the colds will come and be prepared for it.

I joke with my husband that the sicknesses are my reason for staying home! Sure they're a hassle, but it doesn't ruin anyone's day to lay in bed and snuggle while reading books.

Hi K.
I don't think you are alone in feeling as you do, I personally would also have a hard time tolerating this...
Nowadays, with certain flus going around, you need to be more cautious.. it's just a fact of life. Doesn't mean paranoid, which you aren't, just a bit careful. I am surprised that the other mothers in the group aren't speaking up too..
it's one thing to share toys, but once they are put in a child's mouth... well.. say no more. My son is now in 3rd grade and even today, I tell him , don't use the school's water faucets and instead I pack his water in his lunch. To some of my friends, I am considered a germaphobe... :) to me.. I am just doing what I think is good for my son. Oh and the first thing I have him do when he gets home from school is wash his hands.. not to mention, no shoes on in the house for anyone.. :):):) people can call it what they like.. I call it nice and clean :)
K.. do what you think is right for you and your family...
best of luck!

Dear K.,

There probably isn't a lot of interaction with a three month old unless it's a Mommy and Me exercise group.

However if you are nursing, she will develop a LOT of anitbodies from your milk and you shouldn't over react about the germ thing. When she is able to crawl around and actually start interacting with other babies, you need to either loosen up, or be prepared to be eliminated from Mom's groups who let their kids naturally interact.

Blessings...

I disagree with another post about those "prissy" moms whose children get sick more often. I'm to an extent one of those stereotyped(and you're a good role model for your children to stereotype, way to go to discriminate!). I use hand sanitizer, shopping cart and high chair covers, and am out daily in public settings with my children. There are viruses and bacteria in the air we breathe that all children will get sick no matter what, but it can be helped. Did the one who posted the NY Times article ever see the news cast about e-coli and fecal matter being present on all the public playground equipment tested from dirty children's hands? I take my children to playgrounds and I wash their hands before we leave. My children get sick far less often than my friends kids who are in daycare and school. And when they do get sick it's far less severe than my friends kids. Out of two children I have only taken one child to the doctor for a sick visit. I'm smart enough to know that a virus will go away on it's own and a bacterial infection either will or won't without antibiotics and after 10 days time of an illness it's time to reevaluate it. My children have never had an ear infection, and only one of them ever has needed an antibiotic for a bacterial infection hence the one sick visit. No, not all children build up an immunity. If that were the case why to we all get repeated colds every year. Yes, there are different strains but the most common ones cycle around and we get them again and again. My girlfriend's children are sick every month a least during the school year and they have been in school for years. I can lesson the frequency of my children getting sick by the surfaces they are exposed to but they are still exposed to the viruses and bacteria in the air and for me that is enough. As for the comment about mother's who don't bring their sick children to playgroups, I would think one would know that you are contagious before you ever show symptoms of being sick. So you really have no way of knowing and airing on the side of caution with a small baby is just smart. Infants and the elderly are the most at risk. And some parents bring their kids to playgroups and school even after they feel they are on the mend but are actually still contagious.
So No you don't need to "grin and bear it" I would find another playgroup that is more sanitary or some friends with children your age with your principles on hygiene.